How to Love Your Daughter

A Novel

By: Hila Blum, Daniella Zamir - translator

Narrated by: Cassandra Campbell

Length: 6 hrs and 18 mins

Publisher's summary

“A stone-cold masterwork of psychological tension. Its final pages had me holding my breath.” —Flynn Berry, New York Times Book Review

The seemingly inexplicable estrangement between a woman and her grown daughter opens up a troubling question: What damage do we do in the blindness of love?

Thousands of miles from home, a woman stands on a dark street, peeking through well-lit windows at two little girls. They are the grandchildren she’s never met, daughters of the daughter she has not seen in years.

At the center of this mesmerizing story is the woman’s quest to understand how a relationship that began in bliss—a mother besotted with her only child—arrived at a point of such unfathomable distance. Weaving back and forth in time, she unravels memories and long-buried feelings, retracing the infinite acts of parental care, each so mundane and apparently benign, that in ensemble may have undermined what she most treasured. With exquisite psychological precision, Blum traces the seemingly insignificant missteps and deceptions of family life, where it’s possible to cross the line between protectiveness and possession without even seeing it—and uncertain whether, or how, we can find our way back.

©2023 Hila Blum (P)2023 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

“A stone-cold masterwork of psychological tension. Often its sentences are deceptively clear, as transparent and menacing as a swarm of jellyfish. Elsewhere, the tone swerves into humor, even goofiness. What links the two disparate registers, and all those in between, is an unerring authenticity: Every observation, gesture and piece of dialogue rings true. . . . its intrigues and revelations are dramatic enough to be wholly satisfying. Its final pages had me holding my breath.” —Flynn Berry, New York Times Book Review

“A mother’s adoration of her only child might be commonplace, but it is never simple. Hila Blum explores one particular mother-daughter relationship with remarkable acuity. Her novel takes us on a suspenseful psychological journey as she plumbs a great mystery: how the purest maternal love can lead to the most unwanted and even disastrous consequences.”—Sigrid Nunez, author of The Friend and What Are You Going Through

“A striking and memorable novel. With single-minded intensity, How to Love Your Daughter reckons with parent-child boundaries: the ones that are clear, and the ones that are sometimes hazy, or dangerously nonexistent.”—Meg Wolitzer

I was glad I finished it, but…

This book is narrated in the first person like something of a memoir. The main character, who becomes increasingly unlikeable due in part to her mental illness (my diagnosis, but she references depression often), weaves back and forth from the past to the present.
The premise is that she is estranged from her daughter, Leah, who has left the country and has a family that she has intentionally hidden from Yoella, the narrator.
I found myself bored not only with the story but also with the narrator, but I think she narrated in keeping with the story.
It wasn’t until the end that I felt that I really figured out the main character and how much her mental illness played a role in her story.
I have seen other reviews that said it felt unfinished, and I can see that. However, not sure I would have wanted much more from the story.

I enjoyed it.

It’s a really, really slow storyline, but I could definitely feel for the character. The story only becomes truly interesting in like the last hour (of 6+), but I really liked it.

It’s important that we act in our integrity and that we avoid trying to shield our children from the consequences of their actions. This is the thing I loved most about my own parents.

Well narrated

It feels incomplete. I found parts where I could related as a mother but at the end all those details about their life took me no where at the end.

Tour de force

The author weaves and knits her story as a mom, revealing her faults against her will and forcing us to keep our in check at all times. Beautiful writing, poetic and straightforward at the same time. Enjoyed it a lot. Highly recommended!!!

Obsession about her daughter.

 Liked her descriptions of modern Israeli life. Although she gave credit, she borrowed too many of her ideas, and complete quotes from other authors. The heartbreak of an estranged adult child was described well.

Infinite boring detail about a highly unappealing woman

An entire book made up of uninteresting information about a self-involved and unappealing woman. I kept waiting for . . . something but it never came.

One of the worst books I have ever listen to

This is one of the worst books I have ever listened to. Nothing, and I mean nothing, happens. I listened all the way through because I thought, surely something big is going to happen at the end that will make it worth my time investment. Nothing, absolutely nothing. I read a positive review of this book and the title seemed very intriguing to me. I can’t believe I spent all those hours listening to this book. It is beyond terrible such a self absorbed woman.

I know what it was trying to do…

…but it wasn’t for me. The vignettes were disjoined and tedious. The narrator’s voice was that of a bad freelance personal essay writer. My fear while listening was that it was the author’s voice, not the narrator, who I disliked. Couldn’t finish.

Ugh

That’s all I can say. Ugh. Did not like or understand. Too disorganized. Reader was good, but the book left me wanting a real plot.