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How to Be a Footballer
- Narrated by: Peter Crouch
- Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
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How to Be a Footballer
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Publisher's summary
**A Sunday Times Sports Book of the Year**
**Shortlisted for the National Book Awards**
**Longlisted for the Telegraph Sports Book Awards Autobiography of the Year**
You become a footballer because you love football. And then you are a footballer, and you're suddenly in the strangest, most baffling world of all. A world where one team-mate comes to training in a bright red suit with matching top-hat, cane and glasses, without any actual glass in them, and another has so many sports cars they forget they have left a Porsche at the train station. Even when their surname is incorporated in the registration plate.
So walk with me into the dressing-room, to find out which players refuse to touch a football before a game, to discover why a load of millionaires never have any shower-gel, and to hear what Cristiano Ronaldo says when he looks at himself in the mirror.
We will go into post-match interviews, make fools of ourselves on social media and try to ensure that we never again pay £250 for a haircut that should have cost a tenner. We'll be coached and cajoled by Harry Redknapp, upset Rafa Benitez and be soothed by the sound of an accordion played by Sven-Goran Eriksson's assistant Tord Grip. There will be some very bad music and some very bad decisions.
I am Peter Crouch. This is How To Be A Footballer. Shall we?
Critic reviews
'Very funny on almost every page, wonderfully self-deprecating and very sharp on the ludicrous behaviour of the modern player' - Sunday Times
'The funniest man in British sport' - Metro
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 27
The seven-foot Dirk Nowitzki is one of the great players in basketball history. With a devastating fadeaway and unexpected agility, the Dallas Mavericks superstar helped to pioneer the modern three-shooting game and became a global ambassador for the sport. Award-winning novelist and sportswriter Thomas Pletzinger traveled with Nowitzki for more than seven years, seeking the secret of his success and longevity. In novelistic detail, Pletzinger tells the dramatic story of how a lanky kid from the German suburbs became a top-five all-time scorer and NBA champion.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Swish
- By Raquel on 04-20-23
By: Thomas Pletzinger, and others
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My Story
- By: Steven Gerrard
- Narrated by: Michael Ryan
- Length: 13 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 234
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 214
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 212
Penguin presents the unabridged, downloadable audiobook edition of My Story by Steven Gerrard, read Michael Ryan. Steven Gerrard is the former captain of Liverpool football team and of the England national football team and is the only player ever to have scored in a FA cup final, a league cup final, a UEFA cup final and a champion's league final. His entire career, since 1998, has been spent at Anfield with Liverpool.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Ohhhh, ya beautyyy!!
- By Gabriel on 09-29-15
By: Steven Gerrard
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A Life Too Short
- The Tragedy of Robert Enke
- By: Ronald Reng
- Narrated by: John Telfer
- Length: 13 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 35
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 35
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Story5 out of 5 stars 35
Why does an international footballer with the World at his feet decide to take his own life? On November 10, 2009, the German national goalkeeper Robert Enke stepped in front of a passing train. He was 32 years old. Viewed from the outside, Enke had it all. Here was a professional goalkeeper who had played for a string of Europe's top clubs, including Jose Mourinho's Benfica and Louis Van Gaal's Barcelona. Enke was destined to be his country's first choice for years. But beneath the veneer of success lay a darker story.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Depression is real, this story brings it home.
- By Bob Seavers on 12-13-19
By: Ronald Reng
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I Think, Therefore I Play
- By: Andrea Pirlo, Alciato Alessandro
- Narrated by: Ric Jerrom
- Length: 4 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 83
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 73
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 73
Andrea Pirlo is one of the finest footballers of his generation - a World Cup and Champions League winning playmaker who has redefined his position at the base of midfield, and one of the most deadly free-kick takers the game has known. This is his story, in his words. It is written with a level of humour and insight which confound his image as a dead-eyed assassin on the field of play.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Short and Sweet
- By Gary Meenaghan on 01-07-24
By: Andrea Pirlo, and others
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Quitters Never Win
- My Life in UFC
- By: Michael Bisping
- Narrated by: Jonathan Cowley
- Length: 13 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 499
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 437
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Story5 out of 5 stars 438
Featuring an entirely new chapter for US readers, the story of his induction into the UFC Hall of Fame, fresh insights about his fighting career, never-before-told stories about his film and TV career, and a harrowing account of his fighting off attempted kidnappers while filming in South Africa, Quitters Never Win tells the incredible story of how he went from rough and humble beginnings and then on to a legendary mixed martial arts career capped by winning the Middleweight Championship in one of the greatest upsets in UFC history.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Good Book
- By Tullio708 on 04-22-20
By: Michael Bisping
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The Best Seat in the House
- Stories from the NHL - Inside the Room, on the Ice…and on the Bench
- By: Jamie McLennan, Ian Mendes
- Narrated by: Todd Ellis
- Length: 4 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 50
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 46
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 46
A back-up goalie's hilarious behind-the-mask look at life in the NHLJamie McLennan spent 20 years playing professional hockey. Sort of. As the backup for such legendary goalies as Grant Fuhr, Ron Hextall, Roberto Luongo, and Miikka Kiprusoff, he saw everything - except much playing time.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Very Enjoyable but...
- By M. Froehlich on 06-25-23
By: Jamie McLennan, and others
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The Keeper
- A Life of Saving Goals and Achieving Them
- By: Ali Benjamin, Tim Howard
- Narrated by: J.D. Jackson
- Length: 8 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 131
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 120
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 119
In the summer of 2014, Tim Howard became an overnight sensation after more than 10 years as one of America's leading professional soccer players. His record-breaking 15 saves for the United States national team against Belgium in the World Cup electrified a nation that had only recently woken up to the Beautiful Game after decades of hibernation. In this inspiring and candid memoir, the beloved US and Everton goalkeeper finally allows himself to do something that he would never do on the field: He drops his guard.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Tim Howard Saves more then Goals!
- By Ron on 12-16-14
By: Ali Benjamin, and others
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Spain
- The Inside Story of La Roja's Historic Treble
- By: Graham Hunter
- Narrated by: Graham Hunter
- Length: 16 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 24
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 21
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Story5 out of 5 stars 21
This is the story of the greatest achievement in the history of international football. After decades of failure, Spain won the European Championship in 2008 and then the World Cup in 2010. At Euro 2012 they became the first team to win three consecutive tournament titles. Graham Hunter was inside the dressing room as the players celebrated after the finals of the World Cup and Euro 2012.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Insider look masterclass
- By Peter on 08-07-15
By: Graham Hunter
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Jenson Button
- Life to the Limit
- By: Jenson Button
- Narrated by: Jack Hawkins
- Length: 8 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 341
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 311
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 308
The full-length, in-depth and intimate autobiography from Jenson Button, one of the greatest racing drivers of his generation. His 17 years in Formula One have seen him experience everything the sport has to offer, from nursing duff cars round the track to winning world championships and everything in between. Here, Jenson tells his full story for the first time in his own honest, intelligent and eloquent style.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Absolutely Amazing
- By Carlos C. on 05-23-18
By: Jenson Button
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The Fireballer
- A Novel
- By: Mark Stevens
- Narrated by: Shea Taylor
- Length: 13 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 102
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 91
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Story4 out of 5 stars 90
Frank Ryder is unstoppable on the baseball field—his pitches arrive faster than a batter can swing, giving his opponents no chance. He’s being heralded as a game-changing pitcher. But within the maelstrom of press, adulation, and wild speculation, Frank is a man alone. Haunted by a tragic incident from years past, he yearns to be the best but cannot reconcile the guilt he carries with the man everyone believes him to be.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Just Wonderful
- By Mars on 01-05-23
By: Mark Stevens
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How Did All This Happen?
- By: John Bishop
- Narrated by: John Bishop
- Length: 9 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 41
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 38
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 37
If you're a man of a certain age you'll know there comes a point in life when getting a sports car and over-analysing your contribution to society sounds like a really good idea. With a good job in sales and marketing and a nice house in Manchester that he shared with his wife and kids, John Bishop was no different when he turned the dreaded 4-0. But instead of spanking a load of cash on a car that would have made him look like a senior stylist at Vidal Sassoon, he stumbled onto a pathway that ultimately lead him to become one of the nation's best loved comedians.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Heartwarming and Funny
- By Nancy Burnett on 12-01-22
By: John Bishop
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Slow Getting Up
- A Story of NFL Survival from the Bottom of the Pile
- By: Nate Jackson
- Narrated by: Nate Jackson
- Length: 8 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 279
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 251
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 254
Nate Jackson’s Slow Getting Up is an unvarnished and uncensored memoir of everyday life in the most popular sports league in America - and the most damaging to its players - the National Football League. After playing college ball at a tiny Division III school, Jackson, a receiver, signed as a free agent with the San Francisco 49ers, before moving to the Denver Broncos. For six seasons in the NFL as a Bronco, he alternated between the practice squad and the active roster, eventually winning a starting spot - a short, tenuous career emblematic of the average pro player.
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3 out of 5 stars
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Almost unlistenable...AND I'M A DENVER DIEHARD!
- By JROD2133 on 07-02-14
By: Nate Jackson
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I, Partridge: We Need to Talk About Alan
- By: Alan Partridge
- Narrated by: Alan Partridge
- Length: 6 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 736
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 660
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 654
Journalist, presenter, broadcaster, husband, father, vigorous all-rounder – Alan Partridge – a man with a fascinating past and an amazing future. Gregarious and popular, yet Alan’s never happier than when relaxing in his own five-bedroom, south-built house with three acres of land and access to a private stream. But who is this mysterious enigma? Alan Gordon Partridge is the best – and best-loved – radio presenter in the region. Born into a changing world of rationing, Teddy Boys, apes in space and the launch of ITV, Alan’s broadcasting career began as chief DJ of Radio Smile....
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5 out of 5 stars
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An Anglican giant among pygmies
- By John on 06-20-12
By: Alan Partridge
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Sweet Sorrow
- The Long-Awaited New Novel from the Best-Selling Author of One Day
- By: David Nicholls
- Narrated by: Rory Kinnear
- Length: 12 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 68
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 58
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 58
From the best-selling author of One Day comes a bittersweet and brilliantly funny coming-of-age tale about the heart-stopping thrill of first love - and how just one summer can forever change a life.
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5 out of 5 stars
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A delight in every way!
- By Jennifer on 04-24-22
By: David Nicholls
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The Keeper - Young Readers' Edition
- The Unguarded Story of Tim Howard
- By: Tim Howard
- Narrated by: William Harper
- Length: 5 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 24
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 17
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Story5 out of 5 stars 17
In this heartwarming and candid memoir, Tim Howard does something he would never do on a soccer field: he drops his guard. As fiercely protective about his privacy as he is guarding the goal for the US national team and for Everton in the English Premier League, Howard opens up for the first time about how a hyperactive kid from New Jersey with Tourette's syndrome defied the odds to become one of the world’s premier goalkeepers.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Don't judge a book by it's cover.
- By Anonymous User on 08-17-17
By: Tim Howard
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The Tour According to G
- My Journey to the Yellow Jersey
- By: Geraint Thomas
- Narrated by: Dafydd Pritchard
- Length: 6 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 91
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 77
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 77
For years Geraint Thomas appeared blessed with extraordinary talent but jinxed at the greatest bike race in the world: twice an Olympic gold medallist on the track, Commonwealth champion, yet at the Tour de France a victim of crashes, bad luck and his willingness to sacrifice himself for his teammates. In the summer of 2018, that curse was blown away in spectacular fashion - from the cobbles of the north and the iconic mountain climbs of the Alps to the brutal slopes of the Pyrenees and, finally, the Champs-Elysees in Paris.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Not a fan of GT but really enjoyed the book
- By Richy on 01-27-19
By: Geraint Thomas
What listeners say about How to Be a Footballer
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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- Anonymous User
- 05-12-19
Fantastic Honesty
Great insight by a great bloke who really loves the game. Great for Saints !
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Haik Sahakian
- 09-30-23
Heads above most soccer books
Hard to put down because it's so funny. It talks about what it's like to be the outsider, and how obsessed he was with playing well in his teens and didn't have time to learn certain life skills until after he'd made it big. He wrote the book with Tom Fordyce who has a great podcast series on the Billy Joel song "We didn't start the fire".
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