Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: How do you deal with the emotions of not being able to adopt or foster because your husband doesn't share the desire?

Resources:

• A Reluctant Spouse: When Only One Partner Wants to Adopt
• I Want to Adopt. My Partner Does Not.
• Creating a Family Online Support Group

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Are you considering adoption to create your family this year? We’ve got answers to all (or most) of your questions. Join our discussion with Molly Berger, MSW, who has been with the Adoption Center of Illinois for 12 years as an adoption social worker. She counts it an honor to work with adoptive families and expectant parents.

In this episode, we discuss:

Part 1: Domestic Infant Private Adoption in the US

• What is the process?
• What are the reasons that pregnant moms are placing their children for adoption?
• Explain the matching process. How do expectant parents find and choose adoptive parents?
• What is The Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC)?
• What is Open adoption? Why do expectant parents need to educate themselves about open adoption?
• What special needs are common in domestic infant adoptions?
• How long does it take? What factors influence this time?
• How much does it cost? What factors influence this cost?
• How do failed matches impact the cost of adoption (that is, when an expectant mom decides to parent rather than go through with an adoption plan)?
• What are the differences in adopting via an adoption agency or an adoption attorney?
• What is the first step prospective adoptive parents should take if they are interested in adopting a baby?

Part 2: Adoptions From Foster Care in the US

• What is the process?
• How do you adopt your foster child (one who has already been placed in your home)?
• How do you go about adopting a waiting child, or one who is not currently placed with your family?
• What are the reasons children come into foster care in the US?
• What ages and races of children are most commonly available for adoption from foster care?
• What are the typical special needs prospective parents should expect to consider?
• How long does it take to adopt from foster care?
• How much does adoption from foster care typically cost?
• What is the first step prospective adoptive parents should take if they are interested in adopting from foster care?

Part 3: International Adoptions to the US

• What is the process to adopt from another country?
• What is the Hague Treaty, and why is it important for prospective parents to understand?
• What types of special needs do we most commonly see in children available for adoption from abroad?
• How long does international adoption take? What factors influence this time?
• How much does it cost? What factors influence the expenses?
• What is the first step prospective adoptive parents should take if they are interested in adopting internationally?
• Understanding Transracial/Transcultural Adoption
• What is transracial adoption?
• What should prospective parents understand about raising a child from a different culture than their own?
• What are racial mirrors, and why are they valuable for

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: Hello, thank you sincerely for your podcast and the work you do. It has helped me feel less alone and allowed me to better navigate foster parenting and adopting from foster care. My husband and I have two amazing boys; they have the same bio mom, and two older siblings each in a different family. Our youngest is 5. We met when he was 3 months. Our oldest is 8. We met when he was 3. He was removed at birth, then placed with his bio mom at 2 months, removed at 8 months, moved to a new foster family at 10 months, and placed with his legal father at 2.5. His bio mom took him illegally after a few months (with the legal father's consent). When he and his baby brother were removed and placed with us, he was sad and scared. We formally adopted our boys three years ago. He has grown into a beautiful, highly intelligent, and athletic boy. However, he has never accepted me as his mother.

He refuses affection, pulls away, and looks at me with what I perceive as disgust. We are close with his bio family (siblings and mom), and he is regularly upset that he can't live with his bio mom. Sometimes he blames me. I try to explain, but he shuts me out. His siblings are not with their bio mom either. I keep trying to build a connection, but after 5 years, I am losing hope. It is very easy and natural with my youngest. When we are affectionate, I am afraid my older son will feel left out, but he pushes me away and often won't even let me be near him. When we have special time (just the 2 of us), I plan activities with him that he likes and is excited for, but he often complains and is unhappy during his time with me. He does not remember his life before we met very well, but will recollect things we did and say it was his bio mom.

His professional evaluations report that he is well adjusted, but my husband and I have concerns. I know this may be normal, but I desperately want to connect with him. The constant rejection is painful. Any tips or advice are greatly appreciated.

Resources:

• Why Foster Kids Create Fantasy Families
• Attachment-Informed Tools for Working with Kids
• 6 Tips for Creating Attachment
• 8 Ways to Strengthen Attachment with Your Child
• Navigating Challenging Behaviors: Practical Strategies for Parents (Free E-Guide)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building