Episodios

  • 378: [Soapbox] When neither person wants sex

    378: [Soapbox] When neither person wants sex
    Apr 2 2026

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman answers a listener question about what to do when both partners have low desire for sex. She explains that if both people are happy not having sex, there is no problem to solve. If the couple wants sex to be part of their relationship but neither experiences spontaneous desire or initiates, she recommends understanding and working with reactive desire—where interest may arise only after getting started. Zimmerman suggests intentionally creating time for gentle physical connection and finding a slow “on-ramp” that feels good, such as talking, sipping tea, cuddling, caressing, or massage, then seeing where it goes. She emphasizes communicating about what feels good in the moment and allowing that it won’t always lead to arousal or sex, but that even occasional success increases sexual connection.


    00:00 Show Intro

    00:46 Today’s Listener Question

    01:35 No Sex Is Okay

    02:13 Understanding Reactive Desire

    03:00 Create Intentional On Ramps

    03:45 Communicate and Remove Pressure

    04:13 Key Takeaway and Wrap

    04:38 Outro and Credits

    Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.



    More info and resources:


    Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

    Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast




    How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

    The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

    The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

    Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

    Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
    Más Menos
    6 m
  • 377: Menopause BioType - Individualizing Care with Dr. Jennifer Berman

    377: Menopause BioType - Individualizing Care with Dr. Jennifer Berman
    Mar 30 2026
    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman hosts Dr. Jennifer Berman to discuss menopause, sexual health, and individualized hormone care. Berman explains how witnessing the medical disparity after Viagra’s rise pushed her to pioneer women’s sexual health, and how her own early perimenopause shaped her work with hormone replacement therapy (HRT). They address common menopause symptoms and argue sexual health is clinically significant and tied to overall wellness. Berman emphasizes that estrogen does not cause breast cancer, critiques the legacy of the WHI study and synthetic oral hormones, and explains current bioidentical approaches and why testosterone for women is often compounded. She introduces her genetic test, the Menopause Biotype, which aims to predict symptom patterns, disease risks, and hormone metabolism to tailor treatment, discusses a subgroup still struggling with mood issues and emerging ketamine therapy, and shares how she evaluates patients using labs, genetics, symptoms, and sometimes pellet timing.00:00 Show Intro00:45 Menopause Episode Setup01:49 Why Dr Berman Cares02:13 Viagra Era Wake Up Call04:07 Her Perimenopause Journey06:16 Why Care Is Changing Now07:37 Reframing Menopause Aging Well09:10 Hormones Beyond Symptoms11:41 Sexual Health Is Health13:14 Desire Gap And Libido Mismatch15:25 Midroll Free Resources15:51 HRT Myths And WHI Fallout18:02 Bioidentical Vs Synthetic Hormones19:12 Testosterone Access Challenges19:40 Personalized Hormone Dosing20:50 Menopause Biotype Genetic Test21:19 Predicting Symptoms and Risks22:13 Genes and Mental Health Subtypes24:54 Ketamine and Neuroplasticity27:31 Treatment Workflow and Labs29:19 Pellets and Individual Targets31:39 Perimenopause Signs and Timing33:29 Starting HRT Later in Life35:33 Where to Follow and Peptides38:24 Podcast Wrap UpAll of Jessa's desire discrepancy resources: https://www.desirediscrepancy.comBio:Modern feminism fought for equal pay, representation, and choice — but the next frontier of equality is biochemical. Despite decades of research proving the benefits of hormone therapy for cognition, vitality, and longevity, women remain under-treated, under-tested, and over-pathologized.Dr. Jennifer Berman argues that access to hormone therapy, especially testosterone, isn’t a luxury — it’s a fundamental right tied to a woman’s ability to live, work, and age with autonomy and strength. Denying women evidence-based HRT isn’t just a medical gap; it’s a civil rights issue rooted in gender bias.This conversation goes far beyond hot flashes. It’s about productivity, mental health, neuroprotection, and the freedom to perform at full biological capacity — without stigma, fear, or institutional barriers.A pioneer who founded UCLA’s Female Sexual Medicine Center, Dr. Berman now leads what she calls the next revolution in medicine: biochemical equality. Through her Menopause Biotype™ — a DNA and AI-powered tool that ends hormone guesswork — she’s redefining how women age, reclaiming their capacity, power, and edge in every arena of life.Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
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    40 m
  • 376: [Soapbox] The lower desire partner feels like they can't win

    376: [Soapbox] The lower desire partner feels like they can't win
    Mar 26 2026

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman shares a “soapbox” episode addressing a common belief among lower desire partners: “I can’t win; it’ll never be enough.” She explains this mindset becomes self-defeating when the goalposts are set by the higher desire partner’s satisfaction instead of treating intimacy as a shared playing field where both meet in the middle. Zimmerman outlines the lower desire partner’s role as being willing to engage in the topic, identify and address obstacles that create stress or block pleasure, and explore what could help them access desire, arousal, or enjoyable physical pleasure some of the time. She also notes the higher desire partner’s work includes adjusting expectations, broadening what counts as sex, focusing on pleasure and connection, clearly asking for what they want, and celebrating “no” when needed.


    00:00 Show Intro

    00:46 Soapbox Topic Setup

    01:07 Why It Feels Hopeless

    02:21 Lower Desire Partner Work

    02:59 Accessing Desire and Pleasure

    03:43 Higher Desire Partner Work

    04:04 Reframing as Teamwork

    04:28 Outro and Credits

    Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.



    More info and resources:


    Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

    Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast




    How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

    The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

    The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

    Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

    Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
    Más Menos
    6 m
  • 375: When Money Stress Creates Distance in the Bedroom with Heather Howard

    375: When Money Stress Creates Distance in the Bedroom with Heather Howard
    Mar 23 2026

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Heather Howard, a sexuality counselor and financial coach, about the strong parallels between money and sex in couples’ relationships. Howard shares how pelvic pain shifted her from a finance career into sex counseling and later into financial coaching after repeatedly seeing money conflicts fueling distance, resentment, and desire problems. They discuss patterns like one partner becoming the “driver” while the other withdraws, how power imbalances show up in both sexual desire discrepancy and finances, and how financial control can undermine authentic consent. They explore the role of entrenched narratives and upbringing in shaping beliefs about sex and money, the impact of shame and secrecy including financial infidelity, and Howard’s solution-focused approach emphasizing safety, skills training, accountability, and aligning money behaviors with values. Howard explains how to contact her for online coaching via heatherhoward.com/meet.


    00:00 Show Intro

    00:45 Meet Heather Howard

    01:46 From Finance to Sex Therapy

    03:25 Why Money Enters the Bedroom

    05:10 Desire and Money Dynamics

    07:52 Power Imbalances and Entitlement

    09:46 Consent Needs Financial Safety

    11:55 Unpacking Sex and Money Stories

    14:40 Heather’s Coaching Approach

    18:32 Masterclass Break

    19:02 Sharing Financial Responsibility

    19:43 Fixing Money Patterns

    20:48 Money Anxiety and Skills

    22:07 Building Self Trust

    23:21 Financial Infidelity Secrets

    27:57 Drama Debt Cycles

    28:34 First Steps and Support

    32:51 Finding a Coach

    35:19 Closing and Credits


    Jessa's Webinar: https://www.intimacywithease.com/masterclass


    Bio:


    Dr. Heather Howard is a sexuality counselor and financial coach who helps individuals and couples build healthier relationships with sex, money, or both. Using a nonjudgmental, education-based approach, she supports clients in clarifying values, developing practical skills, and creating systems that align daily behavior with what matters most. Heather works with clients to reduce shame, strengthen communication around traditionally taboo topics, and build shared understanding and decision-making that fosters emotional connection and long-term sexual and financial well-being.

    Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.



    More info and resources:


    Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

    Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast




    How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

    The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

    The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

    Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

    Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
    Más Menos
    38 m
  • 374: [Soapbox] How there is hope even when they close the door

    374: [Soapbox] How there is hope even when they close the door
    Mar 20 2026

    In a soapbox episode, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman responds to an email from a listener whose wife says she isn’t interested in fixing their sex life and accuses him of only caring about sex. Jessa explains there can still be hope and outlines three areas to explore: the overall relationship (conflict, lack of emotional connection, feeling like roommates), the couple’s entrenched desire-difference dynamics (pressure, focusing on frequency, treating the lower-desire partner as the problem, goal-oriented sex that creates obligation), and individual factors affecting the lower-desire partner (stress, exhaustion, mental health, parenting demands). She encourages higher-desire partners to build connection, show compassion for the guilt and shame lower-desire partners often feel, reduce pressure, and invite conversations about what’s in the way so intimacy can become fulfilling for both.


    00:00 Show Intro

    00:46 Soapbox Setup

    01:01 The Unsubscribe Email

    02:37 Three Hopeful Angles

    02:39 Rebuild Connection First

    03:50 Desire Difference Traps

    04:54 Compassion Over Pressure

    08:00 Life Stress Blocks Desire

    08:54 Closing Hope and Next Steps

    09:43 Outro and Credits

    Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.



    More info and resources:


    Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

    Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast




    How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

    The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

    The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

    Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

    Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
    Más Menos
    11 m
  • 373: Hormonal Optimization, Metabolic Health, and Longevity for Better Sex with Jay Campbell

    373: Hormonal Optimization, Metabolic Health, and Longevity for Better Sex with Jay Campbell
    Mar 16 2026

    Sex therapist Jess Zimmerman interviews biohacker and author Jay Campbell about hormone optimization and metabolic health as foundations for wellbeing, longevity, libido, and sexual function. Campbell shares how discovering very low testosterone after a sports injury led him into researching therapeutic hormones, peptides, and lifestyle interventions, eventually writing bestselling books and a new book on GLP-1 peptides and proper microdosing with supportive lifestyle changes. They discuss endocrine disruption, common hormone deficiencies, and key labs and hormones to assess—especially free testosterone, estradiol, and progesterone—emphasizing women being underserved in testosterone therapy after the WHI. Campbell outlines symptoms like fatigue, low dopamine/brain fog, belly fat, and insulin resistance, and recommends insulin-controlled eating, resistance and cardio training, stress reduction through daily mind-stilling practices, and consistent routines to improve health and sexual wellbeing.


    00:00 Show Intro

    00:46 Meet Jay Campbell

    01:48 Testosterone Wake Up Call

    03:26 Biohacking To Author

    05:43 Endocrine Disruptors

    07:53 Metabolic Health Link

    08:33 Key Hormones Explained

    10:28 Women And HRT Myths

    16:02 Microdosing GLP One

    17:08 Midroll And Coaching

    17:37 Symptoms And Sex Signs

    19:29 Therapeutic Hormone Jumpstart

    20:39 Libido and Sexual Function

    23:14 Biohacker vs Clinical Goals

    23:45 Diet and Insulin Control

    25:37 Training for Longevity

    28:23 Blue Zones and Leanness

    29:04 Incline Walking for Fat Loss

    30:24 Stress and Stilling Mind

    34:39 Where to Find Jay

    35:52 Podcast Wrap Up


    Want to work with Jessa? Visit https://www.intimacywithease.com


    Bio:


    Jay Campbell is a 5x international bestselling author, globally recognized authority on hormone optimization, metabolic health, and longevity. He’s passionate about educating individuals on how to optimize their hormones and metabolism for long-term vitality, energy, and performance. Jay’s work helps people break free from conventional “sick-care” systems and embrace health strategies that promote longevity, peak performance, and overall well-being. He is widely recognized for his cutting-edge insights into peptides, metabolic repair, and sustainable aging.


    jaycampbell.com/free-info


    biolongevitylabs.com JAYC code

    Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.



    More info and resources:


    Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

    Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast




    How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

    The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

    The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

    Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

    Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
    Más Menos
    37 m
  • 372: [Soapbox] The three biggest apology mistakes

    372: [Soapbox] The three biggest apology mistakes
    Mar 12 2026

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman shares a soapbox episode on three common apology mistakes that prevent real relationship repair. First, apologizing too quickly can skip the empathy your partner needs to feel understood, so she encourages “climbing into their movie” before taking accountability. Second, phrases like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry that happened to you” misuse “I’m sorry,” which she reserves for responsibility and remorse, and can sound judgmental; she suggests using clearer empathic language instead. Third, adding “but” after an apology turns it into an explanation or excuse that undermines repair, so an apology should fully own the specific behavior and its impact.


    00:00 Show Intro

    00:46 Soapbox Setup

    01:22 Mistake One Too Fast

    02:51 Mistake Two Misusing Sorry

    04:31 Mistake Three Sorry But

    05:25 Wrap Up Take Ownership

    05:51 Outro And Credits

    Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.



    More info and resources:


    Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

    Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast




    How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

    The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

    The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

    Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

    Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
    Más Menos
    7 m
  • 371: People pleasing is ruining your sex life with Darshana Avila

    371: People pleasing is ruining your sex life with Darshana Avila
    Mar 9 2026

    Sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Darshana Avila (featured on Netflix’s Sex, Love & Goop) about “erotic wholeness,” defined as integrating all parts of ourselves and relating to eroticism as life-force vitality that can fuel sexuality, creativity, and relationships. They explore how people-pleasing functions as a protective strategy—suppressing authenticity to maintain connection—and how it undermines both pleasure and intimacy. In long-term relationships, this often appears as partners (often women in heterosexual dynamics) not knowing what they like, feeling shame about needs such as taking longer to warm up, or fearing rejection for expressing desires. They discuss sexual scripts, shame, disappointment tolerance, consent (including Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent), and practical steps: identify people-pleasing, work with fear/scarcity, clarify authentic desires and boundaries, and build communication skills with professional and relational support.


    00:00 Show Introduction

    00:49 Meet Darshana Avila

    01:51 Her Path to This Work

    03:26 Erotic Wholeness Defined

    06:18 Choiceful Self Leadership

    07:32 People Pleasing Explained

    09:08 How It Shows Up in Sex

    12:41 Owning Desire Without Shame

    15:16 Rewriting the Sex Script

    18:19 Mid Episode Quiz Break

    18:47 Mutuality Helps Both Partners

    19:38 Mutual Desire Basics

    20:24 People Pleasing Blocks Intimacy

    21:26 Building Disappointment Tolerance

    22:18 Shame Spirals and Meaning

    23:03 Dont Yuck the Yum

    23:38 Golden Shower Lesson

    24:42 Responding with Gratitude

    25:19 Finding the Venn Overlap

    27:19 Consent and the No

    28:36 No as a Pivot

    29:36 First Steps to Change

    33:08 Vulnerability as Litmus Test

    35:47 Support and Where to Find Her

    36:55 Podcast Wrap Up


    My quizzes can be found at https://www.desirediscrepancy.com


    Bio:

    Darshana Avila is a trauma-informed somatic educator, practitioner and international speaker who helps people reconnect with the most essential aspects of themselves — their truth, their desires, and their capacity for profound pleasure and power.



    Known for her grounded, candid, and relational approach, she bridges the worlds of embodiment, emotional intelligence, and personal agency with depth and accessibility.



    Darshana’s work has been featured on Netflix’s Sex, Love & goop, The Guardian, The New Yorker, and numerous leading podcasts.

    Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.



    More info and resources:


    Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

    Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast




    How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

    The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

    The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

    Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

    Access the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
    Más Menos
    38 m