How We Do Family

From Adoption to Trans Pregnancy, What We Learned About Love and LGBTQ Parenthood

De: Trystan Reese

Narrado por: Trystan Reese

One LGBTQ family's inspiring, heartfelt story of the many alternative paths that lead to a loving family, with lessons for every parent.

Trystan and Biff had been dating for just a year when the couple learned that Biff's niece and nephew were about to be removed from their home by Child Protective Services. Immediately, Trystan and Biff took in one-year-old Hailey and three-year-old Lucas, becoming caregivers overnight to two tiny survivors of abuse and neglect.

From this unexpected start, the young couple built a loving marriage and happy home - learning to parent on the job. They adopted Hailey and Lucas, tied the knot, and soon decided to try for a baby that Trystan, who is transgender, would carry. Trystan's groundbreaking pregnancy attracted media fanfare, and the family welcomed baby Leo in 2017.

In this inspiring memoir, Trystan shares his unique story alongside universal lessons that will help all parents through the trials of raising children. How We Do Family is a refreshing new take on family life for the LGBTQ community and beyond. Through every tough moment and touching memory, Trystan shows that more important than getting things right is doing them with love.

©2021 Trystan Reese (P)2021 Tantor

Honest and inspiring story

Compassionate, inspiring, enlightening, heartfelt, informative. Well worth reading /listening to! Thank you, Trystan and family! I learned a lot!

A uniquely fantastic resource on queer parenting

As a trans lesbian and an aspiring parent, I've searched high and low for role models - queer parents who I can look up to. Tristan's story is by far the most thorough, relatable, and useful I've read. I'm so, so glad I found it.

Trystan traces his family's story from the very beginning: meeting his husband, their early relationship, fostering children and later adopting them, daily life as parents from infancy through adolescence, through his trans pregnancy and childbirth. He also discusses parenting's impacts on his marriage, family finances, legal adoption battles, work/life balance, facing homophobia and transphobia as parents, visibility and activism, etc.

Whereas so many other queer parenting resources play up assimilation and minimize queer culture and perspectives, Trystan speaks from an explicitly queer perspective. He bridges the gap between queer culture and American parenting culture, making me feel like I can be a great parent even if I'm not "just like everyone else."

I've already begun reading this book for the second time. I can't recommend it highly enough.

Thank you!

Such a great perspective on so many levels. If you're ever thinking about adopting or fostering a child or giving birth to your own, this has invaluable insight. Such great examples of mistakes and things done right as well as intelligent and thoughtful reflections on both. I especially love the advice on respecting, protecting and advocating for the needs of yourself and others. So much love and care and honesty went into this. Love it to pieces!

thank you

Thank you for this.
Your thoughts and insight came when I needed some help answering some questions I didn't even know I needed to ask.