In this episode, Bex (she/her) is joined by Aislin (she/her) and Stella (she/they) to discuss what queer community means, how to find and build inclusive spaces, and the challenges of representation in the arts and athletics. They share personal stories, insights, and shoutouts to local queer organizations making a difference.

Welcome to the podcast & guest introductions

Aislin & Stella share their personal definitions of community and discuss the importance of safety, belonging, and shared experience.

Acknowledging privilege and the ongoing fight for inclusivity within the community.

The role of queer signifiers in self-expression
 • The importance of visibility and how it impacts self-acceptance
 • Challenges of stereotypes and expectations in queer spaces.

Stella’s journey in queer performance and burlesque
 • Aislin’s experience joining and organizing Queer Run Club
 • How stepping into leadership roles can help build and uplift community


Inclusivity struggles: Are we truly inviting everyone in?
 • Acknowledging gaps in trans and POC representation
 • The responsibility to create intentional, welcoming spaces


Financial barriers for queer artists
 • The decline of accessible media platforms for promotion
 • The importance of sustainable funding & corporate responsibility


Checking in on each other’s well-being
• Showing up for queer events and artists
 • The political climate and its impact on LGBTQ+ rights


• Masque of the Red Death (April 2024) - Upcoming queer performance produced by Saint Stella
• Queer Run Club - Weekly Saturday runs & coffee meetups

• Femme Fatale Toronto - Burlesque troupe showcasing Black and Women of Colour performers

• Sugar Holiday - Toronto-based burlesque performer and producer
• Queer Jock Night
• Queer Mingle Events 
- Black and Indigenous-run meetups for the lesbian, non-binary, trans and queer community

• Rebecca @sexedbeforebed
• Aislin @queerrunclub & @architectaislin
• Stella @saintstella & https://saintstella.com

1 in 5 university-enrolled women will experience attempted or completed rape. Rape is one of the most underreported crimes - 10% are reported.

A world without rape. A world where sexual violence is rare. This is the goal of Sara's work on Flip the Script, a new Canadian sexual assault prevention program for young cis and trans women to assess, acknowledge and act. This episode is a must-listen for every parent and every young woman.

We talked about how the program works and the positive impact it has had so far. We talked about how young women want to have these conversations about setting boundaries, understanding coercion and pondering what pleasure looks like for them.

We also talked about radical self-love and for women, trusting our gut!

Resources We Chatted About

Globe and Mail Article

Draw The Line

Loveisrespect.org

Sexual Assault Centres Near You

Follow Sara's Work

Insta @girls.resist

Twitter @girls_resist

About Flip the Script

Sexual Assault Resistance Education (SARE) Centre

With great attraction comes great sex, forever, right? Not so much.

Jessica Maxwell studies relationships and sex for a living. With Canadian roots, she's now an assistant professor at the University of Auckland. I learned things from her that I started applying to my own life as soon as the conversation ended.

Topics of discussion

• Sexual fixed mindset vs. growth mindset
• What factors play into long-term relationship satisfaction?
• How often are people having sex?
• Who else is thinking about how often people are having sex?
• A neat quiz to tell your partner what you want in bed (or out of it)
• The Orgasm Gap
• What's the best way to meet someone we're compatible with?
• How scientific are dating apps?
• Double standards & myths

Fun Stuff

Sex preferences quiz | Mojo Upgrade

Learn More

• Jessica's website

List of researchers Jessica mentioned along with media coverage of their work:

• Terri Fisher | LA Times | Who lies more about sex, men or women?
• Sam Joel | The Cut | It's All Too Easy to Ignore Relationship Dealbreakers
• Amy Muise | Science Daily | Couples who have sex weekly are happiest
• Lindsey Hick | Global News | Are you lying to yourself about how much sex you need in your relationship?

In 2019, I traveled to South Africa and Namibia. While visiting Cape Town, I went on a Township Tour with Lele Mbinda and visited his hometown of Langa just outside Cape Town. Lele opened my eyes to not only how people live day to day in Langa, but also how sex is viewed by adults and youth. Heads up that this episode includes a discussion about rape.

We talked about the following topics as they pertain to Langa Township:

• the intersection of poverty, class, race, intergenerational differences and culture in how residents talk or rather, do not talk about sex
• the many obstacles to speaking openly about sex and asking questions
• dating for young people
• the impact of menstruation on young women
• lack of awareness regarding harassment and rape
• suggestions for how to move forward and create more open dialogue
• local perspectives on LGBTQ folk
• STEM programming for youth
• The iThuba Project

Learn More

Episode Sources

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Langa,_Cape_Town

https://www.westerncape.gov.za/general-publication/teenage-pregnancy

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-45889366

https://hivhealthclearinghouse.unesco.org/library/documents/sexuality-education-south-africa-three-essential-questions

Jessica Ruano is the director of The Ghomeshi Effect, a dance-theatre performance about sexual violence and the legal system in Canada.

This interview stayed with me long after I stopped recording. With the proliferation of #metoo narratives in the media, this conversation is a much-needed dissection of sexual violence from several vantage points. Jessica doesn't give quick and easy answers, instead, she approaches this murky issue meticulously, using stories and research to punctuate her points.

Together, we grappled with these questions and more:

• What kinds of people commit sexual violence?
• Are there good people and bad people?
• Is it possible to reconcile our perception of a "good" person with something horrible they've done?
• Is it possible for someone who has raped someone else to atone for it and/or be forgiven?
• How much do we want to exclude people who have committed such acts and with what goal in mind?
• Can or should a guilty person be brought back into a community?
• Does ostracizing the guilty help the problem?
• How common are false rape accusations, really?
• How can art heal survivors?

Links

The Ghomeshi Effect

Hannah Gadsby's Nanette Trailer

Ottawa Coalition to End Violence Against Women

Intro & Outro Music

The theme song is Rise and Shine by Audiobinger. Edited for time and volume.

A fascinating discussion with Rick Goodwin. Rick is at the forefront of Canadian programming for men who have experienced sexual and/or physical childhood abuse. The statistics and the impact are alarming to say the least. Rick relays two decades of experience in a concise way and we still found time to talk about #metoo, Netflix, the US military and more.

Here's a snap of what you'll learn:

• When men experience trauma, how long do they tend to keep it secret?
• What is emotional integrity and why are more men interested in it now?
• How is #metoo impacting male survivors of sexual violence?
• How do ideas about Western masculinity foster a sense of shame for men?
• How does trauma impact the lives of men and the people around them and what can survivors do to start healing?

Links

Men and Healing

1in6

The Bristlecone Project

Sex Myths Uncovered is a panel I was asked to host in Toronto. If you ever wanted to hear a complex, nuanced, high-level conversation about sex politics, this is it!

A groundbreaking, funny, frank conversation from five very distinct, brilliant vantage points. We asked the public to submit questions in advance and answered them on air. 'Twas awesome!

Sex Myths Uncovered will unbox the mysteries, misunderstandings, and curiosities surrounding women’s sexual health. The conversations explore both the physiological and the psychological, with voices from the medical community, sex work activism and sexual health education. Panelists will share their experiences from the Toronto sex community and beyond, opening up the discussion with the audience at the end for a Q&A.

Panelists

Veronica Kazoleas, M.A, Founder of The Nookie // Veronica Kazoleas, M.A. is an award-winning social psychologist and former healthcare executive. @thenookieshop

Allison M. Dalby, RN, MN-NP (candidate) // Allison has worked in sexual health throughout her nearly nine-year career as a Registered Nurse.

Claire AH, Matchmaker, Sex and Dating Coach/Educator, Disability Advocate // Claire AH is a matchmaker for Friend of a Friend Matchmaking, working with the Toronto LGBTQ+ community and the entire Hamilton population. www.ClaireAH.com Instagram: @claireahhhh

Ducky Doolittle, Sexual Assault & Violence Intervention Counselor & Pleasure-Based Sex Educator // Ducky is a Sexual Assault & Violence Intervention Counselor and a pleasure-based Sex Educator. @duckydoolittle

Shriya Hari, Sexual Health Promoter/Community Based Researcher // Shriya Hari is an experienced community based researcher and sexual health promoter based in Toronto Ontario.@shareyournuance @asaaptoronto @kshyamasattic

On this episode, I partner with Vanessa and Maggie, hosts of 21 Questions, to speak with revered sex therapist and social worker, Angie Gunn.

Angie addresses our questions about polyamory, also known as consensual non-monogamy, ripping apart misconceptions about people who practice it and how they practice it. She also shares the dramatic life events that led her to this profession and lifestyle.

Hear tidbits on:

• the myriad ways consensual non-monogamy is practiced
• the discrimination polyamorists face
• establishing what you need from a relationship and how to set boundaries
• control and ownership in monogamous culture
• poly culture as primarily white and middle class
• how monogamous folk can be kinder to the poly community

Work with Angie

The theme song is Rise and Shine by Audiobinger. Edited for time and volume. http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Audiobinger/~/Rise_and_Shine_1696