The Gaggle

How the Guys You Know Will Help You Find the Love

De: Jessica Massa

Narrado por: Joy Osmanski

Now in paperback, The Gaggle captures the zeitgeist of today's “post-dating” world where instead of traditionally dating, women find love by cultivating a “gaggle” of men.

AMBIGUOUS TEXTS.

SUDDEN BLOWOFFS.

CONFUSING HOOKUPS.

MIXED SIGNALS.

THIS DOESN’T HAVE TO BE YOUR LOVE LIFE.



IN THIS GROUNDBREAKING DEBUT, based on nationwide interviews with women and men, Jessica Massa leads you through today’s post-dating world, where the rules of sex, dating, and relationships have completely changed. The Gaggle is the ultimate guide to finding love in the modern age.

Definitely for the under 30 crowd

This book provided an interesting perspective on the modern dynamic of male-female relationships... but... its all about not taking any relationship too seriously while you get a better handle on who you are and what you need. Sage advice for younger people who are still in that phase, but as a 30yr old woman, this book promotes a lifestyle that no longer appeals to me.
To expand on that: It's about taking an A La Carte approach to meeting your relationship needs by acquiring lots of guy friends. Nothing wrong with that when you're young, but it just sounds exhausting to me now :P
It was an interesting read & if I knew a college bound girl who was planning to scour her campus for a husband, this book offers lots of advice for scaling that mentality back a notch (or 5).
However, if you're past the major self discovery phase and are really looking for a good man to partner up with, this book is not for you. For example, the Accessory is a smart, fun guy you take as a "plus 1" to social/work events. This is 1.) unnecessary for a woman comfortable with who she is and 2.) going to scare off a guy that might approach you because he will think you're not available.
The Hot Sex Prospect is fun for a very short while, but no one is above developing a false sense of intimacy over time that will impact your emotional availability to other romantic prospects.
The bits about non-dates and techno-romance are spot on. I also agree with the author that modern women shouldn't concern themselves with out-dated dating standards or old-timey gimmicks.
The guys gaggle holds true as well and offers helpful advice on figuring out where you factor into a guys life.
Overall, it was worth the credit and was an easy, entertaining listen.

Horrifying advice for women

I had to stop listening after only 20 minutes or so. I did not like the way the author kept reiterating over and over and over that dating is done, dating is gone, nobody dates or goes out on dates anymore. “It’s just a bunch of Non dates” she even gave examples of women where the men were clearly not interested, like an alcoholic type rowdy woman who was clearly rejected by a religious man, but kept pursuing him to get out in groups or solo dates, and he finally gave her a chance- and apparently reformed her into a nice girl (?). The book suggested that you message your cute coworkers via IM about topics that they’re interested in which is horrible advice, the workplace is not a dating pool and you can jeopardize your credibility and income. I can’t even remember the worst suggestion of all, basically just pursue men aggressively even if they show zero interest, because, as the author says over and over, dating does not exist, and there are no dates and nobody goes out on dates anymore. The author was happy to include Examples of interviews with young men who say they don’t even go out on dinner dates anymore, what is that? Literally insane. Literally insane. Sorry that young man had no older male relatives to show them how to date.

I’ve gone on countless dinner dates as a borderline gen Z millennial- or waterpark or fair dates or lunch, kayaking, coffee, etc. proper real dates. I felt like the author was trying to force me to manage down my expectations and I really shuddered for any young woman listening who had not yet built the self-esteem to have rejected these half arsed Non dates by now in order to go on real dates. I get it, it’s pretty tough when you’re young early 20s teenager and broke. It took multiple heartbreaks and being used viciously and my body’s safety being put at risk in order to completely stop turning down half arsed hang out non-dates like oh come over to my place type stuff. The stuff the author suggests is “cool”. It was a very strong “be a cool girl and just hang out casually because no man will take you on a date anymore, it doesn’t exist!” I wouldn’t be surprised if the author was a man using a pen name.

I thought the book was literally joking like I was waiting for the punchline where they said oh that’s terrible advice. Don’t do any of that.


I thought the book would be about how you need to consider your other social obligations as potential opportunities to meet men.
I thought the book would be like go to brunch with your platonic friend Dave so that he can introduce you to some of his friends or you might meet a cutie in line for the bathroom or something. No, it literally suggest that you go to brunch with Dave so that eventually Dave might get into a relationship with you, even though he shows zero sign of interest. Crazy.


The rules handbook/not your mother’s rules is a much better book. If you follow the advice in this book, you are likely to end up getting used by some bare minimum, below bare minimum, taker of a man who won’t even commit to you let alone take you to dinner.

Horrible

Would you try another book from Jessica Massa and/or Joy Osmanski?

NO

What was most disappointing about Jessica Massa’s story?

I didn't appreciate the language and it wasn't very insightful. It was all information that is just plain common sense.