Episode 11: “I Said ‘I’m Grateful’ When I Should’ve Said ‘I’m Good’”

Subtitle: Outgrowing Workplaces That No Longer Grow You

Are you stuck in a job that looks good on paper—but feels misaligned in your spirit? In this episode of The Upgrade with L, Lauren Hayes breaks down the silent ways high-achieving women—especially Black women—shrink themselves in workplaces that no longer serve their growth.

From polite office politics to being praised but not promoted, Lauren unpacks how we mistake gratitude for guilt, loyalty for self-abandonment, and humility for silence. She shares personal stories, tangible signs that your role may be keeping you small, and powerful reframes to help you leave with peace—not panic.

Whether you’re quietly battling burnout or finally ready to walk away from a job that doesn’t honor your potential, this episode is your permission slip to move from survival to alignment.

What You’ll Learn:

• The subtle signs you’ve outgrown your role
• How to separate gratitude from guilt
• What it means to choose growth over loyalty
• A powerful framework to help you know when it’s time to move on

Keywords: career growth, burnout, job alignment, workplace toxicity, leaving a job, women in leadership, Black women in corporate, personal development, boundaries at work, knowing your worth, high achievers

Listen now to upgrade your mindset—and your professional future.

💡 Stay Connected & Keep Upgrading:
📩 Sign up for first access & exclusive content → www.theupgradewithl.com
📱 Follow me on Instagram → @theupgradewithl
🎥 Subscribe on YouTube → @theupgradewithl

Subscribe to Upgrade Letters on Substack → theupgradewithl.substack.com

💬 Join the conversation using #TheUpgradeWithL

✨ Want to support the show?
• Share this episode with a friend who needs this message.
• Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify—your feedback helps us grow!
• Tag me on social media when you’re listening—I love seeing how The Upgrade with L is impacting you!

📧 For business inquiries & speaking engagements: lauren@theupgradewithl.com

🚀 The best investment you’ll ever make? Betting on yourself. Upgrade accordingly.

When you start healing… when you stop performing and start aligning with who you really are—something shifts.

You begin to outgrow people, places, and patterns that once felt like home.

You stop shrinking to stay accepted.

You stop bending to be palatable.

And suddenly, you’re misunderstood.

In this episode of The Upgrade with L, host Lauren Hayes unpacks the emotional cost of personal growth and identity shifts—especially for Black women who are navigating healing in real time. This is for anyone who’s ever been labeled dramatic, distant, or different just for choosing peace over people-pleasing.

Lauren explores how outgrowing friendships, shedding survival patterns, and embracing emotional clarity can feel isolating—but ultimately liberating. She speaks directly to the woman standing in the in-between: no longer who she was, not yet fully where she’s going.

If you’ve ever felt like freedom made you unrecognizable to the people who once loved you—this episode will hit home.

This isn’t a breakdown. It’s a breakthrough.

💡 Stay Connected & Keep Upgrading:
📩 Sign up for first access & exclusive content → www.theupgradewithl.com
📱 Follow me on Instagram → @theupgradewithl
🎥 Subscribe on YouTube → @theupgradewithl

Subscribe to Upgrade Letters on Substack → theupgradewithl.substack.com

💬 Join the conversation using #TheUpgradeWithL

✨ Want to support the show?
• Share this episode with a friend who needs this message.
• Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify—your feedback helps us grow!
• Tag me on social media when you’re listening—I love seeing how The Upgrade with L is impacting you!

📧 For business inquiries & speaking engagements: lauren@theupgradewithl.com

🚀 The best investment you’ll ever make? Betting on yourself. Upgrade accordingly.

What do you do when life forces you to start over—and you didn’t ask for the reset?

In this episode of The Upgrade with L, we’re talking about the gut-wrenching moments no one prepares you for: the unexpected layoff, the breakup you didn’t see coming, the dream that disappeared overnight. This isn’t a glow-up. This is ground zero.

Lauren gets real about the emotional spiral that comes with losing your identity, your plan, and your sense of direction. You’ll hear how to rebuild your life when the timing feels unfair, the silence feels loud, and your self-worth is hanging by a thread.

This episode is for anyone navigating:
•A life reset you didn’t see coming
•Identity loss after a layoff, breakup, or transition
•The quiet grief of starting over
•How to rebuild when you don’t feel ready
•What healing really looks like when the world stops clapping

Whether you’re deep in the wreckage or trying to find your footing again, this conversation will remind you: you’re not behind. You’re being rebuilt. And what you’re becoming is more aligned than anything you’ve lost.

Ready for support as you rebuild?
Apply for 1:1 coaching with Lauren or explore her latest offers at: www.theupgradewithl.com
Your next chapter deserves intention—and you don’t have to navigate it alone.

💡 Stay Connected & Keep Upgrading:
📩 Sign up for first access & exclusive content → www.theupgradewithl.com
📱 Follow me on Instagram → @theupgradewithl
🎥 Subscribe on YouTube → @theupgradewithl

Subscribe to Upgrade Letters on Substack → theupgradewithl.substack.com

💬 Join the conversation using #TheUpgradeWithL

✨ Want to support the show?
• Share this episode with a friend who needs this message.
• Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify—your feedback helps us grow!
• Tag me on social media when you’re listening—I love seeing how The Upgrade with L is impacting you!

📧 For business inquiries & speaking engagements: lauren@theupgradewithl.com

🚀 The best investment you’ll ever make? Betting on yourself. Upgrade accordingly.

Hyper-independence can feel like a badge of honor — but often, it’s just survival in disguise.
In this episode of The Upgrade with L, host Lauren Hayes dives deep into the real story behind hyper-independence, emotional healing, and learning to trust again.

We’re unpacking:
•How hyper-independence starts as protection but eventually leads to isolation
•Why emotional healing challenges your relationship with control, vulnerability, and support
•The hidden costs of carrying everything on your own

This conversation is for anyone navigating healing journeys, rebuilding self-trust, setting boundaries, and redefining personal growth after trauma or burnout.

If you’ve been carrying it all alone for too long, this one’s for you.
Healing doesn’t mean losing your strength — it means learning a new kind.

💡 Stay Connected & Keep Upgrading:
📩 Sign up for first access & exclusive content → www.theupgradewithl.com
📱 Follow me on Instagram → @theupgradewithl
🎥 Subscribe on YouTube → @theupgradewithl

Subscribe to Upgrade Letters on Substack → theupgradewithl.substack.com

💬 Join the conversation using #TheUpgradeWithL

✨ Want to support the show?
• Share this episode with a friend who needs this message.
• Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify—your feedback helps us grow!
• Tag me on social media when you’re listening—I love seeing how The Upgrade with L is impacting you!

📧 For business inquiries & speaking engagements: lauren@theupgradewithl.com

🚀 The best investment you’ll ever make? Betting on yourself. Upgrade accordingly.

Nobody talks about the part of growth that feels like grief.
The part where choosing yourself costs you comfort first.
The part where silence replaces applause, and distance replaces connection.

In today’s episode, we’re unpacking the lonely season of leveling up — and why it’s not a sign you’re failing, but proof that you’re moving forward.

If you’ve ever felt lost, isolated, or questioned everything after choosing yourself… this conversation is for you.

We’re talking about:
•Why friendships shift when you start healing
•What you’re really grieving when you choose growth
•How loneliness is actually preparation — not punishment
•And how to survive the season that most people don’t make it through

This is your reminder:
You’re not broken.
You’re not behind.
You’re becoming.

Let’s get into it.

•Growth journey
•Healing and loneliness
•Choosing yourself
•Self-worth journey
•Identity shift
•Leveling up
•Reset season
•Healing podcast

💡 Stay Connected & Keep Upgrading:
📩 Sign up for first access & exclusive content → www.theupgradewithl.com
📱 Follow me on Instagram → @theupgradewithl
🎥 Subscribe on YouTube → @theupgradewithl

Subscribe to Upgrade Letters on Substack → theupgradewithl.substack.com

💬 Join the conversation using #TheUpgradeWithL

✨ Want to support the show?
• Share this episode with a friend who needs this message.
• Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify—your feedback helps us grow!
• Tag me on social media when you’re listening—I love seeing how The Upgrade with L is impacting you!

📧 For business inquiries & speaking engagements: lauren@theupgradewithl.com

🚀 The best investment you’ll ever make? Betting on yourself. Upgrade accordingly.

We aren’t here to be relatable. We’re here to be real.

This episode is a call-out and a call-home—for every woman who’s ever dimmed her light, softened her confidence, or edited her voice just to be accepted. We’re unpacking the quiet pressure to stay likable, the cost of being “digestible,” and why showing up as your full self will always be the most powerful thing you can do.

Because at some point, you have to ask yourself:

Are you performing for connection?
Or are you rooted in your truth?

In this episode, Lauren dives deep into the tension between being palatable and being powerful—and why so many women, especially Black women, are expected to be humble, safe, and “relatable” in order to be respected. She shares her own moments of shrinking, second-guessing, and ultimately deciding to stop performing and start leading.

You’ll walk away with:
— A new definition of authenticity that doesn’t require over-explaining
— Permission to stop curating your confidence to make others comfortable
— A powerful reframing of what it means to be “too much”
— Real strategies to move from performance to leadership

This isn’t just another motivational pep talk.
It’s a reckoning with every version of yourself that stayed quiet to stay liked.

And by the end, you’ll understand this one truth:
The cost of playing small is far greater than the risk of being real.

If this episode spoke to you, leave a review, share it with someone who needs it, and tag @theupgradewithl on socials.
Let’s stop shrinking. Let’s start showing up fully.

💡 Stay Connected & Keep Upgrading:
📩 Sign up for first access & exclusive content → www.theupgradewithl.com
📱 Follow me on Instagram → @theupgradewithl
🎥 Subscribe on YouTube → @theupgradewithl

Subscribe to Upgrade Letters on Substack → theupgradewithl.substack.com

💬 Join the conversation using #TheUpgradeWithL

✨ Want to support the show?
• Share this episode with a friend who needs this message.
• Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify—your feedback helps us grow!
• Tag me on social media when you’re listening—I love seeing how The Upgrade with L is impacting you!

📧 For business inquiries & speaking engagements: lauren@theupgradewithl.com

🚀 The best investment you’ll ever make? Betting on yourself. Upgrade accordingly.

This episode isn’t about healing.
It’s about calling it what it is.

There are people who grow—and people who perform like they’re growing.
People who welcome accountability—and people who curate comfort and call it peace.
People who want alignment—and people who just want applause.

In this episode, I’m breaking down the subtle but powerful split between two types of people: the ones who are willing to be stretched, challenged, and changed—and the ones who avoid anything that threatens the version of themselves they’re comfortable performing.

No fluff. No vague inspiration. Just the truth.

Because you don’t build the life you really want by protecting who you used to be.

💡 Stay Connected & Keep Upgrading:
📩 Sign up for first access & exclusive content → www.theupgradewithl.com
📱 Follow me on Instagram → @theupgradewithl
🎥 Subscribe on YouTube → @theupgradewithl

Subscribe to Upgrade Letters on Substack → theupgradewithl.substack.com

💬 Join the conversation using #TheUpgradeWithL

✨ Want to support the show?
• Share this episode with a friend who needs this message.
• Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify—your feedback helps us grow!
• Tag me on social media when you’re listening—I love seeing how The Upgrade with L is impacting you!

📧 For business inquiries & speaking engagements: lauren@theupgradewithl.com

🚀 The best investment you’ll ever make? Betting on yourself. Upgrade accordingly.

Have you ever been called “low-maintenance,” “easygoing,” or “the chill one”—and wondered why it didn’t feel like a compliment?

In this episode, Lauren breaks down what it really costs to be the convenient one. From the silent sacrifices to the self-abandonment we normalize in the name of keeping the peace, The Hidden Cost of Being Convenient is an unfiltered conversation about the patterns we learn to survive—and how to unlearn them so we can actually live.

You’ll hear hard truths about:
•Why people-pleasing is fear disguised as kindness
•The emotional and identity “taxes” you pay by shrinking yourself
•How being needed can feel like love—but isn’t the same as being valued
•And what it takes to stop performing for acceptance and start showing up as your full self

If you’ve ever swallowed your voice, said yes when you meant no, or carried the weight of everyone else’s comfort—this one is for you.

It’s not about becoming difficult.
It’s about becoming whole.

Listen now and start unlearning the patterns that kept you “convenient.”
You don’t have to keep being the most convenient person in the room.

💡 Stay Connected & Keep Upgrading:
📩 Sign up for first access & exclusive content → www.theupgradewithl.com
📱 Follow me on Instagram → @theupgradewithl
🎥 Subscribe on YouTube → @theupgradewithl

Subscribe to Upgrade Letters on Substack → theupgradewithl.substack.com

💬 Join the conversation using #TheUpgradeWithL

✨ Want to support the show?
• Share this episode with a friend who needs this message.
• Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify—your feedback helps us grow!
• Tag me on social media when you’re listening—I love seeing how The Upgrade with L is impacting you!

📧 For business inquiries & speaking engagements: lauren@theupgradewithl.com

🚀 The best investment you’ll ever make? Betting on yourself. Upgrade accordingly.