Groomed By cover art

Groomed

By: Denis Marier
Listen for free

  • Summary

  • One in six men have been groomed and sexually abused in childhood and adolescence. I am a survivor. In this podcast, I tell my story and interview other survivors, their families, and leading experts in trauma and healing.
    Groomed: The Podcast ©
    Show more Show less
Episodes
  • 06: Self Destructive Behaviors: Hitting Rock Bottom and Unleashing the Secret with Denis Marier and John Conlon

    06: Self Destructive Behaviors: Hitting Rock Bottom and Unleashing the Secret with Denis Marier and John Conlon
    Apr 23 2021
    Denis Marier welcomes you to the sixth episode of Groomed, a podcast for male survivors of childhood grooming and sexual abuse, and their loved ones.   In this final episode of Season One of Groomed, Denis continues sharing his story of the damaged years in his search for healing as he descends into the underground. This is the hardest episode for Denis as he admits to some things that he would rather have remained private, but half of a story would not be sincere. Being a male survivor of childhood grooming and sexual abuse includes the destructive and addictive behaviors that Denis and other survivors tend to fall into. Every step of the journey was necessary in the process of getting to where he is today, and that is where the value of this episode resides. He is releasing his shame by talking about the ugly bits of his recovery. This episode contains graphic content of addiction and sexual trauma and listener discretion is advised.   Key Takeaways: [2:15] Denis was in Toronto and avoided sharing with his friends and family the true nature of the life he was living. [4:11] Denis explores his spirituality, while battling multiple addictions at once, some of them opening amazing doors into love. [5:57] Denis opens up about several addictions in his past and putting himself in very dangerous situations. [8:04] The moment Denis realizes he was not healing from what happened to him in high school. [9:39] Denis traveled around the world, running from himself at the same time as he was trying to find the good in himself. [11:14] Ecopsychology unexpectedly opened up an intense way to dive deeper into his healing journey. [13:05] Denis did his fourth Vision Quest in Utah and realized that he had to go back to the police. [14:05] The kindest thing: The kindest thing Denis could do for himself was to open up the story and stop protecting the secret for them both. The kindest thing Denis could do for the perpetrator was to go to the police and give him the chance to own his misdeeds. Somehow, there seemed to be honour in that. [15:03] In conversation in a bar in Toronto with a friend of a friend who also went to Riverside SS, Denis realized that he was not the only victim of the teacher. [16:12] The moment Denis realized he cannot keep his job since he had unfinished business back in Windsor, and the turning point of his 40th birthday. [19:57] Denis talks about his profound, deep, social anxiety. [22:01] John shares how an intervention needed to be organized since Denis was obviously out of control. [23:19] John talked with one of Denis’s siblings about the intervention, who ended up telling Denis about the plan. [26:29] Denis did a two-week detox and then entered a 3-week drug and alcohol re-hab program. [27:22] The massive impact of hearing the word “rape” to describe what happened to him. [29:27] When Denis was finally ready to give his statement to the police, his therapist stood up and dialed the police department immediately. [30:29] Denis tells John that the police were charging the teacher and John’s reaction. [32:23] The teacher was arrested on Denis’ complaint alone and charged with six counts of sexual assault. Meanwhile another victim also spoke up adding up to the charges. [35:30] The #MeToo movement provided an incredible platform for female victims of sexual violence. With gratitude, Denis is hoping that male victims will be able to support each other in the same way.   Mentioned in this Episode:  Groomed Podcast Groomed on Facebook Groomed on Twitter    Canada Suicide Prevention Services Victim Services Ontario Support Services for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse program    Tweetable and Quotes: “I was trying to survive, and I thought I was doing an okay job, but it was a downward spiral.” @groomedpodcast   “I wasn’t looking for any sort of reward, I just needed to be heard.” @groomedpodcast   “The kindest thing I could do for myself was to tell the story.” @groomedpodcast   “Rape is when you don’t give your consent.” @groomedpodcast   “Now the story belongs to the world.” @groomedpodcast
    Show more Show less
    41 mins
  • 05: The End of the Secret Is the Beginning of Healing with Denis Marier and John Conlon

    05: The End of the Secret Is the Beginning of Healing with Denis Marier and John Conlon
    Apr 15 2021
    Denis Marier welcomes you to the fifth episode of Groomed, a podcast for male survivors of childhood grooming and sexual abuse, and their loved ones.   In this episode, Denis opens up to his lifelong friend, John Conlon, about the state of his mental health issues and challenges with various addictions that John never even knew about.  Following the sudden death of his oldest brother Jerry, Denis began in-depth counseling for the first time in his life. In addition to Denis’ grief and attempts to understand his childhood, he began to unravel the damage inflicted by the grooming and sexual abuse in his teenage years.    They talk about the years of damage trying to come to grips with what had happened and Denis’ attempts to heal. John holds Denis’ feet to the fire and asks the question many people have been asking, “Why did you remain friends with him for so long?”    Denis reveals the torment of trying to protect the secret and the damage it caused to his psychological and emotional health and well being. Key Takeaways: [2:12] John gives a timeline for the events of Denis’ early university years. [3:28] John and Denis discuss their memories of the incident when John realized something about the relationship with the teacher was very wrong. [7:22] Denis moved to Japan and became a high school teacher himself. He still maintained a friendship with the teacher, but the reality of the abuse began to sink in. [8:44] Back in Windsor, Denis attempts sucide for a second time and overdoses on seizure medication. [9:01] Denis talks about the night terrors he started to experience when he was in university. [10:10] Denis realized he needed to move away from Windsor again and relocated to Burlington, ON. [10:50] Denis disclosed the abuse for the first time to a paralegal in a darkened parking lot. [11:43] Denis wrote his last letter to the teacher in 1996, threatening to go to the police. [13:00] John and Denis reminisce about sitting in the garden in Burlington, and when Denis opened up to John about what really happened in high school. [13:21] John admits that many people had suspected that something inappropriate had occurred, but no one asked Denis about it. [14:35] Denis considered going to the police but told John, “I don’t want to put my family through that.” [15:24] Denis recalls the time in high school when he opened up to a high school counselor and was then threatened by the teacher. [16:47] Denis talks about being on antidepressants since his first suicide attempt at 16 years-old. A few years later, after a head injury, he was put on antiepileptic medicine. Those medicines were not compatible and chaos ensued. [17:47] September 1996: Denis began naturopathic medical school and revealed his history to a school therapist. [19:01] January 1997: The school therapist sends Denis for a psychiatric evaluation. Denis’ GP disagrees with the initial report and sends Denis for a second evaluation. [19:57] February 1997: Denis is diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II, Rapid-Cycling and started on medication. [20:26] March 1997: Three weeks later Denis’ oldest brother, Jerry, died suddenly in a snowmobile accident in Michigan. [20:45] The sudden and tragic death of Denis’ oldest brother created a nearly unbearable survivor’s guilt for Denis and he blamed himself  for his brother’s death. “Because I told my story, he died. It was my fault!” [24:19] Denis went to the police for the first time, but he was dissuaded from pursuing criminal charges against the teacher being told, “Unfortunately, being a faggot isn’t a crime anymore.” [26:35] Denis tries to wrap his head around the fact that it was never his fault. [28:41] Coming out to his family and friends as gay man felt like a “social experiment.” [29:39] Crossing paths with the teacher on the day he came out to his parents, Denis confronted the teacher and said, “We need to talk!” Denis told the teacher about therapy and going to the police, then asked the teacher for an apology. He warned the teacher that he would go to the police again if he heard of any other bad behaviour. [33:07] Denis recounts coming out as a gay man to his father and siblings. It didn’t go well. [37:13] Denis struggled with his feelings for his mentor. [38:44] Realizing he needed to deal with the root cause of his psychological illness, Denis weaned himself off pharmaceuticals. [40:17] Denis descended into an underworld of drugs, sex, and exploration. [40:31] Denis opens up about his first same-sex relationship and falling in love with another man. [41:27] Denis describes the intensity of leading a double life. [43:39] Denis leaves a troubled relationship with a man he deeply loved in order to save himself. [44:13] Denis starts group therapy for gay male survivors of sexual abuse offered through the United Way, followed by group therapy for drug and alcohol harm reduction for gay men offered through CAMH.   Mentioned in this Episode:  ...
    Show more Show less
    46 mins
  • 04: The Years of Confusion and Protecting the Secret with Denis Marier and John Conlon

    04: The Years of Confusion and Protecting the Secret with Denis Marier and John Conlon
    Apr 12 2021
    Denis Marier welcomes you to the fourth episode of Groomed, a podcast for male survivors of childhood grooming and sexual abuse, and their loved ones. The tipping point for social change most often occurs when there is a shift in consciousness. We need a tipping point around the shame and stigma of being a male surivor of childhood grooming and sexual abuse. Reducing stigma for male survivors is necessary to help ease their suffering. For many survivors, staying silent only perpetuates their pain. Many years of therapy and sharing his story in Sacred Healing Circles have helped Denis to find some amount of peace.  In this episode, Denis continues sharing his story with John, and the challenges of the last years of high school and university years. John bears witness to certain events of those years that were cause for concern. This episode contains graphic content of sexual assault and listener discretion is advised. Key Takeaways:  [2:27] The teacher tries to normalize sexual relationships between men in the military and Denis acquiesces. [3:16] Denis feels like he has control of the situation.  [3:42] Nearly discovered in an incident on his boat, the teacher silences Denis with his hand. [4:50] The teacher behaves as if it was a game. [5:59] Denis admits to Mike that the teacher tried something. [8:17] Psychologically confused, Denis vows it would never happen again. [8:41] Denis feels he invited it because he acquiesced. [10:05] John questions Denis as to why he and the teacher remained friends through Denis’ university years. [10:44] John asks Denis about the psychic tear of his last year in high school. [11:24] Denis goes to leadership camp and thrives. [12:21] Denis gets involved in the student council at the provincial level. [13:45] Denis begins dating Kelly and the teacher keeps his distance. [15:05] John recounts his earliest suspicions that something had changed in Denis’s relationship with the teacher. [16:16] Denis recounts how the teacher began to criticize Denis’s appearance. “You look sloppy!” [17:40] Denis is appointed “chaperone” for the high school band trip. [18:09] The principal questions Denis about the room arrangements. [18:25] John reacts to Denis sharing a hotel room with the teacher on the band trip. [18:43] Denis feels shame and blames himself. [19:49] Denis says, “Yes, you can do that if you wish.” [20:50] The teacher pays for a cab for Denis to visit his estranged grandmother in Brooklyn. [22:13] Denis phones his grandmother and arranges the visit, with Kelly and the teacher. [24:39] Denis sees his grandmother alive for the last time and feels obliged to the teacher. [26:51] John redirects and asks Denis again why he continued to maintain a friendship with the teacher. [28:13] The teacher helped Denis get into university and built a loft for his dorm room with him. [29:00] Denis suffers a brain injury and the teacher takes him to Florida for reading week. [31:25] Denis goes to a gay bar in Florida with the teacher. [32:53] Denis threatens to call his cousin to come to arrest the teacher and the abuse stops. [33:15] Denis speaks at the Canadian National Youth Leadership conference in Halifax on an all-expenses-paid trip with the teacher. [34:05] Denis talks about the second-last incidence back at the teacher’s house the year prior. [34:31] The teacher shows Denis his pistols and threatens him. [35:55] Denis travels again to speak at the next Canadian national youth conference in BC. [36:44] Denis talks about the “shame loyalty” that prevented him from telling anyone about his secret. [37:37] Denis remembers vividly the coat he was wearing when the Corvette incident happened. [38:02] Denis recounts why he kicked and cracked the dashboard of the teacher’s Corvette. [38:30] John asks the teacher about his dashboard and Denis shuts the teacher do Mentioned in this Episode:  Groomed Podcast Groomed on Facebook Groomed on Twitter    Canada Suicide Prevention Services Victim Services Ontario Support Services for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse program    Tweetable and Quotes: “Well, I thought it was my fault from Day One for getting drunk.”  @groomedpodcast  “It was so fucked up. There are no other words.” @groomedpodcast  “That was the summer he had gone away and he’d hired me to watch his house and feed his cats.”  @groomedpodcast “When we look back, isn’t it all just so textbook?” @groomedpodcast  “He pulled out this box and he opened it and there were two pistols in it. And all he said was, “And if you ever tell anybody...” @groomedpodcast “I knew without a doubt that things had happened because you shut him up so quickly and so definitely, I knew.” @groomedpodcast   
    Show more Show less
    41 mins
Psychology Hygiene & Healthy Living
Show more Show less

What listeners say about Groomed

Average customer ratings

Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.

Audible.com reviews

Amazon reviews
No Reviews are Available