I don't think anyone would say they want more stress in their life. But most of us create a lot of unnecessary stress for ourselves and other people.

I have a friend (who shall remain nameless – maybe you have one too) and she’s a real drama queen. She looks for it, she creates it. Even the littlest things, turn into a crisis or story like you’d see in a Seinfeld episode and it is EXHAUSTING to be her and to be around her.

Okay. You might have heard it said that if you can spot it, you’ve got it. And guess what? I’ve got some of it too! I’m highly skilled at adding complexity to things that create more stress for me and others (but I’m getting better!).

So why do we make mountains of molehills? What are we getting out of it except feeling bad?

The short answer is we often react to fear in a self-defeating way. Fear of failure, fear of regret, and fear of rejection – it doesn’t matter – that fear drives us to behave in ways that only ramp up our stress levels.Our brains think they’re doing us a favor by getting us to take actions they believe will keep us safe, but a lot of the time that comes at the cost of our peace of mind.

In this episode of Real Confidence, I get into all the ways we unconsciously create unnecessary stress, how our bodies know we’re stressed before our minds do, and what we can do to prevent ourselves from spiraling out of control and reset our confidence.

Because reducing stress isn’t just about feeling better in the moment – it’s about safeguarding our long-term health and well-being and the best time to start doing that is NOW.

Friends, I am still reeling from my conversation with Rebecca Yang ,my guest for this episode of Real Confidence. Wow. I mean, talk about an absolute powerhouse of a human being (not to mention being a skilled diplomat). The stories she shared about her experiences in Istanbul and during the Afghanistan evacuation had me hanging on every word.

I couldn't help but be in awe of Rebecca's journey. Here she was, a young diplomat thrown into some of the most intense situations imaginable, from surviving a coup attempt to orchestrating a massive evacuation from Afghanistan. And through it all, she never once faltered in her commitment to living her values.

It’s such a simple yet profound concept and one that clearly guided her through the toughest of times. It's a reminder that confidence and resilience aren't just traits we're born with; they're qualities we cultivate through experience and action.

I feel incredibly lucky to have had the chance to chat with Rebecca and share her story with all of you. It's a reminder that no matter what challenges we face, it's possible to come out on the other side stronger and more resilient than ever.

Highlights from our conversation include:

• Why living by your values is especially important in times of crisis when everything is uncertain and situations are fluid
• How being able to adapt to change and bounce back from setbacks is crucial for success in ever-changing environments.
• The importance of leading with empathy when $h!t is hitting the fan and how that impacts decision-making; and
• The relationship between mood and action and which one serves us best by coming first
• The ONE thing that most rocked her confidence is truly surprising! And you’ll have to listen in to hear what it was!

Rebecca Yang is an experienced Chief of Staff and Strategy and Operations leader with 17+ years of global experience, including as a U.S. diplomat for which she earned two U.S. State Department awards for her service. The best way to learn more about Rebecca is to connect with her on LinkedIn.

To hug or not to hug? That is the question for a lot of people. Recently I was thinking about the later days of the pandemic, going to a couple of conferences when we were still wearing masks and sitting six feet apart. The conference organizers offered two versions of the badge lanyards to signal whether you were comfortable shaking hands or not.

At the time I was like, oh, what a bummer that this is what we have to declare but in hindsight I think it was probably a big relief for people who, as a rule, don’t like that physical contact and wish they could walk around always with a little sign that says, “Please don’t touch me.”

Personally, I’m a hugger. To me, hugs are more than just squeezes; they're like little happiness boosters with a dash of oxytocin. But let's not kid ourselves, hugging ain't always a walk in the park for everyone.

With cultural quirks and personal preferences in the mix, figuring out when to go in for the hug can be a bit of a head-scratcher. Whichever side of the hug you’re on, you don’t want to offend, right?

In this episode of Real Confidence I’m sharing some tips on how to read the room, pick up on subtle cues from the person in front of you to determine if you’re going to go for it or opt for a cozy, two-handed handshake instead.

The bottom line? Let’s be more mindful of one another’s physical comfort zone and share that confidence through some good old-fashioned kindness.

Listen in to hear more about how to confidently navigate the hug highway and foster human connection!