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Human beings have a life cycle. Let’s take a look. (The last two stages are not governed by age).
Infant (Birth to 2 years): Changes in schedules, bedtime, routines new people around - can cause anxiety during this phase.
Child (3 to 9 years): Social skills are developing, particularly from interaction with other children. Separation anxiety is visible as children begin school attendance.
Adolescent (10 to 19 years): Peer pressure, romantic relationships and independent identity take place during this period of puberty.
Young adult (20 to 29 years): College, first job, relationship/marriage, children, buying first house are significant events and is a period where all these stressors and assaults on equilibrium will manifest.
Adult (30 to 39 years): Career development, relationship/marriage growth, children - are stressors during this period of increased responsibilities.

Middle age (40 to 60 years): Signs of the aging process impacting lifestyle choices; menopause, children leaving home, peak in career, grandchildren arriving – take a toll on mental and physical health.

Independent old age (Age 60 onward): Increasing signs of aging and lifestyle choices, retirement, health issues, impact wellbeing and quality of life.

Dependent old age (Optional stage): Sense of dependency on others impacts ability to enjoy life.
End of Life: Recognition of end of life approaching and what that means

Adult (30 to 39) is a good time to be actively repairing the couples relationship, despite the stressors and assaults. Emotional Bank Accounts is just one of the repair tools.

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Help is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

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Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: sex addiction, addicted, sex counseling, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, sex addiction recovery, therapist, therapy, talk show, sex therapy, podcast, sobriety, counseling, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, relationship therapy, couples therapy, sex therapist, online counseling, emdr therapy, emdr, sex therapy, addiction, conflict management, love addiction, love addiction therapy, behavior, marriage, marriage advice, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, sexual trauma, trauma, brain, sex science, The Sex Porn Love Addiction Podcast, biology, gender, Gary McFarlane

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Split agendas and contrary motives - that are hidden from each other. Is that you?

Jake & Jasmine on the seesaw of life, illustrates it. There are appearances, but below the surface of the relationship may be there is entrenched Emotional Disengagement. Couples engage in a dance for years, re-acting and counter re-acting to each others actions and inactions. A dance. A dance which keeps being played out.

'If you will, I will. If you won't, I won't''. Worlds away from - 'If you are ok, then I am ok. If you are not ok, then I am not ok and I need to make you ok so I can be ok, because if you are not ok, then I can't be ok'. (That utterance was during the early stages of the wedding vows).

The couples are now trying to restore a level of homeostasis/equilibrium/balance/relative harmony - to make life together, a bit more enduring/bearable.

In fact - as you observe the dance which Jake and Jasmine are doing on the seesaw of life, the exact opposite of harmony and bearable is being played out; each responds to the other to create a counter-balance that ends up with a steeper incline pulling them downwards; which is just not sustainable in the longer term.

At some point, lack of conscious choice (but knee-jerk responses to the others' movements) - means that at some point choice will be removed from them both. There will be an explosion of the relationship - but perhaps not for many, many years. Maybe the cue is when the children leave home for university or house prices increase to a level that triggers the explosion because there is now enough equity for them both to buy separate properties.

The exploded relationship leaves them both scrambling around to pick up shracknel. Onlookers observe with sentiments of - 'they were such a lovely couple. We never saw that coming!'

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Help is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

British Podcast Awards 2025: Would you consider voting for this Podcast? https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/voting

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: sex addiction, addicted, sex counseling, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, sex addiction recovery, therapist, therapy, talk show, sex therapy, podcast, sobriety, counseling, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, relationship therapy, couples therapy, sex therapist, online counseling, emdr therapy, emdr, sex therapy, addiction, conflict management, love addiction, love addiction therapy, behavior, marriage, marriage advice, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, sexual trauma, trauma, brain, sex science, The Sex Porn Love Addiction Podcast, biology, gender, Gary McFarlane

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Let's continue our look at 'Repairing the damaged couples relationship, post Sex Addiction'.

Does that image of the mules describe your relationship? of course not you, but your partner!

Each trying to get their needs met. Those Core Emotional Needs. Remember that Core Emotional Needs are not negotiable. They want to be met and Fight/Flight/ Freeze will play out where they have been depleted for some time. (This dynamic is all so unconscious and not readily visible).

Moving in one direction to get Core Emotional Needs met, without the partner, will put tremendous strain on the relationship. Pressure increases. Conflict is apparent.

Interestingly, the other partner may not be pulling back - as the image seems to depict. They may just be digging in just to avoid the force of the pull taking them in a direction that they do not yet want to go!

Tension in the relationship increases. Annoyance is apparent; hostility is in the air; conflict is palpable. Yet the process is working away in the unconscious and neither party may fully understand what is going on.

Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand.

Help someone access the Recovery Programme: https://igg.me/at/ThekairosCentre

Help is here: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp

British Podcast Awards 2025: Would you consider voting for this Podcast? https://www.britishpodcastawards.com/voting

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs), Accredited EMDR Practitioner.

Episode Keywords: sex addiction, addicted, sex counseling, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, sex addiction recovery, therapist, therapy, talk show, sex therapy, podcast, sobriety, counseling, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, relationship therapy, couples therapy, sex therapist, online counseling, emdr therapy, emdr, sex therapy, addiction, conflict management, love addiction, love addiction therapy, behavior, marriage, marriage advice, psychology, codependency, sex life, neuroscience, sex ed, sober, sobriety, sexual dysfunction, relationship issues, sex coach, sexual, sexual trauma, trauma, brain, sex science, The Sex Porn Love Addiction Podcast, biology, gender, Gary McFarlane

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