Tom Wilken: Rebuilding Your House of Self-Respect

Tom Wilken is a retired counsellor and the authour of “Rebuilding Your House of Self-Respect:
Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse,” which is accompanied by a workbook
of the same name. Tom has worked tirelessly for over thirty years with male survivors of
childhood grooming and sexual abuse in private practice through his agency, “Hope and Healing
Associates,” and within both the Ministry of Children and Youth Services and the Ministry of
Communication, Safety and Corrections Services in Ontario, Canada as a probation officer. He
was the first, and so far, one of the only therapists in Canada to have worked for a sexual
assault crisis centre that had a separate satellite office for men’s programs when he began his
work. Tom is literally, “The Man Who Wrote the Book,” on male childhood grooming and sexual
abuse.

Tom shares his breadth and wealth of understanding and experience with Denis in this episode.
This specific episode was a challenge to keep under two-hours in length due to Tom’s vast
knowledge and compassionate efforts for all men, including those within both the Indigenous
and incarcerated populations.
This is an episode which can be paused and picked up again at any point, and it is even
suggested that listeners take their time in listening to this episode in parts. In order to fully
integrate the benevolence with which Tom expresses his awareness and expertise in kicking
open doors, albeit with extreme empathy and gentleness, listeners will be able to further grasp
the nuances involved in the healing journeys of male survivors of sexual trauma by revisiting
this episode at any point in its extended length.
This episode is also a very direct call for further funding for programming for male and male-
identified survivors of sexual trauma through both private, corporate, and government-
sponsored benefactors; whether through government grants, community-improvement
initiatives through large banking and insurance organizations, or through altruistic funding from
wealthy private investors; perhaps some of whom are survivors themselves (who are invited to
share their own stories of surviving childhood grooming and sexual abuse on future seasons of
“Groomed” as beacons of hope and courage.)

As we continue to open up and unpack this challenging conversation, we need more personal
stories from men and how their experiences have led to them becoming not only “survivors,”
but “thrivers,” able to reach out a hand to help other men less fortunate than themselves who
are still struggling to find integration and wholeness within themselves. The mission of this
podcast is to help men who are still fraught with a shame which was never theirs to own.
Childhood sexual trauma is never the fault of the child victim. EVER!!
(Please note, that Denis made a verbal error at [41:45] in this episode by identifying “The Body
Keeps the Score,” published in 2015, as being authoured by Dr. Gabor Maté, rather than Dr.
Bessel van der Kolk – another brilliant mind and advocate for somatic experiencing in healing

trauma. Dr. Gabor Maté, is the authour of “When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress,”
published in 2004 as a seminal work in body-held-trauma. Both books have been authoritative
works in explaining how the body “remembers” trauma, and both books have been instrumental
in Denis’s and other survivors’ journeys towards healing childhood sexual trauma.)
Please visit “Groomed: The Podcast” on Facebook/Meta where you will find both a Page
(https://www.facebook.com/groomedpodcast) and an on-line Group
(https://www.facebook.com/groups/298361291291210) for resources and support available
for male and male-identified survivors of childhood grooming and sexual abuse. If commenting, please keep your responses compassionate and supportive. Anything less will be deleted, and
offensive contributors will be blocked and reported. The “Groomed” podcast project is
committed to leading with love, empathy, and compassion.

If you, or someone you know, is interested in sharing your story of surviving childhood
grooming and sexual abuse along with your healing journey on future seasons of this podcast,
please email Denis at [e-mail]. Guests who wish to remain anonymous
will have their privacy and anonymity protected.

This episode of “Groomed” is dedicated to Jerome Marier, Sr. (1936-2024)