We enter the final session of Season 2 with a deep dive into the roots of shame. Julie steps in to distinguish shame from guilt, helping Brian see that his exhaustion and relentless drive for success aren't just personality traits—they are survival strategies designed to hide a core belief of being "defective" or "less than" .

The session culminates in a moment of true openness, where Brian practices asking for support rather than acting out . However, we end with a sobering update on where the couple is today. Despite periods of profound connection and plans to reunite, old patterns re-emerged, reminding us that progress requires consistency to survive the inevitable regressions .

This week, instead of a homework prompt, we invite you to join our upcoming Live Q&A session with Julie next Monday, January 26th to debrief this heavy season. We want to hear your questions and experiences—both the hard parts and the helpful ones—as we process the reality of healing together

• Register for the Season 2 Q&A Live Episode: Season 2 Listener Q&A
• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.

We begin in a difficult place, with Brian feeling targeted and defensive, and still strugging to see his role in the negative cycle. Julie confronts this directly, pushing for ownership to uncover the shame underneath . This leads to a crucial realization: Brian's "overwhelm" during their hardest years wasn't just bad luck, but partially self-inflicted by a desperate need to over-perform and avoid feeling "less than"

The session pivots from intellectualizing to a "tender moment" of profound accountability . Brian offers a genuine apology for abandoning Bethany during her miscarriage and their financial crisis, admitting that his drive to prove his worth came at the cost of the connection he wanted most

This week's prompt: Look at where you are over-functioning in your life. Are you "too busy" or "working too hard"? Ask yourself: What feeling are you trying to outrun—are you avoiding feeling ordinary, adequate, or "less than"? And what is that pursuit costing your relationship right now? .

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com . Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime.

We begin with a powerful example of breaking generational cycles: Brian shares a breakthrough moment with his daughter, helping her process bullying instead of telling her to "toughen up" . This shifts to an exploration of Brian's own history—the "very good reasons" for his perfectionism and "hard outer shell," tracing back to a critical teacher and feelings of abandonment .

We unpack the concept of "running on empty." Brian realizes his "short fuse" isn't just malice; it's the cost of a lifetime of over-functioning and burning the candle at both ends . The session culminates in a pivot toward accountability, with Brian owning "50%" of the negative cycle and acknowledging that his survival strategies are now sabotaging his marriage .

This week's prompt: Look at your own "bad behavior" in the relationship. How often do you allow yourself to really sit in "this is mine," without drifting back into explaining "why" it exists? Try to sit with the actual pain—the unresolved grief or shame—that the behavior is trying to manage .

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime