In pickup artist culture, men see women’s natural defenses as tests and shields. Pass these “shit tests” and break through her “bitch shields,” and you win her love and affection.

But women aren’t sitting around scheming elaborate tests or plotting shields. They're responding to lived experiences, not imagined battle plans. That’s why these pickup artist tricks, while they can work in the short-term, never result in lasting love and connection.

They’re based on lies, drenched in sexual shame, and actively work against your goals of lasting connection.

The solution is much harder - it means reframing her defenses as your projections. It means taking ownership of how shame makes you react. And it’s about seeing her defenses as invitations for patience, curiosity, and compassion.

This path is much harder. But it’s the only path towards real connection.

In today’s show, you’ll discover why pickup artist culture is consumed with shame, how to reframe her defenses as invitations, and how to choose a different, more effective response that’s not based in your neediness.

Listen now.

Show Highlights Include:

• How labeling a woman’s action as “tests” or “shields” exposes your insecurity and fear (and how to conquer these feelings that deprive you of connection) (3:50)
• Why following pickup artist advice, while it might get you dates, will never forge a strong and healthy long-term relationship (5:31)
• The "Psychoanalytic Lens” secret that allows you to strip away your neediness when she pulls back or acts distant (12:42)
• How to build your emotional muscles and prevent her defensive parts from triggering you (13:15)
• Why “seeing the shame on both sides” allows men and women to connect with and understand each other on a deeper level (19:14)
• The “Battle Within” mindset shift you must make if you want a long and fulfilling relationship (20:33)

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Feeling like success in one area of life has come at the expense of another?

Maybe you’ve crushed it in your career, but your relationships feel strained. Or you’ve built the life you thought you wanted, yet there’s still something important missing.

I’ve put together a free 3-minute assessment to help you see what’s really holding you back. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a personalized masterclass that speaks directly to where you are right now.

It’s fast. It’s practical. And it could change the way you approach leadership, love, and fulfillment.

Take the first step here → https://dtphd.com/quiz

There are two strategies men deploy when they’re dating, but insecure. Either they try the “Nice Guy” approach or its opposite, the pickup artist approach.

But even though these strategies are polar opposites, they suffer the same moral flaw of concealment. Whenever you put on a mask over yourself, you sever the possibility of authentic connection.

The solution?

Ethical seduction based on radical transparency.

This way sounds harder because it is: It requires you to be honest with yourself and the person you’re attracting. It’s also scarier because you face the real risk of rejection.

But you know what?

It’s the only moral way to find your life partner. Plus, it’s not just about being honest to your partner, but also being honest with yourself - the first step towards designing a deeply fulfilling life.

In today’s show, you’ll discover the moral case for ethical seduction, why concealment kills connection, and a few simple ways to incorporate more ethical seduction in your love life and even your career (with real life examples you can try).

Listen now.

Show Highlights Include:

• How being radically transparent in dating is like a cheat code for attraction, connection, and self-integration (and why most guys shy away from it) (0:30)
• Why the “Nice Guy” approach to dating backfires and ends in humiliation (and how to get the women you want without putting a mask on your personality) (2:14)
• The moral flaw both the nice guy who can’t get a date and the pickup artist who can’t create a secure relationship commit (4:34)
• The almost-too-simple (but effective) “Ethical Seduction” strategy for landing a date with someone you just met (5:52)
• Try these 2 transparent openers on attractive women you want to genuinely connect with (they’re far more effective and honest than the nice guy routine or following a pickup artist script) (6:27)
• How owning your insecurity instead of hiding it instantly boosts your attractiveness (7:45)
• The counterintuitive way polarization is the quickest way to find your life partner (15:16)
• A silly, but true example from an old 80s sitcom about how transparency erases anxiety and unlocks the possibility for true, authentic connection (22:20)
• How radical transparency in leadership motivates and inspires your team (even when you’re faced with insurmountable challenges) (28:57)

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Feeling like success in one area of life has come at the expense of another?

Maybe you’ve crushed it in your career, but your relationships feel strained. Or you’ve built the life you thought you wanted, yet there’s still something important missing.

I’ve put together a free 3-minute assessment to help you see what’s really holding you back. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a personalized masterclass that speaks directly to where you are right now.

It’s fast. It’s practical. And it could change the way you approach leadership, love, and fulfillment.

Take the first step here → https://dtphd.com/quiz

What do you do after you fall short of your values? If you’re like most of us, you deflect, you hide, and you collapse into toxic shame that severs your self-trust and self-respect.

But there’s another way to deal with your failures that can actually improve your relationship with yourself and others.

This other way?

Acknowledging healthy guilt without falling into the seductive trap of toxic shame.

It’s not as easy as letting yourself wallow in self-pity - but it’s worth it in the long-term.

In today’s show, you’ll discover the difference between healthy guilt and toxic shame, the Anatomy of a Healthy Apology, and how you can make amends with yourself and others after you fall short of your values (as all humans do).

Listen now.

Show Highlights Include:

• What to do after falling short of your values so you don’t overwhelm yourself with toxic shame (0:25)
• How healthy guilt guides you back to your values and even builds your character (and why toxic shame makes your burdens heavier and impossible to deload) (2:24)
• Why being able to tell the difference between guilt and shame is the first step towards resolving the internal civil war happening inside your body (5:41)
• How to apologize in a way that builds your character, improves your relationship, and even gets rid of toxic shame stewing beneath the surface (9:36)
• The 5 parts of the Anatomy of a Healthy Apology (10:32)
• Here’s a real example of a weak apology after cheating and a strong one that rekindles the trust (13:44)
• How to use your failures to actually build trust with yourself and with others (22:34)

For more about David Tian, go here:

https://www.davidtianphd.com/about/

Feeling like success in one area of life has come at the expense of another?

Maybe you’ve crushed it in your career, but your relationships feel strained. Or you’ve built the life you thought you wanted, yet there’s still something important missing.

I’ve put together a free 3-minute assessment to help you see what’s really holding you back. Answer a few simple questions, and you’ll get instant access to a personalized masterclass that speaks directly to where you are right now.

It’s fast. It’s practical. And it could change the way you approach leadership, love, and fulfillment.

Take the first step here → https://dtphd.com/quiz