The Iran ceasefire is collapsing in real time — JD Vance says it never included Lebanon, Iran says it did, and Pakistan (who mediated the whole thing) is siding with Iran. Meanwhile Trump is charging Iran protection money for the Strait of Hormuz, Pam Bondi no-showed the Epstein deposition because she's "unprepared," and Melania held a surprise press conference distancing herself from a man she definitely never met.

This episode covers the Iran non-war ceasefire breakdown, the auto-enrollment draft, Hormuz petrodollar math, the Epstein deposition fallout, Bondi, Melania, Pakistan, Marco Rubio, JD Vance, Ratcliffe, Taiwan deterrence strategy, and why Anthropic should release the unhinged version of Claude.

New segment: Trump Eyes — viewing recent disasters through the optimistic lens of Donald J. Trump.

Run Your Mouth is a weekly comedy news podcast covering politics, foreign policy, and media with jokes.

Rob Bernstein debuts the brand new million-dollar Run Your Mouth studio, immediately fires Producer Man, and declares war on being the biggest show on the internet. The FEMA administrator apparently got teleported to Waffle House by demons -- and Rob breaks down why that tracks. A hot Iranian woman gets deported for calling America "the great Satan" and Rob pitches his immigration reform platform: import more hot women, put the fives and sixes on notice. Pam Bondi's replacement channels his inner Lil Wayne dodging every Epstein question. Then Rob uses AI to calculate what $2 billion could actually do for Americans instead of rescuing one downed pilot, tears apart a Wall Street Journal article pitching the Iran war as an energy win, explains the petrodollar like a guy who's confident but admittedly might be wrong, and closes with a pitch to design society from the toilets up.Support the show: robbernsteincomedy.comSheath Underwear -- promo code RYM: sheathunderwear.comChapters:00:00:00 - New Million-Dollar Studio Debut + Producer Man Is Fired00:03:17 - Waffle House Is a Demon Portal (FEMA Administrator Confirms)00:05:57 - Deported Iranian Woman: The "Iranian Aubrey Plaza" Immigration Plan00:08:22 - Epstein Update: New AG Channels Chappelle's Lil Wayne00:12:32 - Sponsor: Sheath Underwear (Promo Code RYM)00:13:33 - Iran War Coverage: Power Plant and Bridge Day00:19:29 - SEAL Team Six Rescue Mission -- $2 Billion for One Pilot00:24:00 - AI Slop Research Division: What $2B Could Do for Americans00:27:16 - Petrodollar Breakdown (Said Confidently from a Nice Studio)00:31:29 - Debunking the Wall Street Journal's Pro-War Energy Article00:41:36 - Live Chat Comments + Viewer Q&A00:44:17 - Navy Toilets, NASA Toilets, and the Buc-ee's Philosophy00:47:14 - Domino's Driver Gets $40K -- Ring Camera Justice System00:49:24 - Sign Off

Rob Bernstein opens with a produced satirical cold open hitting Lindsey Graham, Hegseth purging generals, animals judging your kinks, and Israel's negotiation strategy of assassinating people mid-talks. The main show kicks off with the Kristi Noem husband scandal -- Rob wrestles with crossing his own "leave the guy alone" red line before diving into the bigger question: how does the political machine have a dirt folder ready on everyone the second they turn on you? From there, Rob gives a quick update on the Charlie Kirk shooting inconsistencies (inconclusive bullet match, sheriff resigning, trial pushed back), predicts the shooter becomes "the left's Kyle Rittenhouse," then moves to Trump attending Supreme Court oral arguments on birthright citizenship and trying to stare down his own appointees. The bulk of the episode is a deep breakdown of Trump's Iran war speech -- Rob reads the transcript line by line, exposing contradictions about regime change, the Hormuz Strait "naturally" reopening, and the claim that Iran was about to nuke the entire Middle East. He riffs on data centers becoming war targets ("I don't want to have to go back to thinking"), shouts out Claude over Grok for AI accuracy, pitches Mad Max oil tankers with Trump holograms singing "Can't Touch This" as a cheaper alternative to $1.5B/day war spending, and covers the UAE joining the Hormuz fight and Dubai squeezing IRGC money flows. The tariff segment highlights businesses wasting time trying to figure out overly complicated metal tariff rules. The show closes with Pam Bondi getting fired as AG -- Rob questions whether she'll flip on Trump at her deposition or take a cushy private sector job to keep quiet.Sponsored by YoKratom.com Sheaht.com (Promocode RYM)Merch at: RobBernsteinMerch.ComSupport the show at: RobBernsteinComedy.com Send me porches at: Robsnewsroom@gmail.com⏱️ TIMESTAMPS0:00 — Cold open / fake news headlines1:19 — Welcome & intro, porch tour requests, YoKratom sponsor read2:25 — Correction corner: the Gerald Ford ship story & Trump video3:25 — Kristi Noem's husband: Rob breaks his own rule5:00 — "They have folders on everyone" — the blackmail theory7:00 — Deep dive into the Noem marriage dynamics15:56 — Iran War update: data centers as military targets17:45 — Grok vs. Claude — which AI is telling the truth?22:12 — Trump's national address breakdown begins28:30 — The JCPOA argument & Trump's "I saved the Middle East already" logic35:50 — The Hormuz Strait "just opens naturally" bit42:00 — Trump's presidential library plans roasted42:44 — UAE joins the fight / Dubai crackdown on Iran's money45:38 — Tariff overhaul — aluminum & copper chaos, small business fallout48:22 — Trump vs. Macron / NATO fractures53:10 — $1.5B/day war cost — Rob pitches a cheaper plan (Mad Max tankers + Trump hologram)56:02 — Pam Bondi fired — Epstein files, deposition, and what comes next1:00:28 — Wrap up, see you Wednesday

Rob Bernstein opens with a produced satirical cold open recapping the full lunacy of the Iran war, then dives into why the Kash Patel hack was probably Iran flexing that they have more dirt where that came from. The episode centers on the growing case for breaking up with Israel: other countries are paying Iran for Hormuz access, creating a natural off-ramp to the war that only Israel loses from -- and Donald Trump might finally be cornered into choosing between Netanyahu and reality. Rob tears through clips of Caroline Levitt insisting Iran has "already been defeated" while Iran blows up a $300 million plane and strikes Israeli desalination plants, Marco Rubio's goalpost-shifting "weeks not months" timeline that's now past a month, Netanyahu telling Trump to ignore anti-war polls, and Ben Shapiro's pitch for ground troops that boils down to "we have a military so we might as well use it." Trump's staff reveals they have an unofficial rule of waiting for him to say something twice before acting on it because he says too much crazy stuff, and Rob proposes a 24-hour confirmation system for presidential statements. The show wraps with USAID green energy grift allegations in Ukraine, the TSA self-funding fix, and DeSantis spending $2 million to rename an airport after Trump.Full episode on YouTube: RobbieTheFireMore content and paywalled episodes at robbernsteincomedy.com -- all five bucks a month.Merch at: RobbernsteinMerch.comSponsors: YOKRATOM.com---## Chapters00:00:00 - Cold Open: The Iran War Satirical Newsreel00:06:07 - Kash Patel Hack: Iran Flexing They Got More00:07:01 - Countries Paying Iran for Hormuz Access: The Off-Ramp00:09:52 - Cut Your Losses and Break Up With Israel00:12:09 - Trump Wants His Signature on US Currency00:13:35 - Trump's Negotiation Timeline: 5 Days, 10 Days, 15 Days00:14:06 - Iran Blows Up a Kurdish Oil Tanker and a $300M Plane00:15:14 - The Military's "95% Obliterated" Lie00:16:57 - New York Post Selling the War: Ex-General Says We're Ahead of Schedule00:17:42 - Roll the Clip: Rubio's War Timetable00:19:17 - Rubio on Iran: Imagine If They Spent Money on Their People00:20:42 - Rubio's Weeks Not Months Claim vs. Reality00:23:06 - Netanyahu Says War Beyond Halfway Point, Tells Trump to Ignore Polls00:25:28 - War Progress Report: Only 30% of Stockpiles Destroyed00:26:00 - Trump on the Aircraft Carrier Getting Hit00:27:05 - 13 US Bases Uninhabitable and Remote Work Joke00:27:44 - Caroline Levitt: Iran Has Already Been Defeated00:30:05 - Monty Python "Tis But a Scratch" Iran Comparison00:30:40 - The Hill: Trump's Staff Waits for Him to Say It Twice00:33:41 - Comments Break00:37:40 - Trump Distracted by a Gold Tractor00:38:26 - Proposal: ADD Trump Off These Topics with Atlantis00:39:44 - Trump on Unused 10-Year-Old Equipment (Epstein Context)00:40:25 - Trump's 15-Point Iran Truce Plan Lets Missiles Slide00:42:54 - Trump Annoyed France Won't Share Airspace00:44:53 - Europe Breaking Up With Israel Over Oil00:45:15 - Ben Shapiro's Pitch for Ground Troops00:46:00 - This Is COVID All Over Again: Two Weeks to Slow the Curve00:48:12 - Shapiro Flips the Script: "Military Activity Is Necessary"00:50:51 - Iranian Propaganda Guy Mocking Trump and Epstein Connection00:53:02 - Mark Levin Troops on the Ground Tease00:53:18 - Trump on Fox: My Uncle at MIT Knew Nukes00:55:37 - Hegseth on Hormuz Tolling: "Unacceptable"00:58:03 - Producer Man Technical Difficulties00:58:23 - Netanyahu "I Can Control the Height of the Flames" Leaked Video01:00:34 - USAID Ukraine Clean Energy Grift Allegations01:02:53 - At Least Trump Gives Us Real Problems (Not Climate Nonsense)01:03:29 - Ice Core CO2 Study: Both Sides Claim Victory01:04:27 - TSA Self-Funding Fix: Just Charge $10 a Ticket01:05:30 - Politicians Only Fix Things When It Affects Their Flights01:07:06 - Florida Renames Palm Beach Airport for Trump01:07:34 - Comments, Paywall Tease, and Sign-Off

Rob Bernstein tears apart Donald Trump's latest Iran war claims -- from the mystery "gift" Iran allegedly sent Trump ("I can't tell you what it is, but it's worth a tremendous amount of money") to the moving goalposts on regime change, to the $1.5 billion insider trading allegations tied to Trump's war announcements. Rob breaks down the full timeline: Trump's 48-hour ultimatum that ended with him folding, the "negotiations" Iran says never happened, the two-minute daily video briefings where Trump gets cherry-picked war highlights, and Pete Hegseth's claim that "we negotiate with bombs." Plus Rob dissects Mark Levin's dirty tricks interview with Joe Kent, gives his predictions for how this war ends, and asks the question nobody on the right wants to hear: would we have been better off with Kamala?

I accidentally ran audio from my computer instead of my fancy giant microphone in my face. Better quality audio on the next one. My bad.

Full episode and subscriber content at robbernsteincomedy.com -- all five bucks a month.

Merch at: RobBernsteinMerch.com

Sponsors:

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TimeStamps:

00:00:00 - Going Live: Porch Season and New Sketches

00:01:24 - Draft Age Raised to 42: How to Dodge It

00:02:13 - Rob's Tips for Avoiding the Iran Draft

00:04:04 - Live Chat Comments

00:04:48 - Don't Let the Democrats Be Right

00:05:44 - Trump's Confidence: The Magic Show Analogy

00:09:07 - Has Trump Jumped the Shark?

00:09:47 - Live Chat: Sunk Cost Fallacy and Allergies

00:11:01 - Trump Clip: "We Killed All Their Leadership"

00:12:28 - Iran Sent Trump a Gift He Can't Tell Us About

00:15:04 - The Full Trump-Iran Timeline Breakdown

00:16:24 - Trump's Two-Minute War Briefing Montage

00:17:43 - Cherry-Picked Highlights for the Commander-in-Chief

00:18:47 - The $1.5 Billion Insider Trading Allegations

00:20:58 - Trump's Hormuz Claims: "Maybe Me and the Ayatollah"

00:22:57 - Iran Calls Trump's Negotiations "Talking to Yourselves"

00:23:37 - Iran's Response Video: "Don't Call Your Defeat an Agreement"

00:26:05 - Predictions: How Does This War End?

00:32:28 - Iran Rejects Trump's 15 Demands, Lays Out 5 Conditions

00:36:06 - Pete Hegseth Was First to Push for War

00:36:50 - "We Negotiate With Bombs" -- Pete Hegseth

00:38:33 - Iran Rejects Trump Ceasefire, Moving Goalposts on Nukes

00:41:23 - The Daily Show Clip: Biden Official Makes Sense

00:43:58 - Would We Have Been Better Off With Kamala?

00:44:25 - Mark Levin vs. Joe Kent: The Dirty Tricks Interview

00:48:28 - Rob's Impression: Levin's Micropenis Interrogation

00:50:28 - Iran's 47 Years of Terrorism? Rob Checks the Receipts

00:52:15 - Mark Levin's Only Evidence: Witkoff and Kushner Said So

00:54:43 - Why Would Kent Whistleblow? The Motive Question

00:56:45 - robbernsteincomedy.com Plug

00:57:38 - Joe Kent's Full Story: Conservative Show Without Levin Tricks

01:02:52 - Closing: Boston Shows, Porch Season, Sayonara

Rob Bernstein kicks off a rare Saturday night live stream by roasting Trump's commemorative "winning" coin, then tears into the DHS funding standoff where Trump threatened to replace unpaid TSA agents with ICE officers -- because apparently ICE isn't busy deporting anyone anyway. The bulk of the episode digs into the Iran war with devastating Hegseth clips where the Secretary of War insists "nothing could be further from the truth" about a quagmire, plus Netanyahu pitching oil pipelines through Israel as the spoils of war. Jerome Powell drops the bombshell that private sector job creation is effectively zero, and Rob suggests the best prep for a fertilizer-driven food crisis is to get fat now and start jarring your farts. The show wraps with the latest Epstein file developments: Bondi dodging a sworn deposition, London police demanding unredacted files, and Epstein's lawyer likely perjuring himself on the stand.Full episode on YouTube: RobbieTheFireMore content and paywalled episodes at robbernsteincomedy.com -- all five bucks a month.Email: robsnewsroom@gmail.comChapters:00:00:00 - Saturday Night Stream Kickoff and Epstein Sketch Plug00:01:44 - Trump's Commemorative Coin of Winning00:03:00 - Trump Threatens ICE at Airports Over DHS Funding00:07:13 - Live Chat Comments and Yo Kratom Sponsor00:09:21 - Israel-Iran Escalation and Bombing the Spoils of War00:10:50 - Hegseth Wants $200 Billion to Restock Bombs00:12:32 - Hegseth Clip: "Nothing Could Be Further From the Truth"00:17:42 - Tulsi Gabbard Hearing Breakdown00:21:19 - Radcliffe's Austin Powers "Zip It" Moment00:24:56 - Palm Beach Pete: The Epstein Clone Theory00:27:24 - Kent on Tucker: Gatekeepers Blocking Intel From Trump00:32:55 - Netanyahu Clips: Oil Pipelines Through Israel00:38:05 - Netanyahu: Boots on the Ground and a "Short War"00:40:08 - Jerome Powell: Oil Inflation and Rate Hold00:41:47 - Powell Drops the Zero Job Creation Bomb00:43:05 - Get Fat Now: The Fertilizer Crisis Survival Plan00:46:02 - Epstein Files: Bondi Dodges Sworn Testimony00:49:55 - London Police Push for Unredacted Epstein Files00:51:39 - Epstein's Lawyer Indyke Likely Perjured Himself00:55:19 - Paywalled Tease and Sign-Off

Rob Bernstein breaks down Donald Trump's never-ending "victory lap" as the Iran war spirals -- from the CIA briefing that Iran's new Supreme Leader might be gay, to Trump calling kamikaze boats AI-generated, to the President accidentally going full Yoda mid-press conference ("Dig, we must"). Rob covers Joe Kent's resignation from the National Counterterrorism Center, NATO allies refusing to join the war, Trump threatening to abandon the Strait of Hormuz, the Huckabee-Netanyahu "proof of life" video, JD Vance taking over DOGE, and the Comer subpoena of Pam Bondi over Epstein.

Plus Bobby the Bank stops by with war stories from meeting Rogan and Zuckerberg at UFC, and the Sheath Underwear "Pouch Madness" sale.

Full episode and subscriber content at robbernsteincomedy.com -- all five bucks a month.

Sponsors:- Sheath Underwear -- code RYM for 20% off + Pouch Madness sale up to 50% off at sheathunderwear.com-

YoKratom.com -- home of the $60 kilo

Rob Bernstein asks whether we're watching a ghost war between two countries that might not have functioning leaders anymore -- and somehow that's not even the craziest part. Trump claims total air superiority while planes are "spontaneously falling from the sky," Pete Hegseth accidentally announces war crimes on camera, the FCC threatens to pull broadcast licenses for not spinning hard enough, and Trump reveals his five-D chess strategy is just pretending whatever happens is what you wanted. Plus: Fetterman says you need a stroke to see this as a win, Trump will end the war when he "feels it in his bones," the New York Post makes fun of the new Iranian leader's blown-off legs, and Epstein's accountant testifies he saw zero red flags while processing payments to hundreds of survivors. Ro Khanna and Comer drop names -- Rothschilds, Wexner, Leon Black, and a mysterious foreign head of state.Subscribe for $5/month at robbernsteincomedy.comMerch: robbernsteinmerch.comFull episodes and live streams: youtube.com/@RobbieTheFireCHAPTERS- 0:00 - Are We Watching a Ghost War Right Now?- 2:00 - Netanyahu Might Be Dead and Nobody Can Confirm It- 4:05 - Trump as the Reset Button for Planet Earth- 7:53 - Broad Strokes on the Iran War: Air Superiority vs. Running Out of Targets- 9:50 - Kharg Island: Trump Won't Blow It Up Because of Oil- 10:30 - Trump Suddenly Cares About Enemy Countries Getting Their Oil- 11:16 - Planes Spontaneously Falling From the Sky- 13:00 - Islamic Resistance in Iraq Wants Credit With Their "Appropriate Weapon"- 13:55 - Live Chat Comments Round 1- 14:40 - Sponsor: Yo Kratom- 14:55 - Pete Hegseth - 20:10 - Wars Are Won in Another Realm by Who Can Lie the Best- 22:05 - FCC Threatens to Pull Broadcast Licenses for Wrong Propaganda- 26:00 - Conservative Media Annoyed with trump- 28:00 - Live Chat Comments Round 2- 31:00 - Sponsor: robbernsteincomedy.com / Sheath Underwear- 31:45 - Fetterman Says Democrats Should Admit This Is a Win- 33:00 - New York Post: Iran's Leader Is "Impotent" -- Did We Create Darth Vader?- 33:45 - CNN Blames DOGE Spending Cuts for Losing the War- 36:20 - New York Post Fear Piece: Iranian Attack on US Soil Is Not If But When- 37:00 - Trump's 5D Chess: When Oil Goes Up We Make Money- 39:00 - Strait of Hormuz as an Options Trading Desk- 40:30 - Western Leaders Blame Putin's Hidden Hand- 44:15 - Wall Street Journal: Ending Iran War Quickly Carries Big Risk- 44:55 - Epstein's Accountant Tells Congress He Saw No Red Flags- 46:15 - Clip: Comer Names Names -- Wexner, Rothschilds, Sinofsky, Leon Black- 48:15 - Comer Clears Trump (Five Witnesses Under Oath)- 49:20 - Democrats Push Back: Accountant Was Not Forthcoming- 50:45 - Epstein Guard With Shady Bank Transfers to Testify Next- 52:00 - Clip: Ro Khanna on CNN -- Hundreds of Survivors, Not Forthcoming- 53:00 - Ro Khanna on the Trump Accuser Settlement Question- 55:00 - robbernsteincomedy.com Plug / Merch Plug- 56:10 - Episode Wrap: Back Wednesday or Friday / Epstein Storage Unit Sketch Preview