What if everything you've been labeling as a problem — the addiction, the affair, the marriage that feels like a hostage situation, the career that's slowly killing you — is actually a prophet trying to get your attention?

Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill sit down with Jay Stringer, psychotherapist, ordained minister, and author of Desire, for one of the most searingly honest conversations about human longing, emotional health, and the hidden roadmap inside every one of us.

Jay spent years studying why people engage in unwanted behaviors — and what he found wasn't weakness or moral failure. He found desire. Vandalized, suppressed, and rerouted desire. And he found that healing the root — not just managing the symptom — changes everything.

In This Episode

• Why "just stop doing the thing" almost never works — and what to do instead
• The 5 core desires every human has (and why over-indexing on one destroys the others)
• The concept of the "provisional self" and why so many people wake up at 60 not knowing who they are
• What bells and albatrosses can teach you about the direction your life is asking you to go
• The DMZs in your marriage — and why avoiding them is quietly killing your connection
• How symptoms are actually prophets (and what they're trying to say)
• Jay walks through the Core Emotion Wheel live — with stunning vulnerability about loneliness, sadness, and a midlife chrysalis

About Jay Stringer

Jay Stringer is a licensed psychotherapist, ordained minister, and author based in New York City. His first book, Unwanted, explored the hidden drivers of unwanted sexual behavior. His new book, Desire, offers a research-backed roadmap for developing a healthy relationship to desire across all five domains of human flourishing — wholeness, growth, intimacy, pleasure, and meaning. He holds a master's in counseling psychology and an MDiv from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology.

SEO Keywords

desire and healing, emotional health podcast, marriage communication, understanding your desires, unwanted sexual behavior, porn addiction recovery, identity and self-worth, self-sabotage meaning, mental health and marriage, relationship emotional intelligence, faith and therapy, midlife identity crisis, Core Emotion Wheel, connection codes podcast, Jay Stringer Desire book

Resources & Links

Get the Core Emotion Wheel — Free Resource

Book a Connection Codes Coach

Jay Stringer's book: Desire

Jay's first book: Unwanted

Jay Stringer’s Website: jay-stringer.com

Follow Jay on Instagram: @jay_stringer_

Take Jay’s Desire Profile Quiz (from the book)

Jay’s Contact Page (Linktree)

What does it look like when someone who only knew two emotions — anger and joy — finally faces the full spectrum of what they feel?

That's the story Han and Alicia Lau bring to the table this week. Married 31 years, parents to six kids, grandparents to six more — and coaches who almost skipped the Core Emotion Wheel entirely.

Alicia grew up in a world that told her to stifle her emotions, be a "good Christian girl," and never be "too much." The result? A life where anger and joy were the only acceptable exits — until a poolside audiobook moment changed everything.

In this episode, Glenn, Phyllis, Han, and Alicia unpack what it actually takes to go from emotional resistance to emotional fluency — including the 45-minute wheel session that helped Alicia finally process her father's suicide, more than a decade after his death.

In This Episode:

• Why Alicia threw the Core Emotion Wheel across the room (metaphorically) — and why she came back to it
• How blended family dynamics (and two very different cultures) shaped emotional patterns for both Han and Alicia
• The moment on their 30th anniversary that changed their marriage — doing the entire Foundations course in one weekend
• Han's breakthrough: how advising a client led him to take his own advice about shame and guilt
• Alicia's 45-minute grief wheel — and why she no longer feels her dad's death the same way in her body
• What it means to practice the wheel "like bad first sex" and why that's the most honest description of growth we've heard
• Glenn and Phyllis share their own middle-of-the-night wheel moments — and what lonely really feels like when you go deep

Resources Mentioned:

Get the Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast

Work with a Connection Codes Coach: connectioncodes.co/coaches

Foundations Masterclass: connectioncodes.co/foundations

SEO Keywords:

emotional intelligence in marriage, blended family communication, how to process grief, Core Emotion Wheel, emotional avoidance, marriage coaching, emotional health tools, processing shame and guilt, trauma healing tools, long-term marriage, mental health and relationships, connection codes, emotional fluency, suicide loss grief

What does it actually look like when one spouse starts doing the emotional work before the other is ready? Ben and Hannah have been married 19 years, raised four kids (including three teenagers), and spent nearly a decade unknowingly drifting apart — until one ordinary walk changed everything.

In this episode, Glenn and Phyllis sit down with Ben and Hannah for an honest, unscripted conversation about what it really takes to turn a marriage around. Ben resisted Connection Codes for over a year — and then one moment of Hannah staying present when she could have pulled away shifted everything for him. They talk about the emotional dam, why anger is usually lonely in disguise, how they're raising a 10-year-old with OCD using the Core Emotion Wheel, and what happens when coding becomes the language of your whole household.

This one is for the spouse who started the work alone. For the partner who's been resistant. For the parent trying to get emotional tools into a home with teenagers. You're going to want to hear this.

In This Episode:

• Why the first 10 years of marriage can mask deep emotional disconnection
• What it looks like when one spouse starts coding before the other is ready
• The walk that changed Ben's mind — and why Hannah's staying present made all the difference
• How anger almost always has lonely underneath it
• The emotional dam: why it forms in hours, not years
• Using the Core Emotion Wheel with a child who has OCD and self-harm patterns
• Why teenagers resist coding — and the long game that actually works
• What men lose when culture tells them vulnerability is weakness
• Glenn's challenge: say the emotion out loud in the moment, even when no one's there to hear it

Get the Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast

Book a Connection Codes Coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches

Keywords: emotional intelligence in marriage | marriage communication tools | how to reconnect with your spouse | men emotional vulnerability | emotional health relationships | OCD and emotional tools for kids | marriage disconnection | Core Emotion Wheel | how to stop emotional shutdown | marriage transformation stories | emotional dam | ooh technique | Connection Codes podcast

What do you do when the person you built your life around is suddenly gone?

In this deeply moving episode, Glenn and Phyllis sit down with Eric — husband, father of 10, and Connection Codes community member — to talk about what happens when grief, identity loss, and emotional isolation collide. Eric's wife Nicole passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack just after the New Year, leaving him a single father navigating the unimaginable.

But this isn't just a story about loss. It's a story about what tools, community, and the courage to be emotionally vulnerable can do — even in the darkest seasons.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why grief cannot heal in isolation — and what it actually needs to move through
• How Eric tracked his emotional connection with his wife through selfies (the data will surprise you)
• What losing a spouse does to your sense of identity — and why that part often goes unspoken
• The difference between grief that gets witnessed and grief that stays buried
• How men are conditioned to suppress emotion — and what it costs them and their kids
• What Eric's kids said to him that changed how he showed up as a dad
• Why Eric drove to Tennessee to be with a community of people he'd never met in person

Resources mentioned:

• Get your free Core Emotion Wheel → www.connectioncodes.co/podcast
• Work with a Connection Codes certified coach → connectioncodes.co/coaches
• Learn more about the School of Connection → connectioncodes.co

Keywords: grief and emotional health, healing from loss, marriage and identity, emotional intelligence tools, how to grieve in community, men and vulnerability, mental health after loss, relationship emotional wellness, grief and parenting, connection and healing, emotional resilience, marriage and loss

What if the biggest relationship challenge in your home isn't a communication problem — it's an ADHD brain that nobody ever explained to you?

In this eye-opening episode, Tera sits down with ADHD expert, educator, and coach Martha Hoffman (host of ADHD in the Real World podcast) to unpack what ADHD actually looks like in real families, real marriages, and real emotional lives — and why compassion might be the most powerful tool you have.

Whether you're a parent who suspects your child might have ADHD, a partner frustrated by what feels like chaos, or someone who scrolled through a "signs of ADHD" reel and thought "wait... that's me" — this conversation will change how you see the people you love most.

In This Episode You'll Learn:

• The 3 types of ADHD and why it looks completely different in women vs. men
• Why emotional dysregulation is now considered CORE to ADHD — not just a side effect
• The dopamine deficit connection — and why your ADHD brain might be wired for addiction
• How to build a "Dopamine Menu" to replace cheap hits with lasting satisfaction
• What Fair Play facilitation does for ADHD couples — and why the trash is never just "taking out the trash"
• How Tera uses the Core Emotion Wheel with her ADHD kids — and what shifted for her family
• Martha's own Core Emotion Wheel — vulnerability in real time
• How to respond when a partner or parent refuses to believe the ADHD diagnosis is real

Resources Mentioned:

• Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast

• Book a Connection Codes Coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches

• Martha Hoffman Coaching on Instagram: @MarthaHoffmanCoaching

• Martha's website: MarthaHoffmanCoaching.com

• Martha's podcast: ADHD in the Real World

Keywords/Tags:

ADHD and marriage, emotional dysregulation ADHD, neurodivergent relationships, ADHD parenting, ADHD in women, ADHD emotional health, dopamine deficit, ADHD diagnosis adults, mental health and marriage, Core Emotion Wheel, connection codes podcast, ADHD coaching, ADHD fair play, neurodivergent family, ADHD relationships, emotional regulation

What if the reason you can't sleep, can't focus, and come home completely depleted has nothing to do with your schedule — and everything to do with what you're doing to your emotions?

In this episode, Dr. Glenn Hill, Phyllis Hill, and Tera Wages go deep on one of the most important — and most overlooked — tools in the Connection Codes toolkit: oohing yourself. Not your partner. Not your kids. Yourself.

We've all been taught some version of "don't be emotional," "choose joy," "power through." But what that messaging actually does is train us to reject ourselves at the deepest level. And the cost? It shows up in your body, your sleep, your productivity, your relationships, and your health.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• Why suppressing emotions doesn't make them disappear — it sends them straight into your cells (and the science behind what that does to your body)
• The 3 powerful questions that help you tune into yourself in under 60 seconds
• How a woman's 12-year battle with insomnia ended after one night of doing the Core Emotion Wheel
• Why "positive thinking" culture may actually be working against your emotional health
• The real reason you have nothing left for your spouse and kids at the end of the day
• How to process fear, shame, and hurt in 10–15 seconds (without a therapy session)
• What Tera discovered about herself, her kids, and the mistakes she made before she had these tools

This episode is for you if:You've tried the productivity hacks, the sleep supplements, the mindset work — but something still feels stuck. Or if you teach communication tools to others and still forget to use them on yourself (yes, Tera goes there).

Resources mentioned:

• 🌀 Download the Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast
• 🤝 Book a certified Connection Codes Coach: connectioncodes.co/coaches
• 📚 Start with Foundations: connectioncodes.co/foundations

Keywords: emotional health, marriage advice, mental health awareness, emotional intelligence, relationship communication, burnout recovery, emotional regulation, self-awareness, anxiety relief, insomnia and emotions, leadership emotional health, marriage therapy tools, how to process emotions, core emotion wheel

The Power of Active Listening: How Oooo Transforms Conflict Into Connection.

What if the secret to emotional regulation in your marriage wasn't another therapy session, but a simple audible response that releases oxytocin in your brain?

In Part 2 of our active listening series, Dr. Glenn Hill and Phyllis Hill dive deep into what stops us from connecting during conflict – and the surprising brain science behind why "oohing" your partner actually works.

• The oxytocin effect: How active listening naturally releases connection chemicals in the brain (no pills required)
• When you feel attacked: How to use curiosity instead of defensiveness when your partner comes at you with accusations
• The "never/always" trap: Why correcting your partner's exaggerations kills connection (and what to do instead)
• Processing emotion first: Why you must acknowledge feelings before discussing logistics
• The right of refusal: How to know the difference between everyday conflict and abuse
• Issue-specific wheels: When to pull out the Core Emotion Wheel during heated moments
• Saying "ow" in the moment: Why you need to acknowledge your own hurt while still being present for your partner

Glenn and Phyllis share vulnerable stories about their own disconnection – from the dishwasher incident to cruise conflicts – demonstrating how Connection Codes tools work in real marriage dynamics.

This episode is essential for anyone who:

• Gets defensive when their partner expresses hurt
• Feels like they're being attacked even in simple conversations
• Wants to understand the neuroscience of emotional connection
• Struggles to stay curious when emotions run high
• Needs practical tools for de-escalating conflict quickly

Get the Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast

Book a Connection Codes Coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches

Join the School of Connection waitlist: Limited cohorts opening May 2026

Shop Connection Codes Merch: Magnets, stickers, and wheels for every room

Keywords: emotional regulation, marriage communication, active listening, relationship conflict resolution, oxytocin and connection, defensiveness in marriage, emotional health tools, curiosity in relationships, connection codes, core emotion wheel, marriage therapy alternatives, healthy communication skills, conflict de-escalation, mental health in relationships, relationship coaching

Description:

What if the biggest barrier to emotional connection in your marriage isn't what you're saying—but the silence in between?

In this episode, Dr. Glenn Hill reveals the neuroscience behind "audible listening" and why silence literally disconnects us at a physiological level. Drawing from groundbreaking research like Dr. Tronick's Still Face Experiment, Glenn explains how our brains are wired to need audible responses—and what happens when we don't get them.

You'll discover:

• Why traditional "silent listening" taught in marriage therapy actually creates disconnection
• The science behind the "ooh" and how it releases oxytocin in both the speaker and listener
• How babies and adults respond identically to silence (it's 100% universal)
• Why you feel drawn to certain people in a crowded room (hint: they're audibly listening)
• How to overcome the awkwardness of starting to "ooh" with your spouse
• Real stories of how audible listening transformed an 11-day cruise through a literal cyclone
• Why this one simple tool is more powerful than learning every personality profile

The ooh isn't just a sound—it's a biological need. When someone "oohs" you, your nervous system calms, your fear decreases, and oxytocin floods your body. This is the connection we're all desperately craving.

Glenn and Phyllis share vulnerable moments from their own marriage, including why this last cruise was their most connected yet—and how they stayed present through rough seas (literally and metaphorically).

If you've ever felt unheard, unseen, or disconnected in your closest relationships, this episode will give you a tool you can implement today. No advanced degree required. No complex personality assessments. Just presence, sound, and connection.

Keywords: audible listening, emotional connection, marriage communication, relationship tools, oxytocin, nervous system regulation, emotional intelligence, still face experiment, active listening, marriage therapy, emotional wellness, connection codes, Dr. Glenn Hill, vulnerability in marriage, mental health tools, anxiety relief, stress management, emotional validation

Resources mentioned:

• Get the Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast
• Book a Connection Codes coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches
• Join the Connection Codes Cruise (July 2025): Reach out for details
• Read more about the Still Face Experiment (Dr. Edward Tronick)

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