Summary:

In this episode, we go where no "serious" podcast should: the philosophy of the "Spank Bank." What starts as a high-brow attempt to link Plato’s Allegory of the Cave to pornography quickly devolves into a hilarious confession of male insecurity and confusion. We discuss the "fortress under siege" that is the teenage male brain, admit our total ignorance of the female experience, and prove once and for all that we have no idea what we're talking about. Come for the shadow puppets, stay for the awkward panic. It’s an unscripted, unfiltered, and deeply sweaty look at the "bro science" of desire—featuring a mansplaination of the female anatomy with 0% accuracy and 100% confidence. Please correct us.

Key Topics:

• The Disclaimer: Why we are sweating before we even start.
• The Philosophy of Smut: Was Plato's Allegory of the Cave just the first instance of "nerd porn"?
• Imagination vs. Reality: The lost art of the "Spank Bank" vs. the internet age.
• Confessions: The weirdest places we've ever "auditioned the hand puppets" (featuring: a friend's house and a high school bathroom).
• The Gender Gaps are Real.

Memorable Quotes:

• "The first porn was some guy looked at some bushes and thought they looked like titties."
• "I'm very nervous, I'm sweating."
• "Your fortress is being besieged."

From the Satanic Panic of the 90s to the thirst traps of Baldur’s Gate 3, we are diving deep into Dungeons & Dragons. In this episode, we debate whether D&D is actually just a math class in disguise or a legitimate cure for dyslexia. We also discuss why "Frog Women" are hot, why adults can never schedule a session, and how vector calculus ruined our childhoods. Plus, we pitch a billion-dollar idea for a VR D&D game where you can throw virtual pennies at your friends.

A spirited and philosophical discussion on the evolving nature of human relationships in the age of artificial intelligence. We dive into the controversial concept of an "AI sidepiece" or "AI girlfriend," exploring whether AI can genuinely fulfill needs for emotional validation, and if so, at what cost to human social skills. The conversation touches on the ease of defaulting to AI interaction, the challenge of real-world vulnerability, and even takes a very human detour into the strange reality of vaping in public and the difficulties of casual conversation. We ask: Are we entering a new, strange emotional economy where authentic connection is less practiced and more feared?

Are you an "empty bowl" person or a monster who dumps leftover milk in the sink? In this episode we tackle the most important breakfast debate of our time: cereal. We trace its bizarre evolution from "goat tit in a turtle shell" to the microplastics in leaky 1990s memorabilia. Will anyone survive the Grape-Nuts challenge (aka "eating sadness")? Does anyone remember Fruit Island Cereal? What's your favorite cereal? Tell us all about it by sending us an email to admin@todaystopic.productions or comment on your favorite podcast platform.

In this episode, we talk about getting serious about... well, being serious. Is being serious is simply the absence of emotion and how it differs from being "professional?" We explore the persona of the overly serious individual, who is the one describes a joke as "quite humorous" rather than simply laughing. Does extreme seriousness is often a mask for incompetence or intense social anxiety? Is seriousness a way to just "get through the meeting" without revealing a lack of knowledge? The discussion touches on modern slang like being "locked in". We start with a simple topic but seriously spiral into some funny and surprisingly insightful looks at human behavior.

This is our Halloween episode drop! In an episode that starts with Halloween and mysteriously ends up at the morgue, we talk about our decidedly different approaches to costumes. One is phoning it in as a "drone bee" to his partner's queen, while the other dreams of creating a giant foam replica of his own head. Our conversation quickly becomes a trick-or-treat bag of topics, from the unforgivable sin of handing out candy corn and Tootsie Rolls to fond memories of toilet-papering houses in our youth. The chat ultimately decays into a surprisingly detailed debate on the biological logistics of being Frankenstein's monster, proving that the scariest thing about Halloween isn't ghosts, but a good conversation gone wonderfully off the rails.

a reflection on the upcoming one-year anniversary of Hurricane Helene, the second deadliest in U.S. history, we attempt to understand the lasting devastation in the Southern Appalachian region. The hosts discuss the slow and arduous recovery process, highlighting significant infrastructure damage like the 40 washed-out bridges on the Virginia Creeper Trail and the months-long closure of major roads. The episode underscores the contrast between the brief national news cycle and the long-term reality for affected communities, which continue to rebuild years after a disaster, drawing parallels to the enduring impact of Hurricane Katrina and Harvey.

What does it truly mean to be serious? Is it a complete lack of emotion, or is there more to it? In this episode, we get down to business to explore the concept of seriousness and its modern-day counterpart: professionalism.

We debate whether you can be "seriously happy" and if "being professional" is just a corporate rebranding of an old concept. The conversation takes a turn as we analyze the overly serious, almost robotic people we've all worked with. Is their intense demeanor a sign of focus, or is it a veneer to hide social anxiety or the fact that they have no idea what they're doing?

Join us for a discussion that covers:

• The difference between being serious and being professional.
• How a truly serious person might react to a joke.
• The concept of being "locked in" and when it's necessary.
• Why conversations about finances demand a certain level of seriousness.