In this episode, Nicky speaks with Danny Kerr, a former police negotiator with 30 years of experience, 18 of those in hostage and crisis negotiation. Danny shares what crisis work taught him about conversations that matter most — especially when suicide is a concern.

They discuss myths that hold people back, including the fear that mentioning suicide puts the idea in someone’s head, and show how direct, honest language can actually open doors. Danny shares a powerful personal story of supporting a family member in crisis through text messages, explaining how matching pace and energy can keep connection alive.

Together, they explore how to create safe spaces, adapt to different communication styles (including neurodiversity), and use everyday negotiation skills to have the hardest conversations. Danny also shares insights from his new venture, which applies behavioural science to organisational challenges.

This conversation isn’t therapy or training — it’s practical lessons from experience. Honest, human tools you can use today to support the people you care about.

When Help Feels Like Pressure: One Voice, Safe Space, and Conversations That Save Lives

Host Nicky talks with former police officer and negotiator Damian about what really helps when someone is in crisis. They unpack the reality of suicide in the UK, why crowds and escalating responses can increase pressure, and how one trusted voice in a safe space can change a decision. This episode offers practical, compassionate steps for parents and carers—what to notice, how to open the conversation, and how to choose the right person to lead it. Clear, human guidance, not therapy or training—just experience you can use today.

• Suicide is under-discussed and under-resourced. In 2023, 7,055 people died by suicide in the UK—far more than homicides or road deaths.
• Saying “suicide” does not plant the idea. Asking directly can bring relief and honesty.
• Crowds increase pressure. Emergency responses (and onlookers) can unintentionally push a person toward a harmful decision.
• De-pressurise the scene. Reduce noise, audience, and competing voices; create time and space.
• Use one trusted voice. Agree a single lead person to speak; a quiet second person can support the lead.
• Parents/carers: you may not be the right lead. Prioritise trust over role or ego; let the young person help choose who they talk to.
• Environment matters. Pick the person’s safest, calmest place (often their room, or a side-by-side setting like a walk/drive).
• Open gently, aim for clarity. Start with care (“We’re really worried about you”) and progress toward the heart of the matter.
• Listen with curiosity. Go slow, don’t rush answers; reflect and reassure.
• Leave your ego at the door. The conversation is about them, not our fear of “getting it wrong.”

• 00:00 — Introductions & purpose. Why talking about suicide matters.
• 01:53 — UK context. 7,055 suicides in 2023; why we need more open dialogue.
• 06:29 — Pivotal story. A high-rise incident shows how crowds and visible emergency response can increase a person’s felt pressure.
• 12:09 — The lesson. Decompress the scene: fewer people, more time, less noise.
• 15:14 — “One voice.” Choose a single trusted lead; a quiet second supports the lead.
• 21:28 — Parents & carers. Opening lines, managing fear/ego, creating safe space at home.
• 26:25 — Summary. Trust intuition, choose one voice, prioritise safety and connection.
• 28:20 — Closing reflection. Speaking openly reduces shame; we need a culture of kindness and support.

• “I’m really worried about you, and I want to understand.”
• “I’ve noticed [specific change]. How are you, really?”
• “Are you thinking about suicide?” (Direct, calm, non-judgemental.)
• “Thank you for telling me. I’m here. We can take this one step at a time.”

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
• Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)
• PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141

In this episode Nicky talk to Katey Martin, a police officer and head of counter-terrorism negotiation training in the UK, discussing her experiences and the importance of suicide prevention.

She highlights that 95% of their call-outs in London involve crisis situations. Katey emphasises the success of negotiators in saving lives through difficult conversations. She trained as a suicide first aid instructor and, with colleague Derek Carroll, rolled out this training nationally. Katey stresses the importance of using observational language, trusting gut feelings, and having open conversations about suicide. She also mentions the prevalence of suicide thoughts among young people and the need for better training and conversations to address this issue.

Katie explains the significance of using the word "suicide" openly and not shying away from it. She discusses the impact of language on conversations about suicide and the importance of using observational language.

Katey shares a story about a parent who used an emotional label to save their child's life, highlighting the power of words and advises parents to have conversations about suicide with their children and not to fear the topic.

If you have been affected by anything in this podcast here are the numbers for you to contact.

📞 Samaritans — Call 116 123 any time, day or night.
📱 Shout — Text 85258 for free, confidential support in the UK.
📞 PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK — Call 0800 068 4141 if you’re under 35 and struggling, or worried about someone who is.

You are not alone. Reaching out takes courage — and support is always here.