From one day to the next, a whole group of people goes weird. But no one says anything. Are we just imagining things? Maybe we did something wrong? So how can we decode this? In this case, a listener is experiencing this in a work environment.

A few things stand out: how can we tell if we're the problem? Usually, being worried we might be is a rather safe indication we are not.

Then, if we can't think of an event that triggered it, it reduces the likelihood there was such an event.

If people are weird around us, we can sometimes identify who is uncomfortable at being gossiped to, and simply ask if they'd let us know if something got weird.

And remember that this could be a form of mobbing, which might require to involve HR, or management.

Consider options to discuss, but also options to leave in case it is unhealthy and there is little or no support.

As always, exercise your judgement and adapt to your situation.

Hope this is helpful and let me know if you have other questions where my take could be useful in providing elements to decode situations.

Learn how to use emotions to detect toxic signals in a relationship, symptoms of unhealthy relationships, and noticing when something is off. As well as reducing the risk a relationship becomes toxic. Dr Paul Ekman recently passed away and his work on emotions was ground breaking. We can use emotions to decode things happening around us that our rational brains don't see. But with emotions, we can learn the signals.

In this episode, I run through the 7 universal emotions, how to use them to decode toxic situations, and why none of them are "negative", even though 5 are unpleasant.

Toxic relationships are draining. And managing our energy is crucial in order to get our lives back. I share some thoughts and tips around this, while taking you for a walk - and hoping the noise is not detracting from the content. (If it is, please let me know and I won't record outside again).

In short: get out and move! The body needs movement and toxic people feel like they're pulling on the hand break. And there are other things you can do to get your life back on track, I share some suggestions and how you can find what works for you!

After we trusted too easily, too much the wrong person, what do we do? Shutting down and no longer trusting anyone is safe. But... It leads to a very lonely life, and might be a bit of an overreaction, at least in the long term. So what can we do? And how to do it?

A client asked me this question, I gave her a long answer, and thought it might be helpful for some listeners.

I noticed a series of strange signals before things get really weird - but I reacted calmly: I was prepared, this time. I'd started speaking with a woman at the hotel gym. I noticed some weird comments. Each, taken individually, didn't mean much, but together should have alerted me.

I was going to have dinner and she tagged along. During the dinner, she attempted to switch on Drama Mode and play victim. But instead of apologise or reassure her, I debunked her claims, calmly.

Here are the signals I picked up on, and some thoughts around such (bizarre) interactions.

Some might remind you of situations you've been in. Maybe you can imagine if you would have reacted like me, or differently, and you'll see different options.

I hope you find this helpful (and possibly entertaining).

A friend was upset: he's fallen out with an ex colleague, whom I happen to know. He was worried because of a former "colleague" who was smearing him. I happen to know the guy, and found him weird.

In this episode I share part of our conversation. This is relevant for anyone having to deal with a smear campaign.

Narcissists HATE people talking. Why? Because they can't control what is said. They don't know what is said. That creates uncertainty and reduces their power.

And yes, they will happily talk behind others' backs. Create falsehoods, narratives. But when people speak, they will realise conflicting narratives and might get suspicious.

Look for a few things:

1. who wants to be the central node of communication in a group

2. who gets upset when people speak

3. who speaks behind other's backs

If someone gossips, they'll gossip about you too.

If they betray your secrets once, they'll do it again.

As long as people don't talk to each other, they probably will be unaware of this.

One of the most helpful tools in systemic therapy is identifying primary and secondary goals. Otherwise we get hypnotised by words.

I say I want to run a marathon but I smoke, eat pizza and don't even wear running shoes? Maybe I'm not a hypocrite, but maybe my primary goal is to do nothing whilst claiming I want to do sport, so I can feel better about myself.

That's with an individual.

But introduce another person in a relationship. They say they want a loving relationship but they start conflict at the worst possible moments? Maybe that's because it's the easiest way to extract energy from you. And if they didn't say that they want a loving relationship, you'd leave?