Losing someone who was first to know of what I went through, the one who baptized me. The one who reach out to me when I sick with Covid. The one who passed away, before I was Covid. There isn’t a day where I don’t miss you. You checked on me multiple time throughout my life, and the fact you passed six days after my birthday. It would make the month of January even harder for me. My uncle’s birthday is January 10th, my birthday is January 23rd, my grandfathers birthday was January 25th and Matt Hearn passed away January 29th. Two people who I was close to, are forever gone. Matt Hearn passed away from Cancer, My grandfather passed away from old age. He passed away when he was 90 and I was 20 years old. We were 70 years apart. Matt Hearn passed away after my 22 birthday. My grandfather passed away August 23rd. My grandmother and neighbor would pass four days part and the year I turned 23 years old., during year of 2022. Matt Hearn passed away in the year of 2021, the year I was 22 years old. Many numbers have meaningful moments you cherish, while many numbers have moments that will stay with you forever. Being 26 now, in the year of 2025, all the numbers are now numbers I cherish but will forever be my favorite. Who am I supposed to talk, when the ones who I was close with took apart of me with them. You learn to accept what is, but the grief never really goes away, it just becomes something you learn to accept.

From six months to six years, did you think I would forget? You went from going to engage, to going through my social media pages like

I would give you another chance. Not only did you ghost me and blocked me, you went behind my back to friends instead of me. I get that your mom just passed away and that within itself changes everyone, but you still treated me like trash,. I don’t even know what hurt even worse, the fact that I was there for you or the fact that you never cared. Decency to keep my nights, for years I kept what you did to myself. My life was peaceful until you decided to show back up. No apology or excuse could excuse what you did and how I felt about it. I could have gone to your commander, or I could have treated you the same way but I didn’t. I moved on with my life. I found someone who won’t ghost me or block me when life got tough. I found someone who wouldn’t go behind my back but speak to my directly. I can never look at you the same ever again. You are six months older than me, and I still act older than my age. How strange is that? Aren’t the ones older than you, be responsible and act their age? When it’s the opposite, they are immature and never grew up. I was never mad at the fact you were grieving, I understand that. I lost six people in the last six years. Once you lose the ones close to you, you will never be the same, but how you treated me and the situation. It’s like I never even mattered. I was piece of paper that was crumbled up and thrown away. That’s the feeling I could never forget.

I have Fibromyalgia, with CPS (Central Pain Syndrome, with Abdominal Endometriosis). I will never have a cure, while struggling to eat because I am allergic to Gluten. Everything we eat has gluten. I am thin and my weight does fluctuate. I have pain that goes beyond a scale. Theses stories I share isn’t for sympathy but to help others. I am not playing the violin here. Life does get hard, but you find ways to deal with it. The ones who whispered about my size, until you deal with multiple conditions then just keep your mouth shut. Many who say a gluten allergy is made up, you don’t know what you are talking about either. Having five surgeries in the last five years, I am in better place now, then where I was before. I still exercise, do what I need to do to stay healthy. While I have disc that is bulged in my lower back, and spinal cord doesn’t have spinal fluid. I still keep moving and accomplishing my goals that I planned three years ago. I like to plan in advance, because you never know what could happen. Having Covid and coming close to dying three times, you start to see your life completely different. You take every moment in and you cherish it. I am thankful still to be alive and share what I learned along the way. Many ask me why I am not afraid, I am but I put all my worries in God’s hands. I trust the Lord. Him and I going way back and have history. I always give the Lord credit, I don’t take it because it was all him.