I Never Thought of It That Way

How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times

By: Mónica Guzmán

Narrated by: Mónica Guzmán

Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins

Publisher's summary

We think we have the answers, but we need to be asking a lot more questions.

Journalist Mónica Guzmán is the loving liberal daughter of Mexican immigrants who voted - twice - for Donald Trump. When the country could no longer see straight across the political divide, Mónica set out to find what was blinding us and discovered the most eye-opening tool we’re not using: our own built-in curiosity.

Partisanship is up, trust is down, and our social media feeds make us sure we’re right and everyone else is ignorant (or worse). But avoiding one another is hurting our relationships and our society.

In this timely, personal guide, Mónica, the chief storyteller for the national cross-partisan depolarization organization Braver Angels, takes you to the real front lines of a crisis that threatens to grind America to a halt - broken conversations among confounded people. She shows you how to overcome the fear and certainty that surround us to finally do what only seems impossible: understand and even learn from people in your life whose whole worldview is different from or even opposed to yours.

Drawing from cross-partisan conversations she’s had, organized, or witnessed everywhere from the echo chambers on social media to the wheat fields in Oregon to raw, unfiltered fights with her own family on election night, Mónica shows how you can put your natural sense of wonder to work for you immediately, finding the answers you need by talking with people - rather than about them - and asking the questions you want, curiously.

Here, you’ll learn:

• How to ask what you really want to know (even if you’re afraid to)
• How to grow smarter from even the most tense interactions, online or off
• How to cross boundaries and find common ground - with anyone

Whether you’re left, right, center, or not a fan of labels: If you’re ready to fight back against the confusion, heartbreak, and madness of our dangerously divided times - in your own life, at least - Mónica’s got the tools and fresh, surprising insights to prove that seeing where people are coming from isn’t just possible. It’s easier than you think.

©2022 Mónica Guzmán (P)2022 BenBella Books

Great read!

I really enjoyed the book. it definitely helped me think about things differently. Great discussion and thoughts. i loved the exampkes and can defintiely see myself rereading. Great stuff

Helpful book for our polarization crisis

I give this book five stars because the United States doesn’t feel so united these days and this book offers helpful tools to bridge the political divide. Doing so helps us to maintain, strengthen, and repair our existing relationships and to form new ones with people who have walked different paths and have different values and perspectives. Guzmán calls polarization “the monster that convinces us that we are the monsters” and she provides an explanation of how we have gotten where we are and lots of road-tested ideas for talking to folks we disagree with. Guzmán is left of the political center, but she is very close with her parents, who are on the right. My favorite section of the book is the one about values, how we all have them and how their relative order of importance is behind our different views. By the way, if you are interested in this important work, check out Braver Angels, the largest organization of people on opposite sides of the political divide working to depolarize the country.

Convivir. Because coexisting is simply not enough.

I read this after a very difficult break up that led me to finding out that I was missing very critical tools in my tool belt for communication and understanding the other person, and making them feel seen. It Gave me a new framework to build from and start over again, and having a better life experience and connecting with other people. I highly recommend this read, this audiobook to anybody trying to connect and trying to bridge the gap, bridge to divide in their circles.

Fantastic and Timely

The author does a great job explaining practical ways to communicate by coming from a place of learning. I'll be listening a second time. This time, though, with a pen and notepad.

The art of conversation is lost

I loved this book because I hate written rules. In today's world we want a law for everything, because we don't really speak about anything, instead digging in our heels.
Monica lays out a road map back to conversation without (trying to ) offend the "other". I hope I can remember the tips laid out here when I'm in the heat of the moment.
The art of conversation is lost.....no more.

great tips

good book, well written and good tips! I enjoyed the book and definitely recommend.

Great insight, suggestions and energy.

Learned a ton about how to be curious, how to call out the elephant in the room with less judgement.

A much needed book during these times!

I have talked about this book to so many of my friends. It’s a great way to help bring understanding and increase the chance of productive cooperation and collaboration in such a divisive, polarized world. All of our elected officials need to read this book!

Enjoyable listen. Maybe too much info.

I enjoyed listening to this. Monica wrote a great book and does a great job reading it. She seems like a fun person who would be a pleasure to talk to in person. But I do have some concerns about this book. First of all, it seems like a lot of information. There must be dozens or even scores of tips and tricks for making conversations better. But to try to keep all this in mind while actually having a conversation might give a lot of us a bad case of brain-freeze. Some of the workshops she mentions sound tempting as ways to practice better conversational approaches,

One thing that I found strange in this book is that there is no direct discussion of conspiracy theories, Q-anon or Fox News, though there is some discussion of social media.

Finally, the book is going to disappoint anyone who is looking for a book to help win an argument or persuade someone. This is not that book. It is a book about having better and more meaningful conversations with people who hold different points of view from our own.

Despite these quibbles, it is a good book, and well worth reading or listening to. I may even listen to it again in the hopes of better processing the many tips Monica shares.

Brilliant, relevant and a must read

Anyone stymied by our destructive political divide should read or listen to this incisive and thoughtful book. It should be required reading for politicians. Guzmán's grasp of, and appreciation for, the nuance and complexities of human nature, and her stalwart insistence that we look beyond our need to be right and to win, to look to each person's reasoning with respect, .. well, it is purely compelling. Thank you, Ms. Guzmán.