The American Confidence Institute (ACI) is 10 years old. Ten. Years. And honestly, I had to sit with that for a second—like, wait, what?

The last decade has been a sports bra-required ride. Confidence has been tested for me, for you, for all of us. Back in 2015, when I talked about the amygdala, people looked at me like I was speaking Greek (which technically it is—it means almond, the shape of that brain part). Or maybe they thought I was casting a spell from Harry Potter. Now, brain science is practically pop culture.

And can we agree that “fake it till you make it,” counting to five, or power posing doesn’t actually work? You can’t breathe your way past fear or plaster on a smile and call it confidence.

Those tricks help calm your amygdala so you can think instead of react, but real confidence takes more. It takes doing the inner work. It takes deciding how you want to respond when your brain yells, “This is uncomfortable.”

Over the years, we’ve cycled through emotional regulation and emotional intelligence—both good, both useful—but the core lesson remains: your brain freaks out when it feels unsafe. Turning those warnings into signals helps you make better, more rational, confident choices. You can’t control others’ reactions—their experiences and emotions belong to them—but understanding and managing your own brain gives you an edge.

Confidence, really, is deciding again and again how you want to show up. The more you practice that awareness—recognizing your thoughts, feelings, and signals—the more you rewire your brain. That’s neuroplasticity in action: building the habits that make confidence your default. You start creating automatic responses you’ll be proud of later, not ones that make you think, “Crap, that was not my finest moment.”

So here we are. ACI at 10, me at 60. The data says confidence peaks around now, and I can confirm—it checks out.

It’s not about how you look or sound. It’s about being who you truly want to be. It’s about making your mark with the colors and fonts you like no matter what others think. It’s about making positive, productive impact. Are you leaving things better than you found them?

As a parent, educator, wife, friend, daughter—and yes, as a podcaster—I hope your world feels a little happier and a little more confident because I’m in it. It certainly does for me, because you’re in mine.

For this anniversary episode, we’re diving into where we’ve been, what’s changed, and what’s finally starting to click.

This past summer, my husband and I traveled to Croatia with a fantastic tour group. We’re sitting on a restaurant patio, sipping something ridiculously overpriced, when I meet a young psychiatrist on the tour. Freshly minted, very professional, very brainy… but, and I mean this with zero judgment, clearly on the spectrum. She wore the same outfit every day—just switched colors—and had that classic social awkwardness. Not a bad thing at all—just noticeable. Her vibe? Endearingly, unmistakably her own.

Then comes dinner. We’re all chatting, and suddenly—bam—she jumps up, grabs ice cream from a vendor, and plops it on her plate. No comment, no offer, nothing. Just action. Later, she confesses one of her biggest challenges: her autistic nephew. She says, “I just can’t do it. I don’t know how to interact with him.” And I’m thinking—sweetheart, I see you. You’re living some of this yourself.

Meeting her got me thinking about self-awareness. Noticing your patterns isn’t the same as controlling them. Awareness is step one; control, change, agency—that’s a whole other ballgame. That distinction—between knowing something about ourselves and having the ability and desire to change—is central to growing in confidence. Recognizing patterns is one thing; turning that knowledge into action is where true confidence lives. Tools, assessments, even feedback from others provide data—but they don’t automatically teach us how to act with clarity or courage.

If you’ve ever struggled to turn self-awareness into real confidence—or wondered why knowing your patterns isn’t enough—this episode dives into what it really takes to bridge that gap. Listen now and start seeing how awareness can become action.

Ever feel like you’re stuck in a loop with the people you love—same arguments, same frustration, same sense of nothing changing? My guest in this episode, Christy Cerniglia, had that exact experience in her 30-year marriage. But instead of blaming her husband (or anyone else), she leaned into a secret that most of us resist: the real power to change your relationships lies in how you show up.

I know, I know, you got it: if you keep doing what you always do, you get what you always get. So how DO you show up differently? Where do you even start?

For Cristie it was noticing her own patterns. She realized that the energy she brought —whether it was impatience, irritation, or criticism — was being mirrored back at her by the people around her. When she shifted to showing up with curiosity, respect, and intention, the ripple effect was immediate. Her husband responded differently. Her kids started listening more. Even the challenging in-laws felt… different.

And when she noticed that, the more confident she grew, and so did those around her.

She wasn’t manipulating or controlling them. She was creating influence through the confidence she was building. Because all brains and mirror neurons notice how we – and others – carry ourselves.

When we show up confident, clear, and respectful, the people around us can’t help but reflect some of that energy back. Cristie saw this in action every day, and it transformed her life in ways that felt natural, not forced.

Whether it’s a spouse who never does the chores, a mother-in-law who’s impossible to please, or kids who resist every request, I promise there’s something in this episode for you. Cristie’s approach is simple, doable and helps make relationships feel like a source of joy instead of stress.

Key takeaways from our conversation include:

• Why focusing on your own behavior sparks change in others
• How leading with respect and trust builds confidence in those around you
• What expressing desires clearly instead of complaining actually accomplishes
• Ways to release control with “whatever you think”
• Why owning your missteps with intentional apologies strengthens confidence

Cristie Cerniglia is a certified Laura Doyle Relationship coach and mother of four with a passion for inspiring and coaching women back into magnetic marriages. You can learn more about Cristie at relationshipswithamap.com.

I turned 60 this year, and honestly, it really is like a confidence switch flipped. Surprise?

Not really.

All the data from our research at American Confidence Institute has always shown that when we’ve clocked 60 years on the planet, we finally reach our confident best.

Not because age magically makes you perfect, but because you find yourself laughing at the ridiculous stuff that used to knock you down. I feel calmer. Wiser. Not all-knowing by any means, but I can see the games my own mind plays with me and spot them before they suck me in.

The three that chip away at our confidence the most?

Comparison. Impatience. Avoidance.

I’ve tripped over them more times than I can count and yeah, they’ve left some scars. But when I’m able to recognize them at play? That’s when I change the games my mind is playing.

Comparison is probably the worst. I still catch myself scrolling through alumni updates or social feeds and thinking, “Why aren’t I doing more?” But then I remind myself that at least half of those posts are highlight reels. Few if any post about the burnout, the mistakes, the doubts.

Patience is the next one. I’ve wanted things fast my whole life. Faster answers, faster progress, faster results. But life doesn’t hand you clarity overnight. You have to practice, stumble, and celebrate the tiniest wins. Even something as silly as picking a new outfit or finishing a podcast episode counts. Those little wins stack, and that’s how you grow confidence without noticing it.

Then there’s avoidance. So much easier to do the “safe” tasks, ignore the scary ones, and hope they’ll vanish. But avoiding life’s uncomfortable moments—hard conversations, big decisions, even self-reflection—shrinks your confidence. Face them in bite-sized pieces, and suddenly, you realize you’re capable of more than you ever thought.

In this episode, I dig into these traps and, more importantly, explore how to sidestep them. You’ll hear the kind of honest, real talk that makes you stop overthinking, start acting, and finally feel secure in who you are. Because confidence isn’t something you find. Confidence is something you create, choice by choice.

Some days, I just ignore my health. I tell myself, “I’ll deal with it later.” Whatever “it” happens to be. You know what I’m going to say next, right? Later never comes.

And putting off dealing with the odd ache, weird rash or feeling of fatigue doesn’t make it go away. We know this and yet a lot of us freeze and do nothing. Then, guilt and overwhelm sneak in, denial joins the party and what, before, might have had us feeling a little anxious now feels like a full-blown panic attack waiting to happen.

So why do we hit a wall or bottom or need a crisis to get us to act? My guest on this episode of Real Confidence explains it all. Health expert Esther Avant, who has coached countless people through exactly these struggles, helps us understand why denial feels safe and how small consistent actions we take can completely shift our energy around health.

This conversation is NOT about weight, getting your steps in or gym routines. Those are part of the health equation, but must as important for our health is feeling confident, capable, and like you actually own your body and your decisions.

You won’t get any “you shoulds” in this one. Esther offers instead practical, doable ways to reclaim your confidence in your health, starting with the tiniest step that you can commit to today, why self-compassion is critical to momentum and how shifting your mindset can turn fear into fuel.

So, if you’re ready to stop hiding from your health, start acting, and actually feel like you’ve got a handle on your body and choices, press play. This isn’t theory. It’s straight talk, small wins, and the kind of conversation that makes you want to move — today, not next week.

We explore:

• Why denial around health feels safer than facing the truth
• How guilt and perfectionism sabotage even the best intentions
• Simple mindset shifts that turn overwhelm and fear into action
• Ways to develop small, effective habits without the overthinking.
• How to build momentum and self-trust so your health becomes something you own, not stress about.

Esther Avant is a health industry veteran with 20 years of experience, passionately helping people stop starting over so they can build the consistency and confidence to create the kind of life they want — starting with their health. You can learn more about Esther at estheravant.com.

Some days I wake up feeling like a total fraud in the friendship department. Like if life went sideways at 2 AM I wouldn’t have a single person I could call who’d actually show up.

That thought is patently false. I do have those people. Just not a horde of Instagram “besties” clinking champagne glasses in matching outfits.

And I’m done pretending that’s the goal.

If I’ve learned anything from making friends as an adult is that it’s hard. And most of the people we call “friends” aren’t friends. They’re associates. Nice enough. Fun at happy hour. But when life’s on fire? Nowhere.

Here’s the part most people don’t want to admit: confidence doesn’t come from how many people know your name. It comes from knowing exactly who’s in your corner, without question. The ones who make you feel seen instead of judged. Ones who don’t care if you’re polished or a hot mess. Those are the people who make me stand taller.

And if you don’t think you have people like that? I’m not buying it. You might just be looking in the wrong places or expecting the wrong people to be part of your rescue crew. Who should be “promoted” into your inner circle? I’ve got some thoughts on how to figure that out and yeah, it’s going to take some guts to make those moves.

Life’s too short to keep judgmental, self-serving energy in the front row of your life. If you’ve ever felt alone in a room full of “friends,” this is the wake-up call. Confidence is knowing who shows up when it counts—and making damn sure they know you’ll do the same for them.

I’m done confusing convenience for commitment. In this episode of Real Confidence, I’m calling it out, and I’m naming exactly who belongs in my inner circle—and who doesn’t.

Raise your hand if you’re tired of the confidence myth everyone sells: that confidence is just about “acting brave” and “being positive.”

I SEE YOU. My hand’s been up for years.

The truth of the matter – what real confidence IS – is way messier and way more fascinating. Anyone can pretend they’re fearless, but not everyone wants to understand how their brain works when fear, doubt, and hesitation kick in, and then do the work to rewire it so they don’t get stuck there.

Fact: our brains want to keep us SAFE, but safe often means stuck — stuck in old patterns, stuck in second-guessing, stuck in the kind of mental freeze that keeps you playing small or holding back.

My guest this week, Betsy Holmberg, calls this state of stuckness the “survival mode trap,” and it’s why most confidence advice feels like empty noise. It’s also why if you want to create real change, you have to confront how your brain tightens the reins — and then be willing to do the hard work to take back control.

I could talk about this for hours: real neuroscience, real mindset shifts, and real grit.

But Betsy and I made the best use of our time together and got straight to what’s really going on inside your head when confidence feels impossible, what it means to “flip the switch” on your brain’s default survival settings, why that’s essential for building genuine confidence, and what happens when you finally break free of doubt’s chokehold.

If you’re tired of spinning your wheels and ready to understand the raw mechanics of confidence — the kind that sticks — this episode is your blueprint.

Key takeaways:

• Why your brain’s “safety mode” is the biggest confidence killer you’ve never noticed
• The sneaky ways doubt hijacks your decisions without you realizing
• How rewiring your brain is like upgrading your mental software — tricky, surprising, and entirely possible
• The one mindset shift that feels like a secret cheat code for confidence
• Why “fake it till you make it” is lying to you — and what actually works

Betsy Holmberg, PhD, is a psychologist and author specializing in overthinking and negative self-talk. She writes for Psychology Today, and has been featured in radio, television, and podcasts. Before that, she ran the mental health service line at McKinsey & Company and received her PhD from Duke University. Learn more about Betsy at betsyholmberg.com.

There’s a moment that sneaks up on you in conversations—someone starts talking and, before you know it, you're deep in the weeds of their breakup, their boss drama, their third cousin’s dog’s vet bill.

You’re nodding, maybe throwing in the occasional “Wow” or “That’s wild,” but inside you’re thinking: How did I get cast in this one-person show I didn’t audition for?

Take heart. This doesn’t happen because you’re too nice. It happens because somewhere along the way, we were taught that being a “good friend,” a “good colleague,” a “good person” means being endlessly available for other people’s emotional baggage—no matter how full our own arms already are.

Here’s what I want to challenge: the idea that listening without limits is a virtue.

Because it's not. It’s often a survival strategy. It’s the quiet fear that if we draw a line—if we interrupt, or redirect, or say, “Hey, I can’t hold all this right now”—we’ll be seen as selfish. Cold. Rude.

And fear is the enemy of confidence.

Confidence is not about being stone-faced or detached. It’s about knowing your capacity and honoring it. It’s about recognizing when a conversation has shifted from connection to emotional labor—and having the clarity to step out, without shame or apology.

And here's the paradox: when you model that kind of boundary, you give other people permission to do the same. You show that strength doesn’t come from over-functioning—it comes from being honest about your limits.

This episode is your call to pay attention to where your energy is going. To stop treating emotional overload like a social obligation. And to start seeing boundaries not as a defense, but as a commitment to your own peace.