Episode 16: How do we create off-ramps for ourselves, and become able to offer off-ramps for other people -- especially people we're being urged to distrust, hate, or even dehumanize?

In the 16 episodes of this season, we've looked at some of the complex factors that have led us to this polarized and endangering time of emotional manipulation, cultic mechanisms of control, cruel hierarchies of human worth, and the constant manipulation of our attention and our emotions in this time of unregulated endstage capitalism. It's a lot.

But it's not everything.

There are things we can do to support ourselves and each other in this time of trouble. We can become off-ramps for ourselves and step away from polarization, distrust, and dehumanization to reclaim ourselves again.

We can refuse to become weaponized, and instead offer our presence to people we're being urged to exile.

We can find ways to become off-ramps to others -- if they're ready to step away, and also if they can't quite do so yet. The time to make up your mind about people is never.

This marks the final episode of season 1 of The Off-Ramp Project. Thanks for listening. Take care of yourself, and I'll see you in Season 2.

Books mentioned in this episode:

Missing the Solstice by Karla McLaren: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F6TRWRBZ

Beyond the Politics of Contempt by Doug Teschner, Beth Malow, and Becky Robinson: https://beyondthepoliticsofcontempt.com/

In this episode, I'm joined by authors Doug Teschner and Beth Malow to talk about their new book: Beyond the Politics of Contempt -- and it's such an important book for our polarized and contempt-filled times.

We've been taught to polarize ourselves and see difference as absurd or dangerous, and we've been invited to show contempt for people who don't believe or vote as we do.

These are social injuries, and they require social solutions. Doug and Beth talk about their book and their work as Braver Angels volunteers and leaders -- which has helped them avoid contempt, and learn how to reach across divides, de-polarize themselves, and rehumanize others.

Taking an off-ramp from this time of extreme polarization means identifying and challenging the ways we've been manipulated into warring camps. We don't have to agree, but we do need to stop exiling and demonizing others if we want to get anywhere worthwhile.

Books and sites mentioned in this episode:

Beyond the Politics of Contempt by Doug Teschner, Beth Malow, and Becky Robinson: https://beyondthepoliticsofcontempt.com/

Together Across Differences (Doug and Beth's FREE Substack): https://togethernow.substack.com/p/one-month-since-the-book-launch

The Hidden Tribes Report (a research project about understanding polarization in the US): https://hiddentribes.us/

High Conflict by Amanda Ripley: https://bookshop.org/p/books/high-conflict-why-we-get-trapped-and-how-we-get-out-amanda-ripley/1aa1a2637891ca8d

The Case for Phone-Free Schools by Jonathan Haidt: https://www.afterbabel.com/p/phone-free-schools?r=182klo&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=email

Bowling Alone by Robert Putnam: https://bookshop.org/p/books/bowling-alone-revised-and-updated-the-collapse-and-revival-of-american-community-robert-d-putnam/0a3388f210d22ad0

The Upswing by Robert Putnam: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-upswing-how-america-came-together-a-century-ago-and-how-we-can-do-it-again-robert-d-putnam/64510b7b8b907f87

BALANCED AND UNBIASED MEDIA OUTLETS

Tangle News: https://www.readtangle.com/

AllSides: https://www.allsides.com/unbiased-balanced-news

he Flip Side: https://www.theflipside.io/

Ground News: https://ground.news/

Your situational depression is an essential emotion that helps you become aware of realities you may have been avoiding, and it removes your ability to move forward doing the wrong thing with the wrong intentions for the wrong reasons at the wrong time.

Sadly, we've been taught to see our situational depression as an unwanted thing -- a psychiatric disorder, and something not to be trusted. This is such a shame.

Sadder still, when the intelligence in our situational depression is not available to us, we can be vulnerable to people who want to control us by manipulating our depression (this happened on a national scale in 2015).

In this episode, we look at ways to listen to our own situational depression so that we can be better protected around people who would try to manipulate us into depression for their own gain.

Books and practices mentioned in this episode:

The Depression Inventory: https://karlamclaren.com/taking-a-depression-inventory/

The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren: https://karlamclaren.com/the-language-of-emotions-book/

The Language of Emotions Workbook by Karla McLaren: https://karlamclaren.com/loe-workbook/

Episode 13: Many people avoid shame, but don't realize that in so doing, they avoid growth, empathy, evolution, and becoming truly themselves.

It's essential, then, to understand the difference between your own chosen, appropriate, and necessary shame versus the shame-blame that people use to control or abuse you.

In this episode, we look at ways to know the difference, and what to do if your essential and life-giving shame has been hijacked by abusive, controlling, and unhealthy messages.

Books and practices mentioned in this episode:

The Eyes of Horus by Joan Grant: https://bookshop.org/p/books/eyes-of-horus-joan-grant/bacd6c470976e817

The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren: https://karlamclaren.com/the-language-of-emotions-book/

The Language of Emotions Workbook by Karla McLaren: https://karlamclaren.com/loe-workbook/

The Burning Contracts practice for shame: https://karlamclaren.com/reworking-a-toxic-emotion/

The Burning Contracts video for shame: https://youtu.be/bsphw5C7aIE?si=K3lKUszSeUrADt07

Missing the Solstice by Karla McLaren: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F6TRWRBZ

Stolen Pride by Arlie Russell Hochschild: https://bookshop.org/p/books/stolen-pride-loss-shame-and-the-rise-of-the-right-arlie-russell-hochschild/645bfe0a64abb5be

Mistakes Were Made (but not by me) by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson: https://bookshop.org/p/books/mistakes-were-made-but-not-by-me-third-edition-why-we-justify-foolish-beliefs-bad-decisions-and-hurtful-acts-carol-tavris/507560a2efd55431

Episode 12: Many of us have been chased away from shame, because it seems to cause nothing but pain.

However, shame itself is a crucial social emotion that helps you become an upright and empathic person who cares about others and has a strong sense of ethics.

The key to working with shame is to understand the difference between shame that helps you maintain your morals and ethics, and shame-blame that is thrown onto you by others. The blaming form of shame is actually, and simply, abuse.

Reclaiming your own true and healing shame is crucial in a time when people are flinging shame-blame everywhere.

In this episode, we begin to observe how people's tragic avoidance of shame, and their lust for throwing shame-blame at others, is damaging our capacity to learn, grow, connect, evolve, and heal.

Your own chosen shame forms the center of your ethical core. It's essential. And a key to working well with shame is to understand the difference between shame and abuse.

Books and practices mentioned in this episode:

The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren: https://karlamclaren.com/the-language-of-emotions-book/

The Burning Contracts practice for shame: https://karlamclaren.com/reworking-a-toxic-emotion/

Strangers in Their Own Land by Arlie Russell Hochschild: https://bookshop.org/p/books/strangers-in-their-own-land-anger-and-mourning-on-the-american-right-arlie-russell-hochschild/85585abfe16c457f

Stolen Pride by Arlie Russell Hochschild: https://bookshop.org/p/books/stolen-pride-loss-shame-and-the-rise-of-the-right-arlie-russell-hochschild/645bfe0a64abb5be

Mistakes Were Made (but not by me) by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson: https://bookshop.org/p/books/mistakes-were-made-but-not-by-me-third-edition-why-we-justify-foolish-beliefs-bad-decisions-and-hurtful-acts-carol-tavris/507560a2efd55431

Episode 11: Your panic is powerful, and if you don't know how to work with it, other people can grab its power to fuel their own ideas, their own movements, and their own ends.

But be aware: If people are grabbing onto your emotions, especially the powerful, life-saving emotion of panic, they don't in any way mean you well.

Your emotions belong to you, and no one should be jacking into them. The first step in retrieving your panic is to understand what it does, how it works, and how to work with its immense power in life-changing ways..

Books and cards mentioned in this episode:

The Language of Emotions Cards: https://karlamclaren.com/product/the-language-of-emotions-cards/

Embracing Anxiety by Karla McLaren: https://bookshop.org/lists/karla-mclaren-s-books

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker: https://bookshop.org/lists/trauma-healing-e7c310b5-d52e-412e-ae0a-e3ed4ee8e040

Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine: https://bookshop.org/lists/trauma-healing-e7c310b5-d52e-412e-ae0a-e3ed4ee8e040

Episode 10: Hatred is a powerful emotion, and as it is with anything powerful, it's a double-edged sword. It can be a astonishing force for good. No kidding.

We're seeing hatred everywhere, and it's a sign of trouble throughout our species. If you don't know how to work with your hatred, its power can wound and destroy. This is especially true if you've been manipulated into hatred, because this is a form of emotional abuse that destabilizes and weaponizes you.

And of course, being manipulated into hatred is never done with your health or well-being in mind. It's abuse.

But even if you have been manipulated into hatred (if you know what hatred signifies, and you know how to work with it), you can evolve, integrate, deepen, and heal.

The key with hatred is to turn inward and do your shadow work, because hatred signals a serious lack inside you that needs to be witnessed, welcomed, and integrated.

Hatred can be magical like that.

Books mentioned in this episode:

The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren, M.Ed.: https://bookshop.org/lists/karla-mclaren-s-books

Owning Your Own Shadow by Robert A. Johnson: https://bookshop.org/lists/shadow-work-4ea99124-7347-4af8-9faf-915c6a0448aa

A Little Book on The Human Shadow by Robert Bly: https://bookshop.org/lists/shadow-work-4ea99124-7347-4af8-9faf-915c6a0448aa

Meeting the Shadow edited by Connie Zweig and Jeremiah Abrams: https://bookshop.org/lists/shadow-work-4ea99124-7347-4af8-9faf-915c6a0448aa

Episode 9: You don't need to avoid stress. In fact, avoiding it is a truly bad idea if you want to do anything worth doing, or be of help in difficult times.

And in fact, stress is a weasel word that hides the essential emotions that arise to help us deal with trouble. Learning to reframe stress, name it properly, and work with it intentionally can improve and deepen every part of your life.

And in times of trouble, it is our willingness to face difficulties head on -- with all of our emotional skills available to us -- that will make the difference.

Stress is not the problem. Your stress (which is really your emotions) is the response to the problem, and your response brings you gifts, skills, and genius that you can't get anywhere else.

Books mentioned in this episode:

The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/316675/the-upside-of-stress-by-kelly-mcgonigal/

The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren: https://karlamclaren.com/the-language-of-emotions-book/