In this episode, I’m joined by leadership coach and community builder Joppe Quaedvlieg for a heartfelt conversation about communication, personal agency, and what it actually takes to create trust, safety, and belonging, and how we can do this rather simply with one interaction at a time.

Joppe is the creator of Descriptive Communication, a practical approach to expressing what we want and need in ways that others can actually understand. His work grew out of lived experience: years of not knowing what he wanted, learning to people-please, and eventually realizing how much of our suffering and lost opportunity results from not being able to express ourselves clearly - to ourselves or to others.

We explore:

• Why the question “What do you want?” is so difficult but also transformative
• How vague language hides practical needs
• The link between clarity, nervous system safety, and trust
• Why descriptive communication builds agency, courage, and responsibility
• How community is created not through good intentions, but clear asks
• What leadership, relationships, and collaboration look like when honesty replaces performance
• Joppe's views on sisu

Joppe also shared his own poem, “I Consider Us a Village,” and walks us through the thinking behind his community practice Help Me Help You, showing how simple, specific requests can unlock collective resources we already have but rarely use.

I found the conversation both philosophical and practical. It’s about language, but even more it is about presence and the courage to be real with each other.

If you’re interested in leadership development, want tips to improve your relationships or are a community builder, or more generally, yo want to learn how to communicate with more clarity, this episode offers tools that you can start testing out immediately.

Check out Joppe's work at his website artiqula.com. There you can find his courses, coaching offerings, and also Joppe's 2025 book Reaching Escape Velocity!

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Sisu is a reserve of inner strength but it's also a way for us to know ourselves and impact the world in a positive way. Cultivating these reserves of inner strength starts with self-care and continues through self-inquiry. its power then extends to the world through our inspired acts of deep courage and compassion.

Thanks for tuning in! You can find out more about sisu, find links to research, and check out Gentle Power: A Revolution in How We Think, Lead, and Succeed Using the Finnish Art of Sisu at www.sisulab.com.

Sisu is great, love is greatness.

Scott Barry Kaufman is a big inspiration to me in research and the human sciences. He is a humanistic psychologist, the creator of self-actualization coaching, and simply a refreshing person who brings a sense of “keeping it real” to the world of self-development.

Scott is a professor of psychology at Columbia University, the director of the Center for Human Potential, and among the top 1% most-cited scientists in the world for his research on intelligence and creativity (= wow, the academic sisu this has required).

He also hosts The Psychology Podcast. With over 25 million downloads, it’s one of the leading psychology podcasts globally.

Scott’s foundation lies in humanistic psychology, which emphasizes the importance of meaning, wholeness, and the lived experience of being human. Rather than sinking into all sorts of neurosis over what the ego likes to label as “good–bad” or “right–wrong,” this perspective invites us to feel into all the complexity (and wonder) that comes with being human.

We spoke about a wide range of topics, such as creativity, human potential, feeling like an impostor at times (and why it can actually be a good thing), his hopes and hesitations about the future, and what it means to be true to your heart.

Last year, Scott published his 11th (!) book, Rise above! You can explore Scott's work and many valuable resources at scottbarrykaufman.com. I warmly recommend checking it out. The site is a treasure trove of insight.

The conversation we had moved something in me, which I felt afterward. What I can make of it is that witnessing authenticity stirs us, brings us closer to our center and to each other. It feels grounded and safe, and we are indeed finely tuned to sense it.

Especially in the context of a recorded conversation, where we tend to seek to perform and give “the right answers” (which is, of course, very human), it felt beautiful to witness such realness.

The discussion brought back a thought my Aikido teacher once shared with me: “It’s easy to be clever. It’s much harder to be loving.”

Thanks for listening and for being part of the sisu journey <3

If you enjoyed the content, please leave a review if you like, or share the podcast link so it can find its way to people who might enjoy it.

Support the show

Sisu is a reserve of inner strength but it's also a way for us to know ourselves and impact the world in a positive way. Cultivating these reserves of inner strength starts with self-care and continues through self-inquiry. its power then extends to the world through our inspired acts of deep courage and compassion.

Thanks for tuning in! You can find out more about sisu, find links to research, and check out Gentle Power: A Revolution in How We Think, Lead, and Succeed Using the Finnish Art of Sisu at www.sisulab.com.

Sisu is great, love is greatness.

Right now, outrage seems as rampant as complacency, and both are lost opportunities from the vantage point of of life force. Being a "constructive badass" is a path to growth, change, and leadership amidst high pressure situations. The more we develop the skill of constructive dissent and engage in the art of insubordination—how to speak up with courage and clarity—we create degrees of freedom for courage in the everyday.

For this Sisu Lab episode, I had the joy of interviewing Professor Todd Kashdan, one of the world’s most cited psychologists and a curious thought leader on courage, character, and all things psychological flexibility. This conversation rocked such a unique flow of exploring life, ideas, and the co-creative space possible between curious humans anywhere that it felt like a real highlight. The experience itself, to me, speaks of how can help each other rise to our best just by being genuinely excited about each other (like kids!) and viewing moments of interaction as opportunities to unearth something valuable together.

Todd and I jammed about:

• How to dissent effectively without breaking connection
• Why good people may struggle to be brave when it matters most
• The difference between being a principled rebel vs. a reactive troublemaker
• Why true change-makers often face delayed rewards—and how sisu can help us stay the course
• Balancing activism with mental health, and what keeps us going through long fights for change
• The gift of witnessing each other fail—and grow and heal together
• What it means to be an “upstander” (with a nod to educator Jackson Katz)
• How everyday acts of courage and kindness shape the bigger environment we call our life

Todd’s insights come from decades of research—and deep skin in the game. He’s the author of several brilliant books, including Curious, The Upside of Your Dark Side, and most relevantly: The Art of Insubordination.

🎧 If you’ve ever struggled to find your voice in the face of injustice—or wondered how to process with combining courage and compassion (or to navigate the difference between power vs. force)—this is for you.

If this has value to you, please share with everyone you know. And let me know who you'd like me to interview!

Thanks again, Todd. This was exquisite!

Shownotes:

Todd's website and books: www.toddkashdan.com.

Rainer Maria Rilke: Letters to a Young Poet.

Jackson Katz TEDx with over 2 million views.

Support the show

Sisu is a reserve of inner strength but it's also a way for us to know ourselves and impact the world in a positive way. Cultivating these reserves of inner strength starts with self-care and continues through self-inquiry. its power then extends to the world through our inspired acts of deep courage and compassion.

Thanks for tuning in! You can find out more about sisu, find links to research, and check out Gentle Power: A Revolution in How We Think, Lead, and Succeed Using the Finnish Art of Sisu at www.sisulab.com.

Sisu is great, love is greatness.