In the latest episode of the podcast that wields films like deadly weapons, Mike drags Jay kicking and screaming into the twisted world of Rumpelstiltskin (1995)—a movie that asks the bold question, “What if a goblin got loose in 1990s Los Angeles and immediately learned to drive stick shift?” Between the boundlessly illogical plotting, endless baby screaming, and an ancient curse powered by hammy one-liners, the guys do their best to articulate a cinematic experience that feels less like a fairy tale and more like a cousin to Tommy Wiseau's The Room. After that, Jay and Mike count down their Bottom Five Names—a celebration of the worst, weirdest, and most aggressively stupid character names ever committed to film. Finally, in a heartfelt tribute, they honor the late, great Val Kilmer by playing a special round of Kick Two, Pick Two—pitting four of Kilmer’s movies against each other, with only two allowed to survive. So grab your favorite screaming infant, fire up your motorcycle, and join the fairy tale that somehow no one wanted—but everyone deserves to hear about!

If nothing else, after listening to this episode of the podcast that wields films like deadly weapons, you'll wonder what Mike is still wondering: "What the fiznuck is a Gonk?!?" Indeed, what is a Gonk and why, in this 1965 concert film disguised as a sci-fi movie, do they go Beat? Jay had no idea when he assigned Gonks Go Beat for Mike to endure this week, but do either of the guys know now? Perhaps or perhaps not, but what they do know is their list of Bottom Five British Characters, a collection of across-the-pond d-bags that explain the Revolutionary War more than any history book! After their countdown, the guys play an English-themed round of dueling double bills before Mike slaps Jay with his next filmic facepalm for the next episode. REMINDER: We're in the midst of a Sophie's Choice poll—meaning YOU, the listeners, get to decide an upcoming cinematic punishment for Jay! Will it be Street Fighter or The Garbage Pail Kids Movie? Visit filmjitsu.net to vote!

In the latest episode of the podcast that wields films like deadly weapons, Mike pulls out a Geneva-Convention-breaking offensive attack with 2005's The Crow - Wicked Prayer, the fourth movie in the original run of the "Crow" franchise starring Filmjitsu favorite, Eddie Furlong as a ghostly avenger in sad clown makeup. Jay dutiful reviews the film, trying to make sense of how it simultaneously has so much and so little on its mind and then the guys list off their "Bottom Dive Direct-to-Video Titles" in honor of all those movies, like this "Wicked Prayer," that didn't make it to the movie theater and, instead, crowd video shelves and streaming service menus.. Next, the duo nearly plays a round of "Dueling Double Bills" before Jay strikes back with his own cinematic counterattack, revealing the next episode’s review. But before the show wraps, a Sophie's Choice is unleashed—meaning YOU, the listeners, get to decide Jay’s next punishment! Will it be Street Fighter or The Garbage Pail Kids Movie? Cast your vote now at filmjitsu.com!

Ever wonder what happened to Vanilla Ice, the white-boy hip-hop "artist" who for a brief, horrifying moment, was the best-selling hip-hop act in the world? Yeah, well, neither did Mike, but thanks to Jay, he's been forced to wade through "Rap-Era Elvis" lore by watching Cool as Ice—a 90s time capsule that should have stayed buried. Can the guys have a compelling discussion about a film that all agree should have been left in the past alongside Z. Cavarrici pants and I.O.U. sweatshirts? It's tough work, but the main review leads to an inspired countdown of the guys' Bottom Five Musicians Acting in Film, where Mike and Jay talk smack not only about The Beatles but also The Rolling Stones! After stirring up controversy with some of the best-selling recording artists in history, the guys dig into the mailbag, where some Eejits revisit last episode’s Bottom Five childhood traumas. Then, as always, Mike locks, loads and fires the next terrible movie Jay will have to watch for the next episode. So, "drop the zero and get with the hero" by having a listen now!

In what Jay has claimed is the episode with "the best bottom five we've ever done," the guys tackle the often-maligned sequel to "The Wizard of Oz," 1985's "Return to Oz," starring Fairuza Balk in a vision of the Emerald City that gave most Gen-X kids recurring nightmares. Assigned by Mike, will Jay's viewing of this movie surface long repressed horrors from childhood? Well, if it doesn't, then both of our intrepid hosts listing off their bottom five child movie traumas most assuredly will have someone curling into a fetal position. When Mike screams "What in the name of bottomless childhood torment are we doing here movie?" you know a nerve has been struck! So jump right in, have a listen, and don’t forget to share the cinematic nightmares that haunted your childhood—misery loves company, after all!

In this episode, the guys perform a Filmjitsu first, dedicating most of a show to a single Hollywood star when Jay slaps Mike with a sequel so bad it derailed a franchise for thirty years! But despite the movie being too little of a comedy to be funny and too little of an action flick to provide any thrills, "Beverly Hills Cop 3" is the perfect launchpad to discuss the career of Eddie Murphy (while also touching on the tailspin of director John Landis's career). In counting off their "Bottom 5 Eddie Murphy Performances," the guys observe the highs and unfathomable lows of the formerly edgy, foul-mouthed comedian who somehow ended up in a never-ending career detour of donning fat suits and making fart jokes. Mike and Jay next take their own detour away from Murphy by playing a quick game of "Dueling Double Bills" before Mike announces his revenge by revealing what Jay will have to watch next time. Because while "Beverly Hills Cop 3" took Axel Foley off the streets for 30 years, your intrepid bad-movie enthusiasts here at Filmjitsu know there’s no statute of limitations on cinematic punishment!

There are two guys that host Filmjitsu, and despite the fact they regularly bludgeon one another with cinematic munitions, one nearly took on so much damage with this episode that the war of the worst nearly ended. Find out how two of Steve Odekirk's "Thumbation" movies—"Thumb Wars: The Phantom Cuticle" and "Bat Thumb"—somehow managed to, despite very short runtimes, drive one host to audibly drink away his pain whilst recording (stick around for the outtake). And if that's not enough, the guys go on to list their Bottom Five Movie Gimmicks which are cinematic tricks and ideas that try to get butts in seats but instead lead to eyes rolling to the back of the head. Finally, the guys pluck two VERY random movies from the internether which they must immediately build two competing double features from in their own latest gimmick, a game called "Dueling Double Bills." All this plus one really killer intro kicks off the first regular episode of the New Year in enjoyably agonizing style!

When Jay unleashed 1990's much-loved "Pretty Woman" on Mike, he knew they'd be in for a discussion that might get them in hot water with the millions upon millions of viewers that label the romantic comedy a "classic." There aren't many movies that have appeared on the show that were, at the time of their release, NUMBER FIVE in the list of all-time box office earners. And yet here the guys are, checking to see if one of the most iconic love stories cinema has ever served up is actually... any good? If that's not a bold enough move, your intrepid bad movie enthusiasts next count down their Bottom Five Beloved Films, a list of popular, much-adored favorites that they personally cannot stand! As contentious and contrarian a list as could be imagined, Mike and Jay may well be daring the audience to use deadly weapons against them, but things become more threatening as each reveal a pick that's beloved by the other, resulting in some pretty hostile exchanges! Finally, the guys end the show on a happy note with some friendly messages from a few "Eejits," or fans of the show who sent in voice messages and emails, before revealing the film they're watching for this year's shared Christmas episode!