The Second Victim: Daisy's Story

De: Daisy, Emma Barnaby

Narrado por: Daisy

In this Audible Original Podcast, we hear the story of Daisy - a black baby adopted into a white family in rural 1970’s England. Alienation and loss of identity dominate her childhood.

After discovering she was conceived through child rape, she begins a lifelong mission to find and prosecute her birth father using the only irrefutable evidence left. Her own DNA.

But justice isn’t just for her birth mother. She too, is a victim, and when the world around her doesn’t agree, she is forced to reckon with external and internal powers out of her control.

Content Warning: There are references to child sexual abuse, suicide and there is also strong language and racist language at times. Listener discretion is advised.

Episode 1: Born a Crime Scene

Daisy struggles with the glare of attention she receives as the only black child in her community. Then she discovers the truth behind her adoption.

Episode 2: The Missing Mother

Amid an exciting new life in London, Daisy begins to search for her birth mother, Grace. If she can just meet her, maybe Daisy will be able to make more sense of who she is in the world.

Episode 3: The Missing Father

After a difficult reunion, Grace and Daisy try to get to know each other, but it’s harder than expected. Feeling she has nothing left to lose, Daisy decides to find out once and for all who her birth father is.

Episode 4: The Watershed

The relationship between Grace and Daisy comes to a gut-wrenching halt and Daisy is confronted with some destabilising realisations about her adoption. Then a national scandal drives her on a furious mission to seek justice for her birth father’s crime.

Episode 5: Vexatious

Daisy turns detective as she tries to uncover her birth father’s identity. Armed with a mountain of new evidence, she’s confident of bringing a prosecution against him.

Episode 6: The Power of Rage

Daisy reaches breaking point. Just as she feels she’s exhausted all options, a television interview turns the tables.

Episode 7: I Am Not Your Shame

Justice is served, but Daisy’s wounds still go deep. She diverts her anger into a campaign to change the law. And she begins to address her own trauma.

Episode 8: Roots

Daisy is coming to terms with the true impact of being trans-racially adopted. Having never had a sense of her black Jamaican identity, she makes a journey to uncover her ancestry which will become one of the most transformative experiences of her life.

For further listening and reading on the topics covered in this series, Daisy recommends the following podcasts and books – all available on Audible or Amazon.

PODCASTS

DAWTA The podcast

Adoptees On

Adoptees Crossing Lines

BOOKS

You Don’t Look Adopted by Anne Heffron

You Are Your Best Thing by Tarana Burke and Brené Brown

Surviving the White Gaze: A Memoir by Rebecca Carroll

Child Sexual Abuse In Black And Minoritised Communities edited by Aisha K.Gill & Hannah Begum

If you have been affected by any of the themes in the series please find below details of organisations that can help you:

www.pac-uk.org/our-services/adopted-adults

adultadoptee.org.uk

www.thedunbarproject.org.uk

howtobeadopted.com

www.familyconnect.org.uk

listenupresearch.org

www.womensaid.org.uk

rapecrisis.org.uk

www.blackmindsmatteruk.com

Samaritans - call 116 123 or email [e-mail] or [e-mail] (or the Samaritans Welsh Language Line is 0808 164 0123)

National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK - 0800 689 5652

SANEline - If you're experiencing a mental health problem call 0300 304 7000 (4.30pm–10.30pm every day).

Other international crisis helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org

Producer: Raw TV

Now available in Dolby Atmos on Audible.

©2020 Audible, Ltd. (P)2020 Audible, Ltd.

Impacts of rape conception and adoption

Do you remember how difficult it can be to talk about a subject when there’s no language or terminology for your own experience? Or when you’ve not yet found the language? Several years ago, Daisy (she uses this pseudonym to protect the identity of her mother) began posting on Twitter under the username rapeconception, offering necessary terminology for the experience of being conceived by rape.

The Second Victim begins with Daisy’s early memories of being a Black girl adopted by a White family and living in a White community in England. At a very young age, Daisy struggles with a sense of disjointedness, the paradox of being singled out and also invisible. When she begins asking questions about her birth parents, she senses another complication, one that’s under the surface of her visible differences from the White people surrounding her, but she doesn’t quite have the language for it yet.

Daisy narrates her own story in her intelligent and expressive voice. She’s joined by people who have been close to her during her search for justice, who add their voices and observations. As someone unfamiliar with podcasts, the listening experience took me a bit by surprise; the added sound effects made the experience more like a film than an audio book by encouraging my brain to visualize conversations and events. Daisy’s story is dramatic in its scope as it tracks her journey through closed doors and roadblocks to find her truth and to achieve some measure of justice and support for people who were born from rape.

Like rape itself, rape conception has long been stigmatized, underreported, and kept a secret. Unveiling the secret brings it into the light of examination, which can benefit everyone. Thank you, Daisy.

Acknowledge her strength

I can empathize with Daisy and her journey to get justice for herself and her birth mom. I don’t fully her birth mom’s distancing towards Daisy just as much as I don’t fully understand Daisy’s animosity towards her adoptive mom. I hope finding her true identity and roots will help Daisy be able to let her guard down and accept love and light with her newfound lease on life.

The Vulnerability is Refreshing

I loved this a lot more than I anticipated. The accurate Ross sense of humanity is something everyone can relate to on their own levels.

Trauma in the womb and at birth

The painful story of coming to terms with what had shaped Grace as a person. The courage and tenacity that she had in pursuing truth and a resolution against all odds. The sad story of how once relationships are broken they rarely heal. It was an insightful narrative into a world few have ever experienced, yet the basic needs every human has made the story relatable and profound. Will most likely listen to this again.

Incredible Story!

I loved this first person account of a woman who is the product of rape and interracial adoption. It’s an honest, very heart felt and vulnerable story. I couldn’t wait to get back to it. Thank you to the author for sharing this. It’s a Must Listen.

Wooo lawdy she needs a hobby

Daisy is an enjoyable narrator but bless her heart she has no idea what real problems are. So ungrateful. I’m a POC and for the life of me I don’t understand why Daisy seemed so determined to create a bigger divide than there was. Oh you poor thing, you had a white family that didn’t see you as an outsider. How terrible. I have to wonder if Daisy had a hobby or activity if she would still be obsessed with this agenda? I feel awful for her adoptive mother who tried to raise her in a united world where skin color doesn’t need to be divisive.

Educational and eye opening

I am an adult adoptee, age 46. Although I am not a person of color, or a product of rape- the feelings and thoughts expressed by Daisy resonated with me in so many ways. As I’ve grown older we the years, I’ve been able to learn more about the effects adoption has on people and while I’ve never allowed myself to be a victim of my circumstances- just knowing that the things I was told that “were wrong with me”- weren’t really my fault. The one thing that hit me in the heart was when the notion that adoptees brought into a family are often a result of a loss of child by adoptive parents. It never really occurred to me, that we come in as a replacement, or a way to fill a void from a devastating loss. I spent my childhood listening to my adoptive mother talk about the loss of her babies. I got along well with my adoptive dad, but unfortunately he passed away. My adoptive mother and I don’t speak anymore and it’s heartbreaking. She will never understand the damage she has done to me over the years by her cutting remarks and constant criticism. She never should have adopted more kids. While I was grateful for the social status move up the ladder. ( my real parents were homeless) I was still constantly reminded of where I came from and that I needed to be a perfect, quiet child that didn’t make mistakes, because i was lucky to have been chosen vs. living on the streets. I can’t relate to all the race and the horror or a rape, but I really enjoyed the authors story and highly recommend to anyone looking to understand themselves or an adoptee family member or friend.

Awesome

Just amazing, visceral, insightful, raw, painful and beautiful. A must listen. What a journey of a life. So much to overcome, nevertheless, she persisted.

painful

Listening to this was painful , Daisy seems to be an ungrateful self-absorbed narcissist and everything is about her not the real victim like her mother . she was not a victim of the rape she was a consequence of the rape.just my opinion.

The strength of Daisy

Daisy’s story was amazing. I loved her dedication to find out the truth & bring to justice. She is very strong, brave & amazing women . I’m so happy I listened to her story. I wish her all the happiness see deserves