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Dance of the Reptiles
- Rampaging Tourists, Marauding Pythons, Larcenous Legislators, Crazed Celebrities, and Tar-Balled Beaches: Selected Columns
- Narrated by: Arte Johnson
- Length: 12 hrs and 42 mins
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Publisher's summary
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A collection of the best Miami Herald columns from the New York Times bestselling author of Squeeze Me on burning issues like animal welfare, polluted rivers, and the broken criminal justice system.
If you think the wildest, wackiest stories that Carl Hiaasen can tell have all made it into his hilarious, bestselling novels, think again. Dance of the Reptiles collects the best of Hiaasen’s Miami Herald columns, which lay bare the stories—large and small—that demonstrate anew that truth is far stranger than fiction.
Hiaasen offers his commentary—indignant, disbelieving, sometimes righteously angry, and frequently hilarious—on issues like the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, Bernie Madoff's trial, and the shenanigans of the recent presidential elections. Whether or not you have read Carl Hiaasen before, you are in for a wild ride.
Critic reviews
"Hiaasen employs a seasoned bullshit detector that is among the most acute in American journalism.... If Florida is the poster child for a nation's fiscal and political disintegration, Hiaasen is the state's galloping knight (in)errant, slaying the dragons of ineptitude, arrogance and idiocy." (Kirkus Reviews)
"Entertaining... Hilarious and unnerving...for Hiaasen's ability to awaken outrage and for his eye for oddity." (Booklist)
"Although some say the satire practically writes itself in this state, Hiaasen raises it to a higher level. One caveat, though: Unless you have an intravenous drip of blood pressure meds, you might want to read just a few of these columns at a time." (Tampa Bay Times)
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What listeners say about Dance of the Reptiles
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Ron
- 02-12-14
Great book. Required reading!
I've read pretty much all of Carl Haaasen's novels but wasn't sure how I'd like a book containing his newspaper editorials.
Wow, was I surprised. This book is brilliant. It has everything from humor to political shenanigans.
Arte Johnson is masterful as the reader.
Should be required reading for all politicians.
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8 people found this helpful
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- Sierra
- 03-13-14
Loved the stories!
Would you consider the audio edition of Dance of the Reptiles to be better than the print version?
I loved this book and the narration was spot-on. I felt the Carl Hiaasen got a little preachy in parts but overlooking that it was a great listen.
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4 people found this helpful
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- Leon
- 02-20-14
Don't Waste Your Money
What disappointed you about Dance of the Reptiles?
They made a lot of wild accusations with just enough facts to bring up the subjects and then used their own mostly incorrect bias assumptions as if they were facts.
What was most disappointing about Carl Hiaasen and Diane Stevenson (editor) ’s story?
Instead of fairly covering the issue and people they used their extreme left wing bias as if were facts. According to them the left is always correct and the right is always wrong. It is my opinion that's what's wrong with our political government now. I think we should do away with all political parties and vote on the candidates for their honestly and ambitions.
Who would you have cast as narrator instead of Arte Johnson?
He just presented the information that was given him. I have no opinion one way of the other.
What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?
I purchased the book expecting I would learn from the information within a fair and honest coverage of its subjects and people. Many books seem to be able to do so but I found this book to be unfair and unbalanced. It only plays to the left extreme. Why do we support authors such as these who seems unable to fairly present the subjects and politicians.
Any additional comments?
I believe Bill O'Reilly and these authors should be locked in a caged ring and entertain their fans that away. They seem to think their opposing opinions are the only correct ones. It's sad that grown highly educated men can't use their talents properly researching and
presenting the facts whether good or bad in a honestly and accurate way.
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4 people found this helpful
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- HIYBRID
- 06-11-19
Three scoops of classic Carl
If you've never read this fellows stories... Where the heck have you been????? His characters are graduates of Walt Disney mental hospital. The plots more twisted than spaghetti cooked. I can't help being drawn in and binge reading for hours. Bravo Carl Bravo!!!
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2 people found this helpful
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- Tommy Bergeron
- 04-15-18
No Tales of Humor
Would you try another book from Carl Hiaasen and Diane Stevenson (editor) and/or Arte Johnson?
I've read all of Carl Hiaasen's novel, and find them hilarious.
What was most disappointing about Carl Hiaasen and Diane Stevenson (editor) ’s story?
This book is nothing but political stories from Hiassen's extremely liberal point of view.
What didn’t you like about Arte Johnson’s performance?
The narration seemed unrehearsed. There was no natural flow.
What reaction did this book spark in you? Anger, sadness, disappointment?
I was disappointed. I thought that the book would contain stories about crazy criminal acts and public servants doing unscrupulous deeds. No...90% liberal politics mostly aimed towards Bush, Republicans, the NRA.
Any additional comments?
I'll still read his novels. He's a great writer, and they make me laugh. I will steer away from his other 2 collections of essays.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Shelly Dee
- 05-08-16
Love Hiaasen; hated this
Way old stuff and not a typical Hiaasen anything that I'm used to reading by him. I realize this is a compilation, but still ... disappointed.
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2 people found this helpful
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- garden guru
- 12-23-14
Sad stories
Would you try another book from Carl Hiaasen and Diane Stevenson (editor) and/or Arte Johnson?
Carl Hiaasen novels are more enjoyable than this collection of true but distressing tales.
What could Carl Hiaasen and Diane Stevenson (editor) have done to make this a more enjoyable book for you?
The humor in Carl Hiaasen novels helps a great deal.
Which scene was your favorite?
No favorites here.
Do you think Dance of the Reptiles needs a follow-up book? Why or why not?
No, no follow ups, please.
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- Jim
- 03-28-14
Terrible
This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?
If your politics lean far to the left, you might like this one. Although the narrator was probably drunk when he recorded it, so just read the book.
What was most disappointing about Carl Hiaasen and Diane Stevenson (editor) ’s story?
I enjoyed about 10% of this book, but after the multiple chapters attacking the 2nd Amendment, I turned it off and deleted from my mp3 player.
Who would you have cast as narrator instead of Arte Johnson?
Just about anybody could've done a better job.
You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?
The non-political portions of this book were great. Too bad 90% of the book is far left politics.
Any additional comments?
In the past, I've really enjoyed Mr. Hiaasen's fictional work. However, I'll never purchase, read or listen to anything else he writes from here on. But that's just me. If you are a-political or liberal, you'll prob like this.
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- Ingibjörg Kolbeins
- 03-15-14
Too local for a European
I love carl Hiaasens novels. This book is a collection of his newspaper columns. If you are not a Floridian a lot of it will go over your head. But if you are familiar with Florida polliticks I am sure you will enjoy it .
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- Paul Sly
- 08-27-18
Mostly Florida political rants
No real story or thread to it. I was hoping for more Hiaasen humor and hijinks.
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- Anonymous User
- 03-06-22
Dance Dance Dance
I love Hiaasen. This is probably my straight through listen…I loved it. At first the narrator didn’t appeal and then like a grandfather. Writing becomes you!
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Story
Valdez Jones VIII calls himself Wrecker because his great-great-great-great-great-grandfather salvaged shipwrecks for a living. So is it destiny, irony, or just bad luck when Wrecker comes across a speedboat that has run hard aground on a sand flat? The men in the boat don't want Wrecker to call for help—in fact, they'll pay him to forget he ever saw them. Wrecker would be happy to forget, but he keeps seeing these men all over Key West—at the marina, even in the cemetery. And now they want more than his silence—they want a lookout.
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Fun story, it was just good, not CH good
- By DUSTIN on 10-03-23
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Double Whammy
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: George Wilson
- Length: 13 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
A twisted tale of murder in the world of big-stakes bass fishing tournaments. Filled with ex-wives, evangelists, and an armed pit-bull, this is a story that could only be concocted by Carl Hiaasen, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, New York Times best-selling author, and czar of Florida noir fiction.
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Not for dog lovers
- By Tonette on 01-21-08
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Tourist Season
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: George Wilson
- Length: 14 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Tourist season is swinging into high gear in Miami. So are the activities of a bizarre terrorist group determined to keep the hapless "snowbirds" away. Armed with bombs, weed, and jumbled credos, they move toward their grand target, the Orange Bowl Parade, with plans to bring Miami and its tourist trade to a halt.
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CAUTION: BELLY ACHING LAUGHTER IMMINENT!
- By Tracy P. on 02-08-17
By: Carl Hiaasen
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The Edible Exile
- A Byliner Original
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: Scott Brick
- Length: 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Cuervo is a pampered Nicaraguan moneyman, funding a guerrilla war from his cushy Miami penthouse. Sixto is his hulking, pistol-packing attendant, whose job satisfaction is on the wane. When an aging mobster enters their lives with a promise to help the rebel cause - with a planeload of chickens originally intended for voodoo sacrifice - a tense situation turns combustible. From the wickedly funny mind of Carl Hiaasen comes "The Edible Exile", a raucous story of sleazeball nihilists, lovable thugs, and jungle-weary freedom fighters who collide in a battle of wills, ego, and the almighty dollar.
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Enjoyable early work by a great author.
- By Arthur on 09-04-14
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Basket Case
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: George Newbern
- Length: 10 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Once a hotshot investigative reporter, Jack Tagger now bangs out obituaries for a South Florida daily, "plotting to resurrect my newspaper career by yoking my byline to some famous stiff". Jimmy Stoma, the infamous front man of Jimmy and the Slut Puppies, dead in a fishy-smelling scuba "accident", might be the stiff of Jack’s dreams - if only he can figure out what happened.
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My fav Hiaasen book
- By Karen on 11-28-16
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Powder Burn
- By: Carl Hiaasen, Bill Montalbano
- Narrated by: Robert Ramirez
- Length: 11 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
New York Times best-selling author Carl Hiaasen teamed up with journalist Bill Montalbano for this gripping thriller. Powder Burn stars Chris Meadows, a successful Miami architect who's leaving a meeting with an ex-girlfriend when he sees a car strike his ex, killing her. But the nightmare is only just beginning. As a witness to the crime, Chris knows the car's passengers - thugs linked to Miami's deadliest drug lords - are sure to come after him next. But what can he do if the police refuse to give him protection?
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I Love Carl Hiaasen, but man this was the hard
- By Samantha on 09-30-13
By: Carl Hiaasen, and others
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Wrecker
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: Ron Butler
- Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Valdez Jones VIII calls himself Wrecker because his great-great-great-great-great-grandfather salvaged shipwrecks for a living. So is it destiny, irony, or just bad luck when Wrecker comes across a speedboat that has run hard aground on a sand flat? The men in the boat don't want Wrecker to call for help—in fact, they'll pay him to forget he ever saw them. Wrecker would be happy to forget, but he keeps seeing these men all over Key West—at the marina, even in the cemetery. And now they want more than his silence—they want a lookout.
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Fun story, it was just good, not CH good
- By DUSTIN on 10-03-23
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Double Whammy
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: George Wilson
- Length: 13 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A twisted tale of murder in the world of big-stakes bass fishing tournaments. Filled with ex-wives, evangelists, and an armed pit-bull, this is a story that could only be concocted by Carl Hiaasen, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, New York Times best-selling author, and czar of Florida noir fiction.
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Not for dog lovers
- By Tonette on 01-21-08
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Tourist Season
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: George Wilson
- Length: 14 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Tourist season is swinging into high gear in Miami. So are the activities of a bizarre terrorist group determined to keep the hapless "snowbirds" away. Armed with bombs, weed, and jumbled credos, they move toward their grand target, the Orange Bowl Parade, with plans to bring Miami and its tourist trade to a halt.
-
-
CAUTION: BELLY ACHING LAUGHTER IMMINENT!
- By Tracy P. on 02-08-17
By: Carl Hiaasen
-
The Edible Exile
- A Byliner Original
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: Scott Brick
- Length: 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Cuervo is a pampered Nicaraguan moneyman, funding a guerrilla war from his cushy Miami penthouse. Sixto is his hulking, pistol-packing attendant, whose job satisfaction is on the wane. When an aging mobster enters their lives with a promise to help the rebel cause - with a planeload of chickens originally intended for voodoo sacrifice - a tense situation turns combustible. From the wickedly funny mind of Carl Hiaasen comes "The Edible Exile", a raucous story of sleazeball nihilists, lovable thugs, and jungle-weary freedom fighters who collide in a battle of wills, ego, and the almighty dollar.
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Enjoyable early work by a great author.
- By Arthur on 09-04-14
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Lucky You
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: George Newbern
- Length: 12 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Grange, Florida, is famous for its miracles - the weeping fiberglass Madonna, the Road-Stain Jesus, the stigmata man. And now it has JoLayne Lucks, unlikely winner of the state lottery. Unfortunately, JoLayne's winning ticket isn't the only one. The other belongs to Bodean Gazzer and his raunchy sidekick, Chub, who believe they're entitled to the whole $28 million jackpot. And they need it quickly, to start their own underground militia before NATO troops invade America. But JoLayne Lucks has her own plans for the Lotto money - an Eden-like forest in Grange must be saved from strip-malling.
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Not Hiaasen's best work
- By Jimmy on 06-18-13
By: Carl Hiaasen
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The Downhill Lie
- A Hacker's Return to a Ruinous Sport
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: Carl Hiaasen
- Length: 5 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Originally drawn to the game by his father, Carl Hiaasen wisely quit golfing in 1973. But some ambitions refuse to die, and as the years - and memories of shanked 7-irons - faded, it dawned on Carl that there might be one thing in life he could do better in middle age than he could as a youth. So gradually he ventured back to the dreaded driving range, this time as the father of a five-year-old son -and also as a grandfather.
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Not a Bogie but a Birdie !
- By G. Cernicky on 10-08-08
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Squirm
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Some facts about Billy Dickens: He once saw a biker swerve across the road in order to run over a snake. Later, that motorcycle somehow ended up at the bottom of a canal. Billy isn't the type to let things go. Some facts about Billy's family: They've lived in six different Florida towns because Billy's mom insists on getting a house near a bald eagle nest. Billy's dad left when he was four and is a total mystery. Billy has just found his dad's address - in Montana.
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Great kids book
- By Helen W. on 10-13-18
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Skin Tight
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: George Wilson
- Length: 14 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
This novel by Carl Hiaasen, author of Tourist Season and Native Tongue, begins as most thrillers do, with a killing. But this is no everyday, hum-drum, garden variety killing. Our hero, Nick Stranahan, a 42-year-old private investigator who has killed five men and been married five times, skewers his attacker's aorta with the razor-sharp bill of a stuffed marlin.
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Skintight
- By Chris on 08-02-04
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Strip Tease
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: George Wilson
- Length: 15 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
No matter what you heard or thought about the movie version of Strip Tease, forget it. Film simply can’t catch the layers of humor, satire, and imagination that Pulitzer Prize-winning author Carl Hiaasen creates in each of his novels.