We’ve been sold a lie about love. Movies, books, and social media tell us it’s all about sparks, passion, and intensity — but that isn’t real love.

In this episode of Couples in Focus, I delve into the truth about lasting love: why it feels calm rather than chaotic, why it develops gradually over time, and how attachment theory reveals what a genuine connection is built upon. You’ll hear stories that highlight the difference between intensity that fizzles out and the kind of steady, safe love that lasts.

If you’re ready to rethink what love really means and how to build it, tune in — and learn more about relationships and therapy at coupletherapy.earth.

Why do we so often feel lost in our mental health journey? In this episode of Couples in Focus, I introduce the metaphor of the inner compass — the signals of our thoughts, emotions, and body sensations that point us toward balance or warn us when we’re drifting off course.

Through real stories, we’ll explore how ignoring small signals, such as tension, rumination, or sadness, only makes them grow louder, and how learning to listen helps us make small course corrections before they become crises. You’ll discover practical tools for reorienting yourself to your inner compass, allowing you to find steadiness and clarity in everyday life.

For more on therapy and emotional well-being, visit coupletherapy.earth

Why do some relationships feel easy while others leave us stuck in constant cycles of tension? A lot of the answer lies in attachment styles — the patterns we carry into love, intimacy, and connection.

In this episode of Couples in Focus, I’ll break down the four main attachment styles, how they tend to pair up, and why certain combinations spark harmony while others create friction. You’ll hear real-life examples of anxious–avoidant push-pull dynamics, how secure partners bring balance, and what to look for if you want a relationship that feels safe and fulfilling.

Whether you’re dating, in a relationship, or reflecting on past connections, this episode will help you recognise your own style and understand how compatibility really works.

Learn more about relationships and therapy at coupletherapy.earth.

On this episode of Couples in Focus, we cut through the noise of dating advice and boil it down to just two questions:

1. Do I feel safe, relaxed, and like I can be myself?

2. Do I feel accepted and seen?

Through real stories, I’ll show how these two simple questions reveal more than any dating script ever could — helping you notice the difference between a date that drains you and one that feels energising and real.

If you want to dive deeper into relationships and therapy, visit coupletherapy.earth.

Summary

In this conversation, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston explore the complexities of relationships, particularly the notion of keeping one's side of the street clean. They discuss the importance of understanding both individual and shared worlds in a relationship, the impact of emotional neglect, and the necessity of co-regulation. The dialogue emphasises that relationships are not merely transactional but require mutual support and emotional engagement. They highlight the significance of emotions as a compass guiding individuals back to their needs and the importance of navigating emotional responsibility without falling into the trap of managing each other's emotions.

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Takeaways

Keeping your side of the street clean is simplistic.

Relationships require understanding both individual and shared worlds.

Emotional neglect can have lasting impacts.

It's not just about doing your part; it's about connection.

Co-regulation is essential for emotional health.

Good intentions can still cause harm in relationships.

Emotions serve as a compass for our needs.

Mutual support is crucial in navigating challenges.

Relationships are not about 50-50; it's about collective resources.

We need to walk hand in hand in our emotional journeys.

Chapters

00:00 The Concept of Relationship Dynamics

02:49 Understanding Individual and Shared Worlds

05:31 The Impact of Emotional Neglect

08:32 The Complexity of Keeping Your Side Clean

11:20 The Role of Systems in Relationships

14:11 Navigating Emotional Responsibility

16:58 The Importance of Co-Regulation

19:56 Mutual Support in Relationships

23:03 The Balance of Emotional Engagement

25:55 The Role of Emotions as a Compass

28:41 Final Thoughts on Relationship Dynamics

Summary

In this episode, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston explore the complexities of desire in long-term relationships, discussing how desire can diminish over time due to various factors such as overwhelm, emotional disconnect, and resentment. They emphasise the importance of maintaining physical touch, open communication, and addressing emotional needs to rebuild intimacy and connection. The conversation highlights the necessity of acknowledging the challenges couples face and the importance of seeking help when needed.

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Takeaways

Desire in relationships often shifts and requires effort to maintain.

Physical touch is essential for keeping desire alive.

Overwhelm and exhaustion can hinder intimacy.

Emotional disconnect can lead to resentment and barriers to connection.

Regular communication about sex can enhance intimacy.

Setting aside dedicated time for touch is crucial.

Acknowledging emotional needs is vital for rebuilding trust.

Couples may need help to navigate complex emotional dynamics.

Good people can unintentionally hurt their partners.

Admitting when a relationship is lost is the first step to recovery.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Desire in Relationships

00:25 Understanding the Drop in Desire

05:32 Overwhelm vs. Emotional Disconnect

08:09 The Importance of Physical Touch

10:47 Creating Space for Conversations about Sex

15:31 Addressing Emotional Blocks to Intimacy

22:24 Navigating Trauma in Relationships

Summary

In this episode, Michael Preston and Thomas Westenholz discuss the three essential components of a healthy relationship: accessibility, responsiveness, and emotional engagement.

They explore how these elements contribute to a secure attachment between partners, emphasizing the importance of being present, attuned, and emotionally connected.

The conversation highlights practical examples and insights into how couples can foster these qualities to enhance their relationship dynamics.

For more, see the ⁠⁠Couples in Focus online course⁠⁠ or book a session with Thomas ⁠⁠here⁠⁠.

Takeaways

• Healthy relationships are built on accessibility, responsiveness, and emotional engagement.
• Accessibility means being there for your partner when they need you.
• Responsiveness is about attuning to your partner's needs and emotions.
• Emotional engagement involves sharing and feeling each other's emotional experiences.
• Predictability in a relationship fosters a sense of security.
• Attunement allows partners to understand each other's emotional worlds better.
• Text communication can hinder emotional attunement and understanding.
• Emotions are crucial for connection and relationship maintenance.
• Couples can develop a model of each other's needs over time.
• It's important to feel and express emotions in a relationship.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Healthy Relationships

02:59 Accessibility in Relationships

05:54 Understanding Responsiveness

09:50 The Importance of Emotional Engagement

Summary

In this conversation, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston explore the complexities of relationships, focusing on how couples can navigate challenges through effective communication and emotional regulation.

They emphasize the importance of collaboration over competition, recognizing patterns of behavior that lead to conflict, and identifying personal triggers that can escalate disagreements.

The discussion highlights the need for empathy and understanding in relationships, encouraging couples to work together to create a supportive environment.

In this conversation, Michael Preston and Thomas Westenholz explore the dynamics of relationships, focusing on emotional triggers, communication strategies, and the importance of validation.

They discuss how recognizing alarm bells can help partners navigate conflicts more effectively, emphasizing the need for vulnerability and understanding in communication.

The conversation highlights practical steps couples can take to improve their interactions and foster a healthier relationship dynamic.

For more, see the ⁠⁠Couples in Focus online course⁠⁠ or book a session with Thomas ⁠⁠here⁠⁠.

Takeaways

• Relationships are often perceived as battles, but they should be collaborative.
• Understanding the dynamics of competition in relationships is crucial.
• Recognizing when you're playing a 'losing game' is the first step to change.
• Emotional dysregulation can lead to misunderstandings and conflict.
• Identifying personal triggers can help in managing emotional responses.
• Compassion is key to resolving conflicts in relationships.
• Communication patterns can escalate conflicts if not addressed.
• It's important to see relationship issues as joint problems.
• Taking a moment to breathe can help regain perspective during conflicts.
• Awareness of bodily signals can prevent escalation in arguments. Recognizing alarm bells is crucial in relationships.
• Understanding emotional triggers can prevent escalation.
• Identifying one's own actions helps in conflict resolution.
• Communicating vulnerability fosters deeper connections.
• Validation can calm the nervous system during conflicts.
• Understanding the impact of actions on partners is essential.
• Asking open-ended questions can clarify misunderstandings.
• Switching from being right to validating feelings is powerful.
• Both partners need to feel seen and heard.
• Effective communication requires practice and patience.

Chapters

00:00 Navigating Relationship Challenges

03:11 Collaborative Games in Relationships

06:46 Understanding the Blame Game

11:12 Recognizing Relationship Patterns

15:40 Managing Emotional Dysregulation

21:31 Identifying Personal Triggers

26:30 Recognizing Alarm Bells in Relationships

29:04 Understanding Emotional Triggers

32:00 The Impact of Our Actions

34:59 Communicating Vulnerability

39:05 The Power of Validation

43:00 Finding Common Ground in Conflict