Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: How do you deal with the emotions of not being able to adopt or foster because your husband doesn't share the desire?

Resources:

• A Reluctant Spouse: When Only One Partner Wants to Adopt
• I Want to Adopt. My Partner Does Not.
• Creating a Family Online Support Group

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Are you considering adoption to create your family this year? We’ve got answers to all (or most) of your questions. Join our discussion with Molly Berger, MSW, who has been with the Adoption Center of Illinois for 12 years as an adoption social worker. She counts it an honor to work with adoptive families and expectant parents.

In this episode, we discuss:

Part 1: Domestic Infant Private Adoption in the US

• What is the process?
• What are the reasons that pregnant moms are placing their children for adoption?
• Explain the matching process. How do expectant parents find and choose adoptive parents?
• What is The Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC)?
• What is Open adoption? Why do expectant parents need to educate themselves about open adoption?
• What special needs are common in domestic infant adoptions?
• How long does it take? What factors influence this time?
• How much does it cost? What factors influence this cost?
• How do failed matches impact the cost of adoption (that is, when an expectant mom decides to parent rather than go through with an adoption plan)?
• What are the differences in adopting via an adoption agency or an adoption attorney?
• What is the first step prospective adoptive parents should take if they are interested in adopting a baby?

Part 2: Adoptions From Foster Care in the US

• What is the process?
• How do you adopt your foster child (one who has already been placed in your home)?
• How do you go about adopting a waiting child, or one who is not currently placed with your family?
• What are the reasons children come into foster care in the US?
• What ages and races of children are most commonly available for adoption from foster care?
• What are the typical special needs prospective parents should expect to consider?
• How long does it take to adopt from foster care?
• How much does adoption from foster care typically cost?
• What is the first step prospective adoptive parents should take if they are interested in adopting from foster care?

Part 3: International Adoptions to the US

• What is the process to adopt from another country?
• What is the Hague Treaty, and why is it important for prospective parents to understand?
• What types of special needs do we most commonly see in children available for adoption from abroad?
• How long does international adoption take? What factors influence this time?
• How much does it cost? What factors influence the expenses?
• What is the first step prospective adoptive parents should take if they are interested in adopting internationally?
• Understanding Transracial/Transcultural Adoption
• What is transracial adoption?
• What should prospective parents understand about raising a child from a different culture than their own?
• What are racial mirrors, and why are they valuable for

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: Hello, thank you sincerely for your podcast and the work you do. It has helped me feel less alone and allowed me to better navigate foster parenting and adopting from foster care. My husband and I have two amazing boys; they have the same bio mom, and two older siblings each in a different family. Our youngest is 5. We met when he was 3 months. Our oldest is 8. We met when he was 3. He was removed at birth, then placed with his bio mom at 2 months, removed at 8 months, moved to a new foster family at 10 months, and placed with his legal father at 2.5. His bio mom took him illegally after a few months (with the legal father's consent). When he and his baby brother were removed and placed with us, he was sad and scared. We formally adopted our boys three years ago. He has grown into a beautiful, highly intelligent, and athletic boy. However, he has never accepted me as his mother.

He refuses affection, pulls away, and looks at me with what I perceive as disgust. We are close with his bio family (siblings and mom), and he is regularly upset that he can't live with his bio mom. Sometimes he blames me. I try to explain, but he shuts me out. His siblings are not with their bio mom either. I keep trying to build a connection, but after 5 years, I am losing hope. It is very easy and natural with my youngest. When we are affectionate, I am afraid my older son will feel left out, but he pushes me away and often won't even let me be near him. When we have special time (just the 2 of us), I plan activities with him that he likes and is excited for, but he often complains and is unhappy during his time with me. He does not remember his life before we met very well, but will recollect things we did and say it was his bio mom.

His professional evaluations report that he is well adjusted, but my husband and I have concerns. I know this may be normal, but I desperately want to connect with him. The constant rejection is painful. Any tips or advice are greatly appreciated.

Resources:

• Why Foster Kids Create Fantasy Families
• Attachment-Informed Tools for Working with Kids
• 6 Tips for Creating Attachment
• 8 Ways to Strengthen Attachment with Your Child
• Navigating Challenging Behaviors: Practical Strategies for Parents (Free E-Guide)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Join us to learn about family rituals—how to create and why they can help build strong families. Our guest will be Elizabeth Barbour, the author of a new book, Sacred Celebrations: Designing Rituals to Navigate Life’s Milestone Transitions. She’s also a reunited adoptee and an adoptive mom.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why are rituals important for families?
  • Define the culture of family-this is who we are
  • This is what we do
• What’s the difference between rituals and routines?
• What’s the difference between rituals and habits?
• Examples of family rituals.
  • Family meetings,
  • kid/parent dates,
  • game nights
  • gratitude practices
  • prayer and meditation
  • family altars
  • travel
  • volunteering together
• When families are created through adoption, any specific rituals that can help them?

Tips

• Keep it simple
• Get input from all members of the family
• Consistency

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: We have been matched with an expectant mom due in a couple of months. She is having twins. As we are preparing for the next steps, sleep training has come up frequently in newborn care books. What research is there on the cry-it-out method or other popular sleep training methods in relation to adopted children? We want to make sure they know their needs will be met and build a strong adoption bond, but we also want to eventually work towards them being able to sleep through the night.

Resources:

• Did Denmark Actually Ban "Cry it Out?"
• Video: The Attachment Cycle - Empowered to Connect
• Sleep Issues with Adopted, Foster, or Relative Children
• Balancing Attachment with Getting Sleep

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Are you looking for practical ways to build your child's resilience and sense of safety, and to strengthen your family's connectedness? Listen to this conversation with Ginger Healy, MSW, LCSW, director of programs for the Attachment & Trauma Network and host of the podcast “Regulated and Relational.” Ginger speaks across the nation on trauma-informed schools, therapeutic parenting, and community engagement.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What made you decide to write a book for educators?
• What were you observing about children’s needs around emotional language, self-regulation, and connection?
• Knowing that at home we often deal with a different rhythm, different dynamics (for example, one caregiver rather than teacher + many students), what initial advice do you have for parents and caregivers to translate this book’s classroom tools into a home context?
• Why is it essential that children learn social/emotional language — not just “feelings words” but the capacity to talk about self, other, relationships, safety?
• How does having more social/emotional language help a child feel “seen, safe, valued” in a family environment?
• What are the risks when children don’t have that language or opportunity to practice it?
• We often hear culture around us say, “Kids are resilient.” Why is that a misconception, especially in our community of adopted, foster, or relative children?
• Why does a child who has experienced trauma need specific, intentional scaffolding to develop their social/emotional language and build their capacity for emotional strength?
• What are the themes of the workbook that parents or caregivers can bring into their everyday conversations at home?
  • Understanding my story within my family structure
  • Reframing my narrative: navigating family challenges and conflict
  • Building confidence, hope, and a positive future
• Can you suggest a few strategies to get families started with the conversations?
• What if we are struggling with or lacking these skills ourselves? How do we learn them so we can teach and model them?
• What practical strategies can we use to integrate these skills into our daily rhythms?
• How do we know our kids are ready for adjustments in how we practice these skills, or to “level up”?
• How will they know if these strategies are effective?
• Do you have practical tips for families that want to strengthen their family dynamics but already feel overwhelmed by the long list of To-Dos?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: I would love to hear about family profiles for adopting older teens.

Resources:

• Adopting a Child of a Different Race or Culture
• Adopting Older Kids
• Evaluating Risk Factors in Foster Care Adoption

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

What is it like to be the only biological child in a large transracial adoptive family? Our guest, Elaine Duncan, shares her story of how transcultural adoption impacted her identity and resilience. She is a writer, speaker, and strategist whose work bridges storytelling, healing, and social change. She has a passion for improving outcomes for underserved young people and is currently working on a memoir of her life journey.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What did your home look like growing up, and what was it like for you to be the only biological child in a transracial/transcultural adoptive family?
• Families who adopt across race or culture often wonder how to bring all of those differences together under one roof.
• How did your family handle conversations about race, culture, and identity? Were these things openly acknowledged, celebrated, or avoided?
• How did your parents support (or struggle to support) you in building your own sense of identity — not just as their child, but as an individual?
• Did you ever feel overlooked or lost in the mix? How could parents avoid that happening for their kids?
• What were some of the biggest challenges you carried from growing up in this transracial/transcultural adoptive family?
  • How have those challenges shaped your adult life, relationships, or even your current work?
• What are the gifts or strengths you gained from growing up in such a diverse family?
• Are there ways your unique upbringing has given you perspective, resilience, or empathy that you now value?

Additional Resources:

• Intergenerational Trauma (podcast)
• The Impact of Fostering & Adoption on Kids Already in the Family (free on-demand course)
• Raising a Transracial or Multicultural Child (resource page)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building