INTERNAL VOLUME: Where A Monster And Mindfulness Become One!

By: Lee Deckelman

Narrated by: Virtual Voice

My father was first generation American! His parents were Jews fleeing Russia in the late1800’s. He was a high school football star at Baltimore City College in 1936. After leaving Wake Forest he served in WWII. But he died before I was old enough to hear any of his life stories. I just knew what my mother said... that he really wanted a son to pass on the "Deckelman" name! And so I was it.

I was born 2 1/2 months premature. Cross-eyed! Just over 4lbs. I spent months in the ICU! I wasn’t getting started off on the right foot. I then went to live with a Jewish foster family until age 6 when my mom and dad picked me back up. My mom was attractive but crazy! She was mentally ill. Her words from my dad about me carrying on the family name triggered something deep. I had to make a name for myself. I had to be somebody. I would go on to make All District in football my senior year! My role models were warriors! Strong men! Football coaches! Men like my dad!

Being an Airborne Ranger or a Green Beret, or in Desert Storm, aren’t highlights of my life to me. Working at Facebook or on Mega Yachts or being a Federal Air Marshal doesn’t define me either.

I killed a lot of bad men in Iraq as a Security Contractor while being surrounded by some of the best men I know! Our "Team Miami" was special! We had chemistry! It was a family! A warrior class of people. Rules that make sense to me. I was home! And I enjoyed killing bad men. My Team killed a lot of them.

I’ve survived 2 divorces, and as you will hear I was the monstrous-monster in both. I have two beautiful kids, and two beautiful grandkids. I call my grand daughter Bella-cakes! I saw my dad in her eyes one day. There is something very special about that girl! Before my thru hike of the AT, and before I found yoga and a more mindful life, I use to feel sorry for myself for not having my dad. But I woke up. I’ve taken a fork in the road.

At age 55, I feel better than ever! My internal volume stays really low now. I spent 50 years living with my internal volume in the high "hell” range! Just dragging my stressed-out body and everyone else that loves, and cares about me along for the ride through this Busy, Toxic, and Chaotic Life.

Come strap-on my shoes for a minute or two. Come take a walk in what it feels like to become a Monster.

A Killer!

Come hear and feel how I became a Mindful-Monster.

And a Yoga Teacher!

Namaste