Part 4 in the series on the book The DNA of Parent-Teen Relationships.

Chapter 5. How to Argue with Teenagers and Come Out as Closer Friends

1. 5,000 adults asked what they wished their parents had done differently during times of conflict
   1. They wished their parents had listened more
   2. They wished they could have talked about feelings more.
   3. They wished they had talked to their parents more
2. Begin by listening - James 1:19
   1. Sometimes we men don't know what to say to connect to our children's emotions - listening is a huge part of the battle
3. Allow their emotion to touch you
   1. Take time to feel their pain
   2. Take time to feel their sadness
4. Four destructive ways to argue
   1. Continually withdrawing from an argument
   2. Letting them escalate into hurtful name calling fights
   3. Belittling or invalidating each other during an argument
   4. Believing that a family member is tryin to hurt, frustrate, or cause fear on purpose.
5. Drive-thru talking!

Chapter 7 Democracy can bring responsibility to your home

1. This is the chapter where they talk about making a contract
   1. See p. 118 for the why have one
   2. And p. 118 on how to develop one
2. p. 125 They give advice on Dating

Part 3 in the series on the book The DNA of Parent-Teen Relationships.

Chapter 6 Finding the Best solution to any conflict

1. Making Wise decisions is having the ability through discretion and extensive knowledge to sensibly discern and judge something before receiving and acting upon it.
2. Power struggles cause the most issues with teens
3. The key is to find a solution that both can feel good about
4. Keys:
   1. Establish rules about discussing conflicts
      1. 10 rules for fair fighting
      2. The calmer the argument, the better the chance of an honoring outcome.
5. With teens agree ahead of time on what the consequences of poor choices will be.

Chapter 7 Democracy can bring responsibility to your home

1. Real freedom is having the inner power to do what is best for all concerned.
2. Immaturity is lacking the power to do what we know is right and not being able to delay gratification
3. This is the chapter where they talk about making a contract
   1. See p. 118 for the why have one
      1. A written and signed document has tremendous power to keep peoplein harmony with agreed-upon, loving rules
   2. And p. 119 on how to develop one
      1. You have to read the book for all the details, but here are a few thoughts:

1. 1. 1. 1. Younger kids need less contract
         2. Teens need more
         3. Use precise wording that makes expectations clear
            1. We have recommended this in blended families especially
            2. The more involved in the agreement the greater the outcome
      2. There is a section here with some very practical advice:
         1. On asking questions - important to teach our teens
            1. We taught ours the Daniel method based on Daniel 1
         2. On Cleanliness is good too
            1. Their rooms had to be clean before leaving for school or no TV for 24 hours

Dave and Bethlie continue their series on the book The DNA of Parent-Teen Relationships.

Chapter 5. How to Argue with Teenagers and Come Out as Closer Friends

1. 5,000 adults asked what they wished their parents had done differently during times of conflict
   1. They wished their parents had listened more
   2. They wished they could have talked about feelings more.
   3. They wished they had talked to their parents more
2. Begin by listening - James 1:19
   1. Sometimes we men don't know what to say to connect to our children's emotions - listening is a huge part of the battle
3. Allow their emotion to touch you
   1. Take time to feel their pain
   2. Take time to feel their sadness
4. Four destructive ways to argue
   1. Continually withdrawing from an argument
   2. Letting them escalate into hurtful name calling fights
   3. Belittling or invalidating each other during an argument
   4. Believing that a family member is tryin to hurt, frustrate, or cause fear on purpose.
5. Drive-thru talking!