Do you suffer from "should itis"?

I should exercise more
I should be more productive
I should spend more time with my kids
I should spend more time outside
I should go to bed earlier
I shouldn’t drink so much
I should eat better
I shouldn’t eat so much sugar
I should be happy
I should be more grateful
I shouldn’t be so greedy!
 It shouldn’t take me this long.
I should do better
I should know better
I should BE better

Whatever the “should, or shouldn’ts” are on your list, they always add up to the same thing: “You should be better, you should know better, you’re not doing it right.” It leaves you feeling like you’re not enough as you are.

We have been taught, mistakenly, that if we don't "should" ourselves into action, we will become lazy, useless, worthless lumps. And worse, if we don't "should" ourselves into being good, we won't be good!

The irony is that while we think by shoulding all over ourselves, we’ll get ourselves into action, the opposite happens - we end up feeling  overwhelmed and guilty, which causes us not to do any of the things we think we “should”. 

Feeling guilty and overwhelmed breeds inaction and stagnancy…it keeps you stuck. So, the more you feel like you “should” do something, the less likely you are to actually do it.

There are exactly zero circumstances in which “I should…” is the most specific, accurate, powerful, and useful language to express a thought. 

You could literally stop saying the word should forever, and you wouldn’t be missing anything. There is always a better, more accurate and more helpful linguistic choice.

So, when you hear yourself saying, or thinking, "I should...", get curious.  Where did you learn this should? To whom does this should really belong? Whose voice do you hear when you “should” on yourself this way? Do you actually agree with this should? What are you afraid will happen if you don’t do this thing you’re telling yourself you should do?

It has been drilled into us what we "should" want - by parents, peers, media, society - to the. point where we no longer know what we actually want, and often confuse the two.

Rarely do we say “I should” about stuff we feel totally aligned with, so let the word be a red flag indicating where you’ve internalized something that doesn’t quite feel right, or aligned to you.

Uncovering and exposing our automated “shoulds”, digging into them,  untangling ourselves from the web of self-imposed obligation by getting clear and honest about what you want, is how we become the conscious creators of our lives, the bosses of our brains, the authors of our own stories, and the thinker of our thoughts,

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ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. But, as my guest Coach Lara Dawn helps us understand today, that label is somewhat of a misnomer.  The truth is that ADHD is neither a deficit of attention (actually, people with ADHD have an abundance of attention), nor a disorder. In fact, some people consider ADHD to be a superpower.

Lara is the founder of the wonderful ADHD Village, a community that offers brain-based, science-backed support for families raising children with ADHD.

She supports moms in learning how to eliminate stress while navigating their children’s ADHD, so that they are calm, confident and deeply connected to their children.

ADHD is often misunderstood by the general public. Kids with ADHD are not lazy, or stupid, or slow, or bad.  And, ADHD is not a result of poor parenting. It is simply a brain difference - a neurological diversity.   

Today, Lara shares some of the intricacies of ADHD in the brain, and some insights into what it is like to live with it - about which she has first-hand knowledge. She also shares some tips for parents and educators (again, from her own first-hand experience parenting her 2 boys, who also have ADHD, and her 20+ years as an educator & Special Education Resource Teacher).

Lara also shares details about her upcoming FREE 8-day virtual event, featuring 35+ ADHD experts, Calming the ADHD Family (March 21-28, 2022). This summit will:

• Provide the tools and strategies to stop the fighting and quiet the yelling
• ​Restore your confidence as a parent 
• ​Strengthen your connection as a family

Register through the link below. I am honoured to be part of this event! My interview  will be air on March 22nd. I look forward to seeing you there.

Register for the FREE Calming the ADHD Family Summit

LINKS
Connect with Lara here: https://theadhdvillage.com/
Join the ADHD Village Facebook Group
Connect directly with Lara via email: coachlarad@gmail.com

Teaching Little Brains private Facebook Group
Teaching Little Brains Instagram 

If you've ever felt discomfort over a decision you've had to make, tried to justify a choice you've made, or regretted something you've done because you thought to yourself "I don't know why I did that, that's not me!" you have likely experienced cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive Dissonance Theory was presented by a social psychologist, named Leon Festinger, in 1957.

Cognitive dissonance is a term for the state of mental or psychological discomfort we feel when two or more modes of thought (beliefs, values, or attitudes) contradict each other - when our modes of thought are out of Alignment.
 
We are averse to inconsistencies within our own mind. It’s not comfortable to be at odds, to feel resistance.  Our brain does not like  discomfort. It feels threatened by it. 

So, when we experience this dissonance, our brain goes to work to try to adjust when our thoughts, words, or behaviours seem to clash with each other.

In this episode, we learn about how exactly our brains work to restore alignment, and you'll experience this for yourself in real time as we play with it a bit.

Enjoy!


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