Some days, I just ignore my health. I tell myself, “I’ll deal with it later.” Whatever “it” happens to be. You know what I’m going to say next, right? Later never comes.

And putting off dealing with the odd ache, weird rash or feeling of fatigue doesn’t make it go away. We know this and yet a lot of us freeze and do nothing. Then, guilt and overwhelm sneak in, denial joins the party and what, before, might have had us feeling a little anxious now feels like a full-blown panic attack waiting to happen.

So why do we hit a wall or bottom or need a crisis to get us to act? My guest on this episode of Real Confidence explains it all. Health expert Esther Avant, who has coached countless people through exactly these struggles, helps us understand why denial feels safe and how small consistent actions we take can completely shift our energy around health.

This conversation is NOT about weight, getting your steps in or gym routines. Those are part of the health equation, but must as important for our health is feeling confident, capable, and like you actually own your body and your decisions.

You won’t get any “you shoulds” in this one. Esther offers instead practical, doable ways to reclaim your confidence in your health, starting with the tiniest step that you can commit to today, why self-compassion is critical to momentum and how shifting your mindset can turn fear into fuel.

So, if you’re ready to stop hiding from your health, start acting, and actually feel like you’ve got a handle on your body and choices, press play. This isn’t theory. It’s straight talk, small wins, and the kind of conversation that makes you want to move — today, not next week.

We explore:

• Why denial around health feels safer than facing the truth
• How guilt and perfectionism sabotage even the best intentions
• Simple mindset shifts that turn overwhelm and fear into action
• Ways to develop small, effective habits without the overthinking.
• How to build momentum and self-trust so your health becomes something you own, not stress about.

Esther Avant is a health industry veteran with 20 years of experience, passionately helping people stop starting over so they can build the consistency and confidence to create the kind of life they want — starting with their health. You can learn more about Esther at estheravant.com.

Some days I wake up feeling like a total fraud in the friendship department. Like if life went sideways at 2 AM I wouldn’t have a single person I could call who’d actually show up.

That thought is patently false. I do have those people. Just not a horde of Instagram “besties” clinking champagne glasses in matching outfits.

And I’m done pretending that’s the goal.

If I’ve learned anything from making friends as an adult is that it’s hard. And most of the people we call “friends” aren’t friends. They’re associates. Nice enough. Fun at happy hour. But when life’s on fire? Nowhere.

Here’s the part most people don’t want to admit: confidence doesn’t come from how many people know your name. It comes from knowing exactly who’s in your corner, without question. The ones who make you feel seen instead of judged. Ones who don’t care if you’re polished or a hot mess. Those are the people who make me stand taller.

And if you don’t think you have people like that? I’m not buying it. You might just be looking in the wrong places or expecting the wrong people to be part of your rescue crew. Who should be “promoted” into your inner circle? I’ve got some thoughts on how to figure that out and yeah, it’s going to take some guts to make those moves.

Life’s too short to keep judgmental, self-serving energy in the front row of your life. If you’ve ever felt alone in a room full of “friends,” this is the wake-up call. Confidence is knowing who shows up when it counts—and making damn sure they know you’ll do the same for them.

I’m done confusing convenience for commitment. In this episode of Real Confidence, I’m calling it out, and I’m naming exactly who belongs in my inner circle—and who doesn’t.

Raise your hand if you’re tired of the confidence myth everyone sells: that confidence is just about “acting brave” and “being positive.”

I SEE YOU. My hand’s been up for years.

The truth of the matter – what real confidence IS – is way messier and way more fascinating. Anyone can pretend they’re fearless, but not everyone wants to understand how their brain works when fear, doubt, and hesitation kick in, and then do the work to rewire it so they don’t get stuck there.

Fact: our brains want to keep us SAFE, but safe often means stuck — stuck in old patterns, stuck in second-guessing, stuck in the kind of mental freeze that keeps you playing small or holding back.

My guest this week, Betsy Holmberg, calls this state of stuckness the “survival mode trap,” and it’s why most confidence advice feels like empty noise. It’s also why if you want to create real change, you have to confront how your brain tightens the reins — and then be willing to do the hard work to take back control.

I could talk about this for hours: real neuroscience, real mindset shifts, and real grit.

But Betsy and I made the best use of our time together and got straight to what’s really going on inside your head when confidence feels impossible, what it means to “flip the switch” on your brain’s default survival settings, why that’s essential for building genuine confidence, and what happens when you finally break free of doubt’s chokehold.

If you’re tired of spinning your wheels and ready to understand the raw mechanics of confidence — the kind that sticks — this episode is your blueprint.

Key takeaways:

• Why your brain’s “safety mode” is the biggest confidence killer you’ve never noticed
• The sneaky ways doubt hijacks your decisions without you realizing
• How rewiring your brain is like upgrading your mental software — tricky, surprising, and entirely possible
• The one mindset shift that feels like a secret cheat code for confidence
• Why “fake it till you make it” is lying to you — and what actually works

Betsy Holmberg, PhD, is a psychologist and author specializing in overthinking and negative self-talk. She writes for Psychology Today, and has been featured in radio, television, and podcasts. Before that, she ran the mental health service line at McKinsey & Company and received her PhD from Duke University. Learn more about Betsy at betsyholmberg.com.