In today's episode, I'm diving deep into one of the most important questions I get: when there's been a discovery of infidelity, when do we need therapy? What kind of therapy? What makes sense?

I'll be blunt with you - I think you always need therapy after infidelity. Here's why: it's so painful that emotions completely take over. Friends or family may not always be the right people to go to during these times because they have their own feelings. When you're in that stress mode, in that survival mode, you really can't see what's really going on underneath it all.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• Why we need to understand what's going on inside - that's where the real issues are
• The truth about people who cheat (spoiler: they're not bad people, but they are hurt people)
• Why someone might not know how to communicate their problems in a relationship
• What the betrayed partner really needs from therapy
• The kind of therapist you should look for (and the question most people never think to ask)
• Why therapy needs to work on both past wounds AND present skills
• What real success looks like in infidelity recovery

I share insights from my "Healing Infidelity From the Inside Out" approach and explain why it's not as simple as "people that cheat are bad people." They're people who have had a lack of resources in how to regulate their emotions or communicate well.

For example, if someone never saw their parents communicate about problems, how are they supposed to know how to say "I'm unhappy with the way our marriage is going, let's work on it"? Their healthy choices are limited.

I also talk about my own 41-year marriage and how even I have more options now for dealing with conflict than I did before I worked on my own wounds and core issues.

Key takeaways:

• A skilled therapist won't put simplistic ideas on complex problems
• You want someone who has worked on themselves and gone through some things
• The best therapy goes deeper and works with trauma (because it's almost always part of the problem)
• Success isn't just that the person doesn't cheat anymore - you want to become better than you were

Whether you're the betrayed partner needing support and empathy, or the person who betrayed needing to develop better options, this episode will help you understand what to look for in effective ther

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

One of the most common questions I get from betrayed partners: "Todd, do I need to separate from my partner to get clarity? Do I need to separate to have self-dignity?" And I completely understand why people ask this.

When you discover infidelity, your nervous system goes into shock. You can't think straight. You're so agitated by your partner's presence that all you want to do is cry or hit or scream. And here's what I know for sure: you cannot go back to business as usual like nothing happened. That would be betraying yourself.

In this episode, I talk about the different types of separation that can help you heal - physical, emotional, and sexual - and why most couples I work with don't physically separate but still need space in some form.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why going back to "business as usual" is actually betraying yourself

• How infidelity shocks your nervous system and why you need to calm down first •

The difference between physical, emotional, and sexual separation

• Why most couples don't physically separate but still heal successfully

• How to set clear rules if you do decide to separate temporarily

• The hyper-attachment and hypersexual response that some people have after betrayal

• Why you might need to stop having sex while you heal

• How to be your own person instead of acting out of fear of losing them

• What healthy separation looks like versus just avoiding your feelings

I share stories from my practice about people who needed different types of space - some went to stay with supportive family, others created emotional boundaries while staying in the same house. The goal is always self-regulation so you can get clarity about what's right for you.

And here's something important: if your partner can't handle you taking space to heal - if they threaten to go back to the affair partner because you're not making things nice for them - bye-bye to that person. A truly remorseful partner will support your need to regulate your nervous system.

My "Healing Infidelity From the Inside Out" approach isn't about quick fixes. It's about growing through the crisis so you have more options, more maturity, and become healthier individuals.

💜 Healing From The Inside Out: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity-inside-program
💜 Infidelity First Aid Kit: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/infi

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

After you discover infidelity, everything changes. The sacred boundary around your couple has been ruptured by secrets, and now you need to rebuild it from the ground up. But what does that actually look like day-to-day?

In this episode, I walk you through the specific boundaries that are needed post-discovery so that healing can happen and your relationship can thrive again. And I need to be clear about something right up front: if you're the one who betrayed, you don't get to keep your "privacy rights" anymore. Not now. Maybe later when your partner's nervous system calms down, but right now? Total transparency is the price of rebuilding trust.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• What boundaries really are and why infidelity violates them so deeply

• How secrets rupture the sacred boundary around your couple

• Why the betrayer has to go way beyond normal to prove they're safe

• The right way to end an affair relationship (hint: your partner needs to witness it)

• When changing jobs is necessary for healing

• Social media boundaries that actually work after betrayal

• Why complete access to phones, computers, and bank accounts is non-negotiable

• How to tell real threats from anxiety-driven fears

• The difference between being controlled and helping someone feel safe

I share a story about a teacher who gave up his job of 25 years at a school where he was highly respected because that's where his affair partner worked. His wife wasn't comfortable with him staying, and he understood. That's the price you sometimes pay to resacralize—make sacred again—the boundary you have with your partner.

This isn't about being micromanaged or controlled. It's about helping the person who was betrayed feel safe again. That's what this is all about.

My "Healing Infidelity From the Inside Out" approach isn't about quick fixes. It's about growing through the crisis so you have more options, more maturity, and become healthier individuals.

💜 Healing From The Inside Out: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity-inside-program
💜 Infidelity First Aid Kit: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/infidelity-first-aid

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...