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Go the F--k to Sleep
- Narrated by: Thandie Newton
- Length: 4 mins
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Publisher's summary
Go the F--k to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing off to dreamland. Profane, affectionate and refreshingly honest, it captures the familiar and unspoken tribulations of putting your child to bed for the night. Colourfully illustrated and hilariously funny, this is a breath of fresh air for parents new, old and expectant*.
*You should probably not read this to your children.
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What listeners say about Go the F--k to Sleep
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
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Story5 out of 5 stars
- Jennifer Drewett
- 05-07-16
Hilarious
Never has the sound of a desperate parent trying to settle their child been so believable.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall1 out of 5 stars
-
Performance1 out of 5 stars
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Story1 out of 5 stars
- my-retro-attic
- 10-24-14
Possibly the worst waste of 95p
What could have made this a 4 or 5-star listening experience for you?
how about having the reader further away from the microphone or using a filter so that you can't hear every breath she takes before reading each sentence with about as much feeling and heart as a mannequin
Who might you have cast as narrator instead of Thandie Newton?
Someone who doesn't sound like a robot??
Any additional comments?
Re-Record this and refund me!
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Overall4 out of 5 stars
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars
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Story4 out of 5 stars
- Suzette
- 07-20-22
Quite funny!
A short quite funny little poem. Narrator seems to get the part of a tired mum quite well. Made me smile!!
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Overall1 out of 5 stars
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Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Amazon Customer
- 11-26-21
hit the nail on the head
we've all been there 😁😁😁😁 absolutely spot on, , , , , , ,
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Overall5 out of 5 stars
-
Performance5 out of 5 stars
-
Story5 out of 5 stars
- Andy
- 08-25-16
Parenthood summed up in under 5 mins
It is simply the way of things, I have no idea how long we have survived so long as a species- given that, as newborns and infants we willfully refuse to sleep and eat, slowly degrading the sanity and functionality of our primary care givers and guardians. This tragic little tale sums up the bewildering, enraging, exhausting paradox of trying to persuade a small human to sleep as you battle to remain conscious.
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 42
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 30
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 30
In a small village a cruel elderly couple are killing their neighbor's pets with gleeful abandon. When an orphan traveling with a band of gypsies has his beloved kitten killed by the weird old couple, he retaliates in a horrifying act of supernatural revenge.
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4 out of 5 stars
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The Cats of Ulthar
- By Trevor on 04-28-09
By: H. P. Lovecraft
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Dear Fahrenheit 451
- Love and Heartbreak in the Stacks
- By: Annie Spence
- Narrated by: Stephanie Spicer
- Length: 5 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 76
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 66
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Story4 out of 5 stars 66
Librarians spend their lives weeding - not weeds, but books - books that have reached the end of their shelf life both literally and figuratively. They remove books that patrons no longer check out, and they put back books they treasure. Annie Spence, who has a decade of experience as a Midwestern librarian, does this not only at her Michigan library but also at home, for her neighbors, at cocktail parties - everywhere. In Dear Fahrenheit 451, she addresses those books directly.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Totally captivating
- By Grace Smith on 03-24-18
By: Annie Spence
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Fahrenheit 451
- By: Ray Bradbury
- Narrated by: Tim Robbins
- Length: 5 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 31,476
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 28,048
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 28,002
Guy Montag is a fireman. In his world, where television rules and literature is on the brink of extinction, firemen start fires rather than put them out. His job is to destroy the most illegal of commodities, the printed book, along with the houses in which they are hidden. Montag never questions the destruction and ruin his actions produce, returning each day to his bland life and wife, Mildred, who spends all day with her television "family."
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4 out of 5 stars
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Wish I Hadn't Cliff Noted This in High School
- By Joel on 03-27-17
By: Ray Bradbury
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Good Poems
- Selected and Introduced by Garrison Keillor
- By: Emily Dickinson, Walt Whitman, Robert Frost, and others
- Narrated by: Garrison Keillor
- Length: 4 hrs and 23 mins
- Abridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 191
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 153
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 142
Good Poems includes poems about lovers, children, failure, everyday life, death, and transcendence. It features the work of classic poets, such as Emily Dickinson, Walt Whitman, and Robert Frost, as well as the work of contemporary greats such as Howard Nemerov, Charles Bukowski, Donald Hall, Billy Collins, Robert Bly, and Sharon Olds Good Poems includes poems about lovers, children, failure, everyday life, death, and transcendence.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Very good, but. . .
- By KSmith on 01-27-11
By: Emily Dickinson, and others
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The Tractor Who Wants to Fall Asleep [UK English]
- A New Way of Getting Children to Sleep 3
- By: Carl-Johan Forssén Ehrlin
- Narrated by: Roy McMillan
- Length: 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 172
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 136
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 134
Do you struggle to get your child to sleep? Discover the miracle book and reclaim bedtime! Join millions of parents all over the world and embrace a bedtime routine that will help your child to relax and fall fast asleep. Let your child be lulled to sleep with Tractor Alex in a sleep-inducing ride around the farm. Along the way they meet Yawning Carrot, Half-Asleep Leon, Sleeping Apples and other friends, who tell them what they do to fall asleep at night. Your child will have a soothing and relaxing experience and can fall asleep quickly - at naptime and bedtime.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Awesome book, the logic here...a stroke of genius
- By Dacey Harlot on 05-26-19
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T'was the Night Before Christmas [Classic Tales Edition]
- By: Clement C. Moore
- Narrated by: B. J. Harrison
- Length: 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 83
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 67
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Story5 out of 5 stars 65
The original and immortal poem also known as "A Visit from St. Nicholas". Classic Tales narrator B. J. Harrison gives a stellar reading of this Christmas classic.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Maybe narrate Edgar Allen Poe ipnstead
- By PPYT on 12-25-22
By: Clement C. Moore
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The Original Adventures of Hank the Cowdog
- By: John R. Erickson
- Narrated by: John R. Erickson
- Length: 2 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,385
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 1,087
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 1,082
It's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it. Guts, glory, danger, and sacrifice are all in a day's work for Hank the Cowdog, Head of Ranch Security. While investigating a murder on the ranch, Hank finds himself the number-one suspect.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Hank: a timeless chuckle for families everywhere.
- By The Super-duper Amazing Silver Golem on 03-16-16
By: John R. Erickson
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Born a Crime
- Stories from a South African Childhood
- By: Trevor Noah
- Narrated by: Trevor Noah
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 211,672
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 191,579
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Story5 out of 5 stars 190,607
In this award-winning Audible Studios production, Trevor Noah tells his wild coming-of-age tale during the twilight of apartheid in South Africa. It’s a story that begins with his mother throwing him from a moving van to save him from a potentially fatal dispute with gangsters, then follows the budding comedian’s path to self-discovery through episodes both poignant and comical.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great book and perfect narration
- By MarilynArms on 12-15-16
By: Trevor Noah
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Zombified: Real-World Lessons from Fictional Apocalypses
- By: Athena Aktipis, The Great Courses
- Narrated by: Athena Aktipis
- Length: 2 hrs and 33 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 152
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 132
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 132
Athena Aktipis of Arizona State University is a self-professed apocalypse enthusiast, and as the host of the podcast Zombified, she knows the undead inside and out. With Zombified: Real-World Lessons from Fictional Apocalypses, she’s compiled her research and insights into a fascinating Audible Original that will have you thinking deeper about all those shambling, brain-hungry corpses in pop culture—not to mention our everyday lives. Drawing on years of research on zombies and zombification, these six lessons offer a fun way to explore and understand the many forces that influence us.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Free fun food for thought
- By Lucy A. Pithecus on 10-07-23
By: Athena Aktipis, and others
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Napoleon's Hemorrhoids…And Other Small Events That Changed History
- By: Phil Mason
- Narrated by: LJ Ganser
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4 out of 5 stars 982
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 869
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Story4 out of 5 stars 865
Hilarious, fascinating, and a roller coaster of dizzying, historical what-ifs, Napoleon's Hemorrhoids is a potpourri for serious historians and casual history buffs. In one of Phil Mason's many revelations, you'll learn that Communist jets were two minutes away from opening fire on American planes during the Cuban missile crisis, when they had to turn back as they were running out of fuel. You'll discover that before the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon's painful hemorrhoids prevented him from mounting his horse to survey the battlefield.
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3 out of 5 stars
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They just throw the facts too fast
- By Concerned_llama on 12-11-20
By: Phil Mason
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Slaughterhouse-Five
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: James Franco
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 18,289
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 16,368
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 16,343
Traumatized by the bombing of Dresden at the time he had been imprisoned, Pilgrim drifts through all events and history, sometimes deeply implicated, sometimes a witness. He is surrounded by Vonnegut's usual large cast of continuing characters (notably here the hack science fiction writer Kilgore Trout and the alien Tralfamadorians, who oversee his life and remind him constantly that there is no causation, no order, no motive to existence).
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4 out of 5 stars
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Don't Quit Your Daytime Job, James
- By Keith on 11-20-15
By: Kurt Vonnegut
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Heads Will Roll
- By: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne
- Narrated by: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne, Tim Gunn, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 16,969
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 15,459
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Story4 out of 5 stars 15,393
Heads Will Roll is an Audible Original from Saturday Night Live star Kate McKinnon and her cocreator/costar (and real-life sister) Emily Lynne. Produced by Broadway Video, this is not an audiobook - it’s a 10-episode, star-studded audio comedy that features performances from Meryl Streep, Tim Gunn, Peter Dinklage, Queer Eye’s Fab Five, and so many more. Please note: This content is not for kids.
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5 out of 5 stars
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More like this please
- By Anon893 on 05-03-19
By: Kate McKinnon, and others
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The Heron
- By: Don Winslow
- Narrated by: Ed Harris
- Length: 1 hr and 6 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 4,774
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 4,400
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 4,375
“The Heron” is the nickname a big-city accountant has attached to himself in his new home near San Diego, where he’s using the alias to avoid a hit man who may be after him. It seems a former client believes that The Heron has skipped town with several million dollars not his own. Don Winslow’s ensuing, entertaining yarn is by turns twisty, dark, and comical as we observe the delicate dance between the pursuer and the pursued.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Awfully long middle for such a short story
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 07-29-22
By: Don Winslow
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Monsters and How to Tame Them
- By: Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 5 hrs and 37 mins
- Original Recording
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Overall5 out of 5 stars 1,772
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Performance5 out of 5 stars 1,580
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Story5 out of 5 stars 1,573
Monsters and How to Tame Them is Kevin’s most recent guide on how to live your best life, wrapped in his signature honesty, hilarious voice, and adept storytelling. You’ve heard stories about vampires, zombies, and ghosts. Now it’s time to meet some of the monsters that haunt your mind.
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1 out of 5 stars
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Entertaining, not useful
- By Anonymous User on 09-18-22
By: Kevin Hart
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American Psycho
- By: Bret Easton Ellis
- Narrated by: Pablo Schreiber
- Length: 16 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall