What if the "insecurity" you've been working so hard to reassure isn't insecurity at all?

In this solo episode, Todd Creager—a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 30 years of experience—walks you through one of the most confusing dynamics he sees in his practice: when what looks like a partner's fear and need for reassurance is actually a pattern of manipulation and control.

Todd explains the key differences between genuine insecurity and deliberate manipulation. Someone who is truly insecure may need reassurance, but they'll also take responsibility for their actions, apologize sincerely, and work to respect your boundaries over time. A person who is manipulating, on the other hand, keeps moving the goalpost—what satisfied them yesterday becomes a problem today. They rarely apologize, and when you bring up your own pain, the conversation gets turned back around onto you.

This episode covers several warning signs to watch for: when your sense of reality gets questioned until you start doubting your own memory; when jealousy turns into isolation from friends and family under the guise of "protecting" you; and when the silent treatment becomes a tool for punishment rather than a sign of hurt feelings. Todd draws a clear line between fear-based insecurity and power-based manipulation—one comes from a place of wanting connection, the other from wanting control.

If you've been weathered down over time and feel like you've lost your sense of self, this episode offers clarity. Todd shares how he helps clients begin to trust their own perception again by asking simple questions: What do I think? What do I feel? What would I believe if my partner wasn't telling me otherwise?

Whether you recognize these patterns in your own relationship or in someone you care about, this conversation can be a starting point for understanding what's really happening—and what you can do next.

If this resonates with you, consider reaching out. Todd works with individuals and couples navigating these complex dynamics and is here to help you find your footing again.

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

You know they lied. You've seen the evidence. So why can't you just move on?

In this episode, Todd addresses one of the most painful experiences in relationships: loving someone who has betrayed your trust through infidelity or other serious lies. Drawing from real cases in his practice, he explains the psychological phenomenon of cognitive dissonance—when your reality of love and commitment conflicts with the truth you're now facing.

Todd walks through three core tensions that keep you stuck: the love you felt versus the reality you're confronting, your emotional attachment versus the evidence of betrayal, and your hope for change versus the fear of abandoning yourself. He explains why it's completely normal to feel confused, even when the facts are clear.

This isn't about quick fixes. Todd acknowledges that some partners do change and relationships can heal, but he's equally honest about the work required and the time it takes to know if real change is happening. You'll hear practical guidance on how to be kind to yourself during this process, how to recognize genuine transformation in your partner (not just crisis management), and how to hold space for hope without losing yourself.

If you're questioning why you can't let go, or if you feel stuck between wanting to trust again and protecting yourself, this episode offers perspective and validation. Todd's 30 years of clinical experience helps you understand what's happening inside you—so you can make clearer decisions about what comes next.

This is honest talk about the messy middle of relationship recovery, where everything feels contradictory and nothing feels simple.

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...

Have you ever felt like something's off in your relationship, but your partner keeps telling you you're the problem? That knot in your stomach, that nagging sense that things aren't right—what if it's not your imagination?

In this episode, Todd addresses gaslighting—a pattern where one partner makes the other doubt their own reality. Sometimes it's calculated, sometimes it's unconscious self-protection, but the result is the same: you stop trusting yourself. You walk through your own home like you're stepping through a minefield, wondering what will set things off next.

Todd has worked with countless men and women who lived this way for years. They'd cover for their partner, make excuses to family and friends, anything to keep the peace. And when they finally stepped away—or when the relationship healed through honest work—they'd say, "My God, it was never me. It felt like me when I was with them, but it never was."

Todd shares a story from his own practice: a man who walked into his first session hurling insults, trying to intimidate. His wife had been living in that storm for years, second-guessing herself constantly. Through their work together, Todd helped the wife reconnect with her own instincts while helping the husband face the pain underneath his behavior—childhood abuse from a critical father that he'd never addressed. Years later, Todd ran into the wife. She told him her husband had become "a teddy bear." The relationship survived because both partners did the hard work.

Here's what Todd wants you to know: If you feel invisible, if you're constantly told you're overreacting, if you've learned to shrink yourself to avoid conflict—that's not you being difficult. That's your gut telling you something real. The first step is finding someone you can trust, whether that's a friend, family member, or a therapist, to help you see clearly again.

Your gut isn't wrong. And you can get free from this, whether that means leaving or—in some cases—rebuilding the relationship on healthier ground.

If this resonates with you, share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. And if you're ready to reconnect with your own truth, reach out. Todd is here to help.

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives.

Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass

Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT

Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach. He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach. (714) 848-2288.

You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at: https://toddcreager.com

HELPFUL LINKS:

• Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity
• Secrets to a Sexy Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets
• 7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYM
• ...