Fear Gone Wild

A Story of Mental Illness, Suicide, and Hope Through Loss

By: Kayla Stoecklein, Lysa TerKeurst - foreword

Narrated by: Kayla Stoeklein

Length: 5 hrs and 14 mins

Publisher's Summary

Light in the Darkness. Hope in the Wilderness.

Despite his deep desire to overcome mental illness and lead others out of their own pain, pastor Andrew Stoecklein died by suicide at the age of 30. In the wake of the tragedy, his widow, Kayla, embarked on a journey to better understand Andrew’s harrowing battle, come alongside those with similar struggles, and help the church overcome the stigma of suicide. 

Fear Gone Wild is Kayla’s intimate account of all that led to the heartbreaking day of Andrew’s death and the insights she has gleaned since then about the wilderness experience. From her own hard-won understanding, Kayla offers:

• Hope for those facing a mental health diagnosis, wisdom for family and friends, and companionship for anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide
• An exploration of Jesus’ wilderness experience and what it means for our own journeys
• Helpful information about panic attacks, anxiety, depression, and living with fear
• Truth in the face of myths and misconceptions about suicide
• And practical guidance for the church in handling mental health challenges

This heartfelt, hope-filled book equips us to walk alongside someone on their journey with mental illness, offers strength for those of us struggling with depression or anxiety, and turns each of us again and again to the comfort of a God who never leaves.

Discussion questions and additional resources are available in the audiobook companion PDF download.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio. 

©2020 Kayla Stoecklein (P)2020 Thomas Nelson

Too religious

I don’t mind a bit of religious perspective but this was over the top for me. It was a DNF for that reason. I made it more than halfway through the book but when the author started speaking in terms of a battle between darkness and light, good vs evil, I was out.

Raw, Redeemed and Refreshed

Kayla’s story was beautiful and full of grace and rawnesss that left me in tears and full of hope for the afflicted. As the wife of a Christian, recovery drug addict, Kayla’s story and experiences resonated deeply. I have no idea what she walked through and yet I felt her pain and loss on a deep level that at times made it hard to finish the book. I’m thankful I did finish. And I hope she continues to write and share her story this side of Heaven. God isn’t done with her or her sweet boys and I feel honored to have been able to learn about Andrew and their love and loss. Thank you, Kayla. Your resilience, faith and love are encouraging to my heart. Until Heaven…

MUST READ

The heart wrenching truth that is told in this story connects the reader immediately to the book. Kayla's voice is one of a kind. Her voice is so sweet it captivates the reader. This book will bring comfort and show people that God is always with us. He comforts and heals His children. God bless Kayla and her boys. Thank you Kayla for sharing your story.

Be prepared to cry

I was crying 5 minutes in. This hit very close to home. I did not lose my husband but I lost my ex husband, best friend and father of my child to suicide 7 months ago. I am a new believer and follower of Christ so it was extremely touching to hear this story from a woman of faith. I will be purchasing her other book as well.

Incredible book

Kayla is incredible and so full of the Holy Spirit! She has a beautiful way of writing and I’m so grateful she read her own audiobook! Thank you Kayla for sharing yours and Andrew’s story and reminding us that GODS GOT THIS!

Great story of strength after losing a loved one

Enjoyed this book, Kayla had great insight into myths of suicide and the strength to keep going after her loss. For those saying it’s too religious, she only had her faith to get her through and her husband was a pastor so not sure what they expected. A great read for anyone looking for hope beyond death by suicide.

Disappointed and sad

I am so disappointed. After the first 30 minutes of this book, I had decided that I was going to give it to my husband to read (he has never and still does not understand depression). In the first few minutes of the book, Kayla states that she now truly understands mental illness, and further that depression is not an indication of a lack of faith in Jesus. But, as I continued to listen, my heart sank. The first comments that caused me alarm were the ones Kayla made when describing the difference between isolation and solitude - specifically, the emphasis she kept giving to the words “choice that you make” when describing isolation. The vein in which the book continued seemed evidence to me that Kayla does on some level believe that depression is failure to make the choice of choosing to listen to, and seek, God, rather than succumb to the darkness of satan. Remember that you are a Christian, and in your wilderness, do all you can to find your way back home to God. I admit that it is entirely possible that Kayla comes back around in a manner that shows a true understanding of depression. I simply cannot listen anymore. I am a mother who has experienced debilitating depression for years. I am also a Christian. My personal experience has included many times of darkness so deep (rightly described as a feeling of drowning at times), that the ability of conscious thought - such that I could somehow stop the darkness for a moment to pray, stop to tell myself that I am somehow choosing darkness over light - simply is not and has never been present in those darkest moments. I did not, in any way, choose to not be mentally and emotionally present for my children for 5 years of their lives. What I need, and have needed, is the prayer of others - to fill in the dark gaps in time when I cannot pray myself. And for people to show up, continually and fervently (a need that Kayla accurately describes). The statement that one cannot ever truly understand depression in the absence of their own personal experience never proves to be wrong. It is an illness that truly can only be described by metaphor until the experience becomes personal. And my hope for anyone who has not experienced the depths of depression is that you never in your lifetime will. It is an illness that requires the strength of a warrior to overcome. A warrior with God as his tool, yes, but that doesn’t mean we are prepared for the fall. It means that it will take God, through his other warriors for much of the time, to win the war.

heartfelt

I loved her honesty about her feelings going through the years with her Andrew. What a brutally honest example of mental illness and depression.

Breathtaking

You feel every moment with her ❤️. Its raw, honest and beautiful. Her journey is so powerful.

Heartfelt

I loved this book. It is a must read for those who struggle with depression or if you know someone who is battling depression. Very moving and helpful.

A powerful story

Thank you Kayla for opening up to the world and sharing your story on a very important topic.