The work of building a life we love is deep and longterm. But along the way, there are small and simple gems of wisdom that can pack a big punch and lead us to “aha” moments. Renowned happiness expert Gretchen Rubin’s new book, Secrets of Adulthood: Simple Truths for Our Complex Lives, is full of aphorisms that present those kinds of helpful, concise ideas. Gretchen is the author of many bestselling books, such as The Happiness Project, Better Than Before, The Four Tendencies, and Life in Five Senses. She’s also host of the popular podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin, which helps people track their happiness-boosting habits. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra and Gretchen use aphorisms from the book to explore themes such as the tension between self-acceptance and wanting to grow, and balancing duty and desire in our relationships. Aphorisms can be wonderful conversation-openers, and this episode may even inspire you to write some of your own!

"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit

Secrets of Adulthood: Simple Truths for Our Complex Lives by Gretchen Rubin

Abandon the Empty Nest. Instead, Try the Open Door by Gretchen Rubin (The Atlantic)

Gretchen’s podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin

Gretchen’s website

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Parents of adolescents can sometimes feel like they’re in a tough spot: they get so much pushback and can lose their confidence when it comes to talking about the topics that really matter such as romance and love. Additionally, many parents don’t feel up to the task of talking with their teens about this subject—often because they’re still making sense of their own relationship journeys. In her new book, First Love: Guiding Teens through Relationships and Heartbreak, journalist, author, and professor Lisa A. Phillips reminds us that all adults are really still recovering from being teenagers, and that they bring their own experiences and ideas of first love into conversations with their kids. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra chats with Lisa about how our society has a tendency to demean and devalue fist love, the fact that most adolescents wish their parents spoke with them about relationships, and why a crush really is a milestone, too. They also explore how parents bring their own experiences and biases to these conversations, and often let their own fears and hang-ups stop them from having this important dialog in the first place.

"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit

First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak by Lisa A. Phillips

From WAMU’s 1A: How to talk our teens through their first heartbreaks, featuring Lisa A. Phillips, Alexandra Solomon, and Lauren Hamilton, hosted by Jenn White.

Lisa’s website

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Breakups are heart-wrenching at any age, but when a partner leaves suddenly after three decades of marriage, it takes a lot of time to pick up the pieces. When Suzy Hopkins had this experience, she decided to team up with her illustrator daughter Hallie Bateman to channel her pain into a creative project, and their book, What To Do When You Get Dumped: A Guide to Unbreaking Your Heart, came to life. Suzy had a rich career in journalism including founding her own magazine, and Hallie is a writer and illustrator whose work has appeared in places like the New Yorker and the New York Times Magazine. This is the second book Hallie and Suzy have made together, and on today’s episode, they’re giving us an inside look at what creating this illustrated guide entailed and how healing the creative process was for both of them. Dr. Alexandra chats with them about some of the most painful aspects of breakups, and they explore the incredible renewal that can occur in the wake of loss, when we are able to accept support from those we love and summon the courage to reimagine our lives.

"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit

What to Do When You Get Dumped by Suzy Hopkins & Hallie Bateman

Hallie’s website

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Today, we are excited to share Dr. Alexandra’s recent interview on the Signal Award-winning podcast No Small Endeavor. Produced by PRX and Great Feeling Studios, the podcast explores what it means to live a good life with the help of courageous and impassioned guests like renowned happiness expert Gretchen Rubin, Hidden Brain podcast host Shankar Vedantam, and New York Times bestselling author Malcolm Gladwell.

In this specific episode, host and theologian Lee C. Camp and Dr. Solomon discuss insights from her book, "Loving Bravely,” as well as the secrets to thriving intimacy, mastering the art of apology, and staying truly present with your partner. Not to mention she shares practical tools for navigating the inevitable challenges of long-term love.

Listen to more episodes of No Small Endeavor here: https://lnk.to/D28Fv3

Today’s guest, psychiatrist and author Dr. Sue Varma, says that optimists may be born, but “practical optimists” are made. Not all optimism is good, and not all pessimism is bad. BUT when we become mired in negativity, Dr. Sue says, we become paralyzed and passive. So what’s the fix? In her book, Practical Optimism, and in this episode, she makes a compelling case for why we all need more optimism in our lives and tells us how we can cultivate it right now. Dr. Alexandra chats with Dr. Sue about the role self-compassion plays in this journey, and how finding your soul’s purpose can help you remain in an optimistic zone for decades to come. They also discuss how partners can explore their unique strengths in this area as a team.

"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit

Practical Optimism The Art, Science, and Practice of Exceptional Well-Being by Dr. Sue Varma

Dr. Sue’s website

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“So often we look outside ourselves for the expansion that lives within,” says today’s guest Cathy Heller, a coach, spiritual guide, meditation teacher, and inspirational speaker. Many of us hang our worth and happiness on things we don’t have yet: the dream job, the perfect relationship, the fancy clothes. But in Cathy’s book Abundant Ever After, as well as in this episode, she tells us that we can have the ease, connection, and joy we so desperately crave, just as we are now. And when we can learn to do that, we become ready to receive abundance. Cathy and Dr. Alexandra discuss the Law of Reception and our capacity for welcoming goodness in, in the same way a radio dial tunes into different channels. Cathy also kicks off the episode by leading listeners through a nourishing mediation, which you can return to at any time, here on this episode.

"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit

Abundant Ever After: Tools for Creating a Life of Prosperity and Ease by Cathy Heller

Cathy’s Instagram @cathy.heller

Cathy’s website

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Few topics are more relevant to our day-to-day lives than work. For many of us, our jobs are more than just occupations—they’re where we achieve goals, make meaning, experience successes and failures, and cultivate our self-esteem. So, when work and love collide, we find ourselves at a rich intersection of emotions, expectations, and needs. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra uncovers why fighting with your partner about work is never just that, and shares tools you can use to cultivate intimacy and ambition simultaneously. You’ll learn about what Dr. Alexandra calls “the Work-Love Matrix,” understand the connections between your experience in the workplace and your experience growing up in your Family-of-Origin, and hear a five-step practice you can use today to have more supportive conversations about work with your partner.

Further Listening: Is Work Stress Taking a Toll on Your Relationship? (Reimagining Love)

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When two partners have a major difference between them, it can kick up a lot of dust in a relationship. One of the most common is what Dr. Alexandra calls “The Effort Mismatch”: while one partner tends to scan the relationship for problems and is always on the lookout for growth opportunities (The Change Partner), the other partner holds steady, generally accepting the relationship for what it is today (The Acceptance Partner). The good news is, when both partners understand and value their differences, this contrast between them can be a huge asset to their relationship. However, most couples with an Effort Mismatch struggle to reckon with this discrepancy, digging their heels into their side of the dynamic or wishing their partner would magically change. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra explores the internal and relational experience of each of these two types of partners, shares tailored reminders and guidance for each of them, and explains how this difference can actually be extremely complementary, even as it poses challenges for a couple.

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Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

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