Why do so many women leave their birth experience wondering, “Why did I agree to that?”

In this episode, we explore a rarely discussed but deeply important aspect of childbirth — the body’s survival response, and how it can shape decision-making in labour in ways we don’t always recognise at the time.

Through a powerful listener story, this conversation gently unpacks what can happen when a woman is in a highly vulnerable, hormonally driven state, and how her nervous system may respond to pressure, authority, or perceived threat. We explore the concept of fawning — a natural, biological response where the body seeks safety through compliance — and how this can lead to saying “yes” in moments where there may not have felt like a real choice.

We then move into cognitive dissonance, the psychological process that often follows birth, where the brain works to make sense of decisions that may not have felt fully aligned in the moment. This can leave women feeling confused, questioning themselves, or quietly unsettled — even when everything appeared to go “well” on the surface.

This episode is not about blame or criticism. It’s about understanding.
Understanding the nervous system.
Understanding the power dynamics within maternity care.
And understanding how true, informed consent relies on more than just the presence of a “yes.”

We also explore what this means in the context of autonomy and consent, and why awareness of these responses before birth can be so powerful. When women understand how their body and brain may respond under pressure, they can begin to prepare — not to control birth, but to stay more connected to themselves within it.

If you have ever felt unsure about decisions made during your birth, or if you’re preparing for birth and want a deeper understanding of how to protect your space, your voice, and your autonomy, this episode will offer a new lens — one rooted in compassion, not judgement.

Because this isn’t about getting it “right.”
It’s about understanding what’s happening — and giving yourself the support and awareness to stay connected to your choices, even in the most intense moments.

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If you love the podcast and would like to support it, then please use the link to 'buy me a coffee' - https://bmc.link/sallyannberesford

If you would like to buy a copy of either of the books that accompany this podcast please go to your online bookseller or visit Amazon:-

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - click here:-https://bit.ly/Labouroflove

The Art of Giving Birth - Five Key Physiological Principles - https://amzn.to/3EGh9df

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Black and White version https://amzn.to/3CvJXmO

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Colour version https://amzn.to/3GknbPF

You can find all my classes and courses on my website - www.sallyannberesford.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram @theultimatebirthpartner

Book a 1-2-1 session with Sallyann - https://linktr.ee/SallyannBeresford

Please remember that the information shared with you in this episode is solely based on my own personal experiences as a doula and the private opinions of my guests, based on their own experiences. Any recommendations made may not be suitable fo...

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I’m taking a little break over the Easter holidays, but I didn’t want you to miss this episode, because it’s the final one in our postpartum series, part of this season on The Reality of Birth.

Across this series, we’ve explored what life is really like after birth—the joys, the challenges, the surprises, and all the moments in between. We’ve talked about sleep, emotional shifts, body changes, identity, and the real realities of those first few weeks with a newborn.

For this final episode, I’m revisiting a conversation I had with fellow doula Maddie McMahon, all about breastfeeding—one of the most rewarding, yet often misunderstood, parts of postpartum life. We get into the practical challenges, the emotional highs and lows, and what it really takes to navigate feeding in those early weeks.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy this important discussion while I recharge over the holidays. 💛

You can find Maddie - developingdoulas.co.uk

Maddies Miracle - https://maddiesmiracle.org.uk/

Breastfeeding helplines:-

• National Breastfeeding Helpline: 0300 100 0212.
• Association of Breastfeeding Mothers: 0300 330 5453.
• La Leche League: 0345 120 2918.
• National Childbirth Trust (NCT): 0300 330 0700.
• The Breastfeeding Network supporter line in Bengali and Sylheti: 0300 456 2421.

The 4 Keeps:

• Keep your baby fed
• Keep your milk flowing
• Keep your baby close
• Keep your breastfeeding helper on speed dial

http://www.biologicalnurturing.com/video/bn3clip.html?fbclid=IwAR0__-DYLW0cji2esq9l2iLT89dm9G0rCrvKps98Vu2sxPqoYn8MoJkvz14

https://youtu.be/WmOvR8Om79Y (me - bottle top latch)

If you love the podcast and would like to support it, then please use the link to 'buy me a coffee' - https://bmc.link/sallyannberesford

If you would like to buy a copy of either of the books that accompany this podcast please go to your online bookseller or visit Amazon:-

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - click here:-https://bit.ly/Labouroflove

The Art of Giving Birth - Five Key Physiological Principles - https://amzn.to/3EGh9df

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Black and White version https://amzn.to/3CvJXmO

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Colour version https://amzn.to/3GknbPF

You can find all my classes and courses on my website - www.sallyannberesford.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram @theultimatebirthpartner

Book a 1-2-1 session with Sallyann - https://linktr.ee/SallyannBeresford

Please remember that the information shared with you in this episode is solely based on my own personal experiences as a doula and the private opinions of my guests, based on their own experiences. Any recommendations made may not be suitable fo...

Send us Fan Mail

Motherhood is more than a role—it’s a profound transformation. In this episode, I explore matrescence, the process of becoming a mother, and what it really means for your body, your relationships, and your sense of self.

I talk openly about reconnecting with your postpartum body, navigating intimacy and sex after birth, and adjusting to the new dynamics in your relationship. I share reflections on shifting priorities, managing guilt when taking time for yourself, and learning to let go of control while trusting others with your baby. I also explore the delicate and personal decisions around having another child, including balancing fear and desire and honouring your own readiness.

This episode is honest, grounded, and compassionate. It’s a reminder that motherhood isn’t about getting it right—it’s about understanding the changes you’re going through, moving through them with awareness, and integrating them into your new life. I also discuss what to do if you’re struggling and why asking for support is a sign of strength, not failure.

By the end of this episode, I hope you feel seen, validated, and reminded that you’re not just learning how to care for a baby—you’re learning how to live as a mother.

If you love the podcast and would like to support it, then please use the link to 'buy me a coffee' - https://bmc.link/sallyannberesford

If you would like to buy a copy of either of the books that accompany this podcast please go to your online bookseller or visit Amazon:-

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - click here:-https://bit.ly/Labouroflove

The Art of Giving Birth - Five Key Physiological Principles - https://amzn.to/3EGh9df

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Black and White version https://amzn.to/3CvJXmO

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Colour version https://amzn.to/3GknbPF

You can find all my classes and courses on my website - www.sallyannberesford.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram @theultimatebirthpartner

Book a 1-2-1 session with Sallyann - https://linktr.ee/SallyannBeresford

Please remember that the information shared with you in this episode is solely based on my own personal experiences as a doula and the private opinions of my guests, based on their own experiences. Any recommendations made may not be suitable fo...

Send us Fan Mail

Bringing a new baby into your family is often described as a joyful and exciting time — but the reality is far more complex.

In this episode, I share an honest, real-world look at what it’s like to welcome a newborn into your home and your family, whether this is your first baby or you already have children.

We explore the emotional, physical, and practical realities of the early weeks — from sleep deprivation and feeding challenges to the intense sense of responsibility and constant worry that many parents experience.

I also share the importance of managing expectations — including why I often say that babies are boring — and how understanding the reality of newborn life can make the transition feel more manageable.

For those with older children, this episode is packed with practical strategies to help them feel secure, included, and valued, rather than pushed aside during this big change.

We also look at how to involve family members and visitors in a way that supports your older child, protects your space, and creates a calmer environment in those early weeks.

This episode is full of practical tips, real-world examples, and simple strategies you can implement immediately to make the arrival of a new baby a positive experience for everyone.

If you love the podcast and would like to support it, then please use the link to 'buy me a coffee' - https://bmc.link/sallyannberesford

If you would like to buy a copy of either of the books that accompany this podcast please go to your online bookseller or visit Amazon:-

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - click here:-https://bit.ly/Labouroflove

The Art of Giving Birth - Five Key Physiological Principles - https://amzn.to/3EGh9df

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Black and White version https://amzn.to/3CvJXmO

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Colour version https://amzn.to/3GknbPF

You can find all my classes and courses on my website - www.sallyannberesford.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram @theultimatebirthpartner

Book a 1-2-1 session with Sallyann - https://linktr.ee/SallyannBeresford

Please remember that the information shared with you in this episode is solely based on my own personal experiences as a doula and the private opinions of my guests, based on their own experiences. Any recommendations made may not be suitable fo...

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Since last week’s episode was released, I’ve received so many messages from listeners asking for more information about the fourth trimester and postpartum planning that I decided to record this extra episode to explore these topics in more depth.

The weeks after birth are often overlooked in birth preparation, yet they represent one of the most significant transitions for both mother and baby. In this episode, I talk about the biological realities of the fourth trimester, why newborn behaviour often makes perfect sense when we understand human development, and why planning for postpartum can make such a difference to recovery and wellbeing.

I also explore how cultural expectations in modern Western society can sometimes clash with biology, particularly when it comes to rest, recovery, and the close contact that newborn babies instinctively seek.

During the episode, I walk through a practical framework for a postpartum planning conversation. If you are preparing for birth, this is something I encourage you to discuss with your partner or support network before the baby arrives. Taking time to think about support, rest, feeding, emotional wellbeing, and household responsibilities can help protect the early weeks and reduce unnecessary stress.

I also explain why postpartum rest is not simply a luxury, but an important part of physical recovery. Giving the body time to heal after pregnancy and birth supports long-term health, including pelvic floor recovery and overall wellbeing.

The fourth trimester matters. When we understand the biology behind newborn behaviour and maternal recovery, we can approach this period with more realistic expectations and greater compassion for ourselves and our babies.

Episode 172 - Relationship Circles - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-ultimate-guide-to-being-a-birth-partner/id1541228817?i=1000752253453

Episode 149 - Postpartum Prolapse - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-ultimate-guide-to-being-a-birth-partner/id1541228817?i=1000706091689

If you love the podcast and would like to support it, then please use the link to 'buy me a coffee' - https://bmc.link/sallyannberesford

If you would like to buy a copy of either of the books that accompany this podcast please go to your online bookseller or visit Amazon:-

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - click here:-https://bit.ly/Labouroflove

The Art of Giving Birth - Five Key Physiological Principles - https://amzn.to/3EGh9df

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Black and White version https://amzn.to/3CvJXmO

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Colour version https://amzn.to/3GknbPF

You can find all my classes and courses on my website - www.sallyannberesford.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram @theultimatebirthpartner

Book a 1-2-1 session with Sallyann - https://linktr.ee/SallyannBeresford

Please remember that the information shared with you in this episode is solely based on my own personal experiences as a doula and the private opinions of my guests, based on their own experiences. Any recommendations made may not be suitable for ...

Send a text

In this episode, I’m joined by specialist postpartum midwife Lara for a thoughtful and honest conversation about what really happens after birth.

Recorded last summer, this discussion explores the often-overlooked realities of the postpartum period — not just physically, but emotionally, relationally and hormonally.

Together, we unpack:

• Why the fourth trimester deserves as much preparation as labour itself
• The importance of debriefing your birth experience
• The embodied transition women move through after birth
• The evolving role of the birth partner once the baby has arrived
• Why personalised, relational postpartum care matters
• How intentional postpartum planning can reduce tension and misunderstanding
• Understanding Matrescence — the developmental transition into motherhood.

Postpartum Planning is something I teach extensively and have dedicated the final chapter to in my book:

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - UK

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - US

You can find Lara here - The Specialist Midwife

If you love the podcast and would like to support it, then please use the link to 'buy me a coffee' - https://bmc.link/sallyannberesford

If you would like to buy a copy of either of the books that accompany this podcast please go to your online bookseller or visit Amazon:-

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - click here:-https://bit.ly/Labouroflove

The Art of Giving Birth - Five Key Physiological Principles - https://amzn.to/3EGh9df

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Black and White version https://amzn.to/3CvJXmO

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Colour version https://amzn.to/3GknbPF

You can find all my classes and courses on my website - www.sallyannberesford.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram @theultimatebirthpartner

Book a 1-2-1 session with Sallyann - https://linktr.ee/SallyannBeresford

Please remember that the information shared with you in this episode is solely based on my own personal experiences as a doula and the private opinions of my guests, based on their own experiences. Any recommendations made may not be suitable for ...

Send a text

Preparing for birth is only half the story. What happens in the weeks after your baby arrives can be just as challenging — and often more overwhelming than labour itself. That’s why I teach the Relationship Circle in my antenatal classes, a practical way to map your support network, set boundaries, and clarify who does what.

At the heart of the circle is Mother + Partner + Baby, because postpartum is a shared journey. Around that centre, the circles show both parents’ families and friends, making it easy to see who will help, who needs boundaries, and where conversations are essential.

In this episode, we talk about mapping your network, having important discussions during pregnancy about visits, practical help, and boundaries, and navigating common challenges — like the now very common “no kissing the baby” rule. Planning this way helps reduce overwhelm, prevent conflict, and protect your recovery, so you can focus on what matters most: your new family.

Download Your Relationship Circles Postpartum Planning Workbook – 5-page printable PDF with templates, examples and questions to help you plan support and boundaries before baby arrives.

A practical tool to map your postpartum plan with confidence and clarity.

If you love the podcast and would like to support it, then please use the link to 'buy me a coffee' - https://bmc.link/sallyannberesford

If you would like to buy a copy of either of the books that accompany this podcast please go to your online bookseller or visit Amazon:-

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - click here:-https://bit.ly/Labouroflove

The Art of Giving Birth - Five Key Physiological Principles - https://amzn.to/3EGh9df

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Black and White version https://amzn.to/3CvJXmO

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Colour version https://amzn.to/3GknbPF

You can find all my classes and courses on my website - www.sallyannberesford.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram @theultimatebirthpartner

Book a 1-2-1 session with Sallyann - https://linktr.ee/SallyannBeresford

Please remember that the information shared with you in this episode is solely based on my own personal experiences as a doula and the private opinions of my guests, based on their own experiences. Any recommendations made may not be suitable for ...

Send a text

Last week I talked about hypervigilance — what happens when a woman’s nervous system doesn’t feel safe in pregnancy, birth or postpartum.

This week, I explore one of the most evidence-based ways to reduce it: continuity of carer.

Continuity is not just about seeing the same service. It’s about being known. It’s about relationship. And decades of research show that when women receive continuity of midwifery care, outcomes improve across the board — including lower rates of preterm birth, fewer interventions, and better mental health outcomes.

But this conversation goes beyond statistics.

I look at why birth is relational and hormonal, why oxytocin depends on safety, and how familiarity in the room — whether from a midwife, a prepared partner, or a doula — can change the entire physiological landscape of labour.

I also ask the uncomfortable question: if continuity is so well evidenced, why is it still treated as optional?

Because safety in birth is often framed as machines and monitoring.

Yet the evidence is clear.

Safety is relationship.
Safety is familiarity.
Safety is being known.

And continuity changes everything.

Access the Discover Your North Star Course Here

If you love the podcast and would like to support it, then please use the link to 'buy me a coffee' - https://bmc.link/sallyannberesford

If you would like to buy a copy of either of the books that accompany this podcast please go to your online bookseller or visit Amazon:-

Labour of Love - The Ultimate Guide to Being a Birth Partner - click here:-https://bit.ly/Labouroflove

The Art of Giving Birth - Five Key Physiological Principles - https://amzn.to/3EGh9df

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Black and White version https://amzn.to/3CvJXmO

Pregnancy Journal for 'The Art of Giving Birth'
- Colour version https://amzn.to/3GknbPF

You can find all my classes and courses on my website - www.sallyannberesford.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram @theultimatebirthpartner

Book a 1-2-1 session with Sallyann - https://linktr.ee/SallyannBeresford

Please remember that the information shared with you in this episode is solely based on my own personal experiences as a doula and the private opinions of my guests, based on their own experiences. Any recommendations made may not be suitable for ...