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If Chins Could Kill
- Confessions of a B Movie Actor
- Narrated by: Bruce Campbell
- Length: 10 hrs and 3 mins
- Categories: Arts & Entertainment, Entertainment & Performing Arts
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One of my dad’s favorite jokes about getting older was: “I went out for coffee when I was twenty-one and when I got back I was fifty-eight!” I get what he meant now. Time flies. My first book, If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a "B" Movie Actor, was published back in 2001 and it chronicles the adventures of a “mid-grade, kind of hammy actor" (my words), cutting his teeth on exploitation movies far removed from mainstream Hollywood. This next book, an “Act II” if you will, could be considered my “maturing years” in show business, when I began to say “no” more often and gravitated toward self-generated material. Taking stock in the overall quality of my life, I fled Los Angeles and moved to a remote part of Oregon to renew, regroup and reload. If that sounds tame, the journey from Evil Dead to Spider-Man to Burn Notice was long, with plenty of adventures/mishaps along the way. I never pictured myself hovering above Baghdad in a Blackhawk helicopter, facing a pack of wild dogs in Bulgaria, or playing an aging Elvis Presley with cancer on his penis - how can you predict this stuff? The sheer lunacy of show business is part of the fun for me and I hope you'll come along for the ride.
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Publisher's Summary
Life is full of choices. Right now, yours is whether or not to buy the autobiography of a mid-grade, kind of hammy actor.
Am I supposed to know this guy? you think to yourself.
No, and that's exactly the point. The truth is that though you might not have a clue who I am, there are countless working stiffs like me out there, grinding away every day at the wheel of fortune.
If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor is my first book, and I invite you to ride with me through the choppy waters of blue collar Hollywood.
Okay, so buy the damned book already!
More from the same
What listeners say about If Chins Could Kill
Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Sarah Nelson
- 04-04-15
Chin-tacular
I loved this book. Bruce (we're on a first name basis) has a perfect voice for narration. I could (and did) listen to him talk for hours. The book made me realize just how human actors actually are. His stories are funny and his observations of society are hilarious. I enjoyed every minute of this book.
32 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- georgellama
- 05-04-16
The audio edition is better than the book.
I read the book several years ago and throughly enjoyed it. Bruce's narration makes a very good book great.
16 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Stingray
- 08-05-14
One Of The Most Enjoyable Books I Have Ever Heard
Would you listen to If Chins Could Kill again? Why?
Yes
There is a wealth of insider information on how Hollywood works and the inside story on what it takes to be a successful actor.
Who was your favorite character and why?
Bruce Campbell, of course.
If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?
The tender story of how a chin conquered Hollywood and won our hearts
Any additional comments?
This book is funny, informative and sometimes downright dangerous to listen to when driving home from work as you can laugh so hard you might fall out of your seat - thank goodness for seat belts.
I've enjoyed Bruce's work in front of the camera since I first saw him in the Evil Dead series. It wasn't until I listened to this book that I found out that he was an integral part of many other favorite movies and TV shows in a behind the camera capacity.
Thanks to Bruce's dramatic reading and witty prose, this is one of the all time best listens I've ever gotten from audible.com.
I hope audible gets more of Bruce's books in stock soon.
I hope you get as much enjoyment out of this book as I did.
Cheers.
44 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
Easily a B+
As a long time fan of Bruce Campbell, it was sort of interesting to hear him talk about things that were far from glamorous when it comes to the life of a "movie star" in the industry. He also gave some fun backstories to a few of those films you know you love if you are even bothering to glance at this title.
The only downside is that this book was written well before "Burn Notice" took off and became a bit of a hit. It would have been fun to hear about some of that part of what has now become perhaps a nudge closer to B+ as far as his acting status is concerned.
If you want something fluffy and full of pretentious nonsense, read the tabloids. If you want a real guy to tell you how it really is, this is a fun read.
Having Bruce read his own book made it that much better. You felt like you were just hanging out and he was telling you his tale.
27 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Josh C
- 04-19-16
Bruce Campbell rocks out his story!
Great listen for fans of Bruce Campbell. Much like Ash vs. Evil Dead, nobody else could have pulled this off.
4 people found this helpful
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- wolffw1056
- 06-08-15
Hail To The King!
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
Anyone I know who's a fan of any of these subjects will enjoy this audiobook:
Chins
The Evil Dead
Cheesy B Movies
Chins
Sam Raimi
Burn Notice
Spider-Man
Chins
Darkman
True Stories Based on Early 80s Horror Movies
Fake True Stories Based on Early 80s Horror Movies
1973 yellow Oldsmobile
Chins
True Fake Fake Stories Based on Early 80s Horror Movies
Chins
What was one of the most memorable moments of If Chins Could Kill?
Any moment involving chins.
Which character – as performed by Bruce Campbell – was your favorite?
Himself. Although his impression of the greedy, pig-headed Ted Raimi is also pretty spot on. From what I've heard about him he sounds like a pretty terrible person who, in place of a chin, is just all neck*
*What I heard about him came primarily from this book.
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
It made me want to chainsaw my own chin off in shame of the knowledge that it will only get me so far in life...which turns out won't be very far.
Any additional comments?
Chins, chins, chins! Listen to this audiobook now please.
14 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Tammi
- 01-20-15
Makes you understand the movie & TV business
This was a very hysterical book. Bruce explains his family background and complete history of the film business. I never saw Evil Dead, but now it's on my Netflix list. He also explains everything you ever wanted to know about tv & movie business. Fair warning though there is no mention of his Burn Notice days, as it was only in season 4.
9 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Josh S
- 10-14-18
Entertaining and informative
I didn't know I wanted to care about what it is to be B actor.
3 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Colleen D
- 04-30-15
Groovy!!!
Loved listen to him tell his story, it was sitting listen to good friend or family.
7 people found this helpful
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- Stacey K.
- 09-15-14
A Look Into the Life of a Hollywood Working Stiff
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
Absolutely. It offers an incredible and hilarious look into Bruce Cambell's life, and is enjoyable, even if you don't know him.
What other book might you compare If Chins Could Kill to and why?
There are not many other books that I have read or listened to that are similar. ICCK is its own beast.
Which character – as performed by Bruce Campbell – was your favorite?
All are wonderful, Irvin Shapiro and the Acid-Dropping Fan being standouts.
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
There was many a moment when I physically laughed out loud at his well-told anecdotes.
Any additional comments?
I highly recommend this book to anyone who would be interested in the crazy world of Hollywood.
7 people found this helpful
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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- Katherine
- 07-05-15
Groovy: the 2010 edition
The inimitable Bruce Campbell, one of the most distinctive voices (and chins) in show business, recounts his life story with charm and humour. From growing up with legendary filmmaker Sam Raimi to working with the Coen brothers and cross-dressing on the NZ set of Hercules, Campbell's story has warmth and remains down to earth throughout. A heartily recommended listen from the star of the Evil Dead movies and a must for fans. Even for those who have read the book, the lengthy addendum recounting events on his book tour to promote the original version of this story makes it a worthwhile addition to every Deadite's collection.
4 people found this helpful
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
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- kmcca5
- 08-07-14
Very Funny Book
Any additional comments?
I had been told this was worth a read so was very happy to see it on audible. I wasn’t disappointed. I am a fan of Bruce Campbell and I guess that helps but I didn’t quite expect it to be as funny as it was.
Well worth checking out for anyone that likes a laugh, enjoys films and wondered what it is like to be an actor in B movies.
4 people found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- Kindle Customer
- 10-27-14
Groovy!
What did you like most about If Chins Could Kill?
Full of information, that any fan of Bruce Campbell, will want to know!
What was one of the most memorable moments of If Chins Could Kill?
Bruce talking about shooting on 8mm.
Which character – as performed by Bruce Campbell – was your favourite?
Elvis.
Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?
Well I didn't listen to it in the toilet.
Any additional comments?
A must for fans of Bruce Campbell!
2 people found this helpful
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- F. Varga
- 04-23-16
The man himself, telling the stories
What more could we ask for? Bruce himself is telling the stories we've always wanted to hear. A trustworthy companion on walks, a good way to put a smile on, and to forget stress for a while. The story of someone who achieved his goals by showing up and making the effort, and somehow managed to remember how to enjoy the journey itself. This audiobook is like an old friend to me, who's always been there and never disappoints. I have listened to it multiple times during the years, and it is one of those books that give me comfort even by just being in my library. Worth every penny, if you ask me.
1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- derek barton
- 04-08-21
Legend.
Fantastic Audio book, read by Mr Campbell. A Fascinating insight into the life of an American actor & man. Bruce holds your attention throughout with his unique everyman approach to his life so far in the land of 'la la'. I was genuinely sad but uplifted when the tale was told.
If you want a genuine insight into the movie 'biz', let Mr Campbell take your hand & go hang out for a few...
Great job, Bruce.
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- Anonymous User
- 01-24-21
Groovy!
Fantastic audiobook! From the chin himself! Don't hesitate. Listen to it. Worth the time!
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- MB browser
- 01-17-21
Groovy
I have read the book about 10 yrs ago. just as good as I remembered.
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- paul Durke
- 12-13-20
great story
very entertaining for a B movie star hes achieved so much, I like Bruce's films he doesn't take himself too seriously. great book
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- Daniel B
- 10-05-20
Great all around
Perfect book for a relaxed, yet highly interesting listen. Bruce is also an amazing narrator.
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- PETER ROWLEY
- 04-21-20
Hail to the King Baby
Extremely funny audible book, made all the better because it was read by the great man himself.
As a long time fan I loved this book and look forward to listening to the follow up, Hail to the Chin which I purchased as soon as I finished this one.
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- Matthew
- 08-13-17
wonderful view of the reality of film
Absolutely loved it. A great insight into the film industry by someone who just loves the process and the product.
Only a few make it to total stardom. Bruce tells the story of what you can do with your life when you have a passion for something, and you go for it
1 person found this helpful
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- Jordan
- 12-23-16
Awesome!
As a long time Bruce Campbell fan from the original Evil Dead to Hercules and Xena up to now i have to say this was an amazing book and a great choice as my first one from audible! It offered me an insight into acting life as i've never seen or head before. Thank's for the great book Bruce, and long live Ash VS Evil Dead!!!!
1 person found this helpful
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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- Finn
- 05-12-16
Just brilliant
It's just an amazing book with brilliant narration. Bruce Campbell needs to update this again for his more recent triumphs
1 person found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 04-05-21
Awesome
A great listen from one of my favourite actors. I'd definitely recommend this book to fans of Bruce.
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- matt
- 06-27-19
Mr Gbons
I have been trying to get around to reading this book since the day I first heard of it's existance well over 15yrs now. Bruce campbell to me is a legend army of darkness quotes would pour out of me, and to this day I still say "grovvey" like ASH did and when my wife gives me flack I say "honey you got real ugly " any way enough about me lets get back to Bruce and this book. The narrative by bruce just makes it so easy to listen to as when he speaks you can hear his passion even if it is to be a smart arse or remember something that if done this day and age you would get arrested I think.
I will finish it off with if you like Bruce as a talented artist and are up for a good inside the business laugh this is for you and if this is not enough you can get the next one Hail to the chin furthe confessions of a B grade movie actor.
I would like to say Bruce campbell has not endorsed or paid me any way to share this or plug his second book.
Hail to the king baby.
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- Josh Coupland
- 04-25-19
Bruce Campbell CLASSIC COMEDY in Book form
I was over the moon when I saw that Bruce had written his own books and even more narrated it and
since he wrote this book we get a lot of info on what his career was like before and after the cult classics.
In pure Bruce style you get a lot of funny stories that are just added to the experience by having the man himself tell you the stories.
I love how this book feels like one long interview with Bruce however there was only one question and it was "Tell me about your life"
if you love Bruce you would very much enjoy the book after all its like listening to an interview with Bruce.
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- Anonymous User
- 12-04-18
Great easy listen
This is a great, easy listen and funny story, if your a fan of Bruce's you'll love it.
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- Kai1
- 08-13-18
Listened to it on planes, trains and buses across the world
A great listen, Bruce's voice is A delight to hear and keep me company during many a yawnful moment. You know actually this book is probably far more educational than it intended to be, painting an interesting picture of how a bunch of college kids could raise the funds to make a proper movie. I really enjoyed if Chins could kill and can't wait to listen to the next one !!
Just to let you know, I work for Audible, but the views expressed in this review are 100% my own.
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- Erin Raethke
- 06-08-18
Groovy.
There is nothing quite like listening to an audiobook on public transport and startling everyone around you by suddenly bursting into laughter.
Thanks Bruce. If your eye ever does cast itself over your Audible reviews, please know that your work has brought a lot of smiles into my life. From Ash, Briscoe, Auto and back to Ash again, you have always been one of my favourites.
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- Crystal Dawn
- 05-21-18
From Rags to Moderate (and Acceptable) Hand-me-Downs
If you’re even remotely aware of infamous B-Movie actor Bruce Campbell, then you should know before going into <i>If Chins Could Kill</i> that it will not be your typical “From Rags to Riches” sojourn of an actor rising above the crop and earning their star on Hollywood Boulevard. This is more akin to a “From Rags to Moderate (and Acceptable) Hand-me-Downs”. You know, the kind of clothes with the seams still tight enough to pass any stress test, and no visible stains but the fabric has certainly faded. The kind of clothes that will always look fine and dandy, but might raise an eyebrow or two in the audience of any Sydney Theatre Production.
In essence, the Bruce Campbell story is not one of renowned success. It is, instead, a story that dispels the myth of the dream to “make it big”, laying out all of the hurdles and hoops one must leap through in order to achieve even a basic, liveable income. Spoiler alert: It’s fucking hard.
Honestly, it’s the kind of book any creative artist should read. Actor, director, author, whatever. If you’re interested in pursuing a career that’s a bit untraditional, then Bruce Campbell’s autobiography is the grounded piece of reality you need to digest before committing to the long haul. Long days, sleepless nights, moonlighting at second-grade gigs to pay the bills. It’s all in here, right from the horse’s mouth. And it’s all real.
Do yourself a favour though and listen to the auto book, as read by Bruce himself, with little updated anecdotes. It’s a really great experience, and his unforgettable mid-west accent is both magnetic and soothing. The man could read me bedtime stories any night.
Great book!