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Publisher's Summary

In My Horizontal Life, actress and stand-up comedian Chelsea Handler boldly recounted her one-night stands - the good, the bad, and the disastrous. In this wickedly honest new work, she casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.

Whether it's a vacation with her dad during which he tells airline staff they're a honeymoon couple in order to get an upgrade, or her elaborate attempts to convince her third-grade classmates that she's starring in a Private Benjamin sequel, Chelsea lets it rip in these relentlessly entertaining essays. Displaying the candor and irresistible turn of phrase that have earned her a recurring stint as a correspondent on The Tonight Show as well as her own E! series, Chelsea Lately, this deliciously skewed collection is a guilty pleasure.

©2008 Chelsea Handler; (P)2008 Simon and Schuster, Inc.

Critic Reviews

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer. (Jay Leno)
"Chelsea Handler writes like Judy Blume, if Judy Blume were into vodka, Ecstasy, and sleeping with midgets and nineteen-year-olds." (Jennifer Weiner, best-selling author of In Her Shoes)
"There's something suspiciously sophisticated about how [Handler's] jokes line up that suggests the moral austerity of a comic not of [Joan] Rivers' bad-girl school: Tina Fey." (New York Times)

What members say

Average Customer Ratings


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  • Overall
  • Anne
  • San Francisco, CA, United States
  • 08-20-10

Amusing and increasingly likeable

A bit silly and crude, so after the first two chapters I thought I might not continue. However, by the end I was enjoying the humor and the 'company' of Chelsea Handler.

  • Overall
  • k
  • Grafton, VA, United States
  • 08-16-10

Crude and not clever

This book it was just crude without counter-balancing cleverness or intelligent humor. Knowing that this was a first person book with quasi-true stories narrated by the author, it made me dislike it even more because I found I could not relate to or generate any affinity for the narrator/author. I would not want this woman as a friend or even a travel companion on a long flight. I stopped listening half way through (which I never do) even though I was on a long trip and had no actual paper books to read and had listened to all my audible books already. I ended up re-listening to stories I had heard before. Don't waste your credit.

  • Overall
  • Kristal
  • Missoula, , MT, USA
  • 06-03-10

Chelsea is HILARIOUS

Absolutely HILARIOUS! Some people might consider her book offensive, but I listened to it on a long drive home from another state and it made the time fly by. I made my husband listen to it and he loved it, even funnier the 2nd time around!

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  • Alison
  • East Longmeadow, MA, USA
  • 05-20-10


Snarky, sarcastic and rude. Funny at times, but mostly annoying. Watch her show on E! instead, at least you won't waste your Audible credits.

1 of 2 people found this review helpful

  • Overall


This book was great! Once I started it I could not stop listening to it. When it comes from the comic herself there is never a dull moment in the book. I would def recommend this book to anyone. You will laugh till you cry. :-)

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  • Erica
  • Cookeville, TN, USA
  • 12-04-09

Left me wanting MORE!

I was so excited that Chelsea Handler was the narrator of this book and she did not disappoint. I plan to get a copy for everyone in my family. It was absolutely hilarious! It left me wanting more. I'm anxiously awaiting her next book. Fabulous job!!!

  • Overall

So funny!

This book was hilarious, Chelsea Handler is so funny. I could not stop laughing.

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  • Toni
  • San Francisco, CA, USA
  • 07-21-09

Cruel and mean humor is hard to listen to.

I guess differ from Chelsea from tone/style of humor. The drollness quips hurt my ears.

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  • Cari
  • Toledo, OH, USA
  • 02-15-09

i hope there's a chaser...

Great job Chelsea, I very much enjoyed your book, but much more to hear you read it. It just made the experience even more enjoyable - what a funny gal ! The whole transaction of downloading books from Audible was way too easy and the customer assistance I needed was fast and direct - thank you all -
This was a good read, rather - listen, because I really felt during her youth, I could have been there with her - I was even able to place myself in her shoes a couple times...scarey. And who knew one could be " face raped " . I had fun going on your visit to France and decided that dining with " my tickets" on table won't happen nor will I get a massage anywhere that doesn't give " happy endings" . I had fun and now I am off to order my next book -

1 of 2 people found this review helpful

  • Overall
  • Erika
  • Colton, NY, USA
  • 01-08-09

a clever title, but a real disappointment

i thought this might be on par with david sedaris or hollis gillespie. you know, funny and insightful stories told by people you wish you could befriend.
i did chuckle a couple of times, but overall i find her humor shallow, grating, and lacking in redeeming qualities.

1 of 2 people found this review helpful