Episodios

  • Ep 336: The Teen Brain on Kindness

    Ep 336: The Teen Brain on Kindness
    Apr 27 2025
    Nicole Karlis, author of Your Brain on Altruism, discusses the neuroscience behind altruism, revealing how acts of kindness impact teen brains, mental health, resilience, and lasting happiness.Full Show NotesAs parents, we hope our teenagers grow up to be kind, caring, and community-oriented adults. We encourage them to volunteer, assist neighbors, or participate in community service projects, hoping it'll build character and strengthen empathy. But did you know there's actual science linking altruism to improved well-being, reduced stress, and even better health? What if building compassion wasn't just a nice extra—but a powerful tool for coping with stress, fostering mental health, and developing meaningful relationships?Many teens face abundant pressures: academic expectations, college applications, social anxieties, and now the unprecedented rise of loneliness and technology overload. With these challenges mounting, could altruism offer a unique and surprisingly effective antidote—not just helping teens survive but thrive in today's world?In this week's insightful conversation, we're joined by Nicole Karlis, health and science journalist and author of Your Brain on Altruism: The Power of Connection and Community During Times of Crisis. Nicole spent nearly a decade exploring the science behind altruism, kindness, and community connection. She specializes in translating compelling neuroscience into practical lessons we can apply right at home with our teens.Nicole reveals the neuroscience underpinning the benefits of altruism, describing how selfless actions activate brain regions responsible for stress relief, emotional regulation, and meaningful fulfillment. By cultivating altruistic behaviors, Nicole argues, teens can overcome feelings of isolation and connect meaningfully with their communities—even during a loneliness epidemic.In our conversation, Nicole sheds light on why altruism is so powerful and how parents can harness and revive this instinct in their teens to create their own "culture of caring."The Neuroscience of AltruismIt turns out our brains are wired to benefit from kindness. Nicole outlines research showing that acts of generosity, kindness, and compassion trigger neural pathways linked to reward and decreased stress. Teens who practice altruism report feeling more deeply connected to others and their community, experiencing higher executive functioning, and enjoying mental health benefits.Creating regular acts of kindness, Nicole explains, can physically change the structure of teen brains due to neuroplasticity—the brain's ability to reorganize and strengthen beneficial pathways. Over time, practicing altruism can become habitual—ultimately shaping teens into compassionate adults who experience less stress and improved overall health.This powerful link raises the important question: how can parents best encourage altruism, especially today when teens are so busy and pressure-laden?Cultivating Kindness Without CrisisEver notice how, after a crisis, communities come together in uniquely powerful ways? Nicole describes this phenomenon—called bounded solidarity—in regions recovering from natural disasters where neighbors join forces to help one another through difficult times. But eventually the solidarity fades. Nicole wondered if communities could maintain this spirit without needing a tragic catalyst.In the episode, Nicole shares inspiring stories from teens who joined together after devastating wildfires. Remarkably, their initial impulse turned into a long-term community service nonprofit that raised spirits and built lasting bonds for everyone involved. She reveals that challenges and crises aren't necessary prerequisites. Families and communities can foster sustained altruism—cultivating solidarity simply through commitment and deliberate intention.Nicole offers practical methods families can use to cultivate caring cultures, from volunteering vacations to meaningful weekend rituals. She explains why clustering multiple kindness actions on special days—rather than making kindness a daily chore—helps compassion become a joyful, healthy habit.Why Intent Matters MostTeenagers often feel pressure to volunteer to pad college applications—checking off boxes without truly feeling connected to their service activities. But Nicole emphasizes the critical role intention plays: altruism is dramatically more beneficial if teens authentically embrace their volunteering choices.When teens genuinely want to make a difference, altruism deepens their empathy, nurtures authentic relationships, and provides real mental health benefits. Finding activities that align with your teen's natural interests enables them to genuinely experience joy and authentic connection while doing good. Nicole highlights examples, from playing bingo at senior homes to fun volunteer projects during family trips, that deeply resonate with teenagers and leave lifelong positive impacts.In the ...
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    19 m
  • Ep 335: What Disabled Parents Can Teach Everyone

    Ep 335: What Disabled Parents Can Teach Everyone
    Apr 22 2025
    Jessica Slice, author of Unfit Parent, shares her profound insights and experiences on disability and parenting, breaking down stereotypes, addressing ableism, and showing what disabled parents can teach us all about resilience, adaptability, and embracing life's challenges.Full Show NotesIn our conversations around parenting, we often have a narrow definition of what abilities and physical capacities are required to be a “good” parent. From movies and advertisements portraying mothers and fathers effortlessly multitasking and holding toddlers on their hip, to parenting talks describing the chaos of carpool lines and daily errands, the portrait of parenting we encounter every day seems to leave out those with disabilities or physical limitations. As a parent, what do you do when your experiences don’t match up with these cultural representations? How can each of us benefit from broadening our understanding of what it truly means to be an effective caregiver?In today’s insightful episode, we're joined by writer and disability advocate Jessica Slice, author of Unfit Parent: A Disabled Mother Challenges an Inaccessible World. Jessica became disabled at age 28 and has experienced firsthand how our cultural perceptions about motherhood often exclude people with disabilities. Through her writing and advocacy, she passionately argues that disabled parents have powerful insights to offer all parents, and she exposes the ableism and biases in parenting culture. Jessica’s eye-opening perspectives invite us to consider how embracing a broader definition of parenting can benefit everyone.What Disabled Parents Can Teach All of UsEarly in our conversation, Jessica describes how attending a typical parenting talk left her feeling like an imposter because none of the descriptions matched her own parenting reality. In writing openly about her experience, Jessica discovered a community of disabled parents who shared similar feelings. But what began as a revealing essay soon transformed into a broader mission: to show how disabled parents actually contribute unique abilities and insights to parenting.Jessica points out how disabled people grow adept at solving practical day-to-day problems surrounding movement, food, rest, and more. Such problem-solving skills translate directly into caring for a newborn, making disabled parents often surprisingly adept at navigating early parenthood. Moreover, disabled parents have already learned powerful lessons in letting go of expectations, embracing uncertainty, and adapting to changing circumstances—qualities that deeply serve all parents as they navigate the complexities of raising children.Ableism and Our Culture of Fear Around DisabilityJessica thoughtfully unpacks ableism: the deep-seated, often unconscious biases and fears that lead society to view disability through a lens of pity or disdain. She explores how ableism shapes everything from medical care to reproductive rights—and even the way parenting itself is structured and evaluated.One of the episode’s most fascinating discussions focuses on Jessica’s research around early transitions into parenthood for non-disabled families versus disabled families. Remarkably, Jessica discovered that disabled parents tend to adjust far more easily and report fewer incidences of postpartum depression—despite often facing greater physical health challenges. She explains how our cultural fear of disability makes this early period harder for non-disabled parents: society conditions us to dread having bodies that are weak, fragile, or dependent on others. Disabled parents, meanwhile, have already accepted and adapted to these realities, making the transition less shocking and chaotic.Overcoming Barriers in Parenting SystemsThroughout our interview, Jessica candidly describes how social systems and institutions—from reproductive health practices to the foster care system—are often ill-equipped for disabled people. She discusses the enormous challenges and fears disabled parents face when navigating the foster adoption process, including inaccessible mandatory classes and intense scrutiny about physical fitness to parent. Despite these obstacles, Jessica demonstrates the incredible resourcefulness and creativity that disabled parents show in developing customized solutions for caring for their families.Jessica’s story about becoming a parent through fostering and surrogacy illustrates poignantly both the systemic barriers disabled people face and their impressive capacity to advocate for themselves, adapt, and thrive. She insists that disabled parents' lives are not tragedies to be pitied; instead, they exemplify adaptability, patience, and the courage to embrace life’s unpredictability.In the Episode…Beyond these deeply insightful conversations, our discussion with Jessica covers much more, including:How Jessica's disability shifted her perspective from striving and achievement to genuine contentmentThe ...
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    22 m
  • Ep 334: How Music Shapes Teen Minds and Moods

    Ep 334: How Music Shapes Teen Minds and Moods
    Apr 13 2025
    Sara and Morton Sherman, authors of Resonant Minds, reveal how parents can use music intentionally to build stronger connections with teens, navigate emotions, and support adolescent development.Full Show NotesIn a fast-paced world flooded by digital distractions, it's sometimes difficult for parents to understand how to connect more closely with their teens. We might even wonder: Is music helping or distracting teens? They have their headphones on non-stop, but what music are they listening to, and why does it mean so much to them? Music is consistently present throughout teen culture, providing emotional refuge, identity reinforcement, and sometimes, a channel to express thoughts that might otherwise remain unspoken. But as parents, educators, and caregivers, how can we intentionally use music as a communication tool to foster emotional growth, mindfulness, and stronger family connections?In this week's conversation, we explore how music isn't just entertainment or background noise—it's a powerful gateway to teen emotions and a key to deeper family relationships when used mindfully and intentionally.Our guests this week, Sara Leila Sherman and Morton Sherman, authors of the new book Resonant Minds: The Transformative Power of Music, One Note at a Time, help parents explore ways to better understand and support their teens through music. Sara is a classical musician, educator, and founder of the children's concert series Mozart for Munchkins and the Little Mozart Foundation, while Morton is an esteemed educational leader renowned for visionary contributions in teaching and leadership. They're here to offer insight into the rich possibilities music provides for building emotional awareness, mindfulness, and family connections.How Music Shapes Emotions and MindsetSara and Mort explain that teenagers spend up to four hours a day on average listening to music—but not always intentionally or thoughtfully. Music, they explain, is always working subtly to influence our emotions. Intentionally choosing music can help teens shift their emotional state, whether they want to reduce stress, lift their mood, or even find calm and concentration. Sara reveals how a simple piece of music can help teens reach a calmer mindset or even create safe emotional exploration.Sara shares practical tips on how parents can help teens become more purposeful listeners. Asking teens to select songs as a mood-boosting family activity, for example, can create an emotional dialogue and a stronger familial bond. But this practice takes patience and openness—forcing teens to turn off their music or forbidding certain genres won’t work and can backfire quickly. The real key, the Shermans explain, is to let music serve as a platform for conversations, connections, and ultimately self-discovery.Using Music for Mindfulness and Family HarmonySara highlights examples from her workshops, where music paired with mindful practices helps students handle anxiety or self-consciousness during challenging moments. Simple exercises, like breathing along with the rhythm of a carefully-selected piece of music, can significantly relieve tension. Additionally, choosing family music traditions or routines—like designating a specific artist or playlist to accompany certain tasks like homework, chores, or winding down—can set helpful rhythms for the entire family's daily routine.Mort emphasizes that music isn’t just about individual wellbeing, but also about building community and understanding. He suggests that instead of shutting down teens’ interests or dismissing music they appreciate but parents might find unsettling, we can choose to engage in it as an educational and bonding opportunity. Redirecting potentially negative influences requires a careful conversational approach, built on trust, respect, and dialogue. By showing respectful curiosity about their music choices, we not only acknowledge their emerging independence, we also reinforce healthy decision-making skills.Cultivating Positive Musical HabitsThe Shermans encourage parents and teens alike to develop “mindful musical habits” to promote emotional regulation and balance. Sara explains how picking anchoring pieces of music—those we connect strongly with and that reliably help us feel grounded—can become positive habits in both teens' and parents' daily landscapes. Mort adds the importance of experimenting and discovering what works best for each individual family member, reminding parents that music choice is deeply personal, and what works for one may not resonate for all. Mutual respect in listening develops lifelong learning, understanding, and family closeness.Mort also suggests playful, simple family activities, like guessing songs by tapping rhythms, sharing musical memories from each generation, or collectively creating family playlists, can extend bonding experiences. These intentional rituals turn fleeting family moments into treasured memories, layered with ...
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    24 m
  • Ep 333: Finding Joy and Humor in Parenting Teens

    Ep 333: Finding Joy and Humor in Parenting Teens
    Apr 6 2025

    William Stixrud and Ned Johnson, authors of The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-driven Child, share how parents can build connection, support autonomy, set healthy expectations, and create more joy and calm in family life.

    Full Show Notes

    As our children grow into teenagers, parents often find themselves uncertain about how deeply to intervene. We know our kids need our involvement and guidance, but teenagers also crave autonomy and independence. Teens often appear distant and difficult, getting frustrated when we try to help solve their problems, yet feeling hurt when we don't show enough interest. Add stress about school, extracurriculars, and the future into the mix, and family life can quickly spiral into frequent conflict, anxiety, and disconnection.

    How can we give our teenagers the steady presence they need without micromanaging or inadvertently amplifying their stress? What does being a relaxed, positive, and supportive parent actually look like in daily practice? How can we inspire our teens to be driven, motivated, and self-directed without resorting to threats, bribes, or constant reminders?

    Today's guests, William Stixrud and Ned Johnson, offer compassionate, practical solutions from their new book, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-driven Child. Bill is a clinical neuropsychologist, and Ned is the founder of Prep Matters. After two bestselling books on parenting and educational motivation, their latest interactive workbook provides powerful exercises and reflective prompts to help parents foster resilience, autonomy, and joy in their families. Together, Bill and Ned show how parents can become calm, confident leaders who empower teens rather than push or control them.

    Building a Calm and Confident Parental Presence

    Bill and Ned share why being a calm, non-anxious presence is one of the most powerful ways to support our teens. Rather than reflecting back our children's stress or adding to it with our own worries, they recommend setting the goal of becoming less emotionally reactive. Bill and Ned offer practical strategies, including meditation and cognitive practices, to train ourselves out of fear-based interactions. This calm approach reinforces teens' belief that they can handle life's ups and downs without parents needing to intervene constantly.

    Healthy Expectations vs. Anxiety-Driven Pressure


    How high should parents set their expectations? Bill and Ned dive deep into how expectations can provide either healthy motivation or become harmful sources of anxiety. They remind parents that expressing gentle confidence—that our teens are capable if they work at something—is far healthier and more motivating than demanding perfect outcomes. Bill and Ned reveal thoughtful ways to assess and realign your family's expectations around what truly matters to you and your teen.


    Using Joy and Humor to Connect

    It's easy for family life with teens to center solely around problems to solve—grades, chores, social relationships—leaving everyone exhausted and joyless. In this episode, Ned and Bill emphasize why prioritizing joyful family rituals like Friday movie nights, outings, or humor-filled interactions are so essential. By carving out time simply to enjoy and laugh together, you communicate that your child's presence is valued and loved unconditionally, no matter the stressors you face.


    Helping Teens Discover Their Own Path

    Many teens feel overwhelmed by other people's expectations—parents, teachers, coaches—and lose sight of what they truly want or care about. Bill and Ned offer profound insights into how to ask non-threatening, reflective questions about what teens genuinely love and value. Learning to help your teens identify their intrinsic motivators rather than external pressures is vital to building lifelong skills and confidence.


    In this Episode, we also discuss

    • Talking to teens about their core values
    • The surprising importance of "passionate pastimes"
    • Addressing perfectionism and self-criticism
    • Strategies to parent anxiety-prone or avoidant teens

    If you're looking for proven approaches to calm anxiety around parenting teens and foster self-driven motivation, you won't want to miss Bill and Ned's tested wisdom. Their thoughtful, compassionate insights help every parent gracefully navigate the teenage years. Listen now, and make sure to subscribe and share!
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    25 m
  • Ep 332: Why Punishments Aren't Working

    Ep 332: Why Punishments Aren't Working
    Mar 30 2025
    Doug Bolton, author of Untethered, reveals why teenage misbehavior is a skill issue rather than a motivation problem—and explains how adults can teach teens emotional regulation, stress management, and accountability.Full Show NotesWe've all been there; after yet another homework battle, missed curfew, or bitter argument, we throw our hands up in frustration and wonder why can't our teen just behave? Typically we've been taught to see teens' "problem behaviors"—breaking rules, fighting us on homework, zoning out—is all a motivation issue. We've internalized the idea that teens “act out” because they're lazy, they don’t care enough, or they're defiantly choosing not to listen. As a result, parents often respond by escalating punishments, removing privileges, or lecturing until everyone is angry or shut down.But what if we've got this all wrong? What if we’re mislabeling stress behaviors and skill deficits as "bad motivation"? Shifting from a motivation-based view to seeing teen misbehavior as a lack of emotional regulation skills can be truly transformational for families. It turns out that when teens aren't meeting expectations, they're usually struggling because they haven’t developed crucial skills yet, like moving easily from something they want to do (TikTok, gaming) towards something they don't (homework, chores). Instead of punishing teens, parents can address the root cause: helping them build essential, lifelong skills.To guide us in rethinking teen discipline, we're joined by Doug Bolton, psychologist, longtime principal, therapist, and author of Untethered: Creating Connected Families, Schools, and Communities to Raise a Resilient Generation. Doug spent over two decades as principal at Northshore Academy, a school designed specifically for emotionally and behaviorally struggling teens. He's observed firsthand how approaching misbehavior as a stress and skills problem, rather than a motivation issue, transforms kid's lives and relationships.In this episode, Doug explains why punishments and incentives typically fail with teenagers—and how we can shift to skill-building and connection instead. We'll learn how teens' brains work differently around stress and decision-making (hint: they're not fully mature until age 30!) and why we can't expect instant adult-level reasoning from them constantly. Doug gives us step-by-step guidance on how to respond effectively when teens are stressed, emotional, and reactive.Why Emotions, Not Motivation, Drive Behavior:Have you ever noticed how some days your teen can easily breeze through their homework, while other days they struggle intensely? Doug explains that this is one of the telltale signs of emotional and stress behavior. Teens' emotional regulation skills are still developing, and their ability to smoothly manage stressors fluctuates based on context and daily circumstances. Their struggles come from the normal teenage brain being a "work in progress," not from laziness or defiance.Doug illustrates how quickly adults escalate to punishments when they feel out of control, unintentionally reinforcing shame and fear. Instead, he shows how we can help teens practice emotional regulation strategies like breaks, walks, or even a few minutes playing video games or listening to music, to bring their brains back into calmer, rational territory.Effective Discipline: Teaching Skills, Not Enforcing PunishmentInstead of punishments that create resentment and anger, Doug emphasizes the importance of accountability. But this accountability isn't about suffering detention or grounding—it's about responsibility and making amends. He explains how parents can coach teens through thoughtful conversations about repairing harm done, being responsible, and explaining what happened. Teens are capable of mature reflection, empathy and restitution if we guide them, rather than shame them.Doug also speaks powerfully about the mistakes adults make when it comes to teen status and stress. How younger teens or "less successful" students experience enormous stress from being at the bottom of the peer or family-status ladder, and why we must watch carefully that we aren’t subtly reinforcing these harmful hierarchies at home. Treating all kids fairly and helping each teen find purpose and status in their unique talents deeply reduces unhealthy stress.Helping Teens Find Their Purpose Through Service and ConnectionSometimes the teens labeled "troubled" or 'hard-to-reach" are actually those most capable of empathy and service. Doug shares moving stories of teens who were acting out or at risk, yet discovered purpose and meaning through helping younger students or mentoring peers through similar struggles (such as substance abuse recovery). Often the kids who've encountered the biggest hurdles have profound insights to share, if we provide opportunities for them to give.Doug explains how shifting these teens from being the only recipients of support (or discipline) ...
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    23 m
  • Ep 331: Helping Teens Feel Wealthy—Inside and Out

    Ep 331: Helping Teens Feel Wealthy—Inside and Out
    Mar 23 2025
    Elizabeth Husserl, author of The Power of Enough, joins us to discuss how parents can teach their teens a healthy relationship with money, how to use financial decisions to meet deeper needs, and how families can start meaningful conversations around money.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesMoney can feel like a taboo topic—even within our own households. While we'd love our teens to grow up feeling confident and secure financially, it can seem challenging to teach them how to approach money effectively—let alone joyfully. Many young people enter adulthood without a clear sense of how to balance their financial resources with their deeper needs and desires. How can parents foster a healthier, happier, and more meaningful relationship between their teenagers and money?In this episode, we're diving into how to redefine and transform your family's relationship with money, shifting from scarcity to joy. Joining us on this journey is Elizabeth Husserl, the co-founder of Peak 360 Wealth Management and author of the new book The Power Of Enough: Finding Joy in Your Relationship with Money. Elizabeth combines expertise as a financial advisor with insights gained through her study of transpersonal and somatic psychology, teaching families how to view money and wealth in deeper, more fulfilling ways.In our conversation, Elizabeth explains how to help teens understand that wealth goes far beyond having money in the bank. She argues that a healthy relationship with money is about intentionally and creatively meeting our deeper human needs. Elizabeth shares her strategies and exercises developed from psychology and personal experience, guiding parents in teaching teens to manage financial resources thoughtfully and in alignment with their unique sense of fulfillment.Redefining Wealth & ScarcityElizabeth emphasizes the distinction between money and wealth. While money is simply a tool, wealth relates to our overall state of well-being. She describes how many people carry stories of scarcity handed down from previous generations—traumas, hardships, and struggles—despite those conditions no longer matching their everyday experience.By helping teenagers examine their personal and family money stories, parents can free their children from generational anxiety around money and encourage mindful, empowered financial experiences. Elizabeth outlines how we can become "anthropologists" of our money behaviors, identifying patterns and stories without judgment, and then choosing consciously how to move forward.The Wealth Mandala and Teaching Needs-Based DecisionsOne of Elizabeth's key tools—the Wealth Mandala—is a powerful exercise for teens and adults alike. Elizabeth shows us how to use this exercise to explore our core human needs such as connection, belonging, creativity, and safety. By mapping out areas where we feel fulfilled (or lacking), families learn to consciously channel their resources—financial and otherwise—to address what truly matters.Anxiety about money often comes from not truly understanding our needs. Elizabeth provides clear and concrete examples of how parents can guide their teenagers in understanding and articulating their deeper needs—beyond fleeting desires for material possessions—and learning to fulfill these needs in fulfilling, sustainable, and financially mindful ways.Having Honest Family Money ConversationsTalking directly with your children about family finances and money values can be intimidating. Elizabeth offers practical strategies and scripts, like the Target store exercise she implemented with her own daughter, demonstrating how to let teens make empowered spending decisions through a thoughtful dialogue.By responding without judgment or shaming, parents can teach teens to pause and critically evaluate their financial choices. Teens ultimately learn agency over their decisions and how to effectively balance immediate material desires against long-term financial health and satisfaction.In the Episode…Elizabeth's holistic and compassionate approach to money and wealth shows us how we can help teenagers develop a meaningful relationship to their resources. Our conversation also covers:How to change from a finite to an infinite view of workWhy having a 'conversation' with money can change your family dynamicSimple tools for teaching teens financial decision-making skillsHow somatic psychology can guide spending for greater life fulfillmentIf you're looking to shift your family's dialogue about money from tension and confusion toward joy and deep satisfaction, Elizabeth Husserl provides profound insights and accessible strategies. Be sure to check out her book, The Power Of Enough: Finding Joy in Your Relationship with Money, and find resources, guides, and more tools on her website elizabethhusserl.com.Thanks for listening! Don’t forget ...
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    20 m
  • Ep 330: How to Validate Your Teen (And When Not To)

    Ep 330: How to Validate Your Teen (And When Not To)
    Mar 16 2025
    Caroline Fleck, author of Validation, explains how to make teens feel deeply understood and supported, highlighting powerful validation tools, avoiding common parenting pitfalls, and uncovering practical strategies to improve teen communication and trust.Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.Full Show NotesWe often hear that parenting teenagers is one of the hardest yet most rewarding experiences. Is your teen withdrawing, shutting down, or resisting connection? Does it feel like no matter what you say, you're met with silence, frustration, or emotion-driven outbursts? If communication in your household feels increasingly difficult, you're not alone—parents everywhere are struggling to maintain open, positive relationships with their teenagers. What we may not realize is that our well-meaning responses often discourage teens from fully sharing their experiences, pushing them to close themselves off at precisely the time we hope they'll open up.That's where validation comes in—not vague praise or mere agreement, but true validation that meets teens where they are and makes them feel genuinely seen and understood. It's a powerful technique drawn from psychotherapy, designed specifically to reach even the most resistant individuals. Learning validation can transform your interactions with your teenager, making your communication not just easier and more frequent, but deeper, warmer, and more meaningful.In today's episode, we're joined by validation expert Dr. Caroline Fleck, author of Validation. Caroline is a practicing therapist and expert in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), the clinical approach that developed these powerful validation techniques to treat the most challenging clients. She shares why validation was such a groundbreaking discovery in psychology—and why every parent can use it to create profound transformations at home.In our engaging conversation, Caroline introduces the dynamic and practical levels of validation, offering a "validation ladder" technique to help parents authentically relate to their teens' experiences. We discuss common pitfalls, explore why certain ways of communicating with younger children become ineffective—or even counterproductive—as they grow into adolescence, and clarify how validation can be the bridge that adapts along with your teen.Why Validation Matters for TeensValidation isn’t just about making teens feel momentarily better—it has tangible, scientifically-backed effects on their emotional health, behavior, and trust. Caroline introduces powerful research that shows teens who anticipate genuine, validating conversations from their parents are likely to be more forthcoming with important details about their lives. Validation communicates that teens' emotions, thoughts, and experiences make sense and are meaningful, which is critical at a developmental stage when acceptance and belonging become extremely important.To illustrate, Caroline shares insightful experiences from her own clinical practice working directly with teenagers. She demonstrates how stepping into teens' worlds in a validating way builds powerful trust and leads to greater openness—even in teens known for being especially guarded. Surprisingly, this doesn't require heavy conversations—in fact, often doing your nails or chatting about a favorite comic can be the launching pad for deeper trust and connection.The Validation LadderCaroline breaks down her validation framework into different levels—what she refers to as the "validation ladder." From simple attention (being mindfully present) at the lowest rung, to logical understanding at mid-level, and finally to a powerful empathy level where parents disclose and relate emotionally, each rung offers progressively deeper validation.But Caroline also warns of risks at each stage. For instance, while empathy and disclosure can powerfully connect, too much disclosure or missing the emotional mark can create disconnection. Validation is subtle, with decreasing margin for error as you climb higher on Caroline's ladder—but it has undeniable, life-changing power when you get it right.Finding the Balance with TeensTeens are paradoxical. On one hand, they want to be understood as unique individuals; on the other, feeling "normal" and accepted by peers is paramount. Caroline walks us through how parents can walk that fine line—validating the emotional intensity of first-time teen experiences while still helping teens see their responses as understandable and normal.One of Caroline's favorite tips? The "Caroline Qualifier," a strategic technique that allows parents to validate the uniqueness of a teen's experience without alienating them or trivializing what they are going through. We discuss practical examples of how to implement this while navigating first breakups and intense friendships.Why "Doing Something" ...
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    25 m
  • Ep 329: Who Needs College Anymore?

    Ep 329: Who Needs College Anymore?
    Mar 9 2025

    Kathleen deLaski, author of Who Needs College Anymore?, joins us to discuss the evolving necessity of college education in light of new career pathways, rising tuition costs, and the changing job market influenced by technology and skills-based hiring.

    Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.

    Full Show Notes

    In the rapidly changing landscape of education and employment, parents are left questioning the value of a college degree for their teenagers. With soaring tuition fees and an evolving job market that increasingly values skills and experience over formal education, it's no wonder many are rethinking the traditional path. As artificial intelligence and automation continue to reshape industries, the future of college education becomes even more uncertain.

    To unpack these transformative trends, we’re joined this week by Kathleen deLaski, the founder and board chair of the Education Design Lab. Kathleen, a senior advisor at Harvard's Project on Workforce and a professor at George Mason University, recently authored Who Needs College Anymore?, offering a fresh perspective on the traditional college track. Through her work and personal experiences, Kathleen shines a light on how parents can navigate and advise their teens in this shifting educational paradigm.

    The Evolution of 'Higher Education'

    The script for achieving the American Dream, once dominated by the pursuit of a college degree, is being rewritten. Kathleen shares insights into how more than half of high school graduates venture towards college, yet less than 40% achieve a bachelor's degree. She delves into the inflated expectations for degrees in the job market and highlights the blurring lines between traditional blue- and white-collar roles—changes driven by technological advancements.

    Beyond the College Degree

    Kathleen explores the burgeoning pathways that don't involve college, acknowledging the roles apprenticeships and industry certifications can play. She argues for a mindset shift, urging educational institutions to offer hands-on experience outside conventional classroom settings. The traditional college experience might still benefit some, but for others, Kathleen advocates exploring micro-pathways that offer direct routes into the workforce.

    Addressing the Last Mile

    One of the significant hurdles for college graduates is the "last mile," or the transition from education to employment—a common pitfall Kathleen identifies as a gap colleges must address. She emphasizes the importance of obtaining career-related experiences and the proactive role colleges and students should undertake to ensure job readiness. As artificial intelligence becomes a staple in recruitment, standing out requires fostering real-world skills and networks.

    In the Episode...

    Throughout our conversation, Kathleen offers thoughtful insights into these pressing questions:
    How can parents support teens’ interests while considering modern educational pathways?

    • What role do certifications and digital skills wallets play in validating competencies without degrees?
    • How can we facilitate skills-based hiring to redefine job readiness?

    Kathleen deLaski's perspective is invaluable for any parent navigating their teen’s educational choices amidst rapid changes in higher education. Her work urges us to reconsider our approach to student success, encouraging dialogue and action to adapt to the future of learning.

    For those interested in learning more about Kathleen’s thought-provoking work, visit whoneedscollegeanymore.org, where resources and discussion guides are available. Don’t forget to check out her book for a comprehensive understanding of how degrees might lose their gravity in the coming years. Stay tuned and subscribe for a deeper dive into the education of tomorrow.


    Sponsored by Equip: Eating disorder treatment that works—delivered at home. Visit equip.health/talking for more information, and a free consultation.
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    21 m
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