When we first talked to Kevin on Episode 45 he’d been married for over a decade and he was in a handful of new-ish relationships. Nearly seven years later, he’s been married over 20 years and describes himself as being in all of the longest relationships he’s ever been in. Join us today for a wonderful conversation with Kevin about how he’s fostered stability and longevity in his polyamorous relationships for himself, his partners, and his whole family.

You may recognize Kevin Patterson as the author of Love's Not Color Blind: Race and Representation in Polyamorous and Other Alternative Communities, which came out in 2018, and as the creator of Poly Role Models, which was a weekly Tumblr page that told the poly origin stories of people from around the world. Kevin is also the author of the “For Hire” science fiction series. He published his latest book in the series earlier this year called “For Hire: The Price of Fame.” You can learn more about Kevin and all of his work on his website.

Check out the full show notes here.

Join us at Relationship Recess in May 2026!

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When Elaine first started dating she fell in love with multiple people pretty much right away and felt so much shame about it that it drove her to end the relationship she was in. She tried serial monogamy for a while and then in college she had her first threesome with her best friend and her best friend’s boyfriend… Her mind was blown and a whole new world opened up for her that she didn’t know was possible!

Today, Elaine is a happily married polyamorous woman in her thirties diving into as many of the adventures life has to offer as she can! Her excitement and passion for exploring human connection, sexuality, and relationships is infectious and she describes her polyamorous relationships as the most easeful she’s ever experienced because she can finally just be herself! Of course, it hasn’t necessarily been easy getting to where she is and throughout this powerful conversation she talks about many of the challenges she’s faced along the way.

Threesomes weren’t just Elaine’s gateway into polyamory, they were incredibly healing for her and now she’s on a mission to help others have better threesomes as well!

Today, Elaine works as a Threesome Facilitator, taking couples on threesome journeys that transform fantasy into profound connection. With years of experience navigating triads and polycules, she specializes in creating playful, trust-building spaces where couples can explore together safely. Her approach is all about deepening connection, building compersion, and helping couples have the kind of transformative experiences that changed her own life. You can learn more about Elaine and her work on her website!

Check out the full show notes here.

Join us at Relationship Recess in May 2026!

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Jacob and Josh are both from Puerto Rico and met about 17 years ago while working together on a film project and began dating… Sort of. As you’ll hear, they’ve spent a lot of their relationship exploring the grey zones of relationships. Their own relationship started out a bit ambiguously and their explorations with others often fell in the blurry area between friends, hookups, and boyfriends.

We absolutely love how Josh and Jacob share their journey together with us in such an honest and vulnerable way. They’re not here to pretend like everything they’ve done is perfect but rather they dig into the messy humanness of figuring out love and relationships as life swirled around them. They've learned so much about themselves along the way and they're still constantly striving to discover new ways to show up better for themselves and one another. This is a really beautiful and powerful story and we hope you enjoy it as much as we did!

Jacob and Josh are also working on a new film project called “Three of Swords” which will begin production in the spring of 2026. You can learn more about Jacob, Josh, and their new film over at threeofswordsfilm.com.

Check out the full show notes here.

Join us at Relationship Recess in May 2026!

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Nicole was raised inside conservative and fundamentalist Christianity and can remember feeling her first inklings of her own queerness in elementary school but knew she had to shut it down and hide it. The fear and shame of becoming broken and invaluable as a woman ruled her life for many years.

Healing and recovering from trauma is a lifelong journey and practice that Nicole has dedicated herself to both personally and professionally. Join us today as Nicole shares her incredibly powerful story of transformation and liberation in breaking free from the grips of religious dogma to reclaim her life, her body, and her right to feel pleasure again.

The way Nicole currently describes her life on her website is so beautiful and we hope you find her story as inspiring as we did!

“Today, I live a life that once felt unreachable: surrounded by loving, supportive partners in queer, polyamorous connection, educating the world about pleasure and consent, supporting clients in profound transformation, providing psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy, and inviting you into the continued exploration.”

Nicole is a sex and relationship therapist, the founder of The Pleasure Practice, and the host of the Modern Anarchy podcast! Her work weaves together somatic psychology, trauma-informed care, liberation-based theory, and her advanced clinical training in psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy and certification in Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy. Check out Nicole’s website for more information about her work!

Check out the full show notes here.

Join us at Relationship Recess in May 2026!

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Matt was first introduced to non-monogamy about 15 years ago when he moved to the San Francisco area and saw how his friends were exploring open relationships and polyamory… He’d sort of naturally been loving everybody in an open-hearted way but had no idea what was possible!

In our lovely conversation today, Matt takes us through his journey of learning about himself by exploring various relationship styles over the years. We also dive into the powerful impact that play parties have had on him and not just as a pathway for learning about consent and finding community, but also in meeting some of the needs that he’d historically met through partnerships.

Matt’s passion for building community, creating incredible play parties, and continuing to grow and learn along the way is infectious and we hope you enjoy this interview as much as we did!

A bit more about Matt straight from his website!

Matt Sturm is a guide for transformational experiences and an author. He works with people to slow down, to come into their bodies, and to connect to their innate inner wisdom. Matt holds a strong, clear container for healing, intimacy, and spiritual awakening within a variety of contexts. These include psychotherapy, psychedelic-assisted therapy, sacred sexuality, breathwork journeys, and men’s retreats. He runs the Living Kosmos integral mystery school based on his deck, the Living Kosmos tarot. He is the author of two books The Organic Masculine, and Primal Drives – both are integral and archetypal workbooks on masculinity.

You can learn more about Matt and all of work over on his website at mattsturm.com.

Check out the full show notes here.

Join us at Relationship Recess in May 2026!

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Ashton grew up in a super conservative and religious home, didn't date in high school, and had her first kiss when she was 18... But that was then. Things are a bit different now!

Ashton is now in her forties and has been practicing polyamory and non-monogamy for about 15 years. As she describes it, when she found polyamory it was as if the heavens opened up and the angels sang. While she's no longer a member of the fundamentalist church she grew up in, she has been very involved in the United Church of Christ since college and at one point was even a Deacon.

Ashton's friendships are often ambiguous as she prefers to let connections find their natural level and she currently has what she calls "a squad of lover-friends."

Join us today for this wonderful conversation as Ashton shares with us her journey of exploring her sexual and relationship identities while raising a daughter and being a dedicated member of her local church community.

Ashton also helps lead and organize non-monogamy events and groups in the Fargo area. You can find more information here!

Check out the full show notes here.

Join us at Relationship Recess in May 2026!

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Join us May 1-3, 2026 in Florida for our biggest in-person event ever!

Check out the Relationship Recess webpage and get your ticket here!

Check out the launch video here!

It’s been about two years since we last talked with Rachel on Episode 307 and a LOT has changed… As always, no need to go back and listen to get a ton out of this conversation!

Rachel has been non-monogamous for about 15 years and for about the last two years she’s been exploring solo polyamory. For as long as she can remember she’s always wanted to be a parent and a little over a year ago she made the decision to have a child using a donor without having a co-parent… Or, as she calls it: Rogue Mom.

In our conversation today Rachel talks about the challenges of being a woman in her thirties watching her biological clock tick down as she tries to build a career and life that society deems adequate for raising kids. However, Rachel's life and career don't need to meet society's expectations and standards because what truly matters is that they meet her own.

Rachel takes us through her decision to go rogue and everything she had to go through to make it actually happen. She also shares with us how she’s built an incredible support team around her made up of family, friends, professionals, and her community.

This is such a beautiful conversation full of love and joy as Rachel shares her excitement around becoming a Rogue Mom just a few months from when recorded this. There’s even a surprise or two hidden in here! Enjoy!

A bit more about Rachel taken straight from her website:

Rachel Lark is a writer, composer, and performer known for her incisive and catchy anthems about taboo topics. Lark’s music has been heralded for blending heartfelt lyrics with biting political satire, fearless authenticity, and raunchy wit. She is the creator of Coming Soon: A New Rock Musical which sold out its two week run in San Francisco and earned the highest rating from the San Francisco Chronicle. She was named one of the most powerful LGBTQ voices of San Francisco by SF Magazine and Salon Magazine called her “the poster girl for period sex.”

Lark’s work empowers people to chase connection, pleasure and political action by inviting audiences into a shared cathartic experience of mutual recognition and dissatisfaction with the status quo. Her razor-sharp perspective invites anyone (even those with opposing views) to dream up a better world.

Please check out all of Rachel’s work on her website and support her on Patreon!

Check out the full show notes here.

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