The American Confidence Institute (ACI) is 10 years old. Ten. Years. And honestly, I had to sit with that for a second—like, wait, what?

The last decade has been a sports bra-required ride. Confidence has been tested for me, for you, for all of us. Back in 2015, when I talked about the amygdala, people looked at me like I was speaking Greek (which technically it is—it means almond, the shape of that brain part). Or maybe they thought I was casting a spell from Harry Potter. Now, brain science is practically pop culture.

And can we agree that “fake it till you make it,” counting to five, or power posing doesn’t actually work? You can’t breathe your way past fear or plaster on a smile and call it confidence.

Those tricks help calm your amygdala so you can think instead of react, but real confidence takes more. It takes doing the inner work. It takes deciding how you want to respond when your brain yells, “This is uncomfortable.”

Over the years, we’ve cycled through emotional regulation and emotional intelligence—both good, both useful—but the core lesson remains: your brain freaks out when it feels unsafe. Turning those warnings into signals helps you make better, more rational, confident choices. You can’t control others’ reactions—their experiences and emotions belong to them—but understanding and managing your own brain gives you an edge.

Confidence, really, is deciding again and again how you want to show up. The more you practice that awareness—recognizing your thoughts, feelings, and signals—the more you rewire your brain. That’s neuroplasticity in action: building the habits that make confidence your default. You start creating automatic responses you’ll be proud of later, not ones that make you think, “Crap, that was not my finest moment.”

So here we are. ACI at 10, me at 60. The data says confidence peaks around now, and I can confirm—it checks out.

It’s not about how you look or sound. It’s about being who you truly want to be. It’s about making your mark with the colors and fonts you like no matter what others think. It’s about making positive, productive impact. Are you leaving things better than you found them?

As a parent, educator, wife, friend, daughter—and yes, as a podcaster—I hope your world feels a little happier and a little more confident because I’m in it. It certainly does for me, because you’re in mine.

For this anniversary episode, we’re diving into where we’ve been, what’s changed, and what’s finally starting to click.

This past summer, my husband and I traveled to Croatia with a fantastic tour group. We’re sitting on a restaurant patio, sipping something ridiculously overpriced, when I meet a young psychiatrist on the tour. Freshly minted, very professional, very brainy… but, and I mean this with zero judgment, clearly on the spectrum. She wore the same outfit every day—just switched colors—and had that classic social awkwardness. Not a bad thing at all—just noticeable. Her vibe? Endearingly, unmistakably her own.

Then comes dinner. We’re all chatting, and suddenly—bam—she jumps up, grabs ice cream from a vendor, and plops it on her plate. No comment, no offer, nothing. Just action. Later, she confesses one of her biggest challenges: her autistic nephew. She says, “I just can’t do it. I don’t know how to interact with him.” And I’m thinking—sweetheart, I see you. You’re living some of this yourself.

Meeting her got me thinking about self-awareness. Noticing your patterns isn’t the same as controlling them. Awareness is step one; control, change, agency—that’s a whole other ballgame. That distinction—between knowing something about ourselves and having the ability and desire to change—is central to growing in confidence. Recognizing patterns is one thing; turning that knowledge into action is where true confidence lives. Tools, assessments, even feedback from others provide data—but they don’t automatically teach us how to act with clarity or courage.

If you’ve ever struggled to turn self-awareness into real confidence—or wondered why knowing your patterns isn’t enough—this episode dives into what it really takes to bridge that gap. Listen now and start seeing how awareness can become action.

Ever feel like you’re stuck in a loop with the people you love—same arguments, same frustration, same sense of nothing changing? My guest in this episode, Christy Cerniglia, had that exact experience in her 30-year marriage. But instead of blaming her husband (or anyone else), she leaned into a secret that most of us resist: the real power to change your relationships lies in how you show up.

I know, I know, you got it: if you keep doing what you always do, you get what you always get. So how DO you show up differently? Where do you even start?

For Cristie it was noticing her own patterns. She realized that the energy she brought —whether it was impatience, irritation, or criticism — was being mirrored back at her by the people around her. When she shifted to showing up with curiosity, respect, and intention, the ripple effect was immediate. Her husband responded differently. Her kids started listening more. Even the challenging in-laws felt… different.

And when she noticed that, the more confident she grew, and so did those around her.

She wasn’t manipulating or controlling them. She was creating influence through the confidence she was building. Because all brains and mirror neurons notice how we – and others – carry ourselves.

When we show up confident, clear, and respectful, the people around us can’t help but reflect some of that energy back. Cristie saw this in action every day, and it transformed her life in ways that felt natural, not forced.

Whether it’s a spouse who never does the chores, a mother-in-law who’s impossible to please, or kids who resist every request, I promise there’s something in this episode for you. Cristie’s approach is simple, doable and helps make relationships feel like a source of joy instead of stress.

Key takeaways from our conversation include:

• Why focusing on your own behavior sparks change in others
• How leading with respect and trust builds confidence in those around you
• What expressing desires clearly instead of complaining actually accomplishes
• Ways to release control with “whatever you think”
• Why owning your missteps with intentional apologies strengthens confidence

Cristie Cerniglia is a certified Laura Doyle Relationship coach and mother of four with a passion for inspiring and coaching women back into magnetic marriages. You can learn more about Cristie at relationshipswithamap.com.