Responsibility is one of the things that makes lawyers good at their jobs. It also shows up, over and over, as one of the things that makes it hardest for them to leave. Not because they don't want to go, but because leaving means someone else has to pick up the work. And for a lawyer who is wired around responsibility, that can feel like something they're just not willing to do.

What Sarah sees with her clients is that the sense of responsibility doesn't stay proportional. It ends up putting so much weight on what other people might have to deal with that a lawyer's own mental, physical, and emotional well-being barely registers in the calculation. Toxic environments are especially good at making this worse.

In this episode of The Former Lawyer Podcast, Sarah Cottrell talks about why responsibility shows up so consistently in her clients' assessment results, what happens when it becomes overdeveloped, and why it makes it hard for lawyers to even let themselves think about leaving.

1:28 - How responsibility shows up in CliftonStrengths, VIA, and the Enneagram

3:01 - What Sarah sees with lawyers whose jobs aren't good for them

4:26 - Why highly responsible lawyers struggle to give themselves permission to even think about leaving

5:07 - What an overdeveloped sense of responsibility actually means

6:03 - How toxic environments exploit lawyers who are highly responsible

7:28 - The faulty logic that keeps highly responsible lawyers from cutting themselves any slack

9:18 - Why it matters to know if responsibility is one of your top characteristics

Mentioned In How an Overdeveloped Sense of Responsibility Keeps Lawyers Stuck

First Steps to Leaving the Law

The Former Lawyer Collaborative

For a lot of lawyers, hearing "just do your best" as a kid didn't feel reassuring. It felt like a requirement to give every ounce of everything they had until there was literally nothing left.

That's not incidental. The kind of person who interprets "do your best" that way is often exactly the kind of person who ends up becoming a lawyer. And that standard follows them.

In this episode of The Former Lawyer Podcast, Sarah Cottrell talks about what that standard is actually costing lawyers who want to make a change, and why doing B-minus work might be worth considering.

1:00 - What "do your best" actually means if you're wired like a lawyer

1:56 - Why caring about doing good work makes this harder

3:56 - The B-minus work concept and why it matters

4:37 - Why this is harder for lawyers from marginalized communities

5:04 - How loosening that standard makes space for other things

5:24 - Why therapy is worth considering if this resonates

Mentioned in What Doing Your Best Is Costing You as a Lawyer

First Steps to Leaving the Law

The Former Lawyer Collaborative

Lawyers thinking about leaving often get stuck on a question that feels practical but actually keeps them waiting longer than they need to. Do I need to quit my job before I start figuring out what I want to do instead? It sounds responsible, but for most people, it's part of what keeps them in a holding pattern.

Sarah Cottrell frequently gets this question from lawyers considering The Former Lawyer Collaborative, and her answer might change how you think about the timing of your next move. She explains why the assumption that you need to be "ready" before you start often works against you, and what she's seen actually happen when people stop waiting.

In this episode of The Former Lawyer Podcast, Sarah talks about why she built The Collab to fit inside the life of a working lawyer, what the time commitment really looks like, and why the lawyers who start before they feel ready often surprise themselves.

0:28 - The practical question lawyers keep asking before joining The Collab

0:53 - What The Former Lawyer Collaborative actually is and how it works

1:38 - Do you need to quit your job before starting this process

2:25 - How people find The Collab and when they typically join

2:57 - Why less pressure to leave can actually mean faster progress

3:29 - The time commitment question and what "a couple hours a week" really gets you

5:15 - Other reasons you might quit, and why most people in The Collab don't

6:23 - Why The Collab was designed to fit inside a lawyer's life

7:06 - How to join and where to find more info

Mentioned In You Don't Have to Quit Your Job to Start Leaving Law

Five Years of Helping Lawyers Leave the Law inside The Former Lawyer Collaborative

First Steps to Leaving the Law

The Former Lawyer Collaborative

Lawyers who are unhappy at work often tell themselves they'll feel things later. When they retire, maybe. The sense is that feeling the full weight of what's happening would make it impossible to keep functioning, so the feelings get pushed down and the grinding continues.

The problem is that feelings aren't actually optional. The physical sensations that come with emotional states are nervous system responses, not choices. Suppressing them doesn't make them go away. They get smashed down until the nervous system forces the issue, regardless.

In this episode of The Former Lawyer Podcast, Sarah Cottrell talks about why lawyers operate as though their feelings are optional, where that belief comes from, and what it costs them over time. She covers how to start noticing whether this is happening to you, why irritation at other people's feelings is a flag worth paying attention to, and why therapy is often the most effective place to start unraveling something that didn't develop overnight.

0:53 - Why so many lawyers believe their feelings are optional

2:13 - Why feelings are nervous system responses and not actually a choice

2:48 - Where the belief that feelings are optional comes from and how it gets reinforced

4:16 - "I'll feel things when I retire" and why this is probably how you're functioning even if you'd never say it out loud

6:19 - What happens when the nervous system finally says no and why it goes the way it does

7:21 - How to notice if you're treating your feelings as optional and why irritation at other people's feelings is a flag

8:44 - Why therapy is especially useful here and what to do if this resonated

Mentioned In Why Lawyers Think Feelings Are Optional and What It Costs Them

Why High-Achieving Lawyers Stay in Jobs That Are Hurting Them

First Steps to Leaving the Law

The Former Lawyer Collaborative

Being good at your job and being in the right job are not the same thing. For lawyers who are high achievers, that distinction can be almost impossible to see when every external signal, strong reviews, steady advancement, a reputation for getting things done, is telling you that you must be in the right place.

That disconnect often has roots in neurodiversity or trauma history. Both can produce someone who is exceptionally good at pushing through, sublimating their own needs, and performing under conditions that are genuinely harmful to their mental, physical, and emotional health. And because the external picture looks fine, it can be very hard to see.

In this episode of The Former Lawyer Podcast, Sarah Cottrell walks through why this happens, how ADHD, PTSD, and CPTSD can all factor in, why the belief that achievement equals worth makes it so hard to let go even when something is hurting you, and why therapy is such an important part of unraveling it.

0:30 - Why lawyers who are high achievers can be good at something that is not sustainable for them

1:28 - The "I can do this so I should do this" trap and why external markers are not the whole picture

3:24 - How ADHD brains create urgency to initiate tasks and what that costs your nervous system

4:28 - Why doing well as a lawyer can feel like proof you are meant to stay

5:16 - How PTSD and CPTSD factor in and why so many lawyers are highly adapted to deal with difficult conditions

6:43 - How perfectionism develops as a survival strategy and why it follows lawyers into their careers

7:41 - The belief that you are only valuable when you are achieving and why it makes it so hard to leave

8:36 - Why therapy matters so much for lawyers who are high achievers thinking about leaving

10:01 - What Sarah wants you to know if the job is crushing you but you feel like you have to stay

Mentioned In Why High-Achieving Lawyers Stay in Jobs That Are Hurting Them

Signs of Malignant Narcissism in the Legal Profession [TFLP 127]

Does Being a Lawyer Lead to ADHD? Unpacking the Relationship with Annie Little [TFLP206]

First Steps to Leaving the Law

The Former Lawyer Collaborative

Lawyers are, as a group, highly responsible, hard on themselves, and convinced they should be able to handle more than anyone else around them. That combination does not just make for a stressful career. It makes it genuinely difficult to acknowledge that something is wrong, let alone do anything about it.

That is where perfectionism becomes a trap. When you hold yourself to a standard you would never apply to anyone else, leaving starts to feel like weakness, or like you are abandoning the people around you. The result is that lawyers who are deeply miserable keep going, often until their body forces the issue for them.

In this episode of The Former Lawyer Podcast, Sarah Cottrell breaks down why this kind of perfectionism is more common than most lawyers want to admit, where it comes from, and why recognizing it is one of the most important things you can do if you are thinking about leaving law.

1:03 — Why being highly responsible and hard on yourself feels like humility but isn't

2:04 — Why holding yourself to a higher standard than everyone else is actually about ego

3:02 — The vacuum-sealed pod problem and why "everyone makes mistakes" doesn't feel true about you

6:01 — How this mindset makes it hard to leave, from feeling like you're abandoning people to telling yourself you're just weak

7:35 — How to know if you're this person and what it actually costs you

9:17 — Why therapy is worth bringing this up in, even if Sarah's framing annoys you

10:31 — What happens when lawyers don't let themselves leave until their body forces the issue

11:48 — What to actually sit with if this episode resonated

Mentioned In The Perfectionist Trap That Makes It Hard to Leave Law

First Steps to Leaving the Law

The Former Lawyer Collaborative

For lawyers who know they are unhappy but are not ready to make any real moves yet, the waiting period can feel like dead time. There are things you can be doing right now, though, that will set you up for success when you are ready to go through the process of figuring out what comes next.

One of those things is reconnecting with a hobby. Not in a hardcore, train-for-a-marathon way, but in a small, low-stakes way that starts to rebuild the muscle of knowing what you actually like and what actually feels good to you. That skill, knowing what you want and acting on it, is one of the most important things you can develop when it comes time to figure out what your next career looks like.

In this episode of The Former Lawyer Podcast, Sarah Cottrell walks through why hobbies matter more than most unhappy lawyers would expect, how to think about starting small, and why reconnecting with the things that bring you joy makes it easier to leave when you are ready.

0:02 — What you can do right now to set yourself up for leaving law, even before you're ready

0:56 — Why hobbies matter for lawyers thinking about a career change

1:11 — How work crowds out everything else and why that's so common for unhappy lawyers

1:54 — The grocery and dry cleaning hobby era (you are not alone)

2:23 — How reconnecting with what you like helps you figure out what career actually fits you

3:25 — Why this works even if you're not close to leaving and don not have much time

3:33 — What starting small actually looks like and why going all in is not the point

6:00 — Rituals, rhythms, and reminding yourself you are a person and not a machine

7:25 — The bonus benefit of hobbies that involve other people when you are thinking about leaving law

8:27 — The real skill you are building and why it matters for your lawyer career change

Mentioned In Why Unhappy Lawyers Should Pick Up a Hobby Before They're Ready to Leave

First Steps to Leaving the Law

The Former Lawyer Collaborative

A lot of people end up going to law school without ever really asking themselves whether it's what they want to do.

The questions in this episode are the real questions you should be asking yourself if you're considering law school. And if you're already a lawyer, these same questions will be helpful for you too.

See show notes at formerlawyer.com/297