• How to Be Alone

  • If You Want to, and Even If You Don't
  • By: Lane Moore
  • Narrated by: Lane Moore
  • Length: 6 hrs and 3 mins
  • 4.3 out of 5 stars (1,304 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

The former sex and relationships editor for Cosmopolitan and host of the wildly popular comedy show Tinder Live with Lane Moore presents her poignant, funny, and deeply moving first audiobook.

Lane Moore is a rare performer who is as impressive onstage - whether hosting her iconic show Tinder Live or being the enigmatic front woman of It Was Romance - as she is on the page, as both a former writer for The Onion and an award-winning sex and relationships editor for Cosmopolitan. But her story has had its obstacles, including being her own parent, living in her car as a teenager, and moving to New York City to pursue her dreams. Through it all, she looked to movies, TV, and music as the family and support systems she never had.

From spending the holidays alone to having better “stranger luck” than with those closest to her to feeling like the last hopeless romantic on Earth, Lane reveals her powerful and entertaining journey in all its candor, anxiety, and ultimate acceptance - with humor always her bolstering force and greatest gift.

How to Be Alone is a must-listen for anyone whose childhood still feels unresolved, who spends more time pretending to have friends online than feeling close to anyone in real life, who tries to have genuine, deep conversations in a roomful of people who would rather you not. Above all, it’s an audiobook for anyone who desperately wants to feel less alone and a little more connected through listening to her words. 

©2018 Lane Moore. All rights reserved. (P)2018 Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved.

What listeners say about How to Be Alone

Average Customer Ratings
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Not a good book

I mean, I tried on multiple occasions (in multiple different moods) to give this book a chance. I’m starting to wonder if all of the books on here have loads of high ratings...because this one inexplicably does. It’s not even solely the narration, but this book is a whiny mess. She just whines and complains about how hard her life has been, but unfortunately, I have listened to pretty much the whole thing, and it just sounds like she believes she already knows everything, and didn’t illustrate growth or learning that came from the experiences. It’s pretty obnoxious and for someone who has had such a hard life, she sure sounds like she loves the sound of her own voice and thinks she’s amazing. It’s dumb. Don’t get it. She’s dramatic, attention-seeking, and it’s just.....not good.

23 people found this helpful

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Garbage

You know that whiny, neurotic friend you avoid because all they ever do is complain about their life, and how tough they've had it because everyone lets them down by not filling the black hole of their emotional neediness? Well, she wrote a book. Now you can listen to her blame everyone and everything for why her life is awful. I listened for almost 2 hours before I just gave up. I hoped this would be helpful in some way to navigate being alone. Clearly what the author meant by "How To Be Alone" was not "here is helpful advice for becoming comfortable with being alone", she meant "here is how to act if you want to drive everyone away from you so you end up alone."

22 people found this helpful

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Self awareness I wasn’t expecting

This book was suggested to me by a friend and I genuinely thought I was going to be a self help book that had a bit of an edge. Female writer, cover I related to, sure! Well it was so much more.

Part memoir, part cautionary tale, part advice, all heart. I don’t relate to Lane on every aspect she bravely shares in this book, but damn do I relate to her thoughts and behaviors as an adult. I was able to gather insight I’d been seeking all year and I have a big smile on my face knowing that she would be genuinely happy to know that she helped a stranger.

If you’ve always felt a little weird and a little outside the norm of society, I’d recommend this book. It was like talking to a friend.

20 people found this helpful

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Self-indulgent drivel

Disclaimer: I only made it to the 3rd chapter. The title and catchy cover are highly misleading. This is not an insightful, informed guide with the occasional illustrative anecdote, but rather a self-pitying, desperate word vomit of Moore’s life story, full of cliched analogies and corny jokes. It’s better suited as a free podcast you listen to at half-attention during your morning commute. If you’re looking for something with any intellectual merit this is NOT FOR YOU. If you’re looking for a bubbly and relatable narrator to chat your ear off and melt your brain cells, this is for you.

17 people found this helpful

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This book is for you

if you're single and navigating what it means to grow into adulthood in 2018, this book is for you. If you feel like you're surrounded by people who met their partner in high school or college and have never had to navigate the perils of dating apps, and think 'getting out there!' is 'fun!', this book is for you. If you feel intimidated by people who somehow manage to have like, a tight knit group of good friends, and a job they love and/or pays them well, and solid mental health, and you, um, don't have that? this book is for you.

14 people found this helpful

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Everyone must read.

Lane Moore is brutally honest and opens parts of her heart that no one should have to. And that’s the point, she doesn’t have to. She does so on the hope, that she can help even one soul feel seen, heard, and a little less alone. What a gorgeous treat this book has been.

12 people found this helpful

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Loved the traditions

I so did my own traditions for a few years even hiked on thanksgiving and found a pair of ray bans sunglasses on my hike solo. You can do your own thing and this book reinforced my own beliefs to keep on trucking .... at your own pace.
Fuck it.

11 people found this helpful

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loved this book!

I have listened to this book twice! This is my first holiday season alone and I am so gladni stumbled upon this book!

5 people found this helpful

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Waste of a credit

I felt like I was listening to a whiny child. I did not bother to finish it.

5 people found this helpful

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because of this book im not alone anymore.

because of this book, I'll never be alone again. Moore's voice holds you in the dark.

5 people found this helpful

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  • Sveinbjörn Pálsson
  • 09-17-20

She really doesn’t like dudes

... so if you’re a guy who are sensitive to an endless barrage of ‘all men are trash’, this one is best avoided.
Especially since it seems to cater to people feeling vulnerable.

11 people found this helpful

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  • Robert Brown
  • 01-02-20

Another millennial with 'look at me ideals'

Not really much about how to be alone, very much about her own story about being a lesbian and holding slight disdain for the male species. It may be my own prejudice but the voiceover makes me not want to hear any deeper meaning, the way she ends her sentences, it sounds like she feels the world owes her and that she owes herself no responsibility to take control of her own life. Totally not what I was expecting to hear from an audio book titled 'how to be alone'

5 people found this helpful

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  • Iryna Lurye
  • 02-17-20

1000 thanks to Lane

Highly recommended to everyone who had to raise themselves. Damn, we did a great job!

2 people found this helpful

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  • J Westwood
  • 12-06-21

What is this even about?

To be fair I've only put up with this until chapter 3 but so far it's rambling self obsessed drivel.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Ms. Jacqueline Reid
  • 03-13-21

Feels like a night in with your slightly crazy best friend

Just finished this book and the pain and relatable accounts of adult experiences carried on from childhood trauma was relatable without sending me into a spiral of self pity. I’m in therapy (weekly at the moment because the pandemic has messed with my usual ways of staying sane... yoga, coffee shops, those sneaky wee ways of connecting without actually connecting lol). The things Laney said (about Xmas, and feeling uncomfortable asking for help, and needjng physical affection platonically) helped for me to hear and sort out in my own head some stuff that it’s not always easy to get to with a therapist. It’s not a guide on how to be alone but if you are because of trauma/anxiety it will certainly help you feel less alone xx

1 person found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 12-14-20

Brilliant and strengthening

This book touched me. Relatable in so many parts. So hopeful to feel not alone

1 person found this helpful

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  • Neli UE
  • 01-02-19

This book is actually a magic potion

And with this magic potion you will never feel alone ever again, I promise. Lane really knows what she's talking about.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Kayleigh
  • 08-22-22

could not finish

I really tried to stick at it with this book, but I couldn't! I found it really hard to get into and my attention wandered very quickly.

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  • Jerald
  • 06-23-22

Misleading Title

Granted, maybe I should have looked into this book a little more before buying it on a whim. However, I bought it based on the title, and subtitle, during a moment of feeling genuinely guilty about spending time alone, but unmotivated to really do anything different - and the book honestly does not even start to touch on that until the last chapter, where suddenly, finally it launches into an extremely rushed feeling conclusion which can be summarised as, being alone is OK and you probably won't be alone forever anyway. Well, damn, could not have guessed that.

I don't doubt the good intentions of the author or the validity of this message but there simply isn't time to actually get into these ideas in anything beyond surface level detail.

The rest of the book is a biography which was not uninteresting, honestly I wanted to give this book only 2 stars but on the basis that the author seems like a genuine person who has had a hard start in life, and that perhaps I should have noticed it was a biography and not the self help book that, IMO, it does kind of present itself as, I couldn't bring myself to give less than 3 but IMO, again, 3 stars is kind of generous.

That said - for most of the author's life, she clearly was not happy with being alone and the final chapter's realisations and positive uptick again seem like a very recent, underdeveloped aspect of the story. It's hard for me not to be a little cynical about the fact that one of the final points seems to be "get a dog, so that you feel less alone", but maybe that's a good idea, I mean, there are a lot of abandoned dogs in the world (obviously adopt a dog - don't buy one, you savages, and I say this unsarcastically). Overall though I was pretty disappointed, just was not what I was expecting.

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  • tara scarff
  • 06-20-22

Heartbreakingly beautiful

A heartbreaking autobiography of the reality of loneliness. Beautifully written and read. Inspiring and positive.

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  • Bree
  • 10-02-19

Comforted my soul

So beneficial when you go your whole life feeling as though you're the only human being who has dealt with the convoluted strange experience of emotional neglect and abandonment from your primary caregivers. When the most eloquently hilarious book is dropped that mirrors this experience it serves more healing and remedy than thousands of dollars spent on therapy. If you struggle with pathological loneliness read this book, so glad I bought it thank you Lane!!

2 people found this helpful

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  • Aleisha lommerse
  • 05-22-22

Doesn’t teach you anything

This book was a sad life story, I was expecting this to be more of a self help book but it didn’t give any advice, it’s just a long list of shitty things that happened to her.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Eleanor S.
  • 09-25-22

I feel less alone

I can’t explain how much this book comforts me. It’s like having a best friend I can carry around with me. Someone who thinks like I do, feels things like I do, who is there whenever I need some comforting words. Even to just relate to with crappy life experiences. Which makes me feel less “out of place”. And less alone. I love this book. And I love Lane. I wish she was my friend.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 06-15-22

Horrible

Not as described…total waste of money…super disappointed…questioning if this is an app I want to keep…..

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  • Anonymous User
  • 05-05-22

Not uplifting or inspiring at all

This book didn't teach you about how to be alone it just talks about her story of being alone and how awful it made her feel and how honestly it never really got better.

This book honestly made me feel more lonely and more empty the more I listened to it. Not happy with my purchase.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 01-07-22

It's just a story book of her life.

The title doesn't match the content of the book. All you listen is her vulnerable emotional experiences related to her blunt journey. The author blames her poor childhood throughout the book. I expected a more informative and helpful book. This book is not inspirational at all to me while most reviews show high ratings. I really want to return this book!

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  • Anonymous User
  • 08-17-21

Misery loves Company

While I can relate in not having a 'real family', I think the author oversimplifies the luxury of having a 'real family' and doesn't acknowledge the nuance in what a family actually represents. The world is not simply divided into people 'with families' and people 'without families' and not all families are wonderful as she insinuates they are. If you are looking for a book to help you understand and thrive in being alone, this is not the book for you. If you are looking for a book to validate your loneliness without doing much at all (besides complain) to improve your situation, this is certainly the book for you.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 08-11-21

A deep dive

Painfully beautiful, lovingly raw and mercilessly funny.

It’s about her experience living without a family as a safety net and how to make sense of your need for connection.

You can tell that Lane Moore is a brilliant comedy writer and to hear her read the book herself is a real treat.

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  • Desert Darcie Darce
  • 05-17-21

Honest, raw, funny, heart-felt/warming, lifesaving

I don't have the words because Lane's words are just so magical. This not only transported me into her life and past, but there were moments when I felt there was a mirror held up to moments of my life, my character, my way of being and I didn't feel as alone. Thank you for sharing.

I know that moment when a yoga teacher showed me gentle care in a 3 second touch and I cried because it had felt like years since I was touched in that way with care after a 7 year relationship. I know that feeling that someone saw the magic and the giving nature in me but had no intention of adding to it and only taking, and how that set me back...on more than one occasion. But I also saw your hope and this hope has given me more hope.

I loved this Lane. Thank you. You are so talented and your heart shines through in your work.

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  • Mary Wesvin-tod
  • 03-28-21

I wish I'd read this sooner

I really enjoyed this book, tears, laughter, so relatable.

Touched on a range of topics that I found relevant, looking at relationships, upbringing, connection, lonliness and even some useful thoughts about sharing life with a dog!

I thank Lane for her candid honesty, bravery and helping me with my own battle with being alone.