The Chrome Man has changed tactics. He's no longer waiting at the border—he's poisoning the ward potluck.

When funeral potatoes turn the congregation into smiling, agreeable husks, only one thing can break the spell: a nineteen-minute testimony about a cat named President Benson.

Also featuring: a mysterious seminary chalkboard that knows the future, the Dwelt Settlement's theological food storage dispute, and the return of Porter Rockwell.

"Niceness asks nothing and gives nothing. Kindness costs something."

Deseret Radio: Community radio from the Territory of Deseret. Weird fiction for Latter-day Saints and curious outsiders.

The Logic Bros have arrived. Armed with charts, calculators, and the dangerous weapon of explanation, they're debunking the miracles of Deseret one floating arch at a time. When dinosaurs start manifesting and a debate is demanded, our host faces Kyle in the Cultural Hall with nothing but absurdity and a potato.

Tonight’s broadcast covers the annual Deseret Unsanctioned Pinewood Derby, where physics are optional and speed is terrifying. Brother Miller enters a car painted in Vantablack that absorbs light and sound, while Sister Patterson enters a raw Russet potato.Meanwhile, the "Utah" influence breaches the foyer with a new "Smart-Sacrament Kiosk" that promises contactless covenants and efficiency but demands a terrifying Terms of Service agreement. Our intern Chase tries to hack the machine for a "Premium Gel Pack," leading to a collision between void-based physics and corporate logic.Sponsored by: Essential Oils of the Restoration (Try "Frankincense of Fear").Key Topics: * The Vantablack Pinewood Derby Car * The Smart-Sacrament Kiosk & Shadow Harvesting * Essential Oils of the Restoration * The "Un-formatted" Foyer#DeseretRadio #LDS #AudioDrama #Podcast #DarkComedy #MormonCulture #PinewoodDerby #SurrealHumor #Utah #IndiePodcas

The border didn’t move—it expanded. This week, the "Growth Missionaries" from Silicon Slopes arrive in white transit vans to audit your spiritual KPIs and disrupt your testimony. They don't want your tithing; they want your user data.

Also in this episode:

The Bees of Deseret: The DIA activates the "Ancestral Swarm" to combat corporate vanity.

Ward Radio Hijack: We receive a high-definition, 4K audio message from the Fictional Governor of Utah regarding the "niceness" of the Chrome Man.

Folklore Hour: The terrifying truth about what the Lehi Roller Mill is actually grinding (Hint: It’s not wheat).

Sponsor: Partition-Pro Accordion Walls—separating your gym from your spiritual trauma since 1985.

The Chrome Man introduces "Zion++," a new app designed to streamline the Covenant Path and reduce the Sunday block to a highly efficient 12 minutes. Brother Chase downloads the beta and begins to vibrate.

Meanwhile, the toddlers in the Nursery have unionized and are demanding the "Codes," the Dwelt Settlement is fighting off drones with expired food storage, and we uncover the terrifying, passive reality of the "Sportsbro."

Deseret is not a place; it is a friction. Do not let them sand you down.

Show Notes / Credits:

• Weather: Partly cloudy with a 40% chance of phantom guilt.

• Sponsor: Year-Supply Inc. ("Eat it before it eats you.")

• About: Deseret Radio is a surreal audio drama broadcasting from the abandoned Chevron on Highway 36. We explore the border between the Peculiar People and the encroaching corporate "Utah".

Deseret Radio returns with another surreal LDS-inspired broadcast.
Utah’s borders inch forward, chrome buildings multiply, and the Church of Niceness reveals new mysteries—including the strange sport called football and the elusive creature known as the Sportsbro.

Meanwhile, the bones of our radio tower sing louder, a suspiciously efficient ministering service tries to infiltrate the broadcast, and the LDS Folklore Hour reveals the secrets of Costco.

After three months of radio silence, Deseret Radio returns from the abandoned Chevron on Highway 36—where the coffee screams, the lights hum in forbidden time signatures, and the desert still remembers your middle name. A strange new building has appeared in town: a chrome office that reflects everything except your reflection. Inside sits a man—Mr. Smith, or maybe Mr. Jones—offering convenience and constant validation in exchange for just one thing: your middle name.Meanwhile, Utah continues its slow expansion across the border, the Lesser Host descends over Ogden, and the Relief Society attempts a modesty fashion show in complete darkness. Our host reminds listeners to hold tight to the names their parents whispered at birth—because they might be the only thing keeping you from going flat.

Good morning, Saints. Dawn breaks over Deseret, and with it comes… the Tide. In this Season 1 finale, witness the culmination of Brother Lindstrom's celestial audit as the great Renewal commences. The Temple Square Beehive gives up its secrets, revealing a captured Ward Radio transmitter broadcasting suspect levels of niceness. Hear the Bees of Deseret mount a full-scale tactical assault, only for the signal to be decisively silenced by the unlikely intervention of Hoss and Porter Rockwell. Listen as the fictional Governor of Utah makes his final, folksy appeal via reel-to-reel before the Catalogue truly opens. Experience the bizarre, yet strangely groovy, soundtrack to judgment as Lindstrom and the Golden Boy begin stamping fates – sending the Overdue painlessly into the fictional, fry-sauce-scented mists of Utah, while the Renewed remain, lighter and thoroughly indexed. The library door is sealed, the immediate threats contained, but a final message from the Golden Boy suggests the war with Utah has only just begun. Deseret endures. Prepare accordingly.