Today's special guest is Renata Ellera, a clinical psychologist from Brazil who writes the smart and relationship-focused Substack Love Better. Our fun discussion covered a range of topics including cute Instagram couples ruining people's perspective of their own relationships, advice we would give to anxiously attached women dating avoidant guys, cultural differences between here and Brazil, attachment in only children, school refusal, and a million other topics all related to attachment and human relationships!

Follow Renata here: https://substack.com/@ellerarenata

Watch my prior episode with her here: https://lovebetter.substack.com/p/sexuality-and-intimacy-in-couples

Join my awesome Midlife Women's Group here: ⁠drpsychmom.com/mwg⁠

To get over 200 more episodes, most recent "Being With An Avoidant Partner Can Feel Like Eating Fake Food", subscribe here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/drpsychmomshow/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Meredith Masony is awesome. I met her ten years ago at Blog U, a now defunct conference for mommy bloggers, and she has since skyrocketed to internet fame. This is a very honest and open chat about periods, HRT, perimenopause, parenting teens, empty nest, being a woman in the public eye, breast augmentation (which we did a decade apart!), marriage issues, her "second mountain," the near death medical issues that made her want to live more authentically, addiction and both of our experiences with depression treatments... and so much more! This interview showcases a midlife woman who is not afraid to be real, which is why she's built up such a loyal following! Hopefully I get her on the show again one day. Enjoy!

And for more about midlife women, join my awesome Midlife Women's Group here: drpsychmom.com/mwg

To get over 200 more episodes, most recent "Being With An Avoidant Partner Can Feel Like Eating Fake Food", subscribe here! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/drpsychmomshow/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

For my secret Facebook group, the "best money I've ever spent" according to numerous members: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/drpsychmom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Today we have Lana Li, who I follow on Substack! We discuss dating as a young overeducated woman in New York City, lol. She was doing that till recently and I was doing it 25 years ago!

We had a fun conversation about using data in dating, the end of the honeymoon stage, avoidant men and preoccupied women, and more!

Follow Lana here: https://lovemelikearobot.substack.com/

Join the Midlife Women's group here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠drpsychmom.com/mwg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Subscribe if you love the DPM show! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/drpsychmomshow/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and you'll get all my awesome bonus episodes! Most recent: "Give A Gift To The Partner You HAVE, Not The Partner You WISH You Had!"

For my secret Facebook group, the "best money I've ever spent" according to numerous members: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/drpsychmom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Today's episode discusses how to become 100 times wiser in a minute: Whenever you hear any relationship story from one side, assume if the partner told you their perspective you'd agree that the other one was terrible! Listen, I also used to think that everyone was a reliable narrator even through the initial years of being a therapist. The reality is that people unintentionally tell only their side. This isn't intentional lying. It doesn't even occur to them there is another lens, they cherry pick data point to confirm their worldview internally and then express it. Understanding this alone is transformative... But if you recognize that everyone INCLUDING YOU is an unreliable narrator... That is when you can truly evolve!

Join the Midlife Women's group here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠drpsychmom.com/mwg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Subscribe if you love the DPM show! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/drpsychmomshow/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and you'll get all my awesome bonus episodes! Most recent: "Give A Gift To The Partner You HAVE, Not The Partner You WISH You Had!"

For my secret Facebook group, the "best money I've ever spent" according to numerous members: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/drpsychmom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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In today's longest episode ever, we go through the backstory of Brandi, who is a Developmental Psychology PhD and whose husband came out as transgender after years of marital dysfunction. What I love about Brandi, who I also knew in grad school, is how she owns her own contribution to this dysfunction, looking at her part through an attachment lens.

Anyone who has been involved with an avoidant partner, who was lied to or cheated on, or who was in a sexless marriage that was later explained by something that could have been shared with you sooner (an affair, sexual orientation that wasn't disclosed, porn/sex addiction) will love this episode.

Brandi credits her recovery and remarriage to EMDR, IFS therapy, and working on herself, but I also think her sense of humor and ability to be objective about herself and her situation played a huge part!

Buckle up for this amazing episode and follow Brandi here, where you can learn all about the details of her story: https://www.tiktok.com/@brandistupica

Join the Midlife Women's group here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠drpsychmom.com/mwg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Subscribe if you love the DPM show! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/drpsychmomshow/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and you'll get all my awesome bonus episodes! Most recent: "Give A Gift To The Partner You HAVE, Not The Partner You WISH You Had!"

For my secret Facebook group, the "best money I've ever spent" according to numerous members: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/drpsychmom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Today I have an amazing guest who is a true expert on all things addiction! Duane Osterlind is a therapist who has been working in the field of addiction for two decades and who hosts the podcast The Addicted Mind. We discuss:

- What is sex addiction?

- How do couples repair after betrayal trauma/PTSD?

- What is "deceptive sexuality"?

- What is the role of childhood trauma in eventual sex addiction?

- What's an "intimacy disorder"?

Duane is a great speaker with lots of great ways to understand this issue, and is compassionate and fair to both partners in this discussion. We also discuss the timeline of repair, the changes he has seen in who struggles with sex addiction over the course of his career (hint: changes in age and gender), and how dealing with shame is an integral aspect of healing from sex/porn addiction and the havoc it can wreak on relationships and your life overall.

Here are all of Duane's links!

• Novus Mindful Life Counseling
• The Addicted Mind Podcast
• Shame To Resilience
• Instagram: The Addicted Mind Instagram
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/addictedmindpodcast/

I came up with this funny phrase in a couples session and told the couple it was too good not to use in a podcast! :) Some women feel like the CEO of the home, and they are okay with that, as long as the man acts like the COO or the CTO or anything but the CFO.... The Chief Fucking Officer. If all that your wife feels that you spearhead in the home is related to your spearhead, this isn't going to make her, another three letter acronym... DTF.

Join the Midlife Women's group here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠drpsychmom.com/mwg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Subscribe if you love the DPM show! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/drpsychmomshow/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and you'll get all my awesome bonus episodes! Most recent: "Did You Change Each Other's Minds About Anything When Dating? If Not, Red Flag!"

For my secret Facebook group, the "best money I've ever spent" according to numerous members: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/drpsychmom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Many guys think that a woman taking care of a man is a turn off to her, and think "The only thing I really want from her is sex, so that will be my only ask." In fact, this makes her feel unloved, devalued, and like a sex worker. Here's how to change the frame and open yourself up to the scary feeling of interdependence, which is particularly hard for workhorse men!

Join the Midlife Women's group here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠drpsychmom.com/mwg⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Subscribe if you love the DPM show! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/drpsychmomshow/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and you'll get all my awesome bonus episodes! Most recent: "Did You Change Each Other's Minds About Anything When Dating? If Not, Red Flag!"

For my secret Facebook group, the "best money I've ever spent" according to numerous members: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/drpsychmom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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For therapy or coaching, contact us at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.bestlifebehavioralhealth.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠