What if the very thing that makes your marriage feel safe is also what’s slowly draining its passion? In Part 2 of our fascinating conversation with psychologist and author Dr. Bruce Chalmer, we dive deep into the “death spiral” of passion—how couples who over-prioritize stability can accidentally shut down intimacy and feel miles apart.You’ll learn:
💔 Why emotional distance often feels like depression
🧠 How to pull back and see your relationship from a new perspective
🙏 The power of faith—religious or not—as a mindset for resilience
💬 How to apply Bruce’s 7-word formula: Be kind. Don’t panic. Have faith.Whether your marriage feels stuck or you’re simply ready to reignite your spark, this episode will help you find meaning in the mess, courage in the chaos, and connection in the conflict.

We love hearing from you!

Have a question, topic idea, or feedback? Email us at ⁠hello@marriageiq.com⁠

You can find Dr. Bruce Chalmer and learn more about his work at : https://brucechalmer.com/

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Psychologist and author Dr. Bruce Chalmer joins us to share wisdom from 30+ years of helping couples heal, grow, and reignite intimacy.

We talk about his “Passion Paradox,” the balance between stability and intimacy, and how different perspectives—including his Jewish faith—expand our understanding of love and marriage.

In this conversation, we explore:

✅How his own life experiences shaped his approach to therapy.

✅Why marriage struggles are opportunities for growth, not just problems to solve.

✅The “Passion Paradox”—why couples crave both stability and intimacy, and how balancing the two can transform relationships.

✅How different perspectives—including his Jewish faith background—enrich our understanding of love and marriage.

Dr. Chalmer is the author of three insightful books—Betrayal and Forgiveness, It’s Not About Communication!, and Reigniting the Spark—all written to help couples heal, grow, and reignite intimacy.

He also co-hosts the Couples Therapy in Seven Words podcast with his wife, Judy Alexander, where together they bring humor, honesty, and practical guidance to the challenges every couple faces.

We love hearing from you!

Have a question, topic idea, or feedback? Email us at hello@marriageiq.com

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In Part 1, we uncovered the 10 distorted thought patterns—like all-or-nothing thinking, mind reading, and “should” statements—that can quietly sabotage your marriage.

Now in Part 2, Dr. Heidi and Dr. Scott Hastings take you deeper. You’ll learn how distorted thoughts trigger painful emotions, fuel destructive behaviors, and create self-fulfilling prophecies in marriage. More importantly, you’ll discover practical Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) tools to rewrite those thoughts, challenge false beliefs, and reframe the story you’re telling yourself about your spouse.

Download Melanie's Mood Log: Find specific directions and a direct link to a copy of the mood log on the show notes page - https://feelinggood.com/2018/03/05/078-five-simple-ways-to-boost-your-happiness-5-you-can-change-the-way-you-feel/

Explore the Book "When Panic Attacks": For a deeper dive, David Burns talks extensively about the use of Mood Logs in Chapter 6 of his book, When Panic Attacks. https://www.amazon.com/When-Panic-Attacks-Drug-Free-Anxiety/dp/076792083X/

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Struggling with negative thinking in your marriage? Ever catch yourself thinking “I’m unlovable,” “We always fight,” or “Our marriage will never get better”? In this episode of Marriage IQ, Dr. Heidi and Dr. Scott Hastings break down the 10 distorted thought patterns that damage relationships—like all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, mind-reading, and “should” statements.

Drawing on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and real-life client stories, they’ll show you how these hidden thought patterns fuel conflict, anxiety, and disconnection—and give you simple tools to stop them. Learn how to challenge negative thoughts, reframe your story, and build a stronger, healthier marriage.

Learn how to clean your “mental lenses,” calm explosive emotions, see truth, and create a marriage that feels safe, connected, and full of love.

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Most couples will face challenges in the bedroom—but that doesn’t mean the marriage is broken. In Part 2 of our interview with Dr. Clifford & Joyce Penner, pioneers in Christian sex therapy, we explore the most common struggles couples bring to therapy and the practical steps that lead to healing.

What you’ll hear:

✅ When pain makes intimacy difficult—and why pelvic floor therapy changes everything.

✅Desire differences and how to talk about them without blame.

✅Why ED is nothing to be ashamed of and how couples overcome it.

✅Arousal and orgasm challenges—and simple retraining tools that work.

✅The truth about porn, intimacy, and rebuilding connection.

Whether you’re newly married or decades in, this episode offers hope, practical guidance, and the reassurance that you’re not alone—and you’re not stuck.

FREE PDF DOWNLOADS : ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ www.marriageiq.com

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Long before sex-positive podcasts and Instagram therapists, Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner were standing in front of church groups teaching about godly, wholehearted sexuality—in 1975. Scandalous? Maybe. Transformative? Absolutely.

In Part 1 of this two-part Marriage IQ series, Dr. Heidi and Dr. Scott Hastings sit down with the Penners—authors, Christian (and other faiths) sex educators, and real-life marriage legends—to explore how a 45-minute church talk turned into a 50-year mission of helping couples embrace healthy sexuality rooted in faith, mutuality, and love.

You’ll hear the origin story of how two Mennonites became pioneers in Christian sex therapy, the five principles they've taught for decades, and why a values-based approach to sex is still relevant—and radically needed—today.

Whether you’ve been married 5 years or 50, this conversation will challenge your assumptions, inspire your intimacy, and remind you that the best is yet to come.Don’t miss Part 2 on Friday, where they share secrets to the most common issues sex therapists treat and what keeps passion alive after 64 years.

In this powerful episode of Marriage IQ, Dr. Heidi and Dr. Scott Hastings share their firsthand experience serving in Rwanda with the Dream Nziza Foundation—a journey of humanitarian service, marriage education, and global impact.

Listen in as they explore:

✅What it's like to teach trauma healing, self-reliance, and healthy sexuality to women in rural Africa

✅The cultural barriers to intimacy and emotional connection in Rwandan marriages—and how a single lesson on kindness changed everything

✅Scott’s experiences providing medical care in an under-resourced hospital system

✅Why a sheep can literally change a woman’s life—and how Marriage IQ listeners helped make it happen

How couples can turn shared vision into action—from a dream written in a journal to a life-changing mission across the world

Whether you're passionate about marriage and intimacy, faith and service, or simply curious about how to live with greater intentionality, this episode will inspire you to think bigger—and love deeper.

💡 Bonus: We share how you can still be part of this mission.

🌍 Photos + videos: @MarriageIQ
🐑 Donate a sheep or support women’s empowerment: http://DreamNziza.org

What if the most powerful boost for happiness, health, and stability isn’t found in a pill, a paycheck, or a new app—but in your marriage?

This week we welcome Dr. Brad Wilcox, professor of sociology at UVA, director of the National Marriage Project, and author of Get Married. He unpacks why marriage matters now more than ever—not only for kids, but for adults too. From lower mortality rates to greater joy, stronger finances, and deeper meaning, the evidence is in: marriage still wins.

Brad also reveals the 5 C’s of thriving marriages—Communion, Children, Commitment, Cash, and Community—and why simple habits like regular date nights and shared rituals make all the difference. We explore what elites aren’t saying about family life, how to de-politicize marriage, and why choosing “we” over “me” may be the most revolutionary step you take.

Tune in and discover why marriage isn’t just personal—it’s vital to our civilizational!

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