Dr. Jann Blackstone is a Jan of all trades as a behavioral scientist because she studies people's behaviors. She likes to call it mediation to bring people together. She predominantly works with co-parents to get families to be able to parent in a cohesive way for everyone in the family. A bonus family is basically a step-family but she didn’t like the word “step.” That word was just too negative. THe biggest need of a bonus family is acceptance. All of the people in the family need to feel nurtured and accepted and that all starts with acceptance. The logistics of a bonus family are really important to make everyone feel comfortable and “at home.” She coined the phrase “bonus” as how the family can all work together. Bonus means a reward for a job well done. Once you feel like you are part of the family, then you want to be involved and you will respect your bonus parents. She says there can’t be too many people who love your child. Everyone is different and that’s what the acceptance thing is all about. Comparing is when things go badly. You need to reach out for help to have a relationship because putting the kids first should be your priority. Using the children as the criteria for all decisions. Modeling apologies for your kids is really important. She isn’t saying you can’t fight in front of your kids. BUT what you can do, is disagree but then when things are calmed down, model the “I’m sorry.” Using the words that you want your children to learn, and model in the real world. When you tell your kiddo NOT to do something, you need do tell them what TO do. Also, when parents are splitting up, try to talk to them together and what those kids really want to know is how this is going to affect THEIR life. Kids are egocentric and that’s their job. As children get older, you are going to have to repeat yourself many times. As they grow, their cognitive ability has changed and they need reassurance. Adding children to a bonus family all comes down to communication and respect so that the unknown isn’t feared. You can find Dr. Jann Blackstone at https://bonusfamilies.com/ She wrote a book called The Bonus Family Handbook and is found on Amazon and all places where books are sold!