THE ONLY ONE THAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK IS YOU...

Today, I want to talk to you about why the only one that’s holding you back often is only you.

We spend years blaming circumstances for our stagnation, don’t we? We craft stories in our heads about why we can't move forward, believing them so completely that they often become true and are self-fulfilling prophecies. That voice in your head that says "not yet" or "maybe later" - that’s not wisdom, that’s just fear wearing a disguise.

You must recognise patterns like this. Here's what I've noticed; we're brilliant at protecting ourselves unconsciously from disappointment, by never starting anything at all. We rehearse conversations we'll never have, plan projects we never begin and dream dreams that will never become real. This is not because we lack the ability, but because, unconsciously, things always feel safer to stay where we are, than risking failure trying something new. The gap between who you are and who you want to be isn't filled with obstacles; it’s only filled with decisions you haven't made yet. Every day, you choose comfort over courage, but you're just voting for a life you've already got.

Here are some examples:

- You constantly talk about leaving an unfulfilling job to retrain for something else you feel more passionate about; but you’re not quite ready for, for four years now! The courses are available, the funding is there, but you’re terrified of becoming a beginner again at something. In the meantime, time has passed you by and you could have already obtained that qualification you were after. - You say you can't afford to pursue another passion, but the funny thing is, you've already spent about £3,000 or so on takeaways and coffee this year, without noticing! It’s not really about the money; it’s about what you're willing to sacrifice for what. - You sometimes hear people say that they're too anxious to try therapy to try to resolve a problem that causes them anxiety. But this is a bit like saying you're too ill to see a doctor. The thing they're avoiding is precisely the thing that could help them. They can only help themselves first as well by admitting to themselves that they need help.

That said, there are sometimes barriers that can be quite substantial. For example, chronic illness, caring for dependents, financial difficulties, etc. These aren’t excuses; they’re realities that may genuinely constrain choices. Pretending everyone has equal capacity to do whatever they want ignores the world as it actually exists, not as we'd like it to be.

So, today, please distinguish between barriers that are real and the ones you've built up in your own mind. Ask yourself what you're protecting by staying exactly where you are. Take one small action towards that thing that you've been avoiding and remember, at the end of the day, the only one that's holding you back is you!

Today, I want to talk to you about why you shouldn't be taken in and fooled by the new and shiny things that you come across in life. Whenever something new comes along, it's really exciting, isn't it? And you convince yourself that you just have to have it, as it will make your life so much better.

It's funny how we always convince ourselves that this is the thing that will finally sort everything out for us. But here's what I've learned over the years. We usually ditch things that actually work and have stood the test of time, just because something new appears.

This leaves us constantly chasing new things and never satisfied with what we have. In fact, we are often unhappier, not happier, because we later find that the thing we bought isn’t much better than what we had. We have additional unhappiness knowing we have now wasted hard-earned money on something we didn't need.

The real issue here isn't that new things exist, it's that we assume that new equals better, without question. Also, when we keep jumping to the next new thing, we waste time and energy restarting, relearning, readjusting etc. We also lose track of what matters; does it work, not is it new.

Here are some examples:

- You see people wanting the latest phones or gadgets. But their current phone or gadget works just fine. People spend a fortune on upgrades they don't need and, two weeks later, they can't usually even remember what's different about the new thing they bought!

- Someone buys every kitchen gadget that they see, uses it once, then puts it on a shelf, or it sits in a cupboard forevermore. Yet their mum's been cooking amazing meals for decades with just a decent pan, or another basic kitchen utensil. Says it all really.

- There's always someone trying every new fitness trend; one month it's this, the next month it's that; they never seem to stick with anything long enough to see results, but meanwhile, their friend, who runs or cycles just three times a week, always looks brilliant and is much healthier. ​ - People often ignore brilliant books, just because they're old, chasing whatever's trending instead. Yet it is those old books that are still around, because they're actually good. The trendy ones? Forgotten in six months.

That said, I’m not suggesting we reject everything new outright, just because it is new. Some innovations genuinely make life better. For example, medical breakthroughs, safety improvements, or tools to solve real problems. The trick, though, is working out if something's actually better or not, or if it just appeals to our magpie instincts.

So, today, please appreciate what's already working, before you start rushing off to buy the next new thing. And remember that you shouldn't let yourself be fooled by the new and shiny!

This week, I want to talk to you about why it's essential to embrace your unique self and explain how, by doing this, you enhance your authenticity with others and can foster more genuine connections and then always let your personality shine through in whatever you do.

Have you ever found yourself trying to be more serious than light-hearted with people? This may probably be because you consciously or unconsciously fear that people will think you need to be serious to be taken seriously. However, it is actually the opposite; people relate to you more and take you seriously when they see that you are human!

Try to express your true self in conversations or other types of expression? You will usually find that people are more likely to respond positively to you. In fact, your unique perspective can often inspire and engage others in more meaningful ways. It is about building genuine trust and creating memorable interactions with others.

Being authentic also helps cultivate self-confidence and allows you to navigate both personal and professional relationships with far more ease. Doing this will also often set you apart from the crowd and lead you to opportunities that align better with who you truly are.

Here are some examples:

- You will find that in friendships or relationships with family, genuine laughter and vulnerability deepen bonds with others more, making those relationships more fulfilling and resilient. - When you pursue work, tasks, or hobbies, more aligned with your interests and talents in life, rather than simply doing something that you think will help you fit in with others, it can lead you to have more fulfilling experiences and personal growth in life. - In interviews, or other formal environments, sharing personal stories that have happened to you, rather than giving rehearsed scripts or response, often leave a more lasting impression. These are the things that potential employers remember.

However, some people may argue that letting too much of your personality shine through sometimes can make you more vulnerable to criticism or misunderstandings. Therefore, it is crucial to try to always find a balance between authenticity and adaptability, depending on different social contexts. ​ So, this week, remember to always try to be your true self. As I've said, it enhances connections with others. Genuineness attracts a more loyal and empathetic audience for whatever you say or do. Embrace your uniqueness and always let your personality shine through in whatever you do!

This week, I want to talk to you about why it's so essential not only to use your talents, but to learn how to use them too, if you want to harness them effectively.

A natural gift for something is merely a starting point. For us to truly succeed with a natural talent or skill, we must actively develop and refine it too.

It is only through consistent practice, constructive feedback and continuous learning, that we can then transform that raw potential into mastery. Only by encouraging growth in this way, can we ever reach our full potential for something.

We therefore always need to understand that just possessing a talent is not enough. It is only by learning to use that talent properly, that allows us to fulfil our capabilities, which requires us to embrace a growth mindset.

Here are some examples:

- Even a gifted athlete must still train rigorously and consistently to enhance their performance and stamina. - A person may be a talented musician, but they still need to practice daily to improve their technique and expand their repertoire. - A skilled writer still needs to read extensively to see how others express themselves and practise writing regularly to refine their storytelling ability and style.

However, you must also realise that relying solely on talent without effort may lead to complacency and stagnation. In fact, this attitude of resting on your laurels may eventually even cause your natural skills to diminish over time, or leave you unprepared to adapt to new changes, through neglect.

So, this week, remember to actively engage with and refine your talents through consistent effort and learning. Growth also comes from sharing what you have. Remember, it’s no good just having a talent; you've got to use it and learn how to use it too!

This week, I want to talk to you about why you shouldn't attempt to please everyone. This is because, by spreading yourself too thin, you risk losing your authenticity.

Remember, people often say that you shouldn't try to please all of the people all of the time. Instead, try to focus only on what makes you unique, rather than trying to conform to everyone else's expectations.

It’s really liberating to focus on only what truly matters to you. Don't dilute your strengths, by attempting to please everyone. Instead, cultivate the qualities that make you stand out from the crowd.

You usually find that, when you embrace your individuality, you create stronger and more genuine connections with others, as most people will appreciate your honesty and your true self shines through. By doing so, you also free yourself from external pressures, which additionally leads to more personal growth. By prioritising your true values, you will find that you navigate life with more confidence and purpose.

Here are some examples:

- An artist who develops a distinct style will attract more genuine admirers, rather than simply mimicking other artists and trends. - A writer whose style resonates with their voice, may connect better with a specific audience, rather than if they attempted to write in a way that could appeal to everyone. - A chef who focuses on creating a unique cuisine, may gain a more loyal following than if they had tried to please everybody’s taste. - A teacher who finds that they connect more deeply with their students, if they just focus on their strengths, rather than covering every topic superficially. - A business that narrows its offerings, may become a leader in a niche field, instead of trying to be a jack of all trades.

​However, it's really important to understand that the whole concept of trying to please everyone can not only dilute your message, but also create stress. For example, while aiming to satisfy various demands, you might neglect your original purpose, which can then lead to burnout and dissatisfaction with whatever you do. ​ So, this week, remember that focusing on what makes you unique will lead you to deeper connections and more fulfilling outcomes. You must always trust in your own abilities and remind yourself that you shouldn't try to be all things to all people!

This week, I want to talk to you about why it's so important to deal with what happens in life, because sometimes things just happen and you cannot do anything about them, so you just have to deal with them as best as you can.

In life, we so often face unpredictable events. Accepting, though, that some situations are beyond our control actually helps us grow and build resilience. Acknowledging that we cannot control everything also encourages acceptance and reduces unnecessary stress.

By embracing challenges, we equip ourselves with an increased capacity to adapt and thrive, despite any setbacks. Confronting problems that we face head-on usually also strengthens our problem-solving skills and emotional maturity and we can then turn obstacles into opportunities.

Facing challenges head-on and not running away also fosters strength in facing adversity. However, it's essential to focus on what we can change and let go of the rest. Unfortunately, we so often try to change things we cannot change or do anything about, but end up thinking we can.

Here are some examples:

- Sometimes our plans to do something at a certain time are delayed. But instead of becoming frustrated, we should allow it to help us develop our patience and flexibility and to appreciate life as it unfolds. - Sometimes, more serious, unexpected things happen —like job losses or relationship breakdowns —that force us to cultivate our adaptability and either discover new paths or learn valuable lessons that help us grow personally. - Also, health issues we face, either directly or indirectly, from time to time, remind us to appreciate life and prioritise our self-care and cherish every moment we have.

However, some people argue that constantly dealing with uncontrollable events can actually be quite overwhelming and lead to feelings of helplessness and frustration, which can erode someone's mental health and motivation over time.

So, this week, remember that while you cannot control everything and sometimes things just happen, you can control your response to challenges and other adversities you face. Try to embrace resilience, adapt to changes and remember that it’s important to deal with things that you cannot change!

This week, I want to talk to you about how important it is for you to ask for what you want and, if you don't ask, you don't get and then simply miss out on opportunities that are otherwise available to you, just because you don't voice your desires or needs.

We often find that expressing wants, desires, or needs can sometimes open doors we never imagined. Whether it's us simply asking for somebody else's help or for something else, always speaking up is so crucial.

It’s really quite amazing how receptive you find people are when you just articulate your wants. Even though you might think that some people may not welcome your request, you may be very surprised at the responses you sometimes receive, as the people you thought would be most reluctant to help you will be more than willing, whereas those who promised to always assist you if you ever needed anything, suddenly make excuses or don't appear when you need them, or reach out to them. Things are not always what they seem, I’m afraid.

I understand that it might feel a bit intimidating to ask for something sometimes, but remember that the worst outcome is usually just a ‘no’. You will never know the possibilities or what the response might be unless you take that first step to make your desires known.

Here are some examples:

- Simply asking for a discount when you buy something can often result in unexpected savings for you. - Sometimes, just expressing interest in something may lead to opportunities you never thought possible before. - Sometimes, just requesting feedback or even honest criticism from someone, whether personally or professionally, can lead to your constructive growth personally in some way.

However, some people argue that asking for something can make people seem pushy or demanding. Therefore, it’s important to always balance any perceived assertiveness, with respect, to ensure that any requests you make are appropriate to the context you are in.

So, this week, please remember to always be prepared to voice your needs, wants and desires confidently and to be prepared to explore the possibilities that may arise from doing so. Remember, if you don't ask, you don’t get!