My 2-year-old daughter was crying, desperately needing a toilet. The restaurant staff in Pisa looked at her and said no.

I exploded. Zero regrets.

Months later, when her grandparents crossed a boundary, I stood firm and silent. No scene. No explanation needed.

Both moments were protection. Just different tools.

I used to think consistency meant always responding the same way. But I've learned it means consistently protecting - with whatever tool the moment requires.

Sometimes love is loud. Sometimes it's quiet. Both are power.

In this episode, I'm working through how to know which battles need volume and which need stillness. Why some moments require rage and others require silent boundaries. And what our children actually learn when they see us use different tools for different threats.

The Pisa rage? Right tool. The grandparent boundary? Also right tool.

Battles, boundaries, and the wisdom to choose. That's what I'm building.

Alyssa Smith spent 17 years teaching other people's kids across America and Korea.

Then she had her own. And everything she thought she knew about parenting? She had to unlearn it.

Now she's a coach helping parents in life transitions raise resilient kids with voice & choice.

Here's what's powerful about Alyssa's story: she stopped performing the "expert parent" and started showing up as the "learner beside."

She models inquiry, not authority. She says "I don't know" when she doesn't know. She apologises when she messes up.

In this episode:

Why "learner beside" beats expert parent every time.

How gentle parenting without boundaries creates resentful

mothers and entitled kids.

Teaching voice and choice through everyday moments (blue hair, curly hair comments, task ownership).

Cultivating joy when you're running on fumes—it's intentional work, not something that just happens.

Why modelling growth matters more than performing perfection.

We've been told good parents have all the answers. What if that pressure is actually making us worse at this?

Your kids don't need you to be perfect. They need to watch you figure it out.

Works in progress raising other works in progress.

I was watching my 4-year-old son write his alphabet when he got the 'j' backwards.

I opened my mouth to correct him. "That should be on the other side—"

And I stopped.

Because in that moment, I saw myself as a child. My dad correcting me over and over until I got it perfect. African parenting. Strict. High standards.

It made me who I am today - disciplined, resilient, capable. But it also made me anxious, self-critical, perfectionist. I felt loved for being intelligent, not just for being me.

My son is sensitive. And I don't want to repeat the pattern.

But here's the challenge: How do you keep high expectations while also giving unconditional love?

In this episode, I'm working through how to break generational patterns while keeping what was good. How our children watch us more than we realize. And why building emotional security isn't about protecting them from the world - it's about preparing them for it.

High expectations AND a soft landing. That's what I'm building.