Birth Mother

Memoir of a Woman Who Placed Her Infant for Adoption in the 1960's

By: Judith Bock

Narrated by: Monica Levy

In April 1969, a day before her 22nd birthday, Judith Ellen Bock gave birth to a 5 pound 15 ounce girl in a Tulsa hospital. Under the secrecy of a “NO SHOW, NO TELL” order, even Bock was kept from knowing much of anything about her newborn. Although she consented to the subsequent relinquishment of her parental rights and her daughter’s adoption, she was haunted by unresolved grief that she submerged for years under the mantra that she had “done the right thing.”

In writing this memoir Bock tries to explain to herself and her listeners how anyone could do something as drastic as giving away their own child to strangers. She describes early losses and family influences that caused her to endure emotional suffering and to develop a method of detachment that protected her, or so she thought, from the grief and loss of giving her child away.

Several failed marriages, infertility and a lingering depression caused Bock to seek answers. In this memoir, she takes listeners along with her on her journey through counseling, educating herself about adoption issues, and a search and reunion with her lost daughter.

Included in the book is an appendix with resources for more information on adoption, search and reunion, the author’s writing journal notes, poems and articles, searching correspondence and a Birth Parent Bill of Rights.

©2023 Judith Bock (P)2024 Judith Bock

Honest account of relinquishing one's child

I appreciated the candor in this memoir. The author acknowledged that she made many mistakes and openly discussed why she did what she did and why it turned out badly. I was hoping for a better outcome of her search than what she got. But her account of what it means to surrender one's baby is spot on. It is not something a birth mother gets over, forgets, or puts out of mind while she carries on with her life.

For anyone who's gone through it (like me), this account is very accurate. It resonated with me -- the post adoption regret, the overwhelming obsession with having another baby that you can keep, the endless searching for the child you gave away, the constant platitudes from people who have no idea how it feels, and the inevitable secrecy. I think the author captured these thing very well.

Her story is heartbreaking, however. I found myself wishing things would turn out better for her. But it serves as a warning for other women who find themselves alone and pregnant. Don't enter into this decision lightly.

Some criticisms: The narration is very monotone. not that it should be "lilty." It is, after all, a very somber topic. But it is quite unemotional. The memoir has a structure the author designed for telling her story, but the result is an account that is choppy and repetitive. I was constantly thinking that I was accidentally replaying parts I'd already listened to.

The memoir is very informative, however, and very honest.